Chapter 1
Queen Chrysalis, in all of her infinite wisdom, really hated what she was doing. She hated this plan with an absolute passion, and really, who could blame her? The Queen was getting ready to send her own sister into a place where their kind were not welcome. She would be considered a monster if she didn’t like this idea, and despite what Outsiders thought, she was not a monster. Honestly though, she had no choice. This was a necessary evil that just had to be done. Plain and simple. Her presence was required with the Swarm, to keep things running smoothly, and to prepare. Princess Jade was the only one Chrysalis could trust. She needed eyes and ears within Equestrian society, and there was no changeling better suited to the task than her own flesh and blood.
In due course, the Queen found herself outside the Pod Chamber. There were two guards on duty before the entrance, carefully keeping an eye on the nurses and doctors that bustled to and fro. The Pods were oft considered the peak of changeling technology, and were always protected. Chrysalis swept by the guards with nary a glance, only concerned with what lay within the room beyond. She threaded her way carefully through numerous Pods, largely ignoring the subjects who bowed before her before retreating to a safe distance. Normally she never treated her own changelings like this, but at the moment, she had much more upon her mind. At the very center of the chamber rested a much larger Pod, black wreathed in purple. It was here Chrysalis headed, and here where she came to a stop.
“How is she?” Chrysalis demanded of a nearby doctor. This Pod was special, and had three guards stationed around it and two doctors at all times.
“She seems to be normal, Your Highness,” the doctor said, his voice the echoing triple layer of a drone changeling. “Her vital signs are healthy. Her magic is as strong as ever, maybe more so. As far as I can tell, Princess Jade is taking to the transformation quite well.”
“Good,” Chrysalis said shortly. “I came because I have another task for you. I want you to find five others.”
“Five… others, my Queen?”
“Yes, five, you fool. I’m not sending my sister into potentially hostile territory alone. I want five of the most worthy changelings you can find in additional conversion Pods immediately.”
The doctor shuffled his hooves nervously. “Forgive me for saying, Your Majesty, but unless you are wanting five Utstött to accompany Princess Jade on this mission, I’m afraid there aren’t any changelings worthy of this task.”
“Then find some Utstött! I’ll offer full citizen rights to any outcasts who are willing to take up this task.”
The doctor gulped, but decided to press his luck. “Are you sure it is wise to entrust our Princess to a couple of Utstött?”
Chrysalis fixed her subject with a stare that would melt stone. “An Utstött who is promised full rights is more likely to protect Jade with their life than any other changeling we might find. I don’t care what it takes, I want you to find my sister some guardians!”
The doctor bowed low. He was not about to argue with his liege any longer. “Yes, my Queen. It shall be as you say.”
Chrysalis turned from him, already lost in her own thoughts. Unbidden, the memory of the last words she spoke with her sister resurfaced.
Two Days Ago
Princess Jade trotted next to her sister as they headed to the Pod Chamber. Changelings bowed and saluted as the siblings strode down the corridor. Ever the more approachable of the pair, Jade nodded and offered small smiles to her subjects as she passed. Her shoulder length dark blue, pink, and lavender toned mane was tucked behind her right ear, and her soulful violet eyes sparked gently. The younger changeling leader was almost skipping, completely carefree. Her older sister shook her head at the sight. She wasn’t sure what was worse; the fact that Jade was still so carefree after all these years, or that Jade resembled an Utstött, an outcast. Most changelings looked identical: Black chitin, green or ice blue eyes, and occasionally a green mane. But every so often, a break in the normal was born: A changeling who simply looked nothing like the others. They would have different eye and mane colors, different chitin colors, and even acted differently than their brothers and sisters. As such, despite Chrysalis’ and Jade’s efforts, such changelings were labeled as outcasts, and were rarely accepted into changeling society.
“Are you sure you want to do this, Jade?” Chrysalis asked softly.
Princess Jade paused to cast a slightly amused look her over her shoulder. “You worry too much, Chrissy. I’ll be fine, and I can certainly look out for myself.”
Chrysalis frowned slightly. “It’s my job to worry, though. Expert disguise or not, sending you so far into potentially hostile territory is dangerous. You know how the ponies of Equestria treats us. And the rest of the world doesn’t treat us much better.”
