Wherein Rainbow Dash Makes a Pinkie Promise
“Pinkie? How did you you get in here?” Rainbow asked incredulously.
Rainbow Dash loved her friends. She loved them dearly, though she wasn't always very upfront about it. That wasn't her style. Getting all emotional was Rarity's thing. Dash played it cool. She loved her friends, even when they acted a little weird. Or a lot weird, like Pinkie.
Pinkie did that a lot. All the time, really. That was Pinkie's thing. Making other ponies smile and being, well, Pinkie. But Pinkie was being extra-Pinkie the last few days and it was starting to unsettle Dash. Though, she wouldn't ever admit that.
The morning had started out normally enough. Rumor had it around Ponyville that Dash was lazy due to her frequent day time naps. But what did those ponies know about being the head of the weather team? Her day typically started before Celestia's sun was even in the sky. Breakfast, warm ups, morning exercises, all of those came before she even began her official weather work.
Her routine had gone more or less as usual. Dash was getting ready to brush her teeth when she caught a pink blur of motion out of the corner of her eye. Slowly, she lifted her head only to meet a pair of wide, blue eyes and an absurd grin peering back at her through the mirror.
She didn't scream, though.
That totally wasn't a scream. That was an ancient pegasus war-cry.
They're totally different things.
While Dash was sure that fearsome shout might have terrified a hardened griffin warrior, it didn't do a thing to prevent Pinkie from shoving a cupcake into her open mouth. Dash had sputtered on the cupcake and settled on swallowing the thing right after she managed to get her heart out of her throat. That certainly beat choking to death on a pastry. Definitely not a cool way to die.
Rainbow Dash was pretty sure Pinkie had somehow climbed out of her mirror, but by the time she had turned her attention back to her friend Pinkie was standing there on the floor bouncing cheerfully on her hooves as if nothing odd had happened.
Pinkie always acted like that after she did something impossible.
Which had lead to Rainbow's earlier question.
“Oh, I just though it would be fun to bring the fastest flier in all of Equestria a breakfast cupcake today!” the party pony replied brightly.
Rainbow wiped the frosting away from her mouth with a hoof. Getting a cupcake shoved down her throat was rarely fun. Though, at least the party pony had the courtesy to wait for Rainbow to wake up this time before assaulting her with sweets. Pinkie Pie was being weird. That was pretty normal for Rainbow's hyper-active friend. But this morning was a little extra-weird.
Like that mirror thing. Rainbow hadn't ever seen the mirror trick herself before, but Twilight had told her about it. A few years back when Fluttershy was going through that modeling thing Twilight had blurted out Spike's obvious crush on Rarity. As soon as she had spoken Pinkie popped up inside a mirror and chastised her for it. Twilight had been scared out of her wits, but she tried to just pass it off as Pinkie being Pinkie.
“Pinkie, that didn't answer my question. I parked my house a mile and a half in the sky last night,” Rainbow replied. “You shouldn't even be able to stand on the clouds in here, let alone come crawling out of my mirror. Seriously Pinkie, how did you get up here?”
Pinkie pawed at the floor with a hoof. The very floor her hooves should be sinking into, sending the earth pony tumbling end over end through the empty sky and toward the uncaring ground below. Dash was briefly afraid that the mere act of acknowledging that Pinkie was being impossible again would break the spell. That had actually happened one time when Twilight pointed out the balloons Pinkie had tied to her tail couldn't possibly hold her aloft. As soon as Pinkie admitted it wouldn't work she fell flat on her face and scrunched up like an accordion. Rainbow wasn't sure how Pinkie pulled that off without breaking every bone in her body, but she was going to get to the bottom of it.
When Pinkie failed to plummet to her death, Dash let out a small breath she didn't realize she was holding. At least she wouldn't have to go diving after one of her friends in the pre-dawn hour. Not that she would mind. Saving her friends from certain death was pretty cool.
“Well, I really wanted to give you a cupcake, Dashie! And so I did!” Pinkie giggled. She still had a tray of cupcakes balanced on her back, no doubt for the rest of the girls.
“Nuh uh. Not this time,” Dash insisted. “You sneeze confetti. You have that party cannon around all the time even though it must weigh as much as three ponies put together. I've seen you swallow cakes bigger than you whole and they're just gone,” Dash recounted. “You hover into the lake like it's nothing. And I can't out-pace you no matter how hard I try or how fast I fly!”
