Soarin Gives Rainbow Dash a Belly Rub (Or, The Reason You're Probably Even Reading This Story)
Soarin’s eyes popped open at her request, the tips of his ears snapping upward. A blush threatened his cheeks as heat built up in his ears. “Uh… wh-what?” he asked.
Rainbow Dash looked at him, one eyebrow cocked quizzically. She reclined on her cloud as it gently made way for her considerable girth and placed her hoof on her belly. “You heard me,” she said. “I want a belly rub.”
The heat in his face skyrocketed. Soarin was full-on blushing now. “C-Can I ask… why?” He mentally kicked himself for the mewling kitten his voice came out as.
The fat in her face dimpled adorably as her lips—those perfect lips of hers—curled into that cute smile he knew he’d always love. That look in Rainbow Dash’s eyes, teasing and fun, tickled Soarin in tender spots he wasn’t aware he had. “Well, the way I see it,” she said as her hoof continued to lazily run the length of her plump middle, “it looks like it’s gonna take some time before I can shed all this weight. If I’m gonna be fat for a while, I might as well enjoy some of the perks.”
It was hard to argue Rainbow Dash’s point. There wouldn’t be any harm in simply making the best of a bad situation. Not that being fat was a bad situation in Rainbow Dash’s case…
That word—“fat”—struck Soarin in the face the moment it cantered playfully through his head, making him blush even harder. His mouth crumpled into a line that couldn’t make up its mind on whether it expressed defeat or confusion. Rainbow Dash giggled at his puppylike perplexity.
“Yes or no?” Rainbow Dash asked.
After a second, Soarin finally snapped back into the present situation. “Uh… sure.”
Rainbow Dash had already reclined in her cloud, but now began to stretch, her movements reshaping the white fluffiness beneath her. Her limbs climbed in four directions, pulling the pronounced, perfect roundness of her belly into an almost ovular shape before she put her forelegs behind her head. Her body relaxed, her belly settling back into the perfect roundness from before. She motioned her head to signal she was ready.
Almost shyly, Soarin fluttered over to his… his what, exactly? He’d never felt this excited over so innocuous a demand before. The prospect of settling a hoof into Rainbow Dash’s soft fat switched on every light in his mind, electrified every nerve in his body. She couldn’t be just a friend to him anymore—a crush, perhaps?
He placed his hoof onto her belly slowly, taking in his first contact with Rainbow Dash. It didn’t cross his mind until now, but he’d never so much as touched Rainbow Dash before this. Not even a hug or a pat on the back in congratulation for her awesome performances, or in encouragement for the training he was putting her through. This first contact was therefore something special, not just the slight sinking of his hoof against her fat belly: it was the initial connection of Soarin to Rainbow Dash. He looked up and saw, in her eyes, that a similar realization likely crossed her mind too. She turned her head and coughed as she began to blush.
Soarin smiled, taking that as his cue to really get started. His hoof glided over the fur of her belly, slowly tracing a circle around her heft. The heat in his face flared up as he marveled at just how soft Rainbow Dash was. How soft and how smooth—like a warm goose-down pillow.
His other hoof pressed itself against her belly now, tenderly stroking Rainbow Dash’s generous girth. He felt her belly expand a bit—Rainbow Dash inhaling—and then contract a little—Rainbow Dash exhaling. Her new body even made the simple, everyday act of breathing magical.
He’d seen a million overweight ponies, how their fat seemed to act with minds all their own. How gross and disgusting, with bodies that were nothing but flaps and bags of flesh all battling each other for dominance with every movement.
Rainbow Dash was a different beast, though. Despite her eagerness to lose this extra weight, she kept her fat under her command at all times. She was perfectly round where it counted—especially her belly and her flanks—and her body would only jiggle and bounce when she wanted it to. Soarin found other fat ponies to be gross, but Rainbow Dash?
Rainbow Dash was beautiful.
There was no other word he could think of, cliché as it was.
Should he say something? Soarin couldn’t think of anything that didn’t sound stupid. Even an honest admission of Rainbow Dash’s beauty would probably make her want to call this whole thing off. He elected to say nothing his hooves could not—increasing the speed of every gentle glide around her voluminous barrel.
Soarin began to get into it now, his hooves starting near the top of her belly before travelling lower, then curving back up with small, circular motions. Rainbow Dash relaxed a little more, breathing a contented sigh through her nostrils while her eyes fell into a dreamy, half-lidded trance. The pleased smile on her face excited Soarin even more. It took more willpower than he thought he had to not take Rainbow Dash right then and there.
