Chapter Twenty-Three - Honor and Offer
While Spike, Stella, Celestia, Luna, and Twilight all spoke amongst themselves at one of the tables in the ballroom, Cotton asked Largo to put on some soft music. Largo obliged, giving her a chance to grab Steadclaw unexpectedly by the arm and drag him onto the dance floor to have their own slow dance before the guests arrived.
The princesses and parents engaged in a lively conversation, every now and then pointing at the dancing teens. Steadclaw’s attention veered over towards them more than once. Each time, Cotton put her hoof to his cheek and swiveled his head back in her direction. “Hey, eyes over here, silly. Of course they’re talking about us; that shouldn’t bother you. It’s the whole reason your mom is here in the first place,” she chuckled.
“Look who’s talking,” Steadclaw laughed. “I saw you dance harder at your birthday party. I didn’t take you for a slow dancer—why’re you holding out?”
Cotton reached out and kissed him lightly. “Just shut up and dance with me while we’ve got the floor to ourselves,” she giggled. “We’ll have time to make fools of ourselves later.”
“Well, if that’s how you want it…” Steadclaw replied, before calling up to the stage, “Hey Largo, you have any of The King in that stash of yours?” Cotton cocked a brow at him before looking in Largo’s direction herself.
Largo dug through his collection of vinyls. “I believe I do. You wanna stick to slow?” When Steadclaw nodded, Largo grinned. “Ahh, you’re asking for that one, aren’t you?”
“Heh, yeah. Any chance you can turn the vocals down a bit?”
“That I can,” Largo responded, lighting his horn and casting a spell on his equipment. “Alrighty then, lovebird, serenade away.” There was a quick scratching sound as he swapped his records, before a light piano tune began.
Recognizing the music herself, Cotton blushed.
“Hopefully I’m not about to make a fool of myself right now,” Steadclaw said, clearing his throat before catching the music cue. “Wiiiiiiiiise geeeeeeeeents saaaaaaaaay…”
Ж
“Ooooh, that was so sweet!” Twilight cooed, as Steadclaw finished singing, and Cotton, close to tears, kissed him on the beak. When Celestia glanced over at Twilight with a smirk and an arched brow, Twilight responded, “What? Princess Cadance isn’t here—somebody has to pick up the slack.”
“Indeed,” Luna chuckled. Turning to Stella, she added, “Thy son is quite the romantic.”
Stella sighed with a smile. “You know, he’s been humming that song to himself for months. I had no idea why until now.”
“He’s got quite the singing voice,” Spike said. “He would’ve made a nice addition to the Pony-Tones… if they were still active.” He let out a nostalgic sigh. After a moment, Spike shook himself from his reverie and looked at the clock. “Oop! It’s almost time! We should be prepared for any early arrivals.” The words had hardly left his mouth when the main hall knocker rang out. “Can I call ‘em, or can I call ‘em?” he added with a smirk, moving to rise from the floor next to the table.
“I’ll greet the guests. They’ve already seen me on the school grounds anyway,” Twilight said as she rose from her seat, gesturing for Spike to stay put. When she saw Cotton and Steadclaw racing towards the main hall, she added, “Besides, that’s likely Cotton’s friends.”
As Twilight followed Cotton and Steadclaw, Luna asked Celestia, “Sister, should we not be serving the refreshments as well?”
“Not yet. If I recall how these functions work, we should let the students mingle and dance a bit first, then bring out the food after about a half-hour. Princess Twilight has everything planned, so let’s leave the details to her.”
“Agreed,” Luna responded. “Well then, perhaps we ought to…” She waved a hoof around, trying to think of the proper phrase. “…make ourselves scarce?” She looked over at Spike. “After all, with Princess Twilight serving as planner, We believe Sir Spike is chaperone enough to keep the students on their best behavior, let alone Our Royal Guards.”
Celestia tapped her chin. “Hmm, you’re probably right. A house-sized dragon, Royal Guards, and three princesses as chaperones might make the students uneasy. Besides, when the clock strikes, you’ll have foals’ dreams to keep track of.”
“Indeed,” Luna deadpanned. “Whilst mostly boring, even foals have nightmares on occasion.”
“Uh, P-Princesses, if you don’t mind my interruption,” Stella interjected, glancing at Spike, “I would be happy to stay and chaperone with Spike if you’d like.”
Luna smiled. “‘Tis a kind offer of thee. An extra set of eyes is always helpful, as long as Sir Spike takes no issue.”
