Bonus - An Unpublished Page
Forgot to 'Complete' the story, so thought I'd throw up a unused, but already written Page from the book
One thing that many ponies fail to understand about New Foals, is that these are not our bodies. No matter how one stretches it, they're simply not. Like driving a car, or motorcycle, or any other vehicle, while it can become second nature, your first nature is still our human body.
Like with a pony's magic, a pony's body is completely alien to a human. Four legs instead of two, hooves instead of hands, and all of them with at least one additional limb.
So it comes to no surprise that incompatibilities occur. Even now, seven years after the change, I still wake up and attempt to walk upright. I still attempt to grab a glass with my 'hands'. I still attempt to slap insects that land on me. All resulting in a sharp reminder of my situation, usually painful both physically and emotionally.
I feel like my own body is a completely separate entity.
This also leads to another problem, one that pops up every day, for almost all adult New Foals. Sexual attraction.
My mind is human, I grew up admiring the form and shape of the human female, therefore it is understandable that I am attracted to humans. My body is a pony's, affected by such things as smell and touch, therefore it is understandable it is attracted to ponies.
So when catching a glimpse of a shapely behind on a mare, I am torn between two polar opposites. It is not a pleasant experience being simultaneously attracted, and repulsed, by the concept of sex.
Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoyed my little foray into 1st Person POV.
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Ah yes, so ends one of the three fanfics in this genre that didn't piss me off. Not as much closure as i hoped, but this was satisfying.
Ah well
504699 What other stories didn't piss you off? I might want to read them.
This story was amazing, really only the second (or third depending how I count it) CB tale I've read that did not make me feel like either murdering someone or punching a hole in my wall, and a well written one that kept me at the edge of my seat through the entirety. I wish there were more CB stories like this, but sadly most of that crowd only cares for preaching misanthropy and fulfilling their self-insert fantasies. The only complaint I have is that it was too short, and it would be good to see what position Celestia took regarding un-conversion, or indeed what her plan was from the start.
uhm, i wrote a couple. i, uhm, don't want to be rude so if telling about them is a faux pas, please tell me and i'll remove this comment. i'm sorry ...
Why? follows the TCB trope a bit closely and it has a bit of the misanthropy that i thought was an unfortunate necessity for the universe but it follows someone that doesn't want to be changed. in the end, it's on the fence as far as humanity goes. it paints the ponies in a fairly good light and shows (i hope) that humanity isn't something to hate or fear but at the same time over-emphasizes the negative aspects of humanity and doesn't show enough of the good aspects.
What Would Really Happen? (i like questions, i'm sorry) is formatted as a slightly-biased news story 6 months after the portals opened in a near-future Earth. it's a short one but it shows what i think would really, actually happen.
again, i'm sorry if it's seen as bad form to talk about my stories here but i thought they were fairly good and even-tempered. i mean, i hope they are. uhm, sorry.
Yay Humans are back
There's a great premise and some good ideas here, but the actual execution feels very rushed. I think that it's ok if you just wanted to get the idea and stuff out, but... The entire story is about the rapid development of an entire city from empty fields, by Newfoals no less! Yet only two characters are explored, and almost every sub-plot is resolved in the same chapter that it is introduced. This story could have easily been ten or even twenty times longer than it is.
653716
I never meant for it to be a long epic piece of writing, but rather a quick and dirty 'World Building' thing, getting more experience writing, and a 1st person POV test . I didn't bother exploring side characters or even the two main characters properly, because they're really just the eyes to look through.
I know I could have done a HELL of a lot more, but this was what I set out from the beginning to do. (It was also, much like my previous story Vengeance, an idea that was rattling around in the vast emptiness I call a skull for several months, and it bloody well wanted out and wasn't going to take no for an answer)
653860
Eh, I thought so. It's all cool.
This was a thoroughly enjoyable read. I would have liked an epilogue that at least summarised the events following the advent of the anti-conversion serum. It would also have been very interesting to read what average equestrian's reactions to the news would be. Oh well, it was good in any case.
501947
Have you read 'not alone'? It's kind of like the salvation war. Only with ponies instead.
As our flame died, our spark dimmed, our perserverence and inginuity made our flame burn all the brighter!
Rejoice! For now we begin a new era in human history! The greatest era! The golden age of golden ages! Hail to Humanity! The species that thwarted extinction, that returned from the icy beyond! The species that EARNED it's right to exist in this universe! Go forth and build our future!
