• Member Since 20th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Saturday

Chapter 13


"As I walk these hallowed halls, I am left to ask myself one question: Why?"

T

Lightning Dust had finally reached her dream. After years of practice, broken bones, and sacrificed, she had finally been accepted into the Wonderbolt's Academy.

When she got there, her plan was simple: push herself to the limit and prove to everypony (even herself) that she belonged. But after a series of unfortunate events, she got kicked out. Now, with her dream crushed, she sees only one pony to blame: Rainbow Dash.

Written By: Michael A.
Edited by: Pegasus-Skip

Notes: First attempt at writing. I had to start somewhere, I guess.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 71 )

This is interesting. I'm looking forward to future chapters.

I hope this isn't one of those fics that focuses on the ponies and dismisses Spike as one of their friends.

3278172

Who cares about Spike?

Anyway, this story has a good plot/premise, but it's moving a little too fast for my liking. Slow down, extend the scenes, and draw stuff out to be more dramatic and detailed.

3278196 I am going to in the future. This first chapter is more of an info dump, future chapters will be more drawn out.

3278202

Okay, but it just seemed everything happened a little too fast. Remember, you're not just telling people things. You're trying to tell them in a way that'll be intriguing to them. I'd recommend getting an editor--nobody is too good for one of those.

3278231 Agreed. To be honest first chapter was hard to write. . . you should have seen the first draft.

3278231 I have helped edit this fic with Mikea491, and can say this is the fastest paced chapter that will be appearing in this fic.

Comment posted by Blueball-Blitz deleted Oct 4th, 2013
Comment posted by Chapter 13 deleted Oct 4th, 2013
Comment posted by Blueball-Blitz deleted Oct 4th, 2013
Comment posted by Chapter 13 deleted Oct 4th, 2013
Comment posted by Blueball-Blitz deleted Oct 4th, 2013

I almost have chapter 2 written! I'm planning to have it around 3,000-5,000 words so It is worth the wait. And let me just say, it's a HECK of a lot better then chapter 1...Faust I really hate that chapter.

~ Michael

So far so... static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/6/67602/1399416-bueno.jpg

Though if you want I could offer my in depth two bits on the fic so far in a PM, there is some stuff that I think you could improve on, but so far I'm enjoying it fairly well. And dont quit working on it. Once a month is better than never :derpytongue2:

3395977 I'm still working on it but because of school my writing suffers. And editing takes up the rest of my time. And I can't wait for your criticism! Although I wrote this so long ago my writing style has changed...

~ Michael

3395977 That is a yes to your in-depth criticism. If I like it enough, I might let you have a sneak peak of chapter 2.

~ Michael

What did you guys think of the chapter?

~ Michael

3448949 not bad. at this point-since nothing super important has happened after the initial confrontation-i think i shall withhold in-depth judgement until a later date.

3449029 This was suppose to be more of a transition chapter. Don't worry thought, the confrontation is going to happen soon! Then things get serious.

~ Michael

Loved it, but you did rush in some parts.. its highly noticeable, just add the apostrophe's and you will easily get the lines perfect.

It wasn't badly written by any means but the beginning seemed a bit...dragged out or excessively detailed in regards to some of the more mundane things Lightning Dash was doing and didn't seem to really add much to the story in the end. There didn't seem to be much happening as far as story progression either but seeing as this is only the second chapter it's kind of tricky to really say if that's something to look at or not. Nothing some polishing couldn't fix but in the end it's just my opinion based on what I noticed reading through this chapter. :twilightsmile:

pretty good. sorryy for not replying, writing has taken almost all of my will to read other's work lol

3457413 Thanks for the input! I'm usually rush things so that fact that it seems dragged on is a new thing for me. I guess I need to find a balance between the two. I'll see if I can fix this in the next chapter. Again, thank you for the comment!

~ Michael

Note: sorry for not responding sooner.... just noticed your comment :twilightblush:

im liking this story so far cant wait for the next chapter

I can't believe you didn't like the first chapter I love it and this is actually the first fanfic that I actually feel sorry for Dust

4082977 well this fic isn't written by me, it's done by my brother mike, he likes Dust which is the reason for this fic ~ Alex

3448949 I loved it so much can't wait for more!

I like this story so far... :twilightsmile:
But one thing that bothers me.... :applejackunsure:


Won't Rainbow be like pissed off that someone tried copying her 'SIGNATURE' move....instead, she's like.....someone copied my move! .....Oh well! :rainbowhuh:

So uh, can u explain that?? XD :twilightblush:

Anyways..... Me likey :twilightsmile:

4086527 well as I've said this story is written by my brother not me so...I'll leave him to answer the msg

4086527 It's not a "oh well" it's more of a "Whrapwfnoiawfvafyawcnofdlsvacfo uwcfnaulvcfgiu"

~ Michael A.

Woohoo! Finally this updated! Ok woo, anyways this was such an awesome chapter (despite Rainbow losing ) I really loved it and I can't wait for more. I'm wondering how Rainbow's gonna cope with being grounded.....not good I imagine, anyways keep up the fabulous work :twilightsmile:

4567274 Wow, thanks! I'm so sorry that this took so long...I actually had it done about 4 months ago and forgot to post it :twilightblush:

~ Michael A.

4567300 aw no its ok :rainbowlaugh: but yeah lookin forward to more of this awesomeness :raritystarry:

As soon as she challenged Rainbow to a race I fuckin' knew she was going to win, I swear though my heart stopped beating when she said,

Dash closed her eyes before muttering, “I…lost…”

mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw9851-tumblr_m4o30oPnMA1qjxcywo1_500.gif

no, she messed up and skrewed herself over. i'd call a rematch on the fact that she'd lost focus and missed the final turn. i mean, if LD 'beat' her once, she should have no problem doing it again. oh, and rarity's an idiot for taking the picture.

allowed for a place to crash from a failed trick, without getting seriously injured.
After she had completed all of the preflight exercises, Lightning cracked her back before flaring her wings and taking

"Oops, forgot to say she started her preflight exercises. Better jam a sentence in about that in there somewhere."

^^^ don't do this.

Story's pretty decent so far.

assent

ascent

"Way to go Dash!" :pinkiehappy:

"Pinkie. I lost."

"Exactly!" :pinkiehappy:

"You can't cheer for me losing!"

"Why not?"

"Because... because you..." :rainbowhuh:



:rainbowderp:

4572770 I wanted to get this chapter out so fast I forgot to check to see if I finished editing – I'm surprised that's all you've managed to find.

~ Michael A.

I have to go back and edit this... So many grammar mistakes...it...it burns!!!

~ Michael A.

4567141

Whrapwfnoiawfvafyawcnofdlsvacfo uwcfnaulvcfgiu indeed

Wow, this reminds me of my best friend when we were....friends...



WHATEVER DONT PITY ME BLARH GOOD CAHPTER HUEHEHEHHEHHEHEEHHEEN CONTINUE

Awesome! Cant wait for the next chapter

Yes, let the Dust flow through you. let it flow through your veins.

Dust is love

Dust is life

Wow, does this feel like fanfiction.

NO, THEY AREN'T PROUD OF YOU! THEY SPIT IN YOUR FACE! YOUR NOTHING MORE THAN A SELFISH WHORE WHO CAN'T ACCEPT THE FACT THAT ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS COME FROM YOUR OWN SHITTY ATTITUDE! FUCK YOUR HAPPINESS! YOUR LOVED ONES ARE ROLLING IN THERE GRAVES AT THE DISHONOR YOU'VE BROUGHT DOWN UPON YOUR FAMILY NAME!

5360848 I am pleased by this reaction.

~ Neon Lights

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