“Not at all,” Spike responded with a smile of his own. “If Princesses Celestia and Luna plan to limit their presence, it would be nice to have some company, seeing as the guards will be at their posts, and my sister will be running around like a crazy-pony.”
Ж
Steadclaw and Cotton parted lips just as the knocker rang. Glancing at the clock on the far wall, Steadclaw remarked, “Who would be coming early? Other than me, obviously.”
“I can think of three fillies,” Cotton chuckled. She released Steadclaw’s grip on her hooves to fall back on all fours, then waved her head towards the castle entrance. “Come on, let’s go let ‘em in.”
As Cotton rushed toward the main hall, Twilight rose from where the adults were chatting and followed them.
When she and Steadclaw reached the main doors, Cotton found somepony she wasn’t expecting reaching for the door. “Novamac! What are you doing here?”
“Ah’m on duty,” he replied simply, smiling as his hoof hovered in the air.
“As doorpony?” Cotton asked. “That’s not very fair. Your shift should be over by now; do you want me to talk to my dad?”
“No need, cousin. Ah volunteered.”
“To be doorpony?” Cotton responded, arching a brow.
“Co-doorpony,” a female voice said from above, before a noctis landed between them.
“Nightshade!” Cotton exclaimed. In an instant, the cogs started turning in Cotton’s head. “Hey, isn’t this a breach of protocol?” she teased.
“Only if we weren’t already married,” Nightshade replied with a smirk. “Besides, it was your dad’s idea—gives us some extra time together after all of the guests have arrived.” She walked up to Novamac and gave him a brief kiss. “Our off-hours don’t overlap very often.” Turning to Steadclaw, she said, “So this is the griffon I’ve been hearing about, huh? We haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet. Come over here, we need to chat.”
“Go easy on him, Nightshade, he’s already impressed Dad and the Aunts,” Cotton laughed, as Nightshade pulled Steadclaw aside. “Here, I’ll get the door, Nova,” she added.
“N’ muss up yer dress? Ain’t happenin’, Cuz. You jus’ stand there and look pretty,” he said with a wink, pulling the door open.
Once the door opened, Cotton saw Harmony Wishes. She wore a wide grin, and a glossy yellow dress complimenting the streaks in her mane, which sat styled in an elaborate bun behind her head. Harmony took one look at Cotton and let out a gasp. “Oh my gosh! Cotton you look amazing! I totally want to hug you but I’d mess up your mane!”
Cotton giggled. “Don’t worry, it’s not going anywhere. C’mere.” She leaned forward and gave Harmony a hug, glancing behind her to find a stallion standing in front of the door of a large black carriage pulled by nine other stallions, one of the hitches unlatched. “You took a luxury carriage?”
“Yeah, the six of us all pooled together evenly so we could arrive in style,” Harmony responded with a smirk.
“Actually… Harmony was nice enough to chip in some extra for me. I couldn’t—”
“Shhh! Cee, nopony needs to know! I was happy to,” Harmony said, nudging a zebra colt trotting up to stand next to her. He wore a faded suit jacket that matched the gray of his striped mane, which had been combed over to one side.
“Hey, I see you in the library a lot,” Cotton said. “You’re… Catalyst, right?”
“Strange Catalyst,” he replied. “Not surprising you’d see me in there. I usually am when I’m not in class. It’d be nice if they’d let me use the science lab, though.”
“Did somepony say ‘science lab’?” Twilight asked, trotting toward the door. As Harmony and Strange Catalyst bowed to her, she blushed slightly. “Oh, right. Um, welcome to Canterlot Castle! It’s a pleasure to have you all here.”
“Thank you for having us, Your Highness,” Harmony responded, as she and her escort made their way inside. Looking over her shoulder, she said, “Ah, the rest of the crew is catching up.”
“We only had to catch up because you galloped out of the carriage to reach the door first,” Flarechaser called as she approached the door, a white-coated pegasus colt with a white suit jacket trotting beside her.
“Says the filly who dressed up for a funeral,” Harmony retorted.
“Hey, black goes good with my coat and my mane,” Flarechaser shot back. “What can I say? Red and orange are a good pair.”
“Well,” Strange Catalyst corrected her. “Black goes we—”
“Chill, grammar na-zebra,” Flarechaser grunted. “We’re not in school.”
“But…” The zebra retreated a step further into the castle. “I was just—”
“Don’t worry about it, Cee,” Harmony told him. “Flare’s just a hothead.”
