My Little Pwny: Fragouts Are Magic

by ANTIcarrot

Chapter 3

My Little Pawny: Fragouts Are Magic
By ANTIcarrot

Based on Friendship is Magic, created by Lauren Faust
And My Little Pony, created by Bonnie Zacherle
Render Unto Hasbro That Which Is Hasbro’s...

Chapter Three

Twilight looked down at the oily substance covering the ground, and then left and right at the hoofprints coming out of the remains. She carefully poked at once more with a fore hoof. It was sticky, and felt very unpleasant.

“Is something wrong Twilight?”

She looked up to where Luna was standing a few yards further on, with a leg raised mid step.

“Princess, this thing you wanted to show me, could I possibly decline on this one occasion?”

“It is important, Special Inspector of the Emergency Aftermath Ministry.”

Twilight winced.

“Sorry, Luna, but do I really have to? I’m not happy about, well...”

“Getting your hooves covered in this muck?”

“Um... Yes.”

Princess turned back with a surprised look on her face.

“Twilight... My experiences outside the castle may be limited, but I was given to understand that the only time the outside world isn’t mucky is when it is dusty. You are a pony after all. You must have walked on wet grass at least once in your life.”

“That’s not the same. Wet grass is just grass and water. As long as you don’t go faster than a canter it’s not even too slippery. But this stuff...”

Twilight looked down, then at the skeleton. Luna joined her followed her gaze.

“Oh.” She turned back to the unicorn. “But this particular muck used to be a living ursa major?”

“Um...” That had not been Twilight’s only objection. “Yes Princess.”

Luna’s head tilted.

“And it looks like the substance left behind by the Elements of Harmony, when they ripped the foulness of the Nightmare from my corrupted form, the first time we meet?”

The unicorn blushed.

“I, well, that is... And you’ve got horse-shoes on!”

“Horse shoes?” Luna raised and twisted a wrist. “Oh you mean my royal slippers? Something of a pain actually. Walking around with a couple of pounds of silver strapped to each leg isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.” She looked up. “Would you like to borrow them?”

“What?!”

“Oh come now Twilight, they are just fashion accessories. Don’t over react. This is hardly like that one time I offered to lend you my wings and magic for a day.”

“No but...” Twilight frowned. “Hey, wait a minute. Even Celestia thought that was a bad idea! Bad X does not imply Good Y. No fair using twisty logic!”

The princess smiled.

“Oh you’d be surprised how often that works. You really would. Well then, I can see only two possible solutions to this crisis. I could simply remove my hoof-wear, and shame you into following, or you could stay here and we could continue the conversation anyway.

“AFTER ALL, THE TRADITIONAL ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE IS MORE THAN SUFFICIENT FOR SUCH A SHORT DISTANCE.”

Twilight reopened her tightly shut eyes, started to straighten her mane and tail, and glared at Luna.

“You’re bad as your sister sometimes, you know that?”

“I could have offer to carry you with magic,” Luna pointed out. Her horn started to glow menacingly, but all that happened was her slippers magically turning into rings around her lower legs. The princess’ eyes widened slightly as her feet sunk into the muck, but then she steeled herself. “Now come Twilight. Let us not dally a moment longer.”

Twilight hesitated, before pushing a single hoof into the muck. She pulled a face, looked to Luna once for encouragement, before reluctantly stepping forwards.

“What exactly did you want to show me Luna?”

“Arty said you were interested in the internal workings of the artefacts in The Patch, and has expressed frustration that much of it was hidden from view - at ground level at least.”

Twilight’s expression changed instantly and she bolted to Luna’s side.

“Really? You’ve found more clockwork? Not hidden behind huge slabs of metal? Where?”

“Something like that,” Luna said evasively.

The conversation paused as they walked into the ribcage single file. An ursa major was enormous, but the gaps between the ribs were still only so big.

“Come. Look here and tell me what you think.”

Twilight stepped forward and looked carefully at where the princess was pointing with a wingtip.

“Um, I’m not a doctor, but this looks like a bone fracture. And copper?" Twilight peered closely at the hole in the centre of the wound. "What's that doing in there?”

“And what do you think would cause such a thing?”

