I am not contained between my hat and my boots.
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Tired of waiting for something to happen in the sleepy town of Ponyville, Discord ventures off into the Everfree Forest, looking for some entertainment. He gets more than he bargained for, though, when he finds a visitor from our world, Jesus.
This is probably the only fiction you'll ever find written in the 'first person omniscient' perspective. I'd say it's worth a read just for that!
Many thanks to DeathRiseRobo for proofreading and pointing out the stupid mistakes I made.
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Nice story!
I'm glad you got it all set up. Friday it is, then!
Oh, and you want to do a writing collab project sometime?
3196568
Hm, why yes, I would like to try a collab project. I've never done one before.
Ironically, my first fic started as a collab, but then I left it and spun off on my own because I had too many good ideas that didn't fit in the group's premise.
It should be Zoidberg Jesus! XD
Shall read soonish.
This is hilarious. Just on the premise alone. Fav'd.
3199139
A bit unkosher, perhaps... but why not?
3199152
I was tempted to, really... but I just couldn't work it in credibly.
3199182
Now that's what I like to hear.
I tell you what, I could not stop laughing! Supremely hilarious! Faving and linking, oh so very much!
3199233
Thanks!
3199294 You're welcome! I'm also reading "The Clothes make the Mare." Very interesting…!
I'm a christian, so just one question: will I find this offensive?
3199326
Of course not.
Oh no.
sequal? i thought jesus wasn't that bad felt it went a little over board on him he wasn't doing anything to wrong to deserve prison garden decoration treatment. think they would try to "reform" him later on?
3199375
...can't help but feel that's a sarcastic smile.
3199387
Sure why not?
How about Discord Finds Mohammed?
3199399
In the end, only you can tell if you'll be offended or not.
Yup, that was a sarcastic smile
.
Well, other than feeling...slightly offended I found no real legitimate reason to give this a dislike, so I'll just leave it be.
3199422 no need to get discord stoned again so soon. this story putting an ouch to my species feelings.
just be careful religion is like a time bomb careful what ya write alright?
3199326
you should be relatively clear. there are a few attributes, but little more.
offensive...
3199432
3199810
Oh come on... I gave a very flattering portrait. What is there to be offended about?
3199469
I like time bombs.
3199778
Yay! More repeat readers!
3199915
well for one, your saying jesus is in equestria, and then is set in stone! WHY WOULD HE BE SET IN STONE!?!?
But if he doesn't know what it's like to be startled, then he isn't all-knowing.
PARADOX
Anyway, amusing at first, but I can't help but overanalyze one bit. Specifically, lesbianism is never explicitly condemned in the Bible. Leviticus forbids man lying with man, but that's part of the Old Testament. So, much like eating pork, being gay is wrong only if you're Jewish.
In any case, I have to wonder: if Equestria is part of the Invisible Pink Unicorn's universe, then what's the cosmos of the Flying Spaghetti Monster like?
3199920
Celestia thought he was threatening her citizens.
Oh, that? Just a misunderstanding, really.
Why would that be offensive?
3199942
Quick! Somebody tell Jesus that!
And tell the modern church while you're at it. They still seem to be under the impression that homosexuality is wrong.
I'm not sure, but I'm guessing It'll involve pirates and global warming.
3200037
because he wouldn't do that!
3200037 You know, I know a guy who's friends with the guy who wrote "Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster".
3200037
Yes, well, if you actually knew anything about the historical person you're mocking in this little story of yours, love, you would know that Jesus of Nazareth was not the type to go around thundering fire-and-brimstone pronouncements like
To the contrary, he was all about things like "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" and simply encouraging wrongdoers to "go forth and sin no more". And he hated hypocrites (which would put a lot of the modern church leaders in some hot water with him, to be sure, were he to come back and express his opinion of what several branches of Christianity have turned into).
As for the modern Christian church considering homosexuality a sin -- yes, well, so does Islam. Do you have the stones to write a similar story putting Mohammad in the same position? I rather doubt it.
3200100
I take it as a matter of faith that He would.
3200177
Do I have the 'stones' to do this with Mohammad?
Just wait for the sequel!
3200129
You live up to your username well.
3200195
I'm an ordained minister.
(For real: Universal Life Church)
And I'm willing to offer you the Lord's forgiveness as long as you perform a penitence: thumbs-up this story.
3200334
He, would not. I feel like this might be a sin to do this with his name or try and impersonate him
3200356
First of all, I think it's highly offensive that you would challenge my faith like that.
I feel very strongly that it is something Jesus would do.
Second, yes it is a sin. It's okay though. I've already gotten forgiveness for it.
3200377
Ok then...have fun with your 'forgiveness' since jesus never outright told people to repent, but tried to sway their ways in most situations.
Damn, dude! You don't pull any punches, do you?
I'm sure CheezWhiz will forgive you, though...
3200423
I will.
Lots of fun.
John 8:14
3200424
No punches pulled here!
Nope!
3200445
you know, you kind of scare me...
3200453
Exodus 14:14
The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.
Title: Skeptical.
Relationship between Discord and Jesus: Bros before hoes.
Magic Duel: Hell Yeah!
Messing with Bon Bon and Lyra: What an asshole.
Being turned to stone: Are his arms outstreched?
Story: Comical
If ponies had thumbs...they would be up.
3200551
The magic duel was my favorite part, too.
So looking forward to a sequel if you've got one planned.
The only issue I could find where it didn't seem to line up with the facts of Jesus's existence is that he's not half-God and half-Man, but 100% of both. God and Man in one.
Apart from that, I liked all the references to His miracles, and knowing that He works within the physics of the world and doesn't break them, I liked the touch you put in there about the water flowing up through the nail holes even though He was walking on it just fine.
Also, using the situation at Sugarcube Corner to reflect His anger at the dealers in the Temple of Jerusalem, I say kudos to you!
3200801
Finally, a religious person who likes it! ^.^
(See, detractors, there's nothing to get offended about.
)
so we are this far gone...
3200873
Um... how far gone?
3201639 So far gone not even the Flying Spaghetti Monster can save us.
3201639 this far___________________________gone
.........................what where we talking about again?
Ah, I was hoping Jesus would kick their flanks, but then again he stopped Peter's sword, violence wouldnt be his style. But come on, he is the son of God, the elements should just tickle him or break before his divine presence or something.
Very nice though, funny but never truly offensive, you kept the balance perfectly.
Meh, Jesus would win.
Towards the end with the clouds I was hoping The Lord would send angels and then Equestria would convert.
319669
Alright, then! If you want to do a collab, by all means, let's do it!
We just need a topic...
3201783
Good thing we've still got the IPU!
3202419
Oh, there will be a cover image of him.
You know how to stop muslims from rioting every time that happens?
Do it every day. They can't riot every day.
3203753
Nice to see someone who can keep things in perspective.
Thanks!
3204389
But is winning His style?
3205607
But that would need 10x the word count to cover properly.
3205710
Will PM
3205905
Coming back in three days?
I am so using that in the sequel!
3206255
Yes.
3206429
No, realy. I'm serious.
The way to eventually solve the problem is to do what pisses them off continually. Nobody, not even Muslims, can keep rioting every day forever. Eventually, they'll have to stop rioting and go back to their daily lives -- despite the continued presence of offensive material. And when that happens, we -- those who value freedom over bronze age superstition -- win.
Conversely, when we allow them to dictate what we can and can't do, they win.
Besides that, personally, I'm not scared.
Hear that? I'm not scared of what they might do. Bring it on. I can take it.
3208044
That makes my day.
3208124
Oh, good. Now I've got a cover image!