Part 1 Pinkie Vs. Van Nuys: Chapter 7 Dan Vs. …
The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 1 Pinkie Vs. Van Nuys
Chapter 7 Dan Vs. …
-ooooooo-
Chris stifled a yawn and pulled into his driveway. He sighed looking up at the giant covering over his house, garage, and shed.
He wasn’t too perturbed by the idea that his domicile now resembled a giant circus tent, but the constant fear of being exposed to a lethal dose of radiation was starting to take its toll.
Chris climbed out of his car, walked to the back of his property, opened up a large zipper in the back revealing a clear box room with a hazmat suit in it. He stepped in the room, closed the zipper, and began putting the suit on. Once finished, he opened a clear door that led to his backyard. Through the clear plastic of the suit he viewed the flood lights and klaxons that now decorated his yard; making it feel more like a prison yard, or the site of a top-secret government dig site.
He trudged back around to the front of the house and tried to open the front door.
Locked…Of course it’s locked…
He reached for his keys and felt protective layers against MORE protective layers. Much to his frustration, he had suited up with everything still in his pockets.
“Ahhh! Come on!” Chris shouted and mentally prepared himself to go back to the box room.
Suddenly, the door unlocked and opened.
“Hey, Chris,” his red haired wife greeted him, similarly dressed in a hazmat suite. “You suited up with your keys in your pockets, again, didn’t you?”
Chris laughed nervously and stepped inside his house.
Elise stood up on the tips of her toes, put her face plate against his and kissed her face plate, leaving a visible smooch mark on the inside. About the closest she could get to affection at the moment. “Did you have a nice time with Dan’s revenge scheme?”
Chris smiled through the clear plastic suit. “Dan and I stopped a mugger!” He said cheerfully.
“Really?” Elise asked with increased interest.
Any night these two don’t get arrested or end up on the news is a plus, but to think they actually accomplished some good…
“Dan set him on fire and I hit him with the car!” Chris added with no small amount of pride in his voice.
Elise managed to keep her smile, but her eyes shifted to show some concern.
“Oh,” Chris added, “and we saved the poor girl that was being attacked!”
Elise’s expression softened, “That’s very nice, Chris. I’m sure she was very grateful.”
“Yep! We got her setup with the apartment next to Dan’s!”
Elise’s expression went serious, “…I thought you said you ‘saved’ her?”
“Haha,” Chris said as he rolled his eyes, “she practically begged to be next to Dan. She got her paperwork done, paid her deposit and first month’s rent, and got the keys right away.” Chris stared off into space, as little as he could before vision met clear plastic, and added, “She seems hell-bent on making friends with Dan. I said I’d stop by tomorrow to make sure she was okay.”
“Huh,” Elise uttered.
There's something very suspicious about all this...
”How would you describe her?” Elise asked cocking an eyebrow at her husband.
Chris attempted to rub his chin with his hand, but only succeeded in rubbing a gloved hand on the plastic in front of his face, “Hyper-active, nice, clumsy, and the most clueless person I have ever met.” Chris paused and made eye contact with his wife, “She’s about an inch shorter than you with long, pink, curly hair that billows out in all directions.”
Elise smiled, stood on her toes again, and patted the top of her husband’s suit, “You’ve been practicing what I told you about profiling, I see.”
Chris chuckled nervously.
Elise thought more about this.
Well, it doesn't really sound like the cover of someone trying to get close to a target.
“What was her name?” Elise asked.
“Pinkie”, Chris replied. He continued rubbing the clear plastic under his face and looked off as he tried to remember something. “Pinkamena Diane Pie,” he put on an ‘ah-ha’ face and pointed to the sky signifying the name had just come back to him.
“That’s a rather strange name,” Elise commented.
“Well, she’s a strange girl,” Chris replied.
“You say she paid for her apartment?”
“Yep!” Chris sat down on the couch and turned on the TV, local news popped on and started detailing a man who was picked up off the street with third degree burns and multiple broken bones. “Full in cash,” he added.
“That’s a lot of money to be walking around with.”
“Yeah, and she has a lot more. Dan and I still haven’t figured out where she got it all from,” Chris pondered this for a second. “She didn’t seem to know what it was even…Dan thinks she’s a talking horse from another dimension.”
Elise paused, she wasn’t sure how to respond to that. She decided some research was in order, “Oh, I just remembered! I need to double check on the plutonium!”
“That’s great, honey,” Chris said, plastering on a fake enthusiastic smile. “I think I’m going to grab my PJs, get changed in the box, then pray we don’t die before going to bed,” He said in a worried sort of mock attempt at his regular cadence.
Elise smiled, bent down, and planted another kiss on her face plate. “Don’t wait up,” she said sweetly.
Chris yawned, “I’m sure I can manage drifting into a radioactive zombie attack nightmare filled sleep all by myself.”
-ooooo-
Pinkie awoke as the first strands of sunlight entered her new apartment. The daylight didn’t exactly improve it. In fact, she could now fully appreciate how dingy it really was.