“I'm not sure. Dentists sometimes use gold or alamgam to fill tooth cavities, and a alamgam is about eight percent copper. But I really don't know who'd do something like that to an Ursa Major rib."

"And the fracture?"

"Well, something impacting with enough force to crack the rib, but not enough to separate the two pieces.”

The moon princess stared at Twilight flatly.

“I was hoping for something more specific.”

“I’m not sure what to tell you, except that this injury doesn’t surprise me much. We know it died here, so it’s obviously going to have some pretty serious injuries. It has several outright broken ribs, which isn’t surprising given how close they are to the surface.” She frowned. “Though some might have broken on impact when it fell. But even so, what’s so surprising about one more fracture?”

“Perhaps I could be clearer. Where on the bone do you think the fracture started?”

“Why, here, of course.” She pointed at a small hole in the centre of the spiderweb of cracked bone. “Why does that matter?”

“And which side of the rib does the fracture start on?”

“Why, the inside of course.” Twilight’s eyes suddenly widened. “Oh!” She quickly stuck her head around the other side of the rib. “Ooooooh. How in Equestria could that have happened?”

Luna rolled her eyes.

“That is what I was asking you. Professor Fields swears up and down upon his tenure and peerage both that this little pit is an impact crater. Which means whatever made it not only struck hard enough to crack bone thicker than my leg, but also had enough force behind it to travel through about seven yards of ursa major, and punch through the outer skin.”

“Is this, is this what killed it?”

“We do not think so.” Luna hesitated over the correctness of the pronoun, before nodding to herself. “That is, the Ministry does not think so. A cracked rib would have simply inconvenienced a ‘major, and it’s not like they have a heart or lungs to damage on the way through.”

“But, how could that have happened? What could have done that? I’ve seen the creatures that died. They couldn’t have done this. They’re barely bigger than we are. Something else just have come through. But no, we’d have found some evidence. How could...”

“Twilight,” Luna interrupted. “You have expressed a great interest in the many and various clockwork mechanisms, that have been found within the Patch. But have you perchance spent any time wondering what some of them might have been used for?”

# # #

He was on his back. Branches moved jerkily downwards against the pale blue sky. Two dark blurrs passed over head. He was about to turn to follow them when more movement caught his eye and he slowly turned his head the other way. He stared. The sun was changing shape.

The pale disc was warping, crushing itself sideways in a nightmarish way no stellar object should. Then it reversed as the sun elongated and stretched for the horizon, like a really cheap scifi jump drive. Then the world went dark, as the moon reversed the process. A rocky object three thousand miles across squashed and stretched like a beach ball and shot across the sky at insane speed to take the exact same unmoving place as the sub had.

The sun that hadn’t hurt for the entire time he had been watching it.

Deep down inside his soul something started to scream as...

Ursa Major SLAYERCAKE

The world suddenly lurched into high gear as he finally noticed the rough ground he was being dragged over. He stared at the message. And then at all the messages still listed above.

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Wake up!

{8}Ball: I’m jammed! Shit! Shit! It won’t cycle!

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Wake up!

ZER0w0lf: Change weapon then!

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Wake up you fucking noob!

ZER0w0lf: No! Too close! Back up! Backu

{8}Ball: Get down! Get dow

Ursa Major ZER0w0lf

Ursa Major {8}Ball

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Wake up! Useless fucking troll!

Ursa Major SLAYERCAKE

Wait, what?

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Fucking fucking fucking...!!

Cpt_John felt the hand let go, then yelled as he fell back down and something hard and round dug into his right kidney. He could hear himself yell over the sounds of gunfire, then the both sounds disappeared as an angry bellow blanketed all.

Then even that sound disappeared, not because something came along which was even louder, but because something came along which destroyed sound completely. Force slammed into his body and he twisted sideways to cuddle into a foetal position. Then yelled again, this time silently, into a silent world, as he felt burning hot metal against his side.

Force slammed into his body once more before sound returned to the world and he unsteadily rolled to his hands and knees.

That’s right. RPGs hurt it. Not injure it. Not knock it down. Not cripple it. But they hurt it. It notices them...

