When the Cutiemark Crusaders are away from school for irrelevant reasons, the clubhouse is left unguarded and Featherweight invites his crush Silver Spoon to go check it out with him. Unfortunately for Featherweight, Diamond Tiara butts in and ruins the fun, making the crude suggestion that if Featherweight can find a boy after school the four of them shall practice kissing together.
As luck would have it, Featherweight does find a boy who interested in kissing practice.
Edited by Tails_155 (11/28/15)
Chapters (1)
This was actually really sweet! Part of me want to see the story continued, even if I get that you got your point across there
I have no complaints to give to this story. There is nothing really offensive that pops out at me so...
Kudos!
5321788 great story! I actually find it weird that writers always ship female characters, but not male ones. This was amazing though!
There's not enough Rumble on FIMfiction.
5321976
Yea, and I am always confused by how, F/F, Thats fine, but M/M is always followed by an obligatory round of dislikes.
Now, I may be wrong, but I just so often seem to see stories, which is good enough, have nothing offending about them, and then the dealbreaker in between the two, Seems to be, The kind of Shipping.
5322120 idk really. Heck, it may just be horny straight men don't like M/M. And some are just homophobes.
And then sex happens.
5322118
There's too much Rumbleoo tho.
5322133
Still! No matter ones ideas or beliefs, You should be able to be constructively critical of a story. I mean, There is a lot of subjects I dont like in certain stories, I dont downvote them, unless there is a clear indication of the quality dropping, and t he author not giving a damn to improove.
But maybe i am the merciful type?
5322425 heh
I knew following you was a good idea.
5321788
Thanks
Originally, my idea for this was actually gonna focus on a bi-sexual foursome, but I scrapped that idea as I grew more attached to the innocent kissing of two boys concept.
This was a lot of fun, but it ends in a really bad place. The situation could turn really, really nasty for the boys right now. And what is Silver going to think? I don't think this can rightly end here without being a downer ending.
5324446
How so?
5324578
Are you kidding? Diamond Tiara, Ponyville's meanest megabitch, has just walked in on the juiciest piece of blackmail material in her life. Bullying and manipulation are bound to follow. It's a path that, at its worst, could culminate in suicide. At best, they're still in for a rough ride, as DT forces them to do her bidding lest their little private practice session become public knowledge.
5324639
You need proof to blackmail someone and Tiara has none, plus they're all kids. Nobody's gonna care what they've done.
5324749 Well there does not have to be proof for a rumor to spread. Like at one point I mispronounced the word way while at summer camp and in less than a day everyone thought I was gay (I figured I was bi two years later but that's not the point) and this being when I was twelve and in a Christian summer camp lead to me being avoided like the plague or teased. All because I was thinking out loud and said the word way under my breath and had someone interpret it as the word gay. And it didn't help that the kid who heard me was popular and everyone believed everything he said.
5324272
I was actually expecting a Bi Foursome, but I am glad you chose the cuter way
Not That i´d have anything against a Bi foursome
5324833
True, but rumors are not legit evidence for blackmail.
If a guy walks up to you and threatens to spread rumors of you being gay if you don't suck on his dick every now and then, which would you choose? Sucking his dick in secret or deal with resolving the untrue rumor?
5324912 When it comes to rumors I think of them like this. Even if it holds little ground the possibility of it being true will still be there giving people a reason to judge. Even when you do try to resolve the issue and stop the rumors the possibility that they might hold ground will always be there.
5324922
Yeah, the point I was trying to make though is that you can't blackmail someone with rumors. That's dumb.
5324930 true
I was thinking more black mailing to start rumors.
5324912
Is he cute?
That was cute. I hope you write more on this.
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Okay, so, my more... personal thoughts.
While this isn't my personal pairing, I feel like this conveys youthful curiosity and innocence quite well. It shows an unfamiliarity with the situation, it shows a willingness to experiment, and it shows that both are very shy and unsure, but that their instincts can override that uncertainty.
I suggest a reread for proofreading purposes, because there are a lot of grammatical and spelling errors. I pointed out a great deal, with quoted sections for easy searching. Hopefully you can polish this more, because you made an adorable story.
I'm torn over whether DT and SS should have shown up at the end or whether they should've concluded it more as being "happy Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon never showed up to ruin this." The latter is more romantic, the former is more comedic, in some senses. As it is it feels a bit abrupt, but is possibly fitting, depending on what you were going for.
I feel like you can polish this up and make it really darn good. Even though this isn't my pairing, you make a cute scene. I don't really know that I've ever interpreted Rumble as shy. I've always seen him as brash, to some degree. Seeing this side really was interesting to me. He hasn't been in many scenes, and has only spoken once to my memory. As such, your thoughts on him are equally plausible, and make for an interesting interpretation. I dig it. Keep it up. This was adorable. I can't say that enough.
6678710
Noice! I made a thread for this on the editing group like a year ago, but no biters so thanks for the editing, senpai. Applied for great justice!
I too prefer brash Rumble, but this entire fic is based on the cover image so I reapplied myself to write him differently. I wrote the ending that way just to show that two had gotten so carried away with their practice session that they never noticed DT & SS arrival, as their experimentation had turned into something genuine. I also wanted an open end at the time in case I wanted to continue this with a bi-foursome thing. (but I never bothered)
6694461 I like these two far more than Feathers being with Bully DT or SS I used a different couple for my fics. Check them if interested