That last one was eating at Dash the most. Just a few days earlier she had jokingly challenged Pinkie to a race out to Sweet Apple Acres. Dash hadn't really taken it that seriously since she was flying and Pinkie was on hoof, but to her surprise she found her spunky friend already at the farm helping AJ collect rotten apples by the time she arrived. Rainbow chalked it up to Pinkie's weirdness at first, but as the day went on the party pony's persistently impossible shenanigans just got more and more overt. When Pinkie started singing a song about rotten apples Rainbow swore that her peppy pink friend was in at least four places at once.
The sight had sent Applebloom galloping back into the farmhouse shrieking about the Mirror Pool and Pinkie clones.
When the chores were done Rainbow had challenged Pinkie to another race. A serious one. It was from Sweet Apple Acres back to Sugarcube Corner. And that time Rainbow didn't hold anything back. Full-on Rainboom speeds. She broke the sound-barrier like Scootaloo breaks Rainbow's ear-drums every time she tries to sing. And yet, when she touched down, there was Pinkie. The party pony was inside with a tray of apple muffins she had 'just baked' using the apples AJ had given them for helping out at the farm. Which was impossible unless Pinkie was traveling through time like Daring Doo in Daring Doo and the Temporal Prison.
When asked, Pinkie provided a non-answer like always. Rainbow had tried to talk to Twilight about it, but Twilight had sworn off attempting to figure out Pinkie ever since the Banana Bread Incident.
Nopony wanted a repeat of the Banana Bread Incident.
But what Rainbow wanted? Rainbow wanted to know how Pinkie was able to beat her in a race even at her best. There was no way Pinkie could possibly out-run her. So there had to be something else going on. And that would just be one more cool thing to know about one of her best friends, right? If they were ever in a relay race together they could totally smoke anypony else!
“Did you like the cupcake, Dashie?” Pinkie asked, her face all smiles as usual.
In spite of herself Dash laughed. “Yeah, Pinkie, I liked the cupcake. Are you bouncing around town force-feeding them to everypony again?”
“Nope! Just a special one for you today!” Pinkie replied.
“Well, what are the other cupcakes for?” Dash asked while confusion crept into her tone.
Pinkie quirked her head to the side. “What other cupcakes?”
Dash peered behind Pinkie again and discovered the tray to be empty. But... hadn't it been full the last time she looked? “The other cupcakes. The ones you had with you? I thought they were for everypony else.”
Pinkie grinned a huge grin. “Oooh, that's a good idea! I'll have to have remembered that when I stopped by!”
Rainbow Dash blinked. Then opened her mouth to ask a question. Then she closed her mouth again. She could feel her brain flailing furiously to keep above the rolling waves of crazy. She wasn't sure if she would make it.
“Pinkie... You still haven't answered me. Come on, I'm not dumb,” Rainbow protested. “How did you get up to my house? How do you do all this crazy stuff? I think it's cool, don't get me wrong. It's cool that you can climb out of mirrors and show up ahead of me no matter where I hide. It's cool that you can walk around in my house without spells and stuff. It's cool that you can build a flying machine in, like, ten seconds flat. But I really want to know how you run faster than I fly. Is it like... teleporting or something?”
Rainbow Dash's eyes suddenly went wide. “Wait! I've got it! Are you a secret alicorn, Pinkie?” the pegasus cast a sly grin at her friend. “Hiding your wings and horn or something? That's pretty slick. Come on, Pinkie. You can tell me.”
The party pony jittered back and forth on her hooves for a moment, obviously thinking about how to reply. Finally she settled on, “Sometimes I just need to do something silly to get the job done!”
Deflected again.
“Every time I ask, you always give some half-answer that doesn't tell me anything. I'm asking as your friend, Pinkie. Tell me the truth,” Rainbow pleaded. It was so uncool to beg. But at the same time this had been bugging Rainbow forever. Her best friend and pranking buddy had an awesome secret and she wanted to know what it was.
“You want the truth?” Pinkie asked. She sounded almost... defeated? Resigned or something? Dash wasn't quite sure what to make of it.