Princess Jade dropped her carefree manner for a moment, nuzzling up against her older sibling. “That’s why I have to do this, Chrysalis. You and I both know what is coming. The changelings have made some mistakes in the past, and now we are paying for it. The world sees us as enemies. As parasites.” Jade spat the last word.
“Which is why we should just abandon this plan and find another way!”
Jade laughed, high and sweet. “You were the one who first designed this grand scheme of ours, Chrissy. If not me, then who? If not this plan, then what? I’m our best shot right now. I need to be in a position of power outside the Swarm before it hits. Like we were against Discord thousands of years ago, the changeling nation will be the first to stand and the last to fall. Like we were against the Titans even before Discord, the changelings will be the first to warn of the impending danger. I’m not about to trust any other changeling with this.” By the time Princess Jade had finished speaking, the duo had reached the Pod chamber and traversed to the Pod Jade was about to enter.
“Tell me how this one is going to work, sister, so that I might know what to expect.”
Chrysalis, realizing that she was not about to change the mind of her sibling, began to explain. “This Pod is different than our others. Rather than converting a pony into a changeling, it does almost the opposite.”
“You mean… it’s going to change me into a pony?” Instead of sounding disgusted, Jade sounded fascinated.
“Yes and no.” Chrysalis moved around the Pod. “The first thing the Pod is going to do is age you backwards. It will change you back into a foal. Once that process is done, it will temporarily convert you into a pony. For all intents and purposes, you will be an ordinary pony until you receive your cutie mark.”
“But changelings don’t get cutie marks.” Now Jade simply sounded puzzled. She knew that Pods were capable of a great many things, fueled by love as they were, but this was something entirely new.
“You will once this Pod has done its work. Once you have your cutie mark, your mind will slowly start reconnecting itself to the Mind. You’ll start being able to communicate with the rest of us, bit by bit. Your body will remember that it is a changeling, and you’ll have to take care to ensure your disguise will not falter. The last bit is the most important warning I can give you. You can’t let your disguise fall. You’ll have to learn to use your formidable willpower to keep yourself calm. You know what happens if a changeling is startled or panicked.”
“Our disguise will be no more. Right. Anything else I should know?”
Chrysalis hesitated for a moment. “There might be some confusion once you began to transition back into the Mind. The “pony” part of you won’t want to believe you are a changeling. I’ll help you when or if I can, but I can’t guarantee my aid. Understand?”
“I do. I am ready.”
The last thing Chrysalis saw of her beloved sister was the Pod sealing shut behind Jade.
Present Time
It’s been three days. Three long, grueling days of worrying. There were a myriad of things that could go horribly wrong. Chrysalis would have tested the capability of this Pod on some willing subject before entrusting her sister to it, but Jade had been adamant. Time was of the essence, and it was the one thing everyone was running out of. All Chrysalis could really do was hope that everything went well. It took a great deal of her willpower to remain still, and not to pace. Connected to the Mind as all changelings were, they could sense her distress, her worry. But showing her agitation would serve naught to make matters worse than they already were. So Chrysalis stood there stoically, until the same doctor came trotting back up to her.
“I believe I’ve found some suitable changelings, your Highness.”
Chrysalis turned to him thoughtfully. That didn’t take nearly as long as she had expected. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, my Queen. Do you wish to see them?”
“At once.” The Queen followed her subject as he led her a short distance away, where five Utstött changelings stood. Rather than the slightly cowed stature Chrysalis normally felt around her outcast subjects, these ones stood proudly. They seemed to have accepted their lot in life, but didn’t let that detract from their actions and bearing. The first Chrysalis noticed was an odd cyan blue changeling with a bright chromatic mane and maroon eyes. This one half-glared at Chrysalis in defiance, almost as if daring the Queen to condemn her. The second was a sturdy orange changeling, with bottle green eyes and a blond mane. She was a hard worker, Chrysalis could tell, strong and reliable. The third was a changeling so white she could have been an albino, save for the dark sapphire eyes and rather elegant, yet a bit scraggly, mane. The fourth, a ridiculously pink changeling with a matching mane and baby blue eyes. The last of the group was far more meek than her counterparts, but still held an air of quiet serenity. She was buttercup yellow, with a light pink mane and pretty teal eyes. All five of these changelings screamed Utstött with every letter of the word.
