Chapter Forty-Three - The War of the Chocolate Chip
“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon! I never thought ten minutes could feel like an hour.”
Scowling over her shoulder at the timer in the kitchen, Cotton watched as it ticked down, still showing approximately two minutes remaining. Multiple trays of raw dough sat on one side of the massive counter, waiting for their turn to take the heat.
“Cotton, I could still—”
“No, Twist,” Cotton said, as she continued rolling out the next batch of dough, “no magic to speed up the process. Remember what happened the last time we tried that?”
Tasty Twist rubbed the back of his head. “…Please don’t remind me.”
“Hey, your fault for suggesting it.”
After another two minutes of kneading, the timer finally went off. Twist quickly opened each of the five ovens’ doors with his aura and took out the trays, placing them on the opposite side of the counter reserved for finished meals. He activated a fire ruby positioned above them to keep them heated, then lifted the waiting trays and slid them into a corresponding oven, each still heated at the appropriate temperature. He closed the doors and set the knob for the timer once again. After doing so, he approached Cotton so he could look over her shoulder and watch her work.
“Cotton, are you sure I can’t do anything else?”
Breaking off pieces of the dough to set on another tray, she shook her head. “There’s kind of a touch to it, Twist, and I hate to say it, but you don’t have it. Not for these, at least. If we were making anything else, I’d gladly say yes.”
Letting out a quick breath, Twist turned to give her her space and said, “Alright. Just let me know if—wah!”
Cotton glanced up at him. “What?”
“Somepony’s here for you, Cotton.”
Turning around, Cotton found Tacca at the entrance, holding his usual salute.
“Tacca! What are you doing here?” Cotton asked.
“Princess Luna sent me,” he said. “She wanted me to tell you there isn’t time to give your cookies out before the battle. The griffons are already here.”
Cotton slammed her hind hoof on the floor. "Dammit!”
“But they want you to keep going.”
Looking back at him, she simply said, “Huh?”
Tacca nodded, then he smirked. “The Princesses said they’ll be good incentive for everyone to make it back alive.” As Cotton smiled, he continued, “You just don’t need to stress about making a million a minute.”
Cotton let out a breath. “Thanks, Tacca. That will make this a little easier.”
“Just doing what I can to help,” he responded. Then he continued, “Speaking of help, I need to get out there myself. I’ve got an important position at the front gates. Well, it’s brief, but it’s important.”
Nodding at him, Cotton said, “Good luck, and be safe.” Then she smirked. “And here.” Quickly walking up to a tray of finished cookies, she grabbed one and tossed it upward. In a split second, she saw Tacca grin before the cookie vanished into thin air. When she looked back at him, she found him chewing.
Tacca swallowed, a look of sheer bliss covering his features. Then he smiled and simply said, “Thanks” before he disappeared without a trace.
Tasty Twist looked at the now unoccupied space where the noctis had stood, then turned to Cotton, his eyes wide.
“Yeah, he’s quick,” Cotton said. “Really quick.”
Shaking his head, Twist looked back at the entrance and responded, “I can see that.”
Ж
“Luna, you’re the one that told us you’d be protecting the castle’s front gates. Is this really necessary?” Celestia asked her.
Luna thrust out her lower lip. “We beg thee, Tia, thou hast had thy moment to shine. We only request a mere ten seconds. We shall join Our guard after that. Shouldst the griffons attempt a frontal attack, Our spy is holding command for the moment.”
Despite his inability to see Luna’s plea, Spike rolled his eyes. “Fine, just hold on.”
As the enemy approached striking distance, Luna held up her lance in her aura and cried, “For thy fallen captain! ATTAAAAAAAACK!” from atop Spike’s back.
Ж
“ATTAAAAAAAACK!”
Cotton could hear her aunt’s cry from inside the kitchen, despite the multiple layers of stone between the room and the outside. Looking up to Tasty Twist, she said, “Sounds like it’s started. Tartarus be damned, they better not get hurt.”
“All we can do is hope, Cotton,” Twist responded. “Ah, here we go.” A moment later, the timer went off again. “Next batch is ready.”
“Good,” Cotton replied. “So are these.” She put the last ball of dough on the tray in front of her, then added it to a set of four trays.
With a smile and a shake of his head, Twist said, “I have no idea how you do that so quickly, Cotton. You really need to teach me.”
Cotton smirked. “Sorry, Twist, this can’t be taught.”
“Bah,” Twist responded, taking the next batch of finished cookies out of the ovens and placing them with the others. “I’ll get it out of you one day,” he chuckled, putting in the next set of trays.
“You wish,” Cotton responded, sticking her tongue out at him with a smirk. After the brief moment of levity, Cotton once again focused on her cookie preparations. “Damn, I wish I could see what’s going on out there. I still think we should’ve asked Uncle Discord to help.”
“Sorry, m’dear, but they won’t let me.”
Twist flinched at the sound and saw Discord perched on top of Cotton’s mane, leaning over the front to look her in the eye.
Cotton made no such reaction; she just smirked, blowing upward out the side of her mouth and causing Discord to fly up into the air. He opened an umbrella as he floated back down to her shoulder. “What are you doing here, Unc?”
“Well, I was sitting up on the hill ready to watch the battle with a simply marvelous view,” he replied, tossing a piece of popcorn from a conjured bag and catching it in his mouth, “but I heard you’d like to do the same.”