“I think I deserve the truth,” Dash said. She tried her hardest to seem as resolute as possible.
“I'm not sure if you can handle the truth, Dashie,” Pinkie continued. She was smiling, but it was a small, sad sort of smile. A distinctly un-Pinkie-like smile. It made Dash shiver, though she wasn't sure why. And suddenly she wasn't sure if this was such a good idea. “Isn't it better if it's just a silly thing that silly old Pinkie Pie does? I think that'll make everypony else happier. Sometimes the truth hurts, Dashie. Sometimes it's better not to know.”
“Pinkie...” Dash grumbled while more than a little irritation crept into her tone. Her doubt had evaporated the moment she started to feel like Pinkie was patronizing her. “Look, you're my friend, Pinkie. We've been through all sorts of crazy stuff together. We've saved the day plenty of times and we've seen all sorts of crazy things. Have you forgotten who I am?”
The pegasus puffed her chest out with pride. “I'm the Element of Loyalty! There's nothing you could tell me about yourself that would make me turn my back on you, Pinkie, nothing. We're friends forever. I promise. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”
As Dash carried out the well known motions of Pinkie's weird oath she couldn't help but notice that her friend's look of sadness deepened all the more. Hopefully, Pinkie wasn't going to suddenly go flat-maned and start talking to rocks again.
Pinkie gave a long sign. “Okay Dashie. If you really really really want to know.”
~~~~~
Spike was sound asleep, utterly comatose in his bed while Twilight poured over astrological charts and the newest issue of Scientific Mareica. There had been an amazing series of super-nova over the past few days so bright that the stars were actually visible during the day! The article that had caught Twilight's interest included some highly specific divination spells designed to be used in conjunction with a telescope to measure the thaumic radiation being released from the far distant, dead stars.
A single super-nova was a tremendously rare event, but four of them so close together? And within the same constellation, no less? The astrological community was in a complete tizzy over the omen, each fighting to get their own personal interpretation of the auspicious event held in the highest regard. Twilight had a few of her own ideas, but astrology was probably the sketchiest of the sciences so she didn't consider them as anything more than a few vague guesses. She had tried hunting down any relevant passages in Prophecies and Predictions but she couldn't find any references to four stars suddenly appearing during the day.
It was nice to finally focus on something meaningful rather than that nonsense Celestia had been keeping her 'busy' with for the last few weeks in Canterlot. She hadn't ever been able to get a straight answer out of her mentor regarding the purpose of the strange incantations and she was pretty sure the whole thing had been some kind of elaborate practical joke.
“Maybe I should talk to Rainbow Dash and Pinkie about getting the Princess back,” Twilight mused aloud. “They're a lot better at these 'prank wars' than I am. And since when has a collaboration between friends ever been a bad idea? I might even be able to write a friendship report about it!”
Twilight laughed to herself and levitated over a new inkwell. “But how would somepony even begin to prank the Princess?”
With a giggle the young alicorn dipped her quill into the ink well and was surprised to hear a loud, “Oowy!” from inside.
Twilight yelped in surprise and hurled the inkwell across the room. The little bottle bounced twice and started rolling, leaving a wobbling trail of black behind it. Then it shook, wiggled, and hopped upright as a single massive eye popped out of the too-small mouth of the bottle. A grotesquely enormous eye that began roving about the room until it settled on the shocked alicorn princess.
“Oh! There you are Twilight!” came a chipper voice from the tiny container. The voice was shortly followed by another eye, followed by a pony-shaped mass of ink hopping free. Pinkie abruptly slipped out of the ink, her pink coat immaculately clean, and allowed the whole mess of black fluid to go cascading back into the inkwell.
Somehow.
Twilight breathed a sigh of relief when she registered Pinkie's face and voice. Calm down, Twilight. It's not an evil ink monster. It's just Pinkie being Pinkie. She took another deep breath and extended one foreleg as she exhaled just to make sure she was settled.
“Hello Pinkie. What brings you by this morning?” Twilight asked, putting on her best friendly smile whilst stomping her hooves all over the blatant disregard for the laws of physics. Pinkie had been acting... extra Pinkie-like lately. Nothing she did was really different than usual, it was just more common and overt.