“Hey,” Rainbow Dash said suddenly.
Soarin snapped back up. He’d been too hypnotized by how soft she was to notice she’d probably been looking at him for a whole minute. “Y-Yes?” he asked.
Almost ten seconds ticked away before Rainbow Dash breathed deep. Soarin’s hooves, still on Rainbow Dash’s belly, were given another helping of that magical breathing. “Can you, maybe, uh…” Her eyes darted as she blushed again. “Can you go a little… lower?” She smiled, her confidence beginning to shake like a cup full of dice. “That would… be totally awesome.”
Soarin gulped, but retained his smile. The beads of sweat on his forehead began to crawl down his face as his hooves slid further down Rainbow Dash’s stomach—down until each one rested at either thigh, her flanks rippling upon the gentle impact. Then he brought them back up, and around, encompassing the entire width of Rainbow Dash's belly, before bringing them in low again, then repeating.
Soarin must have been blushing something awful, because he heard Rainbow Dash snicker. “What’s so funny?” he asked.
“You,” she said. “You act like you’ve never touched a mare before.”
Soarin didn’t know how to answer that. His ears lowered. “I… haven’t, actually.”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened before she burst out laughing. “Really?” she said. “Mr. Vice-Captain of the Wonderbolts himself has never been with a mare?”
“OK, so that came out wrong,” Soarin said with a smile. He continued to stroke her plush paunch as he explained. “I mean, I’ve never… given a belly rub before. I’ve massaged mares. I’ve kissed and snuggled and fooled around a little, yeah, but never a belly rub.” He seemed pensive for a moment. “Nothing all that serious, either.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Nothing serious? What, you mean you’re… still a virgin?”
The belly rub stopped. Soarin snorted, then laughed as he blushed sheepishly as he reluctantly said, “Well… yeah.”
“No way!” Rainbow Dash laughed. “I don’t buy that!”
Soarin’s good humor dissipated almost instantly, his smile deflating into a defeated smirk. “Well, whether or not you’re buying, that’s what I’m selling until the right customer comes along,” he said quietly. His hooves once again glided about Rainbow Dash’s belly, like ice skaters on a rink.
For a moment, Rainbow Dash was terrified she’d offended Soarin. Before she could offer an apology, Soarin started speaking again. “Groupies often offer to take it, you know,” he sighed. “But I know they’re only in it for my costume. For the badge on my uniform. Maybe that’s good enough for some of the Wonderbolts… but not this one.”
His hooves traveled lower, again resting at Rainbow Dash’s ample thighs. He lightly pressed his hooves into either side of Rainbow Dash’s chub, pushing into her belly before letting it return to its original shape. His hooves began slowly drawing circles into each side, going down, then up. “So I tried dating other celebrities. Some of the mares on the team, a few musicians. Even one or two actresses.”
Rainbow Dash was only half-listening at this point, enchanted by how “into-it” Soarin’s belly rub was. She nodded—celebrity dating, other Wonderbolts, musicians, actresses… “So… you tried dating Spitfire?” she asked.
Soarin looked Rainbow Dash in the eye with a mischievous smirk. “Well, that was before I found out she’s a lesbian,” he said.
Rainbow Dash blushed. She imagined that must have been awkward. “How about Fleetfoot?”
Soarin slid his hooves from her sides to her front now. He made slow, gentle pulling motions away from the center of her belly, teasing her fat into spreading a little before bringing his hooves back towards the center and repeating. “She’s hopeless,” he chuckled as he continued to roll her roly-poly belly. “She’s in love with some…” One hoof left Rainbow Dash’s middle and was waved dismissively. “…Some… guy—I don’t remember his name. The way she talked about him, I don’t think he even knows she exists.”
“How do you know?” she asked.
His emerald-green eyes were curtained by mischievous eyelids as his smirk twisted some more. “Because Fleetfoot and I have been friends forever, even before we joined the ’Bolts. I know when she’s full of it.”
He focused his attention, once again, on the baby blue belly below him. He mixed his movements up a little, his hooves rubbed and rolled its roundness, Rainbow Dash’s fullness squashing and stretching beneath his touch. “Tried getting together with some other celebs. Turns out most of ’em are weirdos or losers—not that I’m much better. But they were pretty outta my range anyway.”