“I’m a little busy here, Unc,” Cotton responded in slight annoyance.
“My, how fresh,” Discord said, waving his paw at her. “That doesn’t mean you can’t have a little something in the background.” After growing back to his normal size to float in the air above Cotton’s head, he snapped his eagle talons, and the cabinets in front of her disappeared, a television suddenly replacing them on the wall with a black-and-white moving picture of the castle’s rear gates. As a remote appeared in Discord’s claw, he added, “I don’t understand why these things don’t come standard with color. Must be an add-on.” With a snap of his paw, colors from the full spectrum of the rainbow filled up the screen. “Ah, much better.”
Cotton looked up at him and smiled. “Thanks, Unc.” She kept rolling dough onto another set of trays, then turned around as she realized something. “Hey Twist, can you do me a favor?”
Twist shook himself out of the daze Discord’s antics put him in. He replied, “Of course, Cotton. What would you like me to do?”
Pointing to the collection of finished cookies, she said, “Could you put all of those together? I’m gonna need the trays—this is our last one. Don’t we have a huge platter somewhere?”
Walking next to the counter beside the finished sweets, the stallion surveyed the stock and replied, “Well, not big enough to hold all of the cookies you’re planning to bake at once, but we have several large ones that cou—”
Suddenly, one of Cotton’s cookies lifted into the air and stretched to impossible dimensions. Enlarging to the size of a table for two, it grew a set of support legs and curved into the shape of a shallow bowl, then landed gently right beside Tasty Twist, light dancing across its new, glossy sheen. “How’s that?” Discord asked, still hovering above Cotton’s head.
Rubbing his eyes, Twist nodded and replied, “That’ll do.” Then he started transferring the cookies into the table-bowl.
Cotton smiled. “Thanks, Unc.”
Lowering himself to the floor, Discord bowed and responded, “You’re quite welcome, m’dear.” He twisted his neck in a knot so he could look back at the platter, then unraveled himself as he lay his head on Cotton’s shoulder. “So, mon petit chef…” He licked his lips, then snapped his talons, and another one of the cookies appeared in his claw. “May I?”
Cotton nodded and smiled again. “Bon appétit.” Turning to her assistant, she added, “You too, Twist, if you want. You’ve been a huge help, whether you thought it or not.”
Tasty Twist’s eyebrows rose as the corners of his muzzle lifted. “Don’t mind if I do, Cotton. Thank you.”
“Of course.”
Twist picked up a cookie and brought it to his muzzle, then closed his eyes and took a bite, savoring the flavor as much as possible as his face melted into a state of bliss. When he opened his eyes, he found Discord mere inches away from him, holding the same expression as he also chewed. Twist would have flinched like before, but he was too lost in chocolate ecstasy to react. Cotton just giggled at the two of them.
After a moment of silence, Cotton gestured to the television and asked, “Hey Unc, any chance you could get me a better view of my dad? I can only see the tip of his wing over on the right.”
Swallowing his delectable dessert, Discord floated back over to Cotton and replied, “I think so. Let me check the guide.” Hitting a button on his remote, a list of channels appeared on the screen, and he began scrolling through them. “No… no… yes, but no… ah, here we go. PBS.” With a snort, he added, “They still don’t know the difference between a dragon and a dinosaur.”
Hitting another button, the television showed a split second of static, then a clear view of Spike and Celestia fighting nearly back to… tail filled the screen. “And those little bipeds just look so weird,” Discord continued. “I swear they’re all tone-deaf.”
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I don't get the ending.
After all, Spike hasn't looked like or been the size of Barney for what, 80 years? So Discord's joke makes less sense to me than usual.
9627653
Don't look too much into it. It wasn't so much about size as it was color. Besides, it's Discord. Since when does anything he says make sense?
9627653
He still has the same colors as Barney.
9627683
A lot of the time, actually. A least, makes sense when you consider his perspective. here though...
9627704
I tell you I'll pick you up at your house with my car. A bit later a repainted school bus shows up. You going to assume it's me?
If the joke had taken place 80 years ago, i'd have chuckled, now though the scale is so different the joke fall flat.
B A R N E Y
9627747
Hey, you know what? Ya can't win 'em all. If a joke fell flat, it fell flat. I know I'm not perfect, and I appreciate the criticism.
Is the last one referencing Telitubbies?
To me it didn’t run flat but it wasn’t the greatest. Can’t win them all.
Are we just going to ignore the cookie tray that hold cookies that's more than likely still edible? Can anyone say yum 😋
I was born in the year 2000. Do I get a pass?
9629147
Hmm......
If you were born in July or later, then yes.
9629201
April. I hadn't even heard of Barney until I was 10.
9627824
Now that I think about it, it could have been, and frankly I think that would've been funnier. They aren't directly related to Spike/Barney, though, so that wasn't my intention. I was talking about the kids that were supposed to have played with Barney. I never liked any of them, especially when they sang.
9629241
I dunno... Barney was an icon of 90's kids' shows. But sure. Just like the attempted joke, ya can't win 'em all.
9630940
Yeah but still a good reference either way i really love this story so thanks
Discord can never find good help these days XD
Barney ... now that's a blast of nostalgia. One of the first meme parody songs I ever heard as kid (Let's Kill Barney), other than the always famous Batman Smells.
Damn you for putting that song in my head. My sister and neice loved the show I couldn't stand it so now I have the song pop up every time I think of that blasted thing.