As they approached, Flarechaser whispered to her escort, “Flick, I told you take that off!”
The colt swiped a silver hairband off his head and whispered back, “Oh right, sorry!” as his straight, silver mane dropped down to his shoulders and just over his eyes.
Flarechaser bowed to Twilight, expecting her escort to do the same, but when she glanced over at him, he was attacking his own mane. “Dammit, Flick…” she muttered under her breath.
“I told you to just let him wear it, Flare,” Daisy giggled, trotting up behind them alongside a pale yellow earth pony stallion in a navy suit-vest. Bowing, she said, “Good evening, Your Highness. Thank you for having us.” Glancing at the condition of her own date, she shuffled her light blue dress aside and brushed at his mane. “Why couldn’t you do something different with your hair, Sprout? This is a formal event!”
“Geez, no wonder ponies think we’re siblings,” the colt grumbled. “Not much else to do with a ‘hawk, ya know. Uh, good evening, Your Highness,” he chuckled nervously, attempting to bow to Twilight. “Hey, Cotton! Looking good!”
Cotton laughed. “Hey, Cactus Sprout! Thanks, you too!” Turning to Flarechaser, Cotton asked her, “Flare, is that Flicka Ring?”
Flarechaser deadpanned, “Yes…” Just as Flicka Ring bit at his mane, she cried, “Fine, fine, you can wear the tiara! Just stop biting your hair!” She grabbed the hairband out of his jacket pocket and rearranged his mane before shoving it back on his head. The colt grinned before he found himself in front of Twilight, then he fumbled on his hooves for a moment before bowing.
When Twilight looked over at Cotton with a raised eyebrow, she responded, “First year at the Canterlot Hive.” When Twilight’s mouth formed a large ‘o’, Cotton giggled, “Yeah, he’s still… kind of adjusting.” Looking over at Daisy, who was still trying to fix her date’s hair, Cotton chuckled, “Daisy, chill out before he—” She grasped her muzzle, then burst out laughing. “Before he whips out his cactus and gives you a good prick!”
Twilight’s and Cactus Sprout’s faces both burned bright red as the girls cackled. Even Strange Catalyst struggled to hold in a snicker.
Flicka Ring looked at the guffawing fillies for a moment before flatly stating, “I don’t get it.”
Flarechaser nearly choked. “Two seconds into the night, and already any chance of formality has been utterly shattered!” she cried.
At that moment, Steadclaw made his way over to the group and found most of them in tears. Novamac still stood holding the door, smirking to himself, with only his professionalism keeping him in check. “Aw Grover, what did I miss?”
A still red-faced Cactus Sprout answered, “Ahhh… let’s just say Cotton has a way with words. Which were used at my expense.”
Steadclaw put a claw to his mouth and let out a brief chuckle. “‘Nuff said.”
“Benefit of being early arrivals!” Harmony shouted through her laughter. “Non-judgemental dirty talk in front of the awesome princess!”
Flicka Ring looked around at the fillies trying to catch their breath. “…I still don’t get it…”
Ж
“…and I’m so close to finding the right chemical combination to turn lead into gold that I can almost taste it!” Strange Catalyst cried over the din of the dance music, standing next to the punch bowl on the far end of the room. “If only I could get more time in the science lab!”
“…Uhhhhhh-huh,” Buckwheat responded, finishing his glass of punch and setting it down on the table. “Frankly, I haven’t got an inkling of a clue about what you’ve been talking about for the past five minutes, but you sound like you’re working your flank off, so good luck.” He brushed a hoof over his crew-cut mane, then made his way back to the dance floor.
In the center of the crowd, four fillies, two colts, and one griffon danced to their hearts’ content. “Dang, Cotton! Your cousin puts together a hot playlist!” Daisy shouted.
“Just as hot as Cotton’s birthday!” Steadclaw screamed back to her. Watching Cotton dance like a maniac, he pointed at her and belted, “Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!”
Cotton laughed. “What can I say? It’s more fun in a group!”
As the song faded out, the students heard Largo’s voice over the microphone. “Alright you crazy party-lovers, let’s ease up for just a minute and let you catch your breath. I’m gonna give some of the romantic colts out there a chance to serenade their fillies. I’ve only got one mic, so you’ll have to share,” he said, hovering his microphone toward the crowd in his aura after casting another vocal reduction spell on his equipment. He then started a song with a softer, scattered pendulum of notes with a background chorus of ‘ah’s. “Who’s up first?” he asked.