The cyan one spoke first, catching Chrysalis slightly off guard. “I hear you’re looking for changelings to act as personal bodyguards to Princess Jade, Queen.” The entire sentence made it clear just which of the two leaders this changeling preferred. A nearby guard moved as though to discipline the mare, but Chrysalis waved him off impatiently.
“That’s right. And you are…?” The question was a formality only, really. Chrysalis knew who this changeling was, through the Mind.
“Sapphire. Probably the swiftest flying changeling you’ll ever find. Or, I would be if your guards weren’t afraid to lose to an Utstött.” Chrysalis could hear the smirk in her voice.
Chrysalis could only arc an eyebrow, but all she said was, “I see. Well, yes, Sapphire, you heard right. I’m seeking changelings like you five to safeguard our Princess. She volunteered to be sent into pony society on a dangerous mission.”
“A mission that will attempt to warn our other neighbors that darkness is coming to the world again, yes?” The white changeling added. When Chrysalis looked slightly surprised, she snorted. “Give us some credit, Chrysalis. We’re Utstött, remember? Us outcasts are known for thinking outside the box, and ‘normal’ changelings love to gossip. We hear things because they forget we’re there. But I’m more interested in what we’re going to get out of it. I’ll gladly do anything for Princess Jade. We all will. She’s the only one who actually treats us like we’re no different than her other subjects. But why should we do anything for you?”
Chrysalis regarded the white changeling before her. The changeling did not back down, and Chrysalis came to the realization that the Utstött wasn’t afraid of her. None of them were. They weren’t used to bowing and scraping before royalty, like so many of her subjects were. It was a tad refreshing, to be stood up to like this. Chrysalis decided that she could come to really enjoy the company of these outcasts. “I can promise you full citizen rights should you succeed in your tasking.”
Even Sapphire looked surprised at that, and naturally, it was her who spoke first. “Princess Jade has been trying for as long as anyone can remember to get outcasts to be accepted. Why would your efforts be met with any more success than hers?”
“Because I am the current Queen. If need be I can Decree that into a law, and changelings will be forced to follow it. I’ve struggled just as much as my sister has to get rid of this bit of racism within my Swarm. If I have to I will force changelings to accept it.”
All five of them visibly considered Chrysalis’ response. Finally, the yellow one spoke, for the first time. “Not just us. All Utstött, past, present, and future. Promise us this, and we’ll follow Princess Jade to Tartarus and back.”
“Done,” Chrysalis said without hesitation. That caught them off guard.
“Seriously? Just like that?” Sapphire sounded doubtful.
“Just like that. You have the oath of a royal. I’ll do it. Princess Jade is the only changeling I’ve ever let into my heart. I’ll do anything to ensure she comes back to me safe and sound.”
All five of the soon-to-be guardians regarded the Queen with interest. They had never seen Chrysalis so determined or emotional before. One by one they formed a half circle around the changeling leader, their minds made up. “Tell us what we need to do, Chrysalis.” The orange changeling said.
“I’ll need to put you into Pods. When you are in there, the process will begin. You will recall nothing of the Swarm until each of you receive your cutie marks. Once you are fully integrated to the Mind again, I shall direct you on your next task. Above all else, Princess Jade cannot know that you are her bodyguards. She insisted on going alone, but I’m her elder sister. I deem that she needs protection, so protection she shall have. But if she knows that she has five others trailing her, she might blow her cover. You may become her friends, you may become her enemies, but she cannot know your true calling. Understood?”
The Utstött nodded once. They were ready, as ready as they would ever be. With barely a thought, Chrysalis sent doctors descending down upon the outcasts, bustling them each towards Pods. Once the last one was safely ensconced in a Pod, Chrysalis reached deep into the Swarm, where the most potent of magic resided: Love. It was sweet and pure, like nothing else Chrysalis had ever tasted nor felt. It filled her with an all consuming joy, burning through her limbs like liquid wildfire. Turning her attention to the five newly occupied Pods, Chrysalis then direction the Love to change the very makeup of the Pods. Like she had done with Jade’s container before these two, Chrysalis wove the magic she required. Her magic shone with a brilliant emerald green instead of the sickly seaweed coloration the doctors and nurses could be seen using. With a last loving caress, Chrysalis completed her task and let go of the Love.