Some silence. Soarin's eyes flicked up to her face and he suddenly wanted, for a moment, to touch it. It was round, full—like the rest of her now. Her wide, magenta eyes possessed not just the courage he became attached to, but a flurry of different emotions. Her sensitivity. Her joyfulness. Her plump cheeks had gone red, her lips pressed tightly together. Her eyes darted away the moment she caught Soarin staring at her. “...Yeah?” he asked.
Rainbow Dash continued to look away demurely for a second before meeting Soarin’s eyes again. “Soarin? What do you think of me?”
A train wreck of different things he could say collided and meshed within Soarin’s mind. He could tell her the truth—she’s fat, but she’s beautiful—and he could tell her even more of the truth—I admire your tenacity and courage and I want you by my side forever. But he had to word it carefully; Rainbow Dash had already angsted about her ample proportions, and he'd been insensitive about it before.
He sighed deeply before answering. “Why does it matter what I think of you?”
Soarin never wanted to facehoof himself so hard until that moment. Of course she cared. He just got through saying that other celebrities were losers—which was way out of line to begin with (way to go, genius!)—and he suddenly said his opinion didn’t matter and—ugh!
But instead of meeting his answer with scorn or confusion, Rainbow Dash merely scratched at her ear as her blush deepened. “Well… like… um…”
That was about when it finally hit Soarin. The crush was mutual. Had to be. But no! Wait, wait, wait, don’t act on it! Don’t ruin this!
If he ruined it, Soarin ruined it like a pro. His lips were on Rainbow Dash’s before she could properly articulate her thought. Their lips mashed for a bit before Soarin’s tongue poked at Rainbow Dash's mouth, asking to be let in. Just as shyly as her failed declaration of love, Rainbow Dash opened her mouth and Soarin’s tongue, rough and masculine, entered and courted hers. Their two tongues danced under several waves of hot breath.
Their kiss was sweet, but short. Rainbow Dash squeaked as she shot up, throwing Soarin off her. She stood up, gravity taking hold of her impressive belly and pulling it down. Her wings pumped, achieving lift astoundingly well for somepony her size. Her normally-cyan face was by now a deep tomato red, her eyes shimmering with tears. “I-I’m sorry, Soarin, this is—I gotta—but—no—I—gah!”
Soarin ran a hoof through his mane. “No,” he said with a wave of his hoof. “Rainbow Dash, that was my fault. I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have... done that.” He looked aside to see Rainbow Dash wiping the tears from her face. With a quiet flap of his wings, Soarin darted over to her, putting his forelegs around her and burying his face into her neck. “I’m so, so sorry if that’s not what you wanted,” he said, his voice muffled by Rainbow Dash’s body. “I didn’t mean to scare you!”
Rainbow Dash returned the hug. “It’s not your fault, I freaked out. I just… I feel so ugly, and now you’re all into me and I…” Her back hutched with a sob. “…and I look like this!”
Soarin pulled away from her with a look of concern. “Rainbow Dash, don’t you dare say that!” Rainbow Dash held a gasp. His voice was… commanding again. Passionate. Confident. “Don’t you dare think anything less of yourself. There’s a... a deep and significant difference between being fat and being ugly—and you’re hardly what I’d call ugly!”
He put a hoof to her face, stroking it just as gently as he had stroked her belly. “Rainbow Dash, you... are... the most beautiful mare I’ve ever met,” he said. “I realize now, you were beautiful when you were skinny. And you’re beautiful now that you’re fat—and that’s difficult for anypony to pull off. You know why you’re beautiful no matter what shape you are?”
Rainbow Dash sniffed. “…Why?”
“’Cause you’re you. It sounds really cliché, but so long as you never lose your courage and determination, so long as you never change on the inside—you’ll always be beautiful.” Soarin’s vision began to swim. “…To me,” he finished, his voice a boyish whisper.
There was silence, save for the occasional chirping of birds. The warm sunlight cascaded upon them as if approving their mutual feelings for one another. Rainbow Dash and Soarin shared another look before diving into a second kiss, this one much more passionate and long-lasting.
“...So. That’s how you two got together?” Twilight asked, clapping her book shut.
Rainbow Dash—now her original, aerodynamic slimness after such a long and brutal regimen—trotted across the library floor with a big grin on her face. Her wings fluttered proudly. “Yeah,” she said before stopping. "We've been steady ever since." Her smile slipped a little.