Cpt_John didn’t remember who fired the first shot. He hadn’t been looking in the right direction to see who had. He just remembered a lone RPG shell passing into his field of view as he looked downrange to the huge blue monster.

Go off course, he remembered hoping. Go off course. Please go off course. Miss! Miss! Miss! MISS! MISS!!!

But this was a Multiplayer RPG7, not a Spec-Ops RPG7. They actually travelled in straight lines rather than veering to the side at the last inconvenient second. The round disappeared into the distance, and he watched the trail of spoke approach the living gundam, pass under its chin, and slam into its chest. The round had hurt it.

Unfortunately it had also seriously pissed it off.

Soon after he also learned that yet another aspect of the game engine had been left behind. In this world things didn’t explode in clouds of dollar bills when they were dead or dying.

Blood_Son: BSG?

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: He’s awake! Get up you fag!

Cpt_John felt himself get hauled to his feet and shoved away before another two gaps in hearing slammed into his body. He remembered now. [FCUK]BSG:WIN//// had an RPG7. [FCUK]BSG:WIN//// had no understanding of the phrase ‘clear behind’. [FCUK]BSG:WIN//// was a stupid fucking moron who didn’t understand that you shouldn’t stand in front of people when using a weapon like that!

If they both survived this he was so going to kick his arse. And if the miserable little shit demanded a ‘thank you’ first for this, he was going stamp on his bloody nads!

Blood_Son: John! Pin it! BSG! Snipe it!

With pleasure!

Cpt_John brought the L86 up to his shoulder, looked through the SUSAT, aimed for the inside out porcupine, and fired. They had left familiar territory behind long ago, retreating south over the map edge and into the forest. Outside the map the canopy half blinded both sides. And that wasn’t the only problem.

Tsplitters had been right when he guess it would be invisible at night. That miserable dragon thing had been quite right when it said that it wasn’t really alive. There was certainly no blood to see. But while they couldn’t see the bear, they could see its pain. The outside was by now riddled by impact points, and the inside was riddled with the wound-cavities they made.

Mores the pity they could also see that regular bullets didn’t go much more than a meter in. Even by the rather screwy standards of Modern Warfare 2, that was barely a flesh wound for a creature of this size. Grenades and sniper rifles did slightly better, and RPGs punched almost all the way through.

But nothing seemed to kill it. Even direct hits to the eyes only caused it to howl in pain, and then the eye would open again, good as new. If it had internal organs, then half an hour of getting swiss cheesed by NATO and Warsaw Pact’s finest small arms hadn’t found them yet.

But they could still hurt it. And while it was in pain it was stationary, and vulnerable...

Blood_Son: We need that cannon! And don’t fuck it up like last time!

Another blast of sound hammered into his left ear as [FCUK]BSG:WIN//// started unloading his .50 calibre Barret into the target. Cpt_John hated those weapons. He’d never gotten the hang of them in the game, and while watching kill-cam he never understood how enemy player got instakills out of clear misses. If only things were so easy here.

In the game, back when it was still a game, you scored every time you killed an enemy. Kill enough enemies in a row, without getting killed yourself, and you got a reward. The bigger the kill streak, the bigger the reward, but the less often you got it.

They had all cheered inside the first time someone had gotten an harrier strike in. Two harrier jump-jets had come screaming in from god knows where, dropping enough bombs to level a large building, and screamed off to the invisible distance. Then the traditional third harrier came in to start unloading a can of whoop-ass with its chin mounted gatling. They had cheered again when an AC-130 came out of the clouds and sent the bear staggering.

They had learned several things in quick succession. Bombs also hurt it. When sufficiently hurt and/or angry, it could rear up on its hind legs. It could also reach down and pull up a thirty foot tree, root systems and all, with no apparent effort. And that a flying tree makes for a very effective anti aircraft weapon.

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: That wasn’t me fault! It threw a fucking tree! What was I supposed to do?!

He fired off another long burst with his LMG, taking comfort in the familiar chuddering sound it made. He poured fire into the head, the eyes, the ears, and the teeth. At least one tooth was missing. They had hurt it. They had injured it. They would kill it!

It had endured everything they had thrown at it. Now they were going to see if it could endure everything they could throw at it all at once...

