Not even Equestria is safe from the devious plans of Criminal Masterminds.....Innocent ponies are being framed for crimes they didn't commit....and it's up to a certain lawyer to maintain justice, cut through the web of lies with his sword of truth, and prove their innocence!
A late review so apologies:
Punctuation: Great!
Spelling: Ok (missing letters :/ but otherwise good)
Plot: Excellent! (nice way of making it seem like a real case. though I feel it would be best to do it from one person's mind then two)
Nice beginning and I cannot wait to read more. As for now Court is adjourned!
I have 2 words for this fic...
SO AWSOME
Off to the trial and... SURPRISE WITNESS! They always pop out at the most critical moment. Can't wait to play next game.
Nice, brah! XD
images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/31700000/Phoenix-Wright-OBJECTION-MLP-style-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-31760837-2102-1361.jpg
*pats paper* I have evidence that this story is AWESOME! *slams down on a table* and now I demand more please
Keep up the good work
Dun! Dun! Dun! Third party, it's always the third party that pops up in the end. Can't wait for last trial stage...
Makes me wish the next game comes out now!!! Japan has it already.
Not a bad story, although, i would recommend getting some proof readers. It wasn't bad, but i kept noticing some typos or places where sentence structure could have been better. here's an example
HOLD IT!
There are several errors with that particular statement in itself. First and foremost, you used the wrong form of "Whether." Secondly, the last part of that could have been reiterated better. Instead of "Twilight explained, an urgent tone in her voice." You can shorten it too "Twilight explained, her tone urgent."
Also, My Proofreaders really got on me about starting sentences with the words 'like,' 'as,' or 'and.' This is of course optional, but it's something to take into consideration.
Also, a personal word of advice, use a thesaurus. You do this with Theasarus.com or you can right click a word In Microsoft Word and use 'Synonyms' to find words with a simular meaning. Often you'll find a nice fancy word that sounds really cool, just make sure you look up the definition of said word before you use it.
Also I'd use Horizontal breaks instead of the many lines, it just makes things seem a lot smother in my opinion, especially since different people have different sized font size preferences. it's not hard to do, theres a button for it here, plus if you put --- and then press enter on MS word it makes a horizontal break automatically
Also. there is a color feature in FIM fiction, that color wheel button. You can use it to highlight certain text to make it more like the game, such as a nice green testamony or a big red
OBJECTION!,..
which can also be done by the wheel and the text size button, which can be edited using the buton that Has the A and arrows next to it.
As for where to get proof readers, there are several groups here with lists of people you can message to proof read your story. Before you do you'll probably want to have a google acount and put some chapters in docs there. MOst proof-peaders prefer to ediit stories with Google Docs, and for good reason, that lets the highlight specifically the errors in your story.
So yeah, So far it's pretty good, but could be improved with some editors. But be warned, nothing is really quite as intense as the sheer criticism that are the editors. Trust me, i had some editors that almost made me want to cry or flat out break something.
Also i would avoid the editors that just do the revising for you and don't tell you what you could improve on. They may be sparing you the nit picking, yet at the same time you're not learning much if anything.
And with that, it's like 11:30 here, and i must go to bed.(you have no idea how many errors
werwere in this comment before i revised it)I feel so hyped! When you're done with this story. Are you gonna do Justice For All and Trials And Tribulations?!
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It seems that in this story, at least Justice For All has already happened. Either that, or events just go kind of differently. Maya's working with Phoenix, and Edgeworth is also present. Though, the real thing to look for is the Magatama. If he uses that at some point, we know it's after JFA.
Nicely done, although I do have to point out that you passed up a beautiful opportunity when Filthy Rich was being sworn in. You shoulda worked the Pinkie promise into the witness oath...
Again, well done. I can't wait for the next case.
On to the next case, I smell Soarin' or Spitfire as defendant.
That was So Awesome
We need more MLP X Phoenix Wright on fimfiction
Is Godot gonna appear sometime?