The Queen took a step back and surveyed her work. Five brand new Pods stood before her in all of their colored glory. They were all black, like Jade’s, but also like hers they were wreathed in the colors of the changelings they held. With a final determined nod, Chrysalis then turned and exited the chamber. There were still preparations that needed to be completed. First and foremost were the families. Each one of the six disguised changelings were going to need to be implemented into families. Had she more time, Chrysalis would have spent months attempting to find the perfect families. She would have found mothers experiencing difficulties with their pregnancy, and then slipped the changeling foal in as a sort of ‘miracle’ birth. But that was simply out of the question. The best Chrysalis could hope to do was to simply drop her charges off at suitable doorsteps, with a note sparsely explaining a few things. Luckily such things were not entirely unheard of, or this would be a lot harder.
Next came the waiting game, a game Chrysalis was all too familiar with, even if she did not like playing it. She had to wait until each of the infiltrators reached roughly twelve years of age, the age where most young ponies discovered that special talent that set them apart from others. Once at that stage came the eventual rehabilitation into the Mind, and then Chrysalis would finally be needed again. She had to help as much as possible when this time arrived, or her plan would end in shambles before it began. As soon as this stage was completed Chrysalis could focus on preparing the Swarm for the coming darkness. There wouldn’t be much she could do to influence the ponies on her own, so she simply had to trust that her six changelings would be enough to at least get some important pony to listen. Once the Outside races were prepared to at least listen to changelings again, then Chrysalis could make her move. After that, there was no real plan. Things would happen as they did, and with a little bit of luck, everyone will still be around for a couple more generations.
The Queen finally came to a halt in her own personal chambers. Casting out her presence, she connected herself to the Harvesters she had in Equestria. She sent images of the six changelings to each Harvester, directing them to find pony families with similar colorations. She then terminated the links, not bothering with any sort of pleasantries. Such things could wait until her tasks were complete. However, Chrysalis had barely begun to leave her chamber again when one of her Harvesters contacted her mentally. Slightly surprised, Chrysalis answered the mental link.
Do you have suitable candidates?
Yes, my Queen. These are ponies I’ve absorbed love from before. They practically radiate it, negating the need for me to take it by force.
Well, what are you waiting for? Send me images of them, so that I may decide for myself!
The first mental image to enter Chrysalis’ mind were earth ponies. One of them, a red giant, had the very appearance of a draft pony. He looked strong enough to knock down entire trees. The second earth pony was definitely older, all wrinkled and green. But even this didn’t decrease the sense of pride emanating from her. The colors weren’t entirely ideal, but colors didn’t matter nearly as much with earth ponies. The orange outcast would go well there, working on a farm. The second mental image were again earth ponies. The all four were colored rather drably, and it looked like they lived on a rock farm, of all things. Chrysalis hesitated for a moment. A bright pink infiltrator might cause attention. But… They were rock farmers. Undoubtedly stranger things had happened to them already.
The third set of ponies were pegasi, as was the fourth. The male pegasi of the first set had the same chromatic mane and tail as Sapphire, and had a slightly lighter coat color. The mare was a slightly brighter pink color, with a slightly fiery mane. Sapphire would fit in well here. The second set of pegasi were both yellow colored. The stallion was slightly darker than the mare, more of a mustard yellow with a dull red mane. The mare was tall and willowy, almost breathtakingly so, and a really pale yellow. Her mane was bubblegum pink. Chrysalis smiled slightly. This one would be perfect for that meek little Utstött. The fifth set of ponies were unicorns. The mare was a gentle pink with a ridiculous bunned purple mane, and the stallion was an off white color with a ratty straw hat upon his head. The little bit of his mane that could be seen was a muddy brown.
But the last set of ponies is what really caught Chrysalis’ attention. These ponies, without a doubt, were some sort of nobility. There was no denying it. The stallion carried himself proudly, a rather handsome light blue color with a matching styled dark blue mane. The mare had an air of gentle refinement. She was colored a breathtaking grey with a two tone white and lilac mane. Their younger son was a lightly scrawny thing, pure white with a two tone electric and dark blue mane. This family… This family would be absolutely perfect for Princess Jade. Chrysalis had never imagined herself thinking along those lines, but Chrysalis knew this family would treat her sister right. And if they really were some form of nobility, then placing her sister in their care would make things easier to come. The Queen sent her sincerest thanks to the Harvester. It was time to plan the infiltration.