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Got it!

Blood_Son: Back off! Back off! Clear the blast area and pin it with heavy weapons! Light the bastard up!

*!*ToRed*!*: Aaaagh! Fuck!

That was one of Cpt_John’s queue. He swapped his LSW for an M72 grenade launch and rapped it against [FCUK]BSG:WIN////’s arm. He nodded, shouldered his sniper rifle and took it. As soon as the weight left his hand, he was tearing his backpack off and yanking out his hardened laptop.

The pounding booms of the sniper rifle and the gaps of sound of the RPG-7 had been replaced by the dull thunks of the M72. Distant crumps briefly interrupted the howling bear.

*!*ToRed*!*: Christ! Oh fuck christ!

He ripped the screen up and stabbed the button next to MQ-1 and began panning the picture around. Working out how to work the damn consoles had been a nightmare, but you could do things that...

Ghost: UAV is up!

There was a problem.

Blood_Son: Is the area clear?

Cpt_John: No! It’s not! Someone’s too close! Everyone get clear!

*!*ToRed*!*: Shoot! It’s got my fucking leg! Shoot!

Blood_Son: Hold fire! Get him out of there!

The storm of metal whirling around the monster slowed to a trickle, then to a single line of tracers, reaching up from a point far too close to the monster bear and hit it in the soft underside. The ursa screamed.

*!*ToRed*!*: It’s got my fucking leg! SO I DON’T HAVE IT ANY MORE!

The single line of tracers stopped. Cpt_John felt faint as he saw the bear also notice it had stopped, and notice the tiny little thing in front of it that had caused it so much pain. It snarled and raised a paw high, and only snarled when the tracers started up again.

*!*ToRed*!*: Shoot it! SHOOT IT! SHOO

The paw came down.

Ursa Major *!*ToRed*!*

N00BT00BER: Kill it! Kill it! Die you fucker!

There was a faint clunk, then the deep thrum of a turret gun. It was joined as the hail of heavy weapons started up again. The turret was joined by others. Now it was his turn.

Cpt_John: Area clear! Missiles!

The heavy weapons fire slacked off a little, only to be replaced by bright flares of light streaking down to bloom into clouds of orange and yellow on the monsters back. Another command and six Harriers harrier jump-jets had come screaming in from god knows where, dropping enough bombs to level a large building, and screamed off to the invisible distance. When the smoke cleared they could see it had been driven to knees and elbows. Something dark and black and black came next, dropping more bombs and turned every tree around the bear into kindling, as the world flipped back into sunlight again.

With another scream the bear lurched unsteadily to its 60 foot full height.

Cpt_John: You’re next BSG.

The other player nodded and handed back the grenade launch as he got his own console out, and twin pave lows appeared to pour even more fire into the dying monster. The light ground and heavy aerial firepower were finally beginning to take its tool. The once midnight black bear shaped hole in the sky was now smoky grey. Starts could no longer be seen within its outline and it moved erratically as it tried to dodge, and desperately flailed at burning and brittle tree stumps.

But that was only a foretaste. When all else fails, use Earth Moving Equipment. Accept no substitutes.

Ghost: AC-130 above!

wwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The bear’s upper body disappeared behind a flash of yellow and grey smoke. When it staggered out sideways, it’s right foreleg hung limp, and a huge part had gone black yet again. But there were no starts twinkling in that void. More 40mm slammed into its stomach and ribs.

wwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The next 105mm cannon hit it’s back and sent it tumbling forwards. More light cannon slammed into its left side and hip, then another flash of yellow enveloped its left shoulder. Still it wasn’t quite dead. wriggling and screaming as it rocked around on its now useless limbs. More 40mm cannon fire sprinkled its back and then 25mm tracer marched up and down its spine.

Then all went silent. Everyone else had long since stopped firing, awed beyond measure at seeing for the first time what an AC-130 actually meant up close and personal. Cpt_John looked up, seeing the AC-130 was still there. They still had time left on the clock, and the it wasn’t quite dead yeat! Why weren’t they shooting?!

Blood_Son: BSG, what’s going on?