That was great!!! I Wait for the next turnabout
Don't you mean Rainbow Dash?
And we have yet again obvious suspect, yet evidence of a third party involved...
I wonder how crazy this one get. Can't wait to see how this case goes and the Court Session!
Hahaha, entertaining and slightly predictable but the story is very lively and gives enough of both worlds. Keep working on this and think of more cases!
The person/ people the evidence first points to is NEVER the real culprit in a Phoenix Wright game, ever.
After reading through the entire story so far I can say with certainty that this story deserves far more views then it has received. The humor is good, the plot has been finding interesting and believable ways to bring additional cannon characters into the cases, and you managed to make the story fit more with the attitude of the show by not having each case be a murder. I will be awaiting the next update.
Pinkie pie ace attorney and.... Inkie pie prosecutor :
And ...... The great and powerful prosecutor trixie :
HOW DARE SHE!
How dare who do what?
3403804 How dare who do what?
3216911 I think nopony has objection for thi...name.com/blog/ntlds/2013/04/who-is-alain-pellet-and-whats-an-independent-objector-icann-formal-objection-review-part-i/
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I know right?! We should like send a message to everyone In fimfiction saying that there needs to be more of this stuff
OBJECTION!
I have proof of how awesome your story is!
Its...
TAKE THAT!
These likes! This story has 31 likes and only 4 dislikes!
Prosecutor: GAH! grrrrrr...........
Judge:I guess equestrian turnabouts is
NOT GUILTY
But seriously, love the story, maybe for your next case it could be a bit less obvious of who it is...and maybe a bit more evidence, but other than that, I LOVE IT KEEP IT UP
Looks like this was a close case!
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
xP Well fine then.. Anyways good story.
DERPY IS INNOCENT!
Eeeeeyup
That was done.
Next chapter then, and next case.
Make the next one a murder with twilight as the defendant. Please. That has good potential. 'The new princess, prosecuted for murder of a high ranking noble.' It would definitely be more interesting, and I could take the trials more seriously.
You got a lot of dialogue from Turnabout Storm.
This is so beautiful.
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Oh, that case is coming. It's not the next one though, but it's coming! ;)
You might want to give this a run through, you managed to break a bold tag in there so half of the chapter is in bold, I'm presuming it shouldn't be. Looks like there's also a mucked size tag as well.
3862535 yes! awesome! How many cases do you plan to do? 5 cases is my guess but I just want to know.
How many cases will there be in this series?
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That is undetermined at this time, but I assure you, there will be many.
Nicely done! Please update quickly!
3236013 besides edgeworth doesn't help revel the truth until after that case with von karma and the whole DL-6 clearing
3338189 except for the last case of justice for all
3939502 This is true...
I honestly cried when Dinky said I love you to Derpy
"That's the title sequence " goddammit Pinkie I literally just fixed that hole you and Deadpool left in the fourth wall yesterday!
i thought RD's hair being there was actually belong to scootaloo (cause she is a fan, keeping RD hair you know) and she dropped it or something, but its not mention anymore huh.... or i just missed it?
It's just like I'm playing the DS pheniox wright gsme
I fuckin love phoenix wright games
4797092 Agreed.
And well done TheBronywiththeBowTie!
Straighten your Bow Tie for me please!
You also get two and a for good measure!
OBJECTION! I know for a fact Pinkie is best pony, and I have the proof right here!
Judge: I see. I hereby declare the defendant Pinkie Pie. . . . . Best Pony! *Gavel Smacks.*
Also:
Possibly my favorite- no it is my favorite part.
Putting this in the Faves and epics.
Tears were streaking down my face after seeing the not guilty go up.
Then seeing the reunions and the . . . . Bravo good sir.
And don't forget to straighten your bow tie.
4303782 You should realize by now th- wait Deadpool?! I gotta scram!
Was this entire chapter supposed to be bold?