There was a pause that Twilight didn’t like. “...Something wrong?” she asked.
A second or so passed before Rainbow Dash gave a shrug. “Well," she sighed, "it’s complicated.”
“But I thought everything was going great for you two,” Twilight said. “What’s wrong?”
Rainbow Dash frowned as she continued to trot about the library. “Well, the thing is… I don’t think I’m impressing Soarin much these days.”
“Why? Because you aren’t fat anymore?”
An unsure shrug. “...Maybe.”
Twilight shelved some more books. “Maybe you should bring this up to Soarin?”
“That's the thing,” Rainbow Dash said as she leaned against a wall. “I did. You know what he told me? He said, ‘Rainbow Dash, I don’t want you throwing away your dreams of being a Wonderbolt just because I have some silly fetish.’”
Twilight looked at her friend more closely. “He said that?”
She nodded. “Yeah. That's Soarin for you, though… you know, he just…” Rainbow Dash met Twilight’s eyes. “He puts me first in everything he does.” Twilight caught a warped twinkling in Rainbow Dash’s eyes as her voice tightened. “Like... everything. And that means a lot to me. You know? I just wanna impress him like how he impresses me every day we get outta bed.”
Twilight pressed her hoof against her lips in thought, weighing in the details she'd been given. “So… he’s attracted to ‘chubby’ you, but at the same time, he respects you enough that he has no desire to control you to benefit his new-found fetish.”
“In a nutshell, yeah.”
A second or so of silence. Twilight smiled. She looked this way, that way—as if making sure nopony else was looking in. Rainbow Dash cocked an eyebrow as Twilight’s horn shimmered and a book was pulled down from a nearby shelf. Its cover read, Shape Changing Magic: From You, To Something New! Twilight flipped it open as her smile became more mischievous. Fox-like.
“Well,” she said as she held the open book out to Rainbow Dash. On it was written a spell that could transform a thin pony into a fat pony. “I think I can help you indulge him a little.”
Rainbow Dash's lips split into a smile just as mischievous as Twilight’s. “I knew there was a reason we were friends!” she laughed as she playfully punched Twilight on the shoulder.
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...
I found it quite enjoyable. Almost wished for some good cloppiness added, but that might have detracted from the story some.
3214619
Well, it's a fetish fic, so no sex allowed. Soarin gives her a belly rub, not a cervix rub.
Although I'm sure she wouldn't have minded that.
3214622
PRICELESS!!!
Well, that was, how should I say this, interesting? My initial reaction at the title page was more of "dafuq?", but after reading it, I thought it was nice. Kinda thrown off by the mental image of fat Dashie, but it was very well written. Nice job. Veerrryyy interesting choice of a story though.
Again, great writing, very smooth story flow. Good luck on any future stories
RDD
bwahahaa aahahhahaa
wtf 
brewwhaaahahahahahaaaaahasahhhaaha
3214657
Yeah, sorry my fetish wasn't as crazy-creepy as you were hoping. I got a soft spot for slim chicks, but gimme a lady with meat on her bones any day.
Now I know THAT'S a lie. Just you wait, I'll go over it tomorrow and scream at how many sentences begin or end with the same word, the number of typos or misused words...
This reminds me a little of an argument I constantly find regarding Superman. "Nobody with his superpowers would ever use it for good. They'd use it for their personal gain."
You might not see Soarin this way, but I find him a Clark Kent to Blueblood's Bruce Wayne. I understood your criticism of BB since well, he's a jerk. I could totally see him using his status to score with the ladies.
But not everyone would do that. Read his dialogue again and you'll find that Soarin never used his status to take advantage of mares who only wanted to bang him for the bragging rights of sleeping with a celebrity.
My point is, the difference between Soarin and Blueblood is that Soarin is a genuinely good person. He considers sex a connection of more than just the physical persons. If that connection won't be there, if that mixture of understanding and respect is not present, then he won't want it.
Read RD's statement regarding how Soarin won't let her become fat again. He knows that as sexy a chubby Dashie can be, her chances of achieving her dreams would be totally ruined. He puts her interests first.
To summarise, Soarin is too good a stallion to take advantage of anypony and too good to let himself be taken advantage of. She might not have been his first kiss, but Rainbow Dash is his first in everything else.
Or maybe I'm just being too idealistic?
3217550
My point was not that good people "avoid" the occasional fuck. My point was that Soarin wouldn't use his status to get chicks because he's too decent to manipulate people. I just don't see him as the kind of guy who would do that. It might have gotten a bit lost back there; I wrote that comment half-drunk.