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Aiming. Dodge this you fag!

wwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This time there was no explosion of yellow and grey. The bear’s head disappeared behind a cloud of black, grey, white and blue. And when the cloud fell back to the earth, the head simply wasn’t there anymore, and a vast pool of tarry oil was spreading on the ground there the stump ended.

Tsplitters: Is it over? Is it gone?

N00BT00BER: Think so. No heart beat. Or whatever that thing really had.

He wasn’t the only one asking, or answering. He switched back to his L86 and used the SUSAT once more. They’d all seen the same movies. How the monster always came back to life any time anyone got close enough to check it was dead in the first place. It wasn’t always easy to tell from a distance, but yeah, he was pretty sure it was dead. The whole body seemed to be melting.

Rottypawnz: You’re sure it’s dead? Really really dead?

Blood_Son: Looks like it.

“Terminated,” Cpt_John added, though he could still only faintly hear his own voice.

He needed a drink, and wanted food, and the machinegun in his arms felt like it was made of lead instead of just made to fire it. He collapsed, and fumbled for the safety before pushing it off his lap. He should probably say something about safety to everyone as well, but he was too tired for it. Instead he reached for the laptop, and poked at it with numb fingers until it showed player health. As he stared at the screen the world flipped back over to night.

Eight.

Eight left.

Just eight out of sixteen...

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: So? We killed it. Is it over? Do we go home now?

# # #

Not long afterwards, and not too far away...

“Huh? What’s this?”

Discord’s eyes widened as he not only saw the symbols flying by themselves, but felt his twisted grip on reality start to unravel. The air began to feel like molasses as he tried to move and he remembered what happened next, as that accursed unicorn open opened her eyes to show not purple, but blazing white, the perfect harmony of all colours joined together.

“No!”

Discord remembered what happened next, and found he could do nothing as the tsunami of rainbow light reared up to send him back to his own personal hell. In desperation he began to think faster and faster, burning away his energies in a desperate bid for time even as the Elements of Harmony ripped them from him.

“Noooooooooooooo!”

But this was NOT like last time! This time there was something he could do! This time there was one last desperate strategy he could grasp for! Something so daring, so imaginative, so out of character that not Twilight, or Celestia, or Luna, or any magic user he has ever encountered could ever imagine him doing.

In his last desperate moments of personal freedom, even as his could feel his wings petrifying, he took the last tattered shreds of power, bundled them up tightly and, before the Elements could take them, he let it go.

Comments

[Firebolt]

454083 I would say maybe armor pricing Depleted Uranium rounds those things are meant to tear though tank armor. and the 105mm rounds on the AC-130 are nothing to shake a stick at either.

[ANTIcarrot]

454083
In this version of Equestria, Ursa Majors are 30ft tall (on all fours) bloob monsters with internal skeletons, no vital organs, and holographic skin that is identical to the night sky behind them, whatever time of day it is. Think of it as a really big block of clear ballistics gel with thousands of pin holes in it, dozens of knitting needle holes (HEAT warheads) a few sledgehammer impacts, and a skull which has been scattered over a wide area. Technically everything hurt it, it's just most things hurt it extremely slowly.

As long as you understood though that, "It was really hard to kill," that is hopefully enough for story purposes. <fingers crossed>

[ANTIcarrot]

454921
Oh, that. An RPG-7 round is a HEAT warhead. When it explodes it send a small shard of copper forwards at about five miles a second. Hmm. Now that you mention it, that's probably something I could have Twilight spot. Thanks!

[RusselNotSCP]

455000 and welcome to modern ballistics.

[The Grey Pegasus]

How the hell did they get killstreaks without killing anybody? I'm liking the story so far though.

[Firebolt]

455223 maybe in equestria you get award for hitting the same target over and over.

[WorldWalker128]

455000
And yet we still don't have spaceships that can go that fast. *sigh* we're never getting out of this solar system!
455223
Probably from birds and small animals that happened to flee into their line of sight while firing. Or, they could have been killing each other. If they were brought across the boundary with the same team rule sin place that were in effect during the game itself, then they could use each other to rack up kill score providing they resurrected after dying like in the game.

[ininbbtfctub]

455223 I think consle commands...