Over a dozen colts flailed their hooves in the air, then Largo tossed the microphone into the crowd, just in time for a unicorn to catch it in his aura and sing the first verse to a nearby, profusely blushing filly. With all the other colts still waving their hooves around, he tossed the microphone to a pegasus just two ponies over from Cotton and her friends, allowing him to sing the second verse to his own red-faced date. When the second verse came to a close, Steadclaw rushed over and grabbed the microphone, then just as quickly zipped to Cotton’s side before he sang the chorus.
Ж
“I have to admit, I’m surprised he was willing to part with the microphone,” Stella chuckled in the rear corner of the room, sitting on Spike’s shoulder so they could converse without screaming.
“Agreed,” Spike replied with a quick laugh, which settled into a smile. “You know, Princess Luna is right; Steadclaw really is quite the romantic. He even picked the perfect segment of that song to sing to Cotton, if I do say so myself.”
“Honestly, I think any part of that song would’ve been suitable,” Stella responded with a smile, “but that chorus was rather perfect.” She let out a content sigh. “I must say, Spike, you’re wonderful company… even when you’re keeping your eyes on over a hundred children,” she laughed.
Spike panned his head around the room before he turned to smile at his shoulder’s occupant. “Likewise, Stella. Thank you for taking on the duty with me.” He took in the scene around him once again. All the students appeared to be enjoying and behaving themselves. “Hmmm… that’s strange,” he mulled.
“What’s strange?” Stella asked him.
“Well, I don’t—”
“Sir Spike!” Spike was cut off by the voice of one of the royal guards.
Turning his head toward the voice, Spike answered, “Yes? Is something amiss?” As he fixed his gaze towards the floor, he spotted two guards crossing spears behind a pair of fillies adorned with elegant dresses, various gemstones, and jewels.
“We caught these two trying to sneak onto the upper floor, sir,” the second guard responded. “Intentionally disobeying instructions to stay within the boundaries for the function. Your orders?”
“Give me a moment, gentlecolts, but hold your positions,” Spike answered, scratching his chin.
“Should I go elsewhere?” Stella whispered to him.
Spike waved a claw. “No, it’s alright, this shouldn’t take long.” Focusing on the fillies, he asked them, “What are your names?” When the fillies’ mouths opened and closed a few times, but produced no sound, Spike smirked. “What’s the matter?” He leaned in so closely that they could feel his iron-hot breath melt away what little resolve they had left. “Dragon got your tongue?” He lifted himself back up to standing height. “Let’s see, if I have to guess, based on the accessories and what Cotton’s told me…” He cocked a brow. “Would you two happen to be Gemstone and Jewel?”
Both fillies took in sharp breaths. Their bodies trembled from their styled manes to the tips of their hooves, but eventually, they simultaneously nodded their heads slowly and stammered out, “Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-es.”
“Ah, found our voices, have we? Good, we can discuss your punishment more easily that way.” Spike turned toward Stella with a smirk and asked her, “What do you think? Should we throw them in the dungeon for the night?” Gemstone and Jewel gasped.
“You could do that?” Stella responded. Spike nodded his head, maintaining his smirk. “Well, based on what I’ve heard about these two, I’d say they certainly deserve it!” she snapped, narrowing her eyes at the two of them. When the fillies’ eyes widened further, Stella softened her glare. “Still, the dungeon might be a bit extreme. And given the way they’re looking at us right now…” She smirked back at Spike. “Even with their track record, perhaps they’ve been punished enough.” Gemstone and Jewel both let out relieved sighs. “But they shouldn’t be allowed back into the festivities, if you ask me.”
“Oh, certainly not,” Spike replied. “Let’s see, where could we put you two to keep you out of trouble?”
Spike heard a quick, high-pitched hum from his shoulder. “If I may,” Stella said, “why not have these gentlecolts escort them to meet Princess Celestia? With Princess Luna on dream patrol, and Princess Twilight running the show here while you chaperone, I’d bet Princess Celestia wouldn’t mind meeting these two.” Gemstone and Jewel’s mouths went agape, then slowly lifted into small smiles as they looked at each other.
Spike cocked a brow. “That seems more like a reward than a punishment to me,” he answered. “Most ponies would give anything to have a private audience with one of the princesses.”
Stella shook her head. “Oh, I meant so they can tell the Princess themselves exactly what they did tonight, and have been doing and saying to our children at school,” she clarified. The fillies’ smiles vanished in an instant.
