• Member Since 10th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 15th, 2023

Burnasius


Making fics that suit my interest and preferences.

Comments ( 33 )

Seems like an interesting start. Keep writing!

You get a like, a favorite, and a few Spikestaches. Which is more important, though?

Oh, who am I kidding! The Spikestaches for sure! :moustache: :moustache: :moustache:

3188862

I thank you so much for all three.
*bows humbly*
Here's hoping I do get this story some life

It's.... An idea.... Lots of spelling mistakes tho, you should look into that! But it is interesting. Also big group of ponies suddenly getting ill and dieing, you would think that would be remembered. Especially in peace time. :twilightsmile:

3198274
Sorry about the... garble of thoughts, but it's what I am, Dyslexic never helps me.

A history that implied how the unicorns gain such high status in Canterlot. I'd say they would rather remove that from history as it was clearly like blackmail at that time.

You could use some help from someone on your grammar. You have a lot of tense-shifting between past and present, as well as some redundancy in your phrases. The story concept seems all right... you just need to polish your craft.

3242423

I am well aware with that problem of mine. But no user seems THAT interested to help me on that part.

I would panic at her place. Cheated and traped.

I hope next chapter will be faster :D

4005029
Well I'll obviously work on that, unfortunately, Life happens and my College finals are closing in, so sorry.

Wow: this story went the complete opposite way I thought it would.

4180727
How opposite are we talking about? Because the summary should tell you who is who.

4181897

Cadence is in danger. She may have been saved on the day of her wedding but something foul was left on her. An anticipated plan from a force she hated most.

Completely opposite: I thought it would be about Chrysalis getting into Cadence's mind, or Cadence slowly turning into a Changeling and then Chrysalis trying to get to her through the hive-mind. As it is, however, it is about Cadence slowly possessing Chrysalis.

4182301
You just gotta love twists and... Damn it spoiled in the comments.
Anyway, reading the whole summary was better suited to tell what I was going for.

4183024
The next paragraph expressed that Cadance would turn the situation to her advantage, but I was imagining that she would use "godly mental fortitude" to turn the tables on Chrysalis or something.

4183460
Yeah, I guess it can be like that. But to create a convincing summary is to make it vague so the reader can be... Curious enough to read.

Finally made chapter eight.

4217270
Yeah, more than a month delay due to having a life...
Anyway, about to finish this story as mentioned in said chapter.
Unless I decide on fillers... and adding comedy somewhere in there.

4217330 I have a life too, but I still manage to write somewhat decently. You should check out one of my fics maybe?

4217398
I think i have. A Queen's Lament was a nice work that delve into Chrysalis and also I'm a SAxQC fan.

4217666 I didn't know that my fics reached any prolific writers yet. As for 'A Queen's Lament', I have plans for a sequel about Radiance, if you want to keep an eye out for that.

I also am working on a fic about the origins of the changeling race, among other things, called 'Fires of Change'. I plan on doing a lot with that fic.

4217726
I'll be sure to wait on that sequel. So good luck and have fun with them.

I think that Chrysalis should tell Shining the truth. It would be safer than him hearing about it from somepony else as long as she makes it clear that it was Cadence's idea to begin with.

4237252
Oh but we are talking about Chrysalis here, who has pride and her natural instincts is to basically PRETEND to be somepony else unless she knows she is going to win. So she won't be telling Shining Armor anything... for now.

4237814

The 'for now' is what I'm looking forward to. It's always fun to see a little drama.

4237823
And drama makes the plot all the more interesting.

Hmm, so Cadence bound her mind to Chrysalis? Interesting, wonder how long it will take before she realizes the trick?

Interesting, already rushing the borders? She's pretty confident isn't she?

4424274
We are talking about Chrysalis here.

Ha ha ha! We wish I had a picture of Cadence looking all shocked into the mirror for the last scene. Maybe even for the cover page, since that would throw people off too.

Oh Chrysalis, you were so close to realizing the truth! But at least she's enjoying fully the other effects. We're a little surprised she didn't attempt to transform into another pony as a test, since that would further prove the identity merge if that worked but changing between changeling and back did not.
Hopefully Shining won't find out the hard way what happened to original Cadence. I doubt she will be able to be revived, but if they do, it will cause... Issues.....
Your premises are great and I think your plot is solid, but you really need someone to clean up your words. I think you mentioned you have dyslexia, so I've refrained from commenting about it, but I'm glad you've got the courage to publish anyways. Thankfully I can interpret everything just fine, but you might get more exposure once things are fixed.
All in all, you're doing great!
Keep going! ;)

4429001
I thank you for your honesty, but really, I cannot avoid my annoying issue. Anyway, yes, the plot is actually coming to a close, just about 2~4 chapters more when I get to them.

4428915
I would but getting the image means to crop it from the show. But the best one should be in front of a mirror with her reflection still.

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