“Oh, not much! I just wanted to wish you a super happy good morning post welcome back to Ponyville from Canterlot greeting!” Pinkie laughed whilst balancing a cupcake on her nose. “And I wanted to give you a complimentary cupcake, too!”
Twilight scrunched her nose as Pinkie tossed the pastry toward her. Catching it in her field was simple enough. “Don't you mean complementary?”
“Nope! Bye Twilight! See you later!” Pinkie sing-songed as she bounced off through the door.
The alicorn princess looked down at the cupcake and discovered 'You're a smart pony!' written in frosting on the top. Twilight rolled her eyes and gave a good-natured laugh. A thought suddenly occurred to her, “Hey Pinkie, wait!”
“Yeah, Twilight?” Pinkie asked from behind the alicorn princess.
Honestly by now Pinkie doing the 'suddenly being somewhere else as soon as nopony is watching her' thing didn't even surprise Twilight anymore. It was almost as though Pinkie operated under some absurd form of Quantum Thaumatics. So long as she was unobserved her position and velocity where undefined and she could theoretically be anywhere. Of course, those laws only applied to mathematical points but since when did Pinkie care about how things were supposed to work? Twilight turned around to address her grinning friend.
“Why don't you get some cupcakes for everypony else since you're already up? I'm sure the girls would all enjoy them,” Twilight reasoned.
Pinkie gave an exaggerated gasp. “That is the best idea! Thanks Twilight! I'll make sure to have done that right already!”
“...what?”
Pinkie didn't answer Twilight's question, she was already busy zooming off out the door.
Twilight shrugged enjoyed her cupcake. It was a really great cupcake, her favorite flavor. However, she didn't enjoy the interruption that came a few minutes later.
It was a surprise when Rainbow Dash burst through the front door of Books and Branches library. Twilight was even more surprised by the fact that the normally unflappable pegasus was damp with sweat and shivering uncontrollably. However, what positively shocked Twilight were Rainbow's eyes. Eyes constricted to pinpricks, jittery and jerking and darting toward every shadowed corner as though expecting some lurking horror to be hiding in the darkness. The eyes of a pony who had been terrified out of her mind. Twilight had seen Rainbow Dash afraid before, but her friend had always hidden it well. In her years around Rainbow, Twilight had never seen her this obviously frightened.
It was so uncharacteristic that Twilight briefly wondered if Fluttershy had somehow gotten stuffed inside Pinkie's Rainbow Dash suit. Twilight had no idea why Pinkie kept a collection of suits that looked exactly like other ponies around Ponyville, but she had stopped trying to figure out the pink terror ever since the Banana Bread Incident.
Nopony wanted a repeat of the Banana Bread Incident.
“Rainbow, what happened?” Twilight asked as she took a few tentative steps closer to her friend. Rainbow flinched at the sound of her voice and Twilight was certain for a few seconds that the pegasus was going to bolt. “You look awful.”
“Twilight, we need to talk,” Dash said. She cast another furtive glance about the room and dropped her tone to just above a whisper. “We need to talk about Pinkie.”
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Hoo, boy. This should be interesting!
This is marked as "Complete", even though it will obviously be continued. Was that just a mistake or are you planning to do one-shots for the other characters?
Anyway, it's an... interesting start, certainly. I'm not quite sure what to think of it yet, but I'll keep an eye out. I noticed that this plays after your one-shot with Twilight (which's title I'm not going to write out here, no Sir). Should we start thinking of a name for this 'verse? Meta-verse, maybe?
what happened
please sequel i'm begging you!
3213848
Isn't that the question?
What happened? What do you think happened? What did Dash learn?
3213853 clever pony very clever..
What do you mean complete?!
3213853 Rainbow looked at the pink void and she looked back.
3213892
That 'Complete' tag may end up going away. I'm not sure yet. The cries of 'MOAR!' seem pretty unanimous, though. I want to make something clear whether this continues or not. Mystery is one of the core aspects of Pinkie's character. We don't know how or why she does what she does. There are many guesses and ideas, but they're just that. As soon as you define Pinkie's mystery she isn't a mystery anymore and her nature has been fundamentally altered.
Are you sure you want to know what Rainbow Dash knows?
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
[youtube=5j2F4VcBmeo]
3213923
Well when you put it that way, maybe I don't want to know. That way may lay madness.