Spike grinned as his eyebrows rose. “Now that is an idea! I’m sure Princess Celestia would love to meet the fillies that have been bullying her niece for the past several months.”
“Uh, c-can we go to the d-dungeon instead?” Gemstone sputtered.
“Oh no, that would be much too harsh a punishment,” Spike said, holding his grin. “No, I think a simple conversation with Princess Celestia will do. The throne room is really quite comfortable.” Spike turned to the two guards. “Ravelin, you go inform Princess Celestia that I’m sending her some company to meet in the throne room. I believe she’s in her study at the moment. Bastion, you watch these two in the main hall until the Princess is ready for them. I’d also like both of you to stay with them while they speak with the Princess. I want them to admit to her everything that they’ve ever said or done to Cotton and her friends, including the changeling named Buzz that was unable to attend tonight’s function. I’ll ask Princess Celestia to relay to my daughter everything that these two tell her. If they leave out anything, I will personally see to it that Princess Luna visits them in the dreamscape no fewer than three times each within the next two weeks.”
“Yes sir!” Ravelin and Bastion replied in unison. Ravelin trotted off toward Princess Celestia’s study, while Bastion led Gemstone and Jewel—their eyes practically bulging out of their heads as they perspired—into the main hall of the castle.
As the guards trotted off with their charges, Spike looked back to Stella with a wide grin. “If that doesn’t get those two off our children’s backs, maybe I will throw them in the dungeon, but that was a great idea.”
Stella laughed. “Thank you, but if I may ask, why would Princess Luna need to visit them more than once if she’s just going to give them a stern talking-to?”
“A stern talking-to? Oh, you’re adorable,” Spike chuckled, as Stella whacked him in the back of his head with her wing.
“I thought knights knew better than to hit on a married molly!” Stella chided him.
Spike laughed, “I’m a widower of thirteen years. I need to keep my flirting skills fresh—I’m still only in my nineties, after all.” He let out another chuckle, then a brief sigh. “I just hope Cotton won’t be upset about this.”
“Why would she be?” Stella asked him.
“Well…” Spike shrugged his unoccupied shoulder. “She prefers dealing with these things herself; she doesn’t like getting special treatment just because she’s related to royalty.”
Stella let out a small hum. “I guess I can understand that.” She turned to Spike and smiled. “Cotton really is such a sweet girl. From one parent to another, you’ve done an incredible job.”
Spike returned the smile with a hint of a blush. “Thank you. And your son is quite chivalrous. Of all the griffons I’ve ever met, you two truly are—” He cut himself off and furrowed his brows. “You know, that reminds me. Do you know why Steadclaw is the only griffon student here? It’s what I noticed earlier. I recall Cotton mentioning something about none of the other griffons besides Steadclaw being in school since last week. She said he didn’t know the reason.”
Stella let out a sigh. “Oh, yes. Well, Griffonia has been holding a tournament for the next coronation. It should be over by next week. All griffons were invited to attend, but only those of ‘royal blood’ were allowed to compete for the crown. We’re the only griffons here from Griffonstone that I know of, and since our family doesn’t have any royal ties, I decided we shouldn’t go. Especially since their final exams are coming up.”
Spike nodded. “Ah, I understand. But why leave Steadclaw in the dark?”
“Oh, he likely would’ve wanted to go and watch,” Stella replied. “Considering the experience we’ve had with Griffonians, I’m sure he would’ve loved to see them rip each other to shreds, but it would’ve been two weeks of Steadclaw’s education lost, and for what? Some temporary satisfaction in watching those snobs try to maim each other?” She let out a small grunt. “Despite how tempting it may be, I’d rather not. Since Griffonstone is Equestrian territory, I honestly have no interest in what happens in Griffonia, but Steadclaw would’ve been upset if I’d said he couldn’t go to the tournament, so I decided not to tell him about it.” Stella looked out at the dance floor and spotted her son dancing with Cotton. “Now, instead of acting glum because he’s missing that silly brawl, he’s happily dancing with your daughter.” She grinned and turned to Spike. “Wouldn’t you agree that’s the better alternative?”
Spike let a smile play upon his muzzle. “Yes, yes I would.”
Ж
Still perching on Spike’s shoulder as the last of the students filed out of the ballroom and toward the castle exit, Stella asked him, “Well, other than that little hiccup with those two brats, I’d say the evening went quite smoothly. What about you?”
Spike glanced at the ponies cleaning up the carcass of the party. “All things considered, I’d say I agree with you,” Spike said, with a hint of a yawn. “Although I would—” He stopped, then looked around the ballroom. “Where’s Cotton?”
