JimmyRuss
Joined 22nd Dec, 2012 ·
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Couldn't resist.
Shut up and take my fav
3191167
beat me to it XD
Needs the dark tag I think.
Somehow needs a Dark tag, Mindbreak even when warned, a shred of sad and... Hypnotic one-sided romance?
Yeah... I'll just...
Oh Shining Armor!
So.....
Where is the real cadence in this?
Baby dint hurt me, baby don't hurt me, no more!
The melody popped in my head as soon as I read the title. Good job, JimmyRuss. Now it's going to stay in my head for the rest of the day.
Aside from a few misused tenses and some spelling errors, you've made a great story. It's very depressing once you put some thought into the ramifications of Chrysalis being in complete control of Shining.
Candles don't use embers.
Awesome, Not enough Shining x Chrysalis pairings.
filly don't hurt me
3191167
NOOOOOOO!!! you stole my idea!!!!!
Oh well maybe next time!
Pacing was lackluster; it didn't feel like like Chrysalis believably broke Shining. The mind control just sort of happened.
Also has a lot of blunt descriptions and inconsistent paragraphing.
Well I can think of worse ways to lose your mind.
If I had to pick methods of insanity I'm taking this route!
this was freaking awsome
3191167
Ya beat meh to it... But sing it with meh now!
don't hurt me, no more. Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more. What is love?!
very good story^^ maybe you shouldnt use the word "ass" so often but thats pretty much the only complain I have^^ And good job on that breaking scene^^ I almost feel sorry for him^^ almost^^
hell yeah crysallis can take me anyday
Don't worry Shining! Dr. Cockslapper will save you! *starts slapping chickens*
great story