...and I still spell everything correctly even when under the influence of alcohol. Wow.
Although your comment on why Soarin doesn't just date other celebrities does make my mind wander a little...
Spitfire: tried to, but it turns out she's gay
Fleetfoot: tried to ask her out... but she only has eyes for Big Macintosh (who, by the way, isn't even aware she exists)
Octavia: turns out she's a high-strung, OCD bitch and not worth the effort. In fact, his reaction to finally leaving the restaurant (in which all Octavia did was complain about the food) was I'M FREEEEEE
Vinyl Scratch: sexy, foulmouthed, Crazy Awesome Vinyl Scratch. After a few dates, some snogging, and some cuddling, it looked like Soarin had finally found his lady. Then she brought out the bullwhips and sour cream, and... that was about the end of it.
Of course, this is all my fanon interps of each listed character. But thanks for giving me some material for a shipfic.
...and material for another clopfic. The adventure continues!
3218922
Yeah, I'm a huge fan of comics in general. Batman, Judge Dredd, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Lenore the Cute Little Dead Girl, My Little Pony, Adventure Time, Green Hornet, and anything by Earthworm Jim creator Doug TenNapel have all found their way onto my bookshelves.
Well I think I got through implying how unlucky Soarin is with mares, so maybe Octavia, while normally uptight anyway, was just having a really bad day up to that point.
The descriptions of Dash's chub were top notch, but I just can't get into SoarinDash.
Fat Dash on her own is perfectly fine, with all the intricacies and levels of depth that might be missed if it was any other horse, and I guess there needed to be more of a plot than 'blue pony is fat oh no' but my personal preference killed some of the enjoyment.
10/10 for your taste in art though.
Although I'm not one for romances with a lot of talking about feelings and all that mushy stuff (yes, I'm aware that's pretty much every romance ever written), I liked the belly rubbing and descriptions of said belly. That said, your writing is decent, but you never seem to really set the scenes. There are a lot of parts where I have no clue where they are or if it's night or day. In my opinion, descriptions of the world around the characters can add a lot to a story.
Also, I don't see why you put the sex tag on this story if there's no actual sex. Just say'n. Now, if you would excuse me, I'm going back to playing the hell out of GTA5.
It was cute. I wonder if you have what it takes to write the cutest fic this fandom has ever seen. So fluffy and adorable, it'd be like a kitten made out of cotton candy. Seriously, cute is your thing. EMBRACE THE CUTE. BECOME FIFE, DIABETIZER OF ENTIRE WORLDS.
3218638
I guess it seems Spitfire is- flaming.
I might have to use that Fleetfoot crush thing.Obviously not in MTAS, but later on.
And then the restaurant burned to the ground.
3226025
I'm surprised you caught that Spitfire pun right off the bat.
Honestly, Kam, I was a little worried you'd have thought this fic would be gross because of how fetishy it is. Or are you just saying all this to make me feel better?
3226228
I am a connoisseur of puns. I'm surprised I missed the one from the beginning of Equestria Girls, where Ashleigh Ball's name is on a ball.
Eh, I don't really mind fetishy stuff. I'm the kind of guy who can look at cute pictures of girls with empty, bleeding eye sockets. Yeah, I find that kind of thing cute, so I'm not really in a position to judge you for liking belly rubs.
I am being entirely sincere. Cute is more your thing than horror. Though maybe I'm just desensitized to horrifying stuff, so it isn't as scary to me.
3235916
The point of the story is Rainbow Dash bonding with Soarin over an absurd situation. Come on, would RD really let herself go like that? Do you really think Soarin's a chubby chaser? Despite how odd this whole fic is, I feel it really comes together with the impromptu belly rub.
3236074 when you put it like that, i guess i can see it. and dont worry, you dont sound snippy. i was taking things to seriously
The sex tag doesn't work here...
3711258
All fetishes are sexual in nature; therefore, sexual suggestion is present; therefore, sex tag.
Warning: This comment contains spoilers. If you don't want spoilers, DON'T read this comment!
You have requested a critique from me, and I am here to deliver. Before I begin, I would like to state that any criticisms I have against this story are not meant to either discourage or insult you; they are only things that I believe could be either fixed or improved upon. You may take or leave the stuff presented in this comment as you will.
With that out of the way, here we go!