Stella looked around the room. “I’m not sure. And I don’t see Steadclaw eith—” Her eyes widened.
“Hold on tight,” Spike said, before giving a quick beat of his wings to propel himself to the main hall. With Stella holding onto his shoulder for dear life, Spike came to a screeching halt at the stairway, where he found Cotton and Steadclaw attempting to sneak up the stairs. “And just where do you think you’re going?”
Cotton and Steadclaw visibly tensed before they turned around to find their respective parents. “Uuuhhhhhh… I was just… showing Steadclaw where the bathroom was?” Cotton said.
Spike looked at Bastion and Ravelin, standing on either side of the stairway. “You two seriously believed that?”
Beads of sweat dripped down both guards’ faces. “It sounded like an honest reason to us, sir,” Ravelin replied.
“You know… when duty calls,” Bastion added. Spike put a claw to his face and shook his head.
Steadclaw gulped, then called to his mother, “Hey… Ma… you look pretty tired. I, uh, can wait until we get home. Why don’t we head out?”
Looking at Spike, Stella said, “Well, you can’t blame him for trying to find some way out.”
“Do you prefer your children raw or well-done?” Spike asked her.
Stella cocked a brow at him. “Sorry?” Spike then proceeded to puff out a small flame from the other side of his mouth. Stella’s eyes bulged, then she quickly responded, “Raw, definitely raw.”
“Then you might want to leave for the night.” Spike’s firm expression faded momentarily as he said, “It was a pleasure speaking with you tonight, Stella. I hope we get to do it again sometime soon.”
“Likewise, Spike,” Stella responded. “You’re wonderful company.”
“Thank you,” he said with a smile. Said smile was quickly replaced with a glare in Steadclaw’s direction. “Now unless you’d like to have a roasted—”
“GOT IT! LEAVING!” Steadclaw shouted. He and Cotton shared a brief kiss, then he hopped from the stairs and glided to the doors. “C’mon, Mom!”
Stella couldn’t help but chuckle as she turned around on Spike’s shoulder to face the doors. “That’s one way to make our children behave. Have a good night!” She glided to the doors as well before escorting Steadclaw out. As the doors closed, Spike could hear their voices from outside.
“Are you out of your mind?”
“She was leading me upstairs! Totally legit! Besides, I came prepared!”
“Excuse me?!”
“Hey! They always tell us at school to be safe!”
“…You’re incredibly lucky I’m not leaving you here to get cooked. Still, I can’t believe those guards actually believed Cotton’s ‘bathroom’ reasoning.”
“Oh no, they knew what we were trying to do. They just made sure I was stocked before they let us go. I hope they stay on stair duty.”
When the voices faded away, Spike turned his ear from the door and stared at Cotton, who was slowly backing up the staircase in an attempt to escape an inevitable beratement. “What have you got to say for yourself, young lady?”
“Uhhh… What a great night! I’m bushed!” Cotton replied. “I’m gonna—”
“You know what I meant.”
“Um…”
“You haven’t been together long enough,” Spike said. “If he’s willing to stick around for a lifetime, then you two can start talking about rolling in the hay. You should talk to the castle doctor first, though. Your mother and I did the same; interspecies relationships can be tricky. There are certain risks involved.”
“…Risks?” Cotton asked with a quaver.
“Oh yes, quite so,” Spike replied. “Both of you should talk to the doctor about getting checked.”
“Checked for what? We’d be safe! Besides, we’re both virg—”
Spike cut her off with a wave of his claw. “Don’t ask me. I had a different interspecies relationship. Just get checked, you’ll be much better off. Trust me, I’m an adult.”
“Umm… o…kayyy,” Cotton replied.
“Good. There are more things to keep in mind than whether or not a hippogriffon starts running around.” His expression darkened. “And please remember, if that does happen, there’ll be a roasted chicken to go with it. Got it?”
“…Yes, Daddy.”
Spike then glared down at Bastion and Ravelin. “And you two are never on stairway duty ever again.”
“Y-yes, sir,” they both responded.
…Not gonna say anything about that last scene. I’ll let you all take care of those comments. 
Anyway, you guys can thank Tatsurou for giving me the idea to have Steadclaw sing Bruno Mars to Cotton. That (and an old misinterpreted note from Crystal Moose’s outline, which was supposed to reference a ‘40s song by Jo Stafford) also gave me the idea to have him go Elvis beforehand.