This was an excellent read, and the only CB story that didn't make me want to start shouting at the screen. Nice job!
760755
As the main character mentioned, Celestia might have total control over the law and power in Equestria, but she's still limited by Public Relations. She's spent how ever many centuries bringing herself up as not just a caring and kind ruler, but as a loving mother of all.
Forcing the 'Poor human's' into living in the centers, or retaliating against them for just living on their own, would destroy her reputation with her 'children'.
In the end, they've left Equestria and returned to another unnamed country outside it, and are basically starting again.
It was very interesting and intriguing, but much too short. In the end things were progressing a bit fast, I would have liked some more details there.
This story has the potential to be a main 'background' for other TCB fics to be written around.
Good show, dear sir :P
Dude. YOU BETTER MAKE A FUCKING SEQUAL!!!!!! I CAN NOT JUST ACCEPT IT ENDS LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This really needs a sequel of some sort, specifically dealing with how Celestia and Equestria reacts to the return of humanity. It's a plot thread left dangling so long you could hang yourself with it.
1130498
1133346
I might, but it wouldn't be for a long while. Got a new story in the works, which I'm anticipating to take quite some time on.
1133467
1134778
I'm putting very early Equestria through a horrific, bloody civil war! This takes time, man!
Atrocities won't commit themselves, ya know.
1134826 That's what we humans are for.
I had hoped that this would be a pro-human TCB story that doesn’t turn Celestia into villain, a hope that was utterly crushed with that Solar Tyrant moment on Page 58.
Still it’s a nice little story and quiet enjoyable. I love how Matthew just wanted to be left alone and settled in the middle of nowhere only to cause a chain reaction that resulted in him becoming the ruler of mankind.
The parts of the story were the New Foals try to adjust to their new bodies, establishing a working city with their owns guards and Matthew trying to prevent people from giving Celestia a reason for an attack were pretty enjoyable.
The ending, however, was a letdown. It happened to abrupt: Serum discovered > serums works > Happy end. No problems, no conflicts, nothing. It’s just discovered and that’s it. I understand that this version of Evilestia has to keep up her masquerade but she doesn’t even try to sabotage them: Create some rumors that the humans want to humanify Ponies against their will, provoke some hardliners into an attack and everypony agrees with her if she says that the must move back in the New Foal centers.
Great story!
Alright, this is the first Conversion Bureau story I've ever read, so keep that in mind while I give my opinion on this particular story. Yes, this is a critique, but I'll spare you the nitty-gritty and just get down to the basics.
This is a very interesting idea, to say the least. Certainly the first I've ever heard of, though the comments lead me to believe there are others based on the same concept. But, as far as my experience goes, this is a very original idea. However, the execution was lacking. Grammatical mistakes were frequent, and there was quite a bit of "telling" rather than "showing". On top of that, there were quite a few instances where a sentence felt out of place or a word was used that didn't match up with the tone of the story. In a story that is already meant to be somewhat disjointed, those kind of mistakes make the reader stumble.
In addition, there were quite a few places where I honestly was thinking "That would never happen." If you want more details, go ahead and PM me.
Good story, the only thing I didn't like was that Celestia is invulnerable...
I don't know why, but I HATE it when somebody writes it; she may be strong, but I am pretty sure that at least a nuke (which gets over a trillion degrees hot!) would vaporize her.
1831640 Or at least put her in the hospital for a day.
What can I say about this story that others haven't yet?
...
Aw, screw it. I liked it.
It seemed believable. Humanity as a whole is neither a glorified hero nor an atrocious villain. It's an anti-hero, just trying to live the way it wants to.
That was a pleasant read. Good on ya for making a conversion story that isn't about humans being complete jerks.
One of the greatest Conversion Bureau endings I've ever read. Even though I talked about Celestia doing something about this, but other than your excuse that Celestia has to keep up with her publicity, I feel that you managed to write her in a way that she's upset about not getting what she wants/expected but she also appears to be kind enough to understand their plight and just like Twilight she also left in anger due to her disagreement with the main character. Anyway I'm glad to have found a Conversion Bureau story that ends in more light hearted way than in a bad way and I'm also glad that I finally got around to reading it. Not bad for a quick story, don't you say?
2197705
Unlivable at the time.