With fatfics, the first thing I focus on is not the fattening, not even on the characters, but on the situation present. I give you credit for creating a believable scenario where Rainbow Dash could fatten up (although I don't understand why she was given leave for that long; maybe it was an off-season vacation or she injured herself? Either way, I think an explanation of that would've helped put her in the beginning stages better). Not having a longing for a physical activity to do, or finding time to hang out with her busy friends, would leave her feeling alone; combine that with how large meals and a reason for her to have large meals, and you've created a good scenario for her fattening.
I also like how Rainbow Dash doesn't accept her corpulence at first. There are certain characters I can see readily accepting their new weight gain, and others that I can see wanting to either curl up and hide, lose their weight, or some other negative reaction—Rainbow Dash included. This not only seems more attuned to her character, but also helps set up the relationship between herself and Soarin'. She also has proper motivation to lose the weight: to continue pursuing her dream, and to "look good" with her friends (if one wants to relate physique in terms of beauty). It is a good set-up, and Rainbow Dash reacts realistically, in the beginning.
She reacts well in the first chapter, methinks; her acting in the second chapter, however, particularly at one part, is questionable. I can accept that Soarin' has never had sex with mares, although I can see how someone couldn't; what I cannot get behind is the notion that in a tender, odd moment like this, where Rainbow Dash is out of her element because of her prodigious girth, she would laugh at him about it. Given Soarin's trying to get the old her back, I can accept that she'd be [self-]arrogant after a while. But laughing at him for not experimenting with mares is taking that arrogance too far for me, given that she's both not in her usual state and in an intimate moment.
But that is the only complaint about Rainbow Dash's characterization I have; the rest I've no problem with. Soarin' was consistently characterized throughout, being someone with a good heart that can't control his mouth. He comes off as genuinely concerned about her well-being, and takes on the roll of helper in order to get her to lose weight. I will admit that in chapter one, I didn't get the notion that he was checking her out; it comes off as very vague.
This really doesn't tell me anything. I assume the purpose of this is to establish that Soarin' has a tendency to check her out, but this, by my knowledge, is the only reference to it. For me, this isn't enough of an establishment between the two (but it may be just me). If you try this in the future, I would suggest having more references to his checking her out, or have her think more about how the helper treats the chubby pony.
I don't think Soarin's strong in the first chapter, but he's well-written in the second chapter. He's hesitant because he's confronted by both an admirable pony and his fetish. And he took the rubbing both slowly and encompassing. And in the end, he was valiant and stuck up for her when she was down. For me, it didn't come off as being overdramatic.
To recap: I like Rainbow Dash in the first chapter but have problems with Soarin'; I like Soarin' in the second chapter but have problems with Rainbow Dash. I bring all of this up because I personally feel that characterization and how it reflects the situation is paramount to making a good fatfic. Rainbow Dash's teasing bothered me because she was in a moment where things were going to get intimate, and she was in a state that didn't seem to warrant her teasing; I was expecting her to be more casual about things, or nervous, bringing the focus more on the belly rubbing. Soarin's lack on interaction on chapter one bothers me because his appreciation of her body doesn't come across until the belly rubbing, even though we're meant to see something there beforehand. Where you do good, you do really good. Soarin's tenderness and Rainbow Dash's frustration and embarrassment fit the situation and help create the mood that brings them closer together.
There's also Applejack, Spitfire and Twilight. I don't have a problem with either Applejack or Twilight, as they serve their functions are are supportive in their own right. I can't get behind Spitfire being nonchalant about Rainbow Dash's weight. I'm not sure how one would improve on that, but it's just not something that sits well with me. This isn't a BIG problem; it's more of a nitpick than anything else.
Now we get to the meatier portion of the review (pun intended): her weight gain. This:
is a decent way to describe her new figure. With a story that focuses on the connection between Rainbow Dash and Soarin' and their fascination with the belly, I think it's a good thing that the story didn't get into too much tactile detail at first. Yes, it is there, but it doesn't overshadow the more important focus of the physical and social aspect of it. She struggles tp do things with her new weight, and she struggles to interact with other ponies. There are references to her weight to help keep the details there, which help compliment the more important acknowledgement of her predicament.
And the steady procession of acknowledgement is great. It begins with her own acknowledgement, both in private and in public. Then she asks one of her friends for help. Then the rest of her friends know about it. And then the Wonderbolts find out. It steadily compounds until the encounter is unavoidable, and this is a great pacing technique (I think) to get us to the main event. I have no nitpick with how you got from the first scene to the catering scene.
