Twilight has become a princess along with becoming an alicorn. Celestia is being bombarded with nobles crying out about Twilight becoming a new princess. Luna has been spending time in Twilight's dream to help her in this new hard time of her life. Luna find some moments hard deal with due to her feelings, but they grow stronger as their friendship grows. Will this things between them change into something more or will they just be really good friends?
Art done by SilverFlitterDragon
Chapters (2)
Like the grammar really started killing me right around when rarity came in. It like lost oil in its gears and started seizing up until I just got the vaguest idea of what was going on
As corona320 said, when the grammar started becoming a problem, the story started grinding on itself. The most noticeable was the missing ed's in some words.
Secondly, the whole scene with Rarity seemed not only rushed, but also unnecessary.
Also, this is not a hate comment, just constructive criticism.
I like where the plot is going. Keep writing.
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Thank you both. I don't of these comments as hate comments. I need comments like these to learn and grow from. I was hoping to have an editor look at it, but one never came. And the part of this chapter that I like the most was the end. I should have done more with the scene with Rarity, but I just need her for the ending. So that is something that I need to work one.
Do you need an editor?
3230806
I need one a very much so.
Hm... you need to edit this, some of your wording was very strange and at places you had flat out forgotten some words... also it seems a bit odd that a "revealing" dress would make any fuss considering they're nude pretty much 24/7 in the show.
3233889 Putting them in clothes is more dirty than you may think. Seriously, it's considered foreplay to them. Also it would just leave certain parts hem hem visible.
3233962 bridle and tack man. Kinky shit.lol
3233889
It's not the fact that it's just clothes. It's what the clothes call attention to and what emotion/feelings they call to a head.
so, let me see if I got this right. Angry mob comes for Twilight
, Angry mob beats up Spike, 
then she kills them all?
3373986
It was a drunken angry mob. And Spike was trying to act cool. And I can't say if they all died or just got the living crud beaten out of them.
3374022 just curious, now write the next chapter
3374087
I think I might be an egghead. 
I will don't worry, I have a to-do list.
3373986
I doubt she killed them. I think even her friends would have been pretty off put around her if she had just killed a whole group of ponies. More than likely in my mind at least I imagine a burst of magic, like a force push, forcing them back around 500 or so feet. Definetly enough to make them remember who their dealing with and run with their tails between their legs.
3375233
This is what I like to see, seeing what the reader thinks happens in moments like these. Thank you.
3375293
Kaloo, kalay, haroo, hurray!
I feel all good and stuff.
3375233 I was hoping more for her beating the crap out of them but that works too.
Hmm this story dose have some potential.
But you really need to get a editor and or a pre reader cause there are quite a few mistakes.
Like some of the sentences not making much sense like they where worded in some odd way.
Or some words where missing or placed in the wrong place of the sentence.
Other then that i'm looking forward to the next chapter keep it up.
This story has potential but you really need an editor/proof reader the grammar and spelling errors are making the story hard to read and follow the events.
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3225522
3233889
I would like to let everypony know that this chapter has been edited.
Me and my army approves and support this story
A good fic, you just need to update it more. The pacing is a tad awkward at times, but overall it is pretty good.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
3445125 so is this story dead...or what?
6110053
I am working on chapter three along with non mlp writing. It has been slow. I'm really sorry.
6126880 lol dont be, as long as its not dead
6126880 so long as progress is made you should never feel sorry for having a busy schedule
6126880 how has the progress been coming?
I would like to see some more chapters of this story.