~~~
~~~
Night Light cast one last glance around the empty living room. Tonight was like any other night in the Sparkle household. Dinner dishes had already been done. Shining Armor had already retreated into his room for the night, courtesy of his own strict schedule. That young stallion was determined to get into the Solar Guard, and he took everything seriously: His schedules, his eating habits, all of it. Night Light couldn’t have been more proud of his son. Now, if only he and Twilight Velvet could have a daughter… everything would be perfect. Night Light shook that thought from his head. There was nothing that could be done about it right now. Night Light strode up to the front door, making sure it was locked. Canterlot had a lower crime rate that most other big cities, being the home of Princess Celestia and all, but there were still some ponies who thought they could get away with stealing.
Just as Night Light turned away from the locked door, there came a swift three knocks upon the portal. Night Light’s head snapped back around, ears pricked. The knocks did not repeat, but a faint scuffling could be heard from the doorstep. Now thoroughly curious, Night Light approached the door, unlocked it, and threw it open. There, resting upon the steps, was a small basket bundle. The basket was nothing overly special, but the blanket was a pretty lavender embroidered with stars. Bending down to inspect the bundle carefully, Night Light discovered that the bundle was breathing. Snapping upright in shock, the stallion lifted the bundle in a flare of golden magic. He gently lifted away the wrappings and nearly dropped it in shock. Nestled inside, tiny purple eyes opening sleepily, was a baby filly.
A noise behind the stallion alerted Night Light to the fact that his wife had just come down the stairs. “Who was it, Nighty Light?”
In answer, the still stunned Night Light turned to his wife. Twilight Velvet let out a piercing shriek and rushed to her husband. Inspecting the open blankets like Night Light had done the basket, Velvet discovered a tiny note embedded in its folds. She unfurled it and read:
To whomever this may concern:
Please take care of this young filly. She will be much better off in your caring hooves than in mine. I do not have much time left for this world, and so it is in good graces that I trust you will treat this filly as your own. Do not attempt to find me. May Celestia guide you in your endeavors.
Sincerely,
--C
P.S. Her name is Twilight Sparkle.
Chrysalis watched from the shadows as the new parents of her sister took the filly into the warmth, exclaiming over her all the while. Princess Jade was the last one she needed to drop off, and she was correct in her assumption these two ponies were looking for a daughter. Princess Jade would be in good hooves. Her job was complete.
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You used Swedish? I now expect a bit of Sabaton to be referenced.
Also, are the converted changelings still able to feed off of love?
I wondered who'd finally pick up wrabbit's idea. Glad to see it was you.
hmmm
Wow: The concept of this story is highly intriguing, and it seems as if you have spent quite some work on this chapter.
I believe in a headcanon where changelings - changelings in general, including Chrissy - are good ponies. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this.
Nice. I look forward to seeing where this goes.
Uh... I think you mashed two sentences together there and left out something in the result.
Very interesting start. Let us see where this will go.
Down the road to glory and fame? 
Or will it trip and snap it's neck before catching fire and burn? 
Well, lookie here! When you started this whole fanfic writing affair, you ever considered having three of them at once?
Time to officially follow you. And I shall wait for updates of all your works with bated breath!
Now.
Love the idea, even if it's not entirely yours, minor details.
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130405221913/mlp/images/e/e1/FANMADE_Luna_I_see_what_you_did_there.jpg
This is going to be awesome, I just know it! So much canon can be changed here!
Keep up the good work!
Oh, this:
Should be "We outcasts". Why? Drop the 'outcast' and see if the rest of the sentence makes sense.
Or maybe even "We the outcasts"? I don't know... that might be pushing it.
You have my favorite already, and you on the threshold for a like. I just need more to read.
The beginning of this story is very well-done, now I await to see how you will implement the rest.
Welp, at least this one you give us fair warning that some world-spanning threat is coming in. I like your writing, Flicka, you just do some zany shit and cram stuff in till the story is bursting at the seams trying to support it all. I'll be keeping an eye out on this one and see what you plan on doing here.
While it may not be exactly what I was looking for, this is instantly an interesting, and fascinating premise. Your execution is marvelous, and I have no complaints with it. You've earned yourself a thumbs-up, a star, and a watch. Well done. I can hardly wait to see where you take this.