And then there's the main event: the belly-rubbing. Plotwise, I think it would've streamlined better if, once again, Soarin' showed more signs of being interested in Rainbow Dash's figure; as it is, what you have is really good. I like the descriptions, I like the pacing of it, I like the steady atmosphere you build up, and I like the interaction between Rainbow Dash and Soarin'. They are both in a new and intimate position, so they try to take it slow (for the most part). Then the conversation switches to be more about Rainbow Dash than about her belly, thus initiating the true romance. In my personal opinion, I think it's handled alright, and I don't see a problem with the pacing.
Your language is really good.
It's evocative and well-paced. The switch from Rainbow Dash's to Soarin's point of view is questionable, but the descriptions you put in his point-of-view are excellently attuned to him. Overall, the scene with the belly rrubbing is excellent.
There's also the "epilogue" to address. The talk of how Soarin' will stick by her no matter what was a nice resolution to the relationship (in this story). I'm sure the spell at the end left people who read this with the pleasant thought that she can gain weight again (as for me, though, it didn't do anything). The ending is okay.
Lastly, technicals. Overall, it's very clean. The grammar's good, the spelling's good, the word choice is good, and I don't recall any errors. Overall, it's technically sound. There is one moment in the story where there might be a contradiction present. Please take a look at these two parts, both in chapter 2:
and this part:
So does Soarin' have a fetish for Rainbow Dash overweight? Is he a chubby chaser, but thinks other ponies are disgusting? I had a hard time interpreting this, and I still don't get it. It might be worth looking over again.
In conclusion, I think it's a good story. The set-up was good, the descriptions were great, the technicals were sound, and the overall romance was nice. There were just those moments of characterization that I thought broke the mood and didn't lead into the next part well; those are my only major criticisms. Other than that, I thought this was pretty good.
I wish you the best of luck with your next story!
3756862
Thanks for the feedback!
Let me just see if I can clear a few things up.
Out of curiosity, who are we referring to?
You know what? You're absolutely right.
What's especially silly about that is that I was actually intending to have Rainbow Dash nearly freak out because she just realized what came out of her mouth. We're talking about an athlete with only mild experience with mares, and a mare who has next to zip experience with guys -- they're going to bungle, stutter, and say the wrong thing at the wrong time.
In short, I could have fixed that mess with a simple paragraph:
It's one of those things you never notice until AFTER you've published it.
That's... an interesting thing to point out. See, I was writing it so that Soarin wasn't actually INTO Rainbow Dash to begin with until they began bonding. This leads to the belly rub, in which Soarin finally discovers he actually DOES have a chub kink... but only when it's done right.
Example. Have you ever looked up artwork depicting your favorite fetish only to be met with a surfeit of awful drawings? This is kind of like that. Soarin wasn't totally aware of his fetish until he saw how well Rainbow Dash worked that extra weight. We're all at least vaguely aware of our fetishes even from a young age, but it takes certain triggers to make us fully aware of them, and that's how it worked with Soarin.
Of course, this implies he's never met a "big beautiful mare" before, which you might have to take with a little salt.
Spitfire was being nonchalant about it because she was going to eventually take Rainbow Dash aside, away from all the others, and break the bad news that she might not be able to be let back on the team if she can't fly like she used to. Whereas Soarin was both blunt and blind to the situation, Spitfire was going to be as professional as she could. Of course, Soarin showed up and broke that.
The reason I cut the story into two parts is because of the shift in points of view. The first chapter is from RD's point of view (Which is why some of the details have been skimped on; RD wasn't privvy to whether or not Soarin was into her, nor was she sure of Spitfire's ultimate intentions. Remember, Rainbow Dash seems to not notice certain details, and tends to act on impulse and gut instinct). Then it changes to Soarin and his awakening fetish and its hunger to be slated.
Like I mentioned above, Soarin IS a chubby chaser, but only when the lady in question knows how to work it. There's a right and wrong way to do something or be someone, and Rainbow Dash was chubby in a very, very right way.
But at the same time, Soarin -- like Rainbow Dash says -- puts her interests above his. She can't be chubby because it slows down her flight speed, thereby hurting her chances at being a Wonderbolt. And no matter what, Soarin isn't so selfish that he'd take that dream away from her just so he can get off.