Also, huge thanks to Magical Trevor, Tatsurou, and Topaz Moon for their OC submissions of Strange Catalyst, Flicka Ring, and Cactus Sprout, respectively, as well as Thistle for Buckwheat’s cameo (I didn’t expect to be able to work in a cameo so quickly)! I hope I did them all justice, and apologies to Topaz for letting Cactus Sprout be the butt of a terrible innuendo. 
Love you, Topaz! 
And of course, I can’t forget to give props to Crystal Moose for giving me some fun ideas for this chapter, primarily Spike’s flirting with Stella, as well as his “Dragon got your tongue?” line and the idea of Cotton and Steadclaw ‘getting checked’ first because of ‘risks.’
Oh, and I definitely have to give one of the other kings of innuendo and double entendres—my wonderful editor, Shahrazad—full credit for the chapter title. I don’t know if it gave away what was going to happen, but it was too good to pass up. Hopefully you aren’t just getting it now that I’ve brought attention to it. 
PS: I couldn't resist "grammar na-zebra." Sorry. 
Stats
Page generated in 0.042 seconds
Total duration
643 users online
732,985 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
media.tenor.co/images/963de6e1b804ff50a0fcd2268e64bd13/raw
Even Equestria has grammar purists.
Okay, this chapter was hilarious all around. Steadclaw is such a romantic, and those songs were perfect. And you did a great job with Flick. Him attacking his own mane was priceless!
I admit, when I originally conceived of him, I didn't realize Changelings would already be integrated in this story, and once that happened I was uncertain how he would work...but the idea of this being his coping mechanism for 'first year jitters' by trying to 'infiltrate' - and failing miserably - was both hilarious and adorable!
8104690 Awesome! Thank you!
Flick was definitely fun to write, as was the inclusion of the songs (thank you for the idea, BTW 
).
Speaking of the songs , there's actually a third reference in there if you didn't catch it the first time (I added a step-by-step in the linked blog). It's subtle at first, but if you know it, you'd catch the title easily when it's blatantly spoken.
8104663
Eyyyup.
8104436
Thank you! And thank you for your restraint.
8104435
m.popkey.co/ccf29a/pDb38_s-200x150.gif
Man, I've always wanted to use that gif.
And then this happens...
guardiantree12.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/al-disappearing.jpg
"Huh, so adding humans to the combination doesn't turn out so well... my bad!"
The entendre would have gone over his head as well, but that's alright. Half of his backstory doesn't work in Equestria, so any irregularities in his personality I'm mostly ignoring, lol. About all you need to do is make sure he takes everything literally, even if it's a detriment.
8105631 Dammit, I forgot about that.
Personally, though, I think having a second clueless character would have detracted from the humor. I don't know if Strange Catalyst will make another appearance, but if he does, I'll keep those notes in mind. Thanks! 
There goes that abuse of royal connections, again...
Yay! Update!!!!!
And I loved how Twilight got all nerdgasmy over someone mentioning 'Science Lab'. I bet she'd love to give someone some Twilight Time, like she did with the CMC. Especially if they are going for something as interesting as turning lead to gold. (And I meant none of that sexually XD.). Still good chapter, and funny ending. I look forward to seeing what happens between Celestia and the Bullies, as well as if Strange Catalyst get's some screen time.
8105083
8106218
Well, you do need to keep in mind that Rarity's death wasn't a natural one. Despite that, though, Crystal Moose does have a headcanon (that I share) that between the three species, pegasi have shorter lifespans, while unicorns and Earth ponies are kind of neck-and-neck. Aura magic (I specify because we know all three species have their own kind of magic) helps unicorns with their lifespans, but a particularly healthy Earth pony could most certainly outlive a unicorn (hence the Apple clan). I mean, if we look at some of the facts that the show has dropped, can you imagine how old Granny Smith must be canonically?
Dammit, I forgot to go back to the right chapter again...
8105703 No worries, I understood once I saw why you needed who was ignorant for a reason, lol. Like I said, this is an AU Strange Catalyst anyway, so I'm not upset much at all, lol.
For anyone who cares, here's how he looks:
orig00.deviantart.net/7684/f/2017/109/4/2/my_by_lou1911-db6dr46.png
I'm surprised you didn't have the bully that locked her up try to crash the party. Then all the carnevores could of had a Roasted snack. ?????
I stopped reading this a few months ago, glad it's still around.
Pfft that last part.