You may want to take care of a few things, however.
.3193845
This. Also, you capitalize pod several times when it's not strictly necessary. Those were the only two major things that took me out of the story. Good job.
I love it. ^_^ This plus Valkyrie make you full of win and awesome.
One chapter and I'm sold.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
O_O When Twilight/Jade remembers her relationship with Chrysalis along with her relationship with Celestia, this. will. get. awkward.
Auto-fave, I love it.
*Reading reading reading* Utstött? Vad i helvete?
That was suprising, anyway up to a very good start
I had to look up Utstött and found the meaning interesting. Faved and I'll see where this tale leads us!
I'm highly interested to see where you go with this next. Timeskips will be involved, I'm guessing. The wedding... I'd say it'll be really interesting, but I get the feeling that it just won't happen in this. Hope to see more of this soon!
3194434 And we wonder why Twilight's so...
I will certainly be tracking this, but I need to see if this fic will actually keep going on at least a semi regular basis before I can like it.
Excellent premise, but I'd hate to see it become abandoned after a few chapters. Or take forever to update like some other fic I know.
This is brilliant. So very, very brilliant.
So let me get this straight... all of the Mane 6 are 'orphans' left on a doorstep... and not a single family ever tells any of them this.
Yeahhhhh... that strains believability there rather badly.
And the Element of Harmony just happen to choose them...
And Discord doesn't notice anything odd about them when he directly touches their minds...
And this is the 'best' plan Chrysalis can come up with to warn Celestia... rather than spend, oh, about 20 years convincing her... which seems to me a rather better plan.
E-nope.
3194634 NOt sure what you mean..
This is a very original idea, and one that REALLY interests me. I will be looking forward to more of this.
more^^
There's no need for the archaic use of often here.
Pods is an item. Pod Chamber, sure it can be capitalized, as you're referring to a location. But, I don't capitalize pencil or paper, do I? You have numerous instances of this.
Not needed to be capitalized, you're referring to a vague process, not anything proper here. If you were to keep this capitalized, then you'd need to capitalize law too.
Picture mid text... Big no-no. Flicka, thought you knew stuff like that.
So, the story itself. Reminds me of another one I saw with the six of em changelings that was in the feature box (go figure, when do changelings not hit the box) Is this in some way inspired by it? Haven't seen that particular story since it's release, so curious.
You're opening up a HUGE can of worms. There is no way that they can get to a post season three point without being discovered, or even the wedding, if you take it that far. Even then, the fact that Twilight is a changeling will become readily apparent, unless you radically alter her character (looking at the AU tag). How far down the storyline you take it will also stretch the potential plausibility of this story. I'm hesitant to get too involved just yet, you have that habit of cramming too much into a story. Whatever happened to a nice, simple, 'X is a Changeling' Slice of Life story without some massive thing at stake? I'd kill for one of those.
Well, that's all for now. I'll keep an eye on this in my Read Later list, Flicka, and see what you do with it. I know from history that when you update, you'll update, so I won't ask when and simply wait for now. How you develop it is going to go a long way in whether I stick with this or not. Peace.
3193132 Guess you will see!
3193136 Yup. I was all.ready planning this, and then he gave me the courage to publish it.
3193708 I was hoping it would get a reaction like this.
3193845 Fixed, and thanks. I missed that part when I had to reformat the thing.
3194002 Only time shall tell.
3194070Whoo! Yea, I've got a lot of extra time at the moment, so updates galore!
3194276 Of course. I shall aim to please.
3194307 I am overjoyed you of all people like it, and those issues are fixed.
3194322 Thanks!
3194633 Not too many time skips. This tale shall follow the normal canon timeframes easily, I think.
3194653 Is that other fic one of.my others? I'm sorry!
3194796 Your are assuming way to much, which only makes an ass out of you and me. Assuming so much from chapter one is just rude. The only reader who can claim they know what goes on in my head is Shirotora. You're just being rude for the heck of it, I think.
3195116
Let's spread the word about the selfless sacrifices changelings have made for ponykind.
This is my contribution.
3195116 You DO seem to really enjoy the "Twilight turns into / is a changeling" theme tho... mixed, very very mixed, feelings on it. It'll all depend upon how the "Princess Jade remembers who she is" is handled here... praying that it goes right and is nice and fun...