Well, I already wrote another chubby story: My Way, Your Way, Three Way. Careful though, this one's a straight-up clopfic. But I'd still like it if you had any feedback to give.
Thanks for taking the time to leave such a deep and informative comment!
3757705
Let's see... Definitely Pinkie Pie, who'd be gorged up on treats, and would probably still be able to get around town with incredible speed. I can see Fluttershy accepting a weight gain, since it would make her more motherly and snuggly. Definitely Cheerilee, since she could use it to attract stallions (as you've noted
) and let her students cuddle up to her. I can also definitely see Mrs. Cake plumping up quite a bit more.
There's also Trixie, who would probably flaunt her new girth and backside at her performances.
Who else, who else... There's also Flitter, who I kinda see as having a bubbly personality, somepony who wouldn't mind being the chubby sister. I tried fattening her through mountains of ice cream, but it ended up not working. *shrugs* I can also see Lyra being fed sweets by her Bon Bon, to the point where Bon Bon could do something like this:
That's who I can see readily accepting it.
And thank you for the clarifications.
3757850
Most of those I can agree on, except for Trixie and Mrs. Cake.
Trixie because she seems to suffer from a kind of narcissistic personality disorder, so she would try to be as visually appealing as she can -- and if the show's given us any indications, Celestia is the prime example of equine beauty in Equestria. Although now that you mention it, it would still be cute; just... a little out of character.
Mrs. Cake, because she's cute enough the way she is. With me, there's a certain point in which I have to put my foot down. (And before you say it, yes, Soarin's opinion on chub closely mirrors my own.) That said, there's probably a really good reason she got chubby.
static1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131029203447/mlp/images/b/b4/Mr._Cake_id.png
The prime suspect.
You talk about the characters who might enjoy getting chubby, but no mention of Derpy? "It means I get to eat more muffins! Can I get a huzzah? Can I have three???"
The reasons why I like this story:
1. I'm a weirdo.
2. The scenes never felt TOO out of place. I mean, heck, for a fetish-ish fic, you did a pretty god job at keeping the characters, well, in character. So, good job.
3. The cover art? I dunno.
4. Did I mention that I'm a weirdo? Yes? Okay then. My job is done.
as a fan of soaridash fics fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/273/8/0/rainbow_dash_approved_by_ambris-d4bdn33.png
*violently puking in corner*
Sorry... Sorry, it's not your story that I'm vomiting about, but it's all fatfics in general. In fact, I'm so disgusted by those stories that I could write a story about it!
*wink* *wink*
However, this story can, and will be an exception. Why? Well, I'll tell ya.
When I walked into this story, all the clichés that happen in fatfics ran through my mind.
For example:
RD would get bigger thanks to Soarin, almost as big as a house.
Soarin hypnotizing RD that being fatter is better.
Force Feeding
Lastly, her friends doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about the sudden unhealthy weight gain.
But, this story absolutely avoids those clichés and instead brings something that can please almost everyone, the heartless, freaks who find unhealthy eating and near the brink of death sexy can lost this one.
The characters were well represented, and instead of other fatfics where Dash finds being fat "Awesome" this one brought something new to the table and she felt she looked ugly for the majority of the story. Except for the ending... Kinda.
I guess you can only get little of something you love am I right?
In a whole, this story is great! Just not for me, I'll like it since it deserves it, but I personally "like" this story.
I don't love it, but I don't hate it. That's just my opinion, but for the other people in the audience, it's a great story and it deserves a read.
So, you deserve a thumbs up.
Strangely enough, I can somewhat relate to Soarin on fat fetishism. I only like fictional characters to be fat and not real ones. I know the dangers of being obese, so I don't want any of my family members being fat. Fictional characters are the exception because they can't die unless the artist or writer do.
5826848
Actually, the "health risks" of obesity aren't much more dangerous than the "health risks" of being thin. And that whole BMI thing is just BS. There's plenty of fat people who happen to be pretty healthy, all considered.
And come on, chubby people can be darned pretty. You gotta admit, they're like cuddly teddy bears!
5827448 That depends on the person. Because like I said, I prefer fictional characters to be fat. Also, It doesn't change the fact that people with obesity can die from a heart attack if not exercising.
Eeeheeheehee, I AM a little weirdo!
*Flails*
Awwww!!!
100th like YAY!
it would be cool to get a third chapter about rd learning to control her weight magic
There should’ve been a third chapter to this so we could see the magic weight gain and something more to it.