I probably should have explained that a little more. The Purification wasn't a single event, but rather a 10 year process that scrubbed the earth clean, taking all the extracted minerals (iron, carbon, etc) by breaking down everything human made and returned it into the ground.
Basically reset the planet. And only Equestria's landmass wasn't affected.
I liked this for the most part, though I'd prefer that it have been fleshed out more, and that the encounter with Celestia had come off more like she had a freakout, losing her composure over a situation having spiraled into unplanned disaster thanks to good intentions gone horribly awry instead of a tyrant throwing her weight around. But that's just me and how I prefer to think of Celestia. I might just have to cut my losses and consider CB Celestia a different character at this point.
I think I might really be getting burnt out on CB stuff in general. I actually liked Chatoyance's earlier work, but now I'm getting the feeling that most fics in this troubled genre demonize either humanity or ponykind. Maybe I'll contribute to it at some point, but I'd have to fundamentally alter the entire premise. I'd eliminate the whole plot point of Equestria enveloping Earth and humanity's impending extinction, and I'd make the conversion process not only entirely voluntary, but reversible and going both ways. Question is, if I change that much about the premise, does it still count as a Conversion Bureau story?
I just want humans and ponies to get along. When exactly did this become an unappealing idea?
2283262
Read The Conversion Bureau : Yellowstone. Very good TCB story that shirks the standard.
Personally, I'm a huge fan of humans and ponies coming together and becoming allies (And thus NOT a fan of TCB), but this is my take on the CBs universe of 'forced ponyfication'.
2283472 Cool! Any other stories of that sort you can recommend that aren't from this subgenre?
2284205
Humans and Ponies coming together? Sure.
Must read - Arrow 18 Mission Logs: Lone Ranger by AdmiralTigerclaw
Must read - Tiberian Eclipse by Material Defender
Must read - Mass Effect 2 - DLC: The Equestrian Equation by Loyal2Luna
And it's sequel -
Must read - Mass Effect: Shades of Twilight by Loyal2Luna
Must read - Project: Sunflower by Hoopy McGee
And it's sequel -
Must read - Sunflower - Side Projects by Hoopy McGee
Quantum Castaways by DustTraveller
The Dread Chitin by Karazor
and it's sequel -
Outside the Reaching Sky by Karazor
Eclipse by IncoherentOrange
Heroes and Allies by Lynolius
Into the Black: A Mare's Tale by shirotora
This was excellent!
It's ironic, because in trying to wipe us out, not only did she do us a favor by letting us keep our minds/spirits/souls/essences/ETC... But she also did us a favor by...
1. Leaving all that potion lying around for us to reverse engineer and toy around with until we found a cure for it...
2. Gave us an entirely new planet to start over on...
3. Let us keep our memory of how to build clean energy sources so none of that 'pollution' shit happens this time around...
And...
4. Had a freak out that only drove us to pursue our goals further.
Actually, a sequel about the humans writing a THANK YOU note, detailing all these obvious things, would be hilarious.
Do eet.
5122996 No, this is just pure magic wank.
I think a sequel would be well received.
I'm sure you've heard all about it by now. Rainbows and sunshine. Unhappy humans turning into happy ponies. Dancing and singing together in harmony, now and forever.
Actually it's normally badass humans kicking the ass of the technologically backwards delusional/under mind control/racist ponies who think a few parlor tricks make them equal to atomic weapons. The fics that have the idea of the ponies being competent, let alone reasonable, don't seem to exist.
6018059 I have read only one. And you are right.
NO! MORE! I NEED MORE!!!
Also, how did Celestia react to this? I want to hear the details of her attempting another genocide, but word getting out about what she was doing and being overthrown and killed by her own former subjects. Please write a sequel where that happens.
One of the best tcb stories I've ever read apart from The Converion Bereau: Last Man Standing. Also was this fic inspired from some of the concepts of said fanfic, such as the purification?
6018059 that's because, by and large, ponies aren't competent. we've seen this time and time again in the show.
pbs.twimg.com/media/CQgmirRUEAAQuJ8.jpg
still waiting for that sequel
7912532
It's come across as less 'ponies are incompetent' and more 'the narrative says so'.
7912596 it's kinda hard to tell, seeing as almost nothing is fleshed out enough in this story, and we know almost nothing about this universe. part of the consequence of this story being so bloody short!
i wonder how the ponies react to the return of humans
It's the Combine Occupation all over again.