3195116 Also, good changelings FTW!
3194796
Where do you get that thought and why would it matter? They will reconnect with the hive mind after they get their cutie marks and will already know what happened no matter if they are told or not.
And the Elements of Harmony just happen to choose a group of mares who know each other barley one day..... your point still stands but i think it still in the acceptable area
Where do you get that from? Discord has not appeared yet and this is an AU story so it isn´t written in stone that the encounter will go the canon way
No argument against this point except that 20 years of diplomatic talk doesn´t make an interesting story unless the author knows what he does.
3195176 When you think up a plot, it's generally a good idea for a drastic solution to genuinely be the ONLY SOLUTION.
If this 'great looming danger' is so great and looming... how is it they have time to spend waiting god-only-knows how many years for these foals to get their cutie marks, assuming nothing happens to them in the meantime... assuming the great and looming whatever doesn't arrive early... which then begs the question of how she now has the power to see the future so clearly anyway and Celestia seemingly can't if we are to assume that Chrysalis is doing this because she knows or at least assumes Celestia doesn't know.
Not to mention, these other foals are supposed to watch over Twilight... yet none of them are in Canterlot... where you would think they kinda need to be to watch over her... unless Chrysalis somehow knows that Twilight will be chosen by Celestia to be her student and will be performing her magic test at the exact moment when Changeling Dash performs her Sonic Rainboom, thus triggering all their Cutie Marks and causing Twi to have her magic surge and hatch Spike, thus setting in motion everything that leads up to Twilight going to Ponyville and meeting all of them in the first place!
Yup, Chrysalis predicted all of that. Which is clearly why the other 5 are nowhere near Twilight at all. Because Chrysalis is more omniscient than God, apparently.
Ya see, in the show, Celestia merely took advantage of the situation presented to her by all of these happenstances. She utilized coincidence to her advantage. That's why it's believable. In this story, we have to make ourselves believe that Chrysalis either had foreknowledge of EVERYTHING or has been guiding everything from behind the scenes... and if she is poking things from the shadows, watching and guiding events, why even havethe other 5 in the first place, so that option is already out the window and we're left with "I CAN SEE THE FUTURE!!"... and how the Elements and Nightmare Moon aregoing to be involved in this I cannot even fathom.
This is already looking like a ridiculous Xanatos Gambit, where EVERYTHING must happen according to Chrysalis' plan perfectly for years on end or it will fail horribly.
It's so heavily biased towards the whole 'changeling superiority movement', it's laughable.
3195295
magic
BAM!
She hated this plan with an absolute passion, and really, who could blame her? The Queen was getting ready to send her own sister into a place where their kind were not welcome. She would be considered a monster if she didn’t like this idea, and despite what Outsiders thought, she was not a monster.
Do you mean, "monster if she didn't hate this idea"? Because right now she hates the idea, and was not a monster, and would be a monster if she didn't like the idea.
Isn't it a bit odd that the one Harvester knows all those families? I mean, I don't think we really know where the others' families were, so we could just say they were all Ponyville-area, but Twilight Sparkle's definitely from Canterlot. It wouldn't be that hard to have a second Harvester recommend that one, or have it preselected by the time of the story.
Nighty Light
It seems odd to me that the nickname would be longer than the actual name. Were you going to have her nicknamed "Nighty" and then changed your mind or something? If this is intentional, then no problem and never mind this.
3194796 This is non-canon, so it doesn't really matter, does it? I mean, they are supposed to remember that they're changelings "after getting their cutie marks", not a decade later, and I can't really see Chrysalis of this story acting like canon Chrysalis, etc. etc.
3195295
Hmm yeah a explanation why they know it and why that is the best solution is definitely lacking (it might come later but unless there is a specific reason to withhold it should be put into the prologue or first chapter)
Maybe they aren´t all in canterlot since it would have raised suspicion if 6 foals would appear on doorsteps in the same area. That twilight was chosen as Celestias student might even be the reason Chrysaliss dosn´t relocated the other five to Twilight since it would be to risky (the story isnt there jet so we can only assume)
Why does Chrysalis need to know everything or have planned for everything? She could just "wing it" as Celestia did if thing happens as in canon.
