fluttershy is bitten by a diseased timber wolf while getting it free from a couple of snares
Chapters (4)
kratos
Joined 7th Jul, 2013 ·
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Rabbid!!!
3297649 nonono with more feeling try it like this:
RABBID!!!
RAAAAHHHH!!!
I love it!!
This is actually pretty good and this is only chapter one.
Dang no more chapters yet!!!! Needs more!!!!
3316971 don't worry more chapters soon and trust me its gonna get good
Hmm...I see this taking a darker turn then expected. If you ask me, I think "Rabby" is kind of a strange name but oh well it's your story. Please, continue.
Alright, you have piqued my interest here. I find the concept of your fiction interesting, and I mean that in a good way; I don't believe I've seen any stories on fimfiction going on the subject of one of the characters getting rabies before. So cheers to you there.
Despite that you have an interesting topic for your fiction, what's lacking is the way it's presented. I'm not saying that it's lacking in plot or that you should rewrite the plot , it's that what is written down could use some work on the practical side; this mainly being spacing and punctuation.
First let's encroach upon the topic of spacing, as it is a relatively simple one; to prevent your story from appearing mushed together, add a line of spacing between each break in words, like between paragraphs and in conversations; it's merely a visual aspect, but it makes the story easier to read.
Secondly, about punctuation; it's only an occasional mistake I've noticed within your fic, but sometimes you leave off punctuation marks at the end of sentences; which is a mistake easily remedied. Your sentences are also lacking in use of punctuation, creating long strings of words that meld together. You can fix this by adding period marks and semicolons. I would refrain from using comma marks, as you already have a plethora of them within the long paragraphs (I recommend switching those out with other punctuation marks or just removing them entirely).
Aside from these two errors, you have an interesting story in your hands. I can't wait to see more!
3342150 I appreciate your feedback very much! I am aware of my deplorable punctuation this is my first attempt at writing a published fic. you'll have to bear with me but, I can assure you that these mistakes can and will be addressed in due time. I hope that in concurrent updates you will continue to enjoy as the plot unfolds.
Fluttershy: the proud owner of the evil dark basement of doom, destruction, and death!!
Oh wow. Rabies caused by a spirit. Nice touch.
And her rabies are now messing with her mind. Strangely enough this tale is very believable.
3414865 the spirit is a voice in her head it is a delusion of insanity I gave it a name cause I felt like it needed one to be easy to right instead of the "the voice said" or "it did so and so"
USE A PARAGRAPH!!!!!