My vote: Keep it a one-shot. The mystery is what makes it work, and I've seen far too many great one-shots turned into mediocre multi-chapter works.
If you want to explore the "pinkie is Lovecraftian Horror" angle a bit more, there's always the sequel option. Making it a separate story gives you the added bonus of not having to stick to the facts and events established in this one.
3213923
The cat is both alive and dead at the same time - until you observe the cat.
3214915
Unless the cat counts as an observer. In which case the cat might be in trouble.
3214441
Mm, that was more or less my original idea. Even if I do write anything further on this subject I'm hesitant about revealing the nature and cause of Pinkie's shenanigans. As said, once you reveal Pinkie's mystery her fundamental character changes. Would I be able to pull off a full-length story that explores the fallout of Pinkie's mystery without actually revealing it? I dunno, it would be tricky.
Pinkies a Draconequus! no an Alicorn! no a Changeling! ....No a,a,a
physics has no meaning anymore 
Brain shutdown
Honestly, no matter what you do, it will be dissapointing.
This is awesome. And that's coming from someone who's absolutely sick of this "side" of Pinkie Pie.
Actually explaining things will ruin this. I'm glad it's completed, and I hope you keep it that way.
edit: Wait, if you're actually planning on moving along without ever explaining anything, you'd be like, the best person in this side of the galaxy.
3216664
Hehe... The only question is would I be able to pull it off well. I might try writing a chapter or two (without posting them) just to get a feel for what I can do with the concept before I make a decision one way or the other.
My guiding principle is this. Pinkie is a mystery and should remain one. It's up to the reader, not the author, to decide who she is.
I think you could definitely pull off a story around this without ever actually directly explaining Pinkie.
Hopefully Rainbow is just trying to get advice without actually saying, and didn't try to break a heartfelt Pinkie Promise immediately after making one.
The trick to a sequal would be to make this the central issue but somehow not explain directly what it is. You would have to keep it a "noodle incident (look up Calvin and Hobbes if you don't know what that is) or as you call it the Banana Bread incident while making it the central issue.
Not sure that it can be pulled off though the concept is intriguing. It would be very difficult.
3216954
...if Dash did indeed break her promise, I'm pretty sure Pinkie would spontanously pop out of nowhere the exact instant it happened. Or possibly even right the moment before then. She seems to have the ability to be omnipresent, regardless of not only space, but also of time.
I have a hunch that she could just as well go straight into the future, see how things check out, and then come back - but choses not to do that for either of the following two reasons:
Time cannot be altered, and thus, once confirmed, Pinkie could not prevent that future from happening. (This seems to be backed up by Twilight's timetraveling episode.)
Or... Pinkie just doesn't want to get spoilers.
If Pinkie truly is some form of eldritch horror (albeit one that actually cares about individual ponies and wants to bring joy to their lives ... a benevolent Cthulhu? Huh.
), then the fact that on that very day where she told Rainbow the full and complete truth - something to which Dash unmistakably reacts with complete terror - four stars went super-nova cannot be a coincidence.
When Pinkie is sad, entire stars-systems blow up.
Geeeeeez! I don't wanna know what happened on the day of the "party of one" incident!
She must've incinerated half a galaxy!
All in all, an interesting story! I like all the different interpretations people come up with for "explaining Pinkie Pie", such as popular "Past Sins" writer PenStroke's co-author's work
)
"The truth about Pinkie Pie or Kwakerjak's Petriculture (Although I myself am a firm representative of the "Fourth Wall" party.
I'd love to see a continuation!
Possibly with different protagonists in each chapter, each of them getting sucked into trying to investigate Pinkie Pie, following the initial incident of Rainbow nearly breaking her Pinkie promise and chickening out at the last moment, possibly too scared of Pinkie Pie to try again.
She could maybe drop a few very vague insights, and the fact that "Pinkie explained everything to me", but that'd be it.
But with Twilight now suffiently intrigued, and the added incentive of trying to figure out what has Rainbow so spooked, she'd get back on trying to investigate Pinkie - just in a little less direct than to follow her around everywhere. Maybe do a little research, never quite reaching a full conclusion... The end of one chapter could lead into the introduction of the protagonist of the following chapter.