Would all your assumptions be true then yes, but you are assuming way to much at this point. You are acting as if you already now how the entire story will go, that is rather an achievement considering only the first chapter is posted (which i would rather qualify as a prologue) especially considering that the story could go complete AU and have nothing to do with canon.
Nice concept, on I've seen before but not quite like this. Can't imagine Twilight/Jade whatever will take kindly suddenly being the princess of a foreign species though..but I'll save that for when it happens.
Also, how would the Utstött be able to keep the bodyguard schtick secret if the changelings share a hivemind? And while I'm posing questions about changelings aren't they more or less guarding their aunt? Assuming chrysalis lays the eggs like most insect species' queens do.
3195295
Maybe let's stop throwing around assumptions when we don't really know a darn thing about the story itself.
As far as we know none of this may happen at all. You seem to be under an assumption that this is Equestria from the show with an added spin on girls' origin. So far nothing supports this hypothesis and yet here you are, throwing a fit as if it was a sound theory.
Wait and see, then... still don't throw fits. It's immature and unbecoming for someone who calls themselves literate person.
Also, the idea of changelings not being evil is not laughable. It's an interesting question whether or not they are empathetic and what that entails. If we assume they experience emotions of others and that they feed upon love, it is a logical assumption that they would not appreciate negative thoughts. Therefore, they would be(or try to be, at the least) friendly and willing to help anyone who needs assistance. That would earn them all kinds of positive emotions to experience and also love to feed upon. Given willingly, out of gratitude.
Though I agree that it would be beneficial to see just what it was that allowed the Queen to see the oncoming storm. Or let's be blunt and ask: How does she know Nim is coming back?
Regarding the "contact ponies peacefully and warn them", even with the time gap, it'd be difficult for changelings to convince ponies about impeding disaster, if only because "they are liars and shapeshifters, we can't trust them!" attitude. Zecora's case clearly shows that ponies are not that tolerant and... wait, I'm throwing assumptions around... we don't know if Zecora even exists here...
Yes, let's just wait for more chapters and then start any kind of discussion about it.
Edit: Yikes, I just added to whole pile of replies... sorry, now it seems we are bashing you in the ground...
Color me intrigued. I'm interested in how this will turn out.
3194952 We all know Twilight has a few interesting details in her psyche. (Mild OCD, combined with a propensity for overreaction and subsequent mental breaks.) Gotta admit, the whole changeling princess thing does kinda explain it.
3195116 Who's Princess Jade?
Alrighty then, you have my attention. *Puts on Read Later to keep track of it*
3195986 I thought the description of Princess Jade, and the ending, made it obvious who she is?
This seems to be off to a good start, and the premise is interesting. I can't wait to see where you take this!
This shows promise so far. Though there where a few things that irked me.
I was at first unsure how well blending in Swedish into the English sentences would turn out. Then I realised that I sometimes let Swedish words slip past when I speak English, so I let it go, at least if you make it so they speak full time Swedish from a outside point of view. Jag litar på det.
As another point
This paragraph uses the word 'slightly' a bit too much. A larger word variety would make it look neater and give the text a better flow.
As my last point I want to point out that the post scriptum of the basket note looks incredibly wrong and out of place. It is very odd that her full name is written on the note. Usually such notes only include a first name. Wouldn't you find it creepy if you found a baby girl in a basket and the note said the baby's name was Tiffany (insert your last name here). Also, a scientific study showed that children abandoned on doorsteps had a higher chance of getting adopted by the target family if the child was unnamed. I wish I could point you to the data of the study, but read it in a science magazine quite some years ago.
3193132 Did someone say Sabaton?
[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndA6Bl7KKUg#]
3195626 Ahhh good point.
Wait... what if Celestia knew about her identity all along
Well, this should be interesting. They say no plan survives contact with the enemy. Seeing how this one dies should be most entertaining. I look forward to it.
3196692 Then things could get interesting.
Hmmm...
I'm usually wary of the 'undeserved Changeling persecution' trope, but this looks interesting. The fact that it's AU helps to sell it, but be wary of future characterization. Few people like a Draco in leather pants.
Anyway, first chapter is good though I hope the second isn't too long in coming. This one sets up nicely, but we aren't yet into the meat of the story.
3196622 Yes, someone said Sabaton.
I really like the way you have set this up and am very much looking forwards to reading more.