8107969 still feels criminal on celestia and lunas part, and your use of lingo does make sense but then it comes around to bite you.
gem and jewel may have noble blood but they do not excersize a noble title at this time, nor do they posses important state buisness or clearance for such actions. they therefore moved onto restricted crown property without permission after being specificaly ordered not to. by law there has to be a punishment worse thena stern talking to for them as well. there is no mitigating circumstances that save the fact they committed a crime thats technically against the crown itself. if they can't forgive a joke on buzz's part for fear of the image it sets, they are equaly obligated not to forgive those two for fear of setting the president of allowing anyone to walk into there private area with nothing less then a hard lecture and a finger wag.
so you set your own president here, if celestia lets those two walk out of the palace after there actions it is implying favoritism of one species over the other.
8108658 A few things to say/ask based on this comment:
Yes, it would, but I stand by the decision, however unfair it may seem to some.
How so? I'm genuinely curious here. And which lingo? You mean 'digging his hole and lying in it'?
This is a very good point, and I thank you for bringing it up. I was actually unsure how to address this later on, but you just gave me an idea. Thank you for the help!
Also, please see PM.
8106218 pretty sure deaths afraid of pinkie pie as well, she is essentially his opposite number.
img.pandawhale.com/post-58564-peter-griffin-ah-ah-he-said-it-mwAt.gif
i.imgur.com/aEFcWxy.gif
8114747 I dont think it would be damged easly but i can understand wanting to keep it safe and used for more specieal occation. But anothe question. what where the bullies plan exactly? did they plan on sneaking away to meat some one important. sneaking into Cottans room for a prank or mess up her stuff? if they wanted to steal and ended stealing the fire ruby i could see thing going south very quickly
X-(
8115490 Well, Cotton shot this remark at them back in chapter twelve...
...so you kind of got it around your various questions: they were trying to find Cotton's room. What they were actually going to do is for your own imagination to decide.
Another amazing chapter! Loved the bit at the end too!
There is one thing I hoped would have happened though, and that's with the zebra Catylyst. I was hoping to see some interaction between him and twilight. I think that would be something you could include in the future if you wanted to. Nerds unite and all.
I think I will like the couple next chapters unless we don't get enought medical details...
You know, I'm really enjoying this story. Cotton is adorable and I can't help but see her trying to sneak off with her beau. Young love can be kinda stupid, and you're doing a fantastic job of showing that side with the sweet side.
8120851
), I personally just love Flicka Ring's personality, and Cactus Sprout has a lot of potential. Three great characters from three great people, so they might end up getting some more screen time after all.
Thank you!
There really wasn't much opportunity for Strange Catalyst and Twilight to interact. She only saw him upon his entrance, then had to run the dance. I wasn't really intending on bringing any of those three OCs back on any permanent basis, but I guess I'll see what happens from here on out; some have said they'd like to see more of Strange Catalyst (I'm looking at you, 8106347
8121318
Sorry to say, but you'll need to wait a little bit for that.
8121519
Thank you very much! I've been trying to balance the sweetness and the comedy appropriately—along with Spike's parental 'interference'—so it sounds like I'm succeeding!
8121682 I can wait. Just make sure the medical aspect get nerdly enough explained...
8121682
W00T! Thanks ^_^.
8121693 Ehh... no guarantees.
I'm no Twilight. 
8121776 I haven't noticed.
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/600x315/d9/51/8a/d9518a5a31f8bf4b039bad2fe5791b1a.jpg
8121682 Alright thanks for responding. Yeah I thought all the new characters were really great keep up the good work!!
8106404
At least 300+. Twilight specifically states that Ponyville's been doing Winter Wrap-Up that particular way for several hundred years. Then we learn that Granny helped found Ponyville. Not a 'couple' hundred years, giving argument for '200', but several - suggesting 300+. On top of that, Canterlot was just a castle and a collection of tents at the time, and building a city that large and extravagant had to take 'TIME' with a capital everything.
Is it just me or is one o the characters based off of Newton because he died because of lead fumes while trying to turn lead into gold. Or am I thinking of a different person.
8279341
I don't know if it was Newton, but any similarities were completely unintentional. Strange Catalyst was an OC whose appearance, personality, and interests were given to me. I included the 'turning lead into gold' thing because it's basically the only thing about alchemy that I know about, and that was purely because of an old episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
8104663
This has the disturbing implication that zebras once went conquer the world a while ago.
Ok I will admit I didn't get the title innuendo till now soooo yeah. Good one