You could drop of more and more hints about the scope of her abilities and how the facts about Pinkie don't seem to line up.
Ask yourself the questions exploring the implications of Pinkie being... well, whatever she is. You can keep your core ideas to yourself and never flatout say what she is or can do and why, but still somehow have the other characters stumble into all sorts of mystery related to our pink party-pony scratching at the surface of these questions.
Like... if she is a timeless entity, why does she have a birthday? Fluttershy said she was a year older than Pinkie - is that really true? I kinda doubt that she's a "mere mortal", if her being sad can blow up stars. How old is she? ...or, given the nature of her non-linear approach to time - when was she born? ...or is it only her body that's been born one year after Fluttershy?
Also, if Pinkie would want to "maximize happiness" in Equestria, and she can be in more than one place at a time and doesn't have any regard for distances between two points in space - then why wouldn't she also be in multiple towns at different ends of Equestria? Just far enough apart that nopony from one town would ever venture to the other. Heck, she wouldn't even need to be limited to staying in the same time period, she could cheer up ponies all throughout Equestria at different points in history. There could, at any given moment in history, be more Pinkies running about Equestria then during the mirror-pool incident.
It would be interesting to explore where her limits are. For example, Discord could affect her like any other pony. And she didn't just defeat the whole Changeling army all by herself... although it's possible that she only did so because it either would've blown her cover or she already know the outcome of the events would be preferable.
An eldritch horror usually seems to be associated with a massive giant monster. Is the body that we see her actual real form? Or could she just 'abandon' her pony-body (not that she would want to, of course), which still seems to follow at least some of the normal set of rules a regular pony-body does? (She got sick from Applejack's 'baked bads', and she had to go to the restroom in the "last roundup" episode.)
There seem to be rules, under which Pinkie Pie operated. That those are not the same rules under which everpony else operates is pretty much a given - but what are her rules?
...
Although... if Twilight found out the full truth herself, and it really was that terrifying as it is implied, then she'd likely want to tell Celestia... except that something would have to stop her from doing so. Either a Pinkie promise of her own, or the knowledge what the results of such an act would be.
)
(Celestia vs Pinkie Pie ... who'd win?
And Pinkie leaving a trail of terrified-out-of-their-minds ponies behind her probably wouldn't go unnoticed by the general public, spreading rumors (completely inacurate ones, of course) and such... Something tells me that would make Pinkie very sad. And that would be very, very bad.
3219191
Actually, I'd interpreted the four supernovae as already being a nod to the "eldritch horror" hypothesis: The Stars Are Right, and all of that.
I've seen another fic (whose title escapes me for the moment) that went with the "eldritch horror" explanation as a throwaway gag. There was also an entertaining comment thread on Shadowsquirrel's DA that makes a nod to this idea - but with the Elder Things being something other than Pinkie ("So I did that thing that I do where everything goes flat except me, which lets me see across time and space to look at the Elder Things that watch us when the stars are right, which is usually on Saturdays, but only during certain seasons...").
My favourite explanation of Pinkie Pie, though, comes from one of the Scootaverse side-stories. Pinkie is powered by the Element of Laughter. To paraphrase a certain rabbit, she can do *anything she wants* - as long as it's funny.
Hmmm...
Well, I've got one chapter written up and I'm liking the general feel of it. The basic idea is as follows. Each chapter will explore one of the myriad of explanations regarding Pinkie. I'll do my best to make each and every one of them seem like a compelling answer. With any luck this story will end with Twilight (and the readers) having more questions than they started with.
I'll put together another chapter and see how it's looking. Decide if I want to make additional chapters or just set it as a squeal. Or just drop the whole thing and leave it alone. Stay tuned, everypony!
3221274
That's my second-favorite explanation of Pinkie. By far my favorite comes from Petriculture.
Isaac Newton: *in George Takei's voice* "Newton's 4th Law of Motion: if Pinkie Pie is involved, all previous laws become moot and work against skeptics. Oh, my!"
Xain: "Why George Takei? He doesn't relate to the situation at all."
Josh: "Because John Rhys-Davies needs a paycheck, Gollum wouldn't fit, and Cornholio would just be annoying."
From Josh Scorcher's review of Feeling Pinkie Keen.