She walked towards the window and looked out.
At least it seems like it’s gonna be a nice day with no rain…
Huh, I wonder if they have flying humans that take care of the weather…
Still, not much to look at…these buildings are in desperate need of some color…like pink, or light red, or even fuchsia…
…Oooh, looky! Palm trees. Lots of palm trees!
Hmmm…
I really need to do something to thank Dan…
A gift? A cake? A party?
She heard a door open, followed by a familiar tone of grumbling. She ducked low and glanced outside, as Dan walked by. She fought the initial urge to run out and greet him.
He doesn’t look like much of a morning person…and he really doesn’t need more reasons to be mad at me…
She looked up as he walked by.
Dan turned and faced her window and, just as quick, Pinkie ducked out of sight.
Dan’s eyebrow twitched and he turned around and continued his walk, down the stairs and towards his red hatchback.
Pinkie discreetly watched from her window as Dan opened one of his backseat doors, looked inside, let out an angry and frustrated cry, slammed it shut, and turned around back towards the apartment.
Pinkie let out an audible “Hmmmmmmm…” and stroked her chin.
As Dan walked back up, he glanced at her window, and Pinkie ducked down again.
Dan silently walked up, cupped his hands around his eyes and attempted to peer in.
Pinkie cupped her hands over her mouth and kept silent, sweating slightly.
Alright, be cool Pinkie Pie…if he catches you spying on him he’s definitely going to yell at you…
Dan shook his head, let out an exasperated sigh, and walked back to his apartment, closing the door hard behind him.
Pinkie stood back up and stared at Dan’s car. Her lips slowly curled up into a smile which grew into a full toothed grin.
I have an idea…
-ooooo-
Chris walked up the stairs to Pinkie’s and Dan’s apartments. Elise had insisted he go out and visit Pinkie nice and early, and even went so far as to prepare a set of his standard outfit for him. Chris was just happy to be out of his hazmat suit. Elise said she’d be finished soon, at least.
Chris walked past Pinkie’s door on the way to Dan’s but stopped when he heard her voice.
Huh, maybe she’s on the phone?
Chris rapped a few times on Pinkie’s door.
He heard a, “Gotta go!”, a loud thump, and a rapid peter-patter of legs and arms propelling a body across the carpet. Pinkie opened the door, still on her knees.
Pinkie sprung to her feat. “Hiya, Chris!” she said in a tone of unbridled cheerfulness. Her bandage was worse for wear, and she was still covered in bruises, but she seemed even happier and more energetic compared to the night prior.
“Hiya, Pinkie!” Chris echoed. “Dan kicked you out, huh?”
“Oh, it’s okay,” Pinkie said glancing at Dan’s door. “It was asking a bit much that I stay with him. He did say I could get his help if something ‘bad’ happened,” she said with a humongous grin.
“Reeaaally?” Chris purred sending a bemused look at Dan’s door.
Just then Dan’s door slammed opened, revealing a red eyed, angry looking Dan. “Chris! I need my flyers. I think they’re still in your car.”
“DAN!” Pinkie said enthusiastically throwing her arms around his neck, pulling her camera out of seemingly nowhere, and snapping a photo while Dan angrily shouted in her ear.
Dan squirmed out of Pinkie’s grasp as she giggled with closed eyes and put her hands behind her back.
“Good morning to you, too, Dan,” Chris said flatly.
“Do you have ANY idea of what time it is?!” Dan screamed in frustration at Pinkie.
“I most certainly don’t!” Pinkie answered helpfully.
“It’s 9:30, Dan,” Chris answered, his voice still flat.
“IT’S 9…” Dan glared at Chris and then turned back to Pinkie. “IT’S TOO DAMN EARLY FOR ALL THIS HUGGY NONSENSE.” Dan turned back to Chris, his expression still enraged. “KEYS! NOW!”
Chris sighed and handed Dan his keys as Dan trudged down the stairs towards Chris’s car.
Pinkie leaned in close to Chris. “Chris, I need your help, but I want it to be a surprise for Dan. Is there a craft store and someplace I can get a photo developed around here?” she whispered into the tall man’s ear.
“Of course Pinkie. It’s kind of early for Dan, anyways,” Chris looked down at his friend who was in the process of retrieving his flyers.
Pinkie steepled her fingers in front of her face. “Perfect. Steps 1 and 2 complete…” she mumbled to herself. “Oh, almost forgot!" Pinkie rushed back inside and closed her door behind her.
Dan trudged back up the stairs, a stack of fliers in hand.
“Just what are you two scheming anyway?” Dan asked as he narrowed suspicious looking eyes at Chris.
“Heck if I know," Chris replied. He quickly put back on a smile and changed the subject, “Hey! Wanna grab lunch with us later? It’s a beautiful day, and I’m sure Pinkie would love to help put up your fliers.”
“No! You’re dead to me, and I hate her. ‘Operation Apostrophe Annihilation’ will continue without you.”
Pinkie threw open her door holding her bag, now wearing her boots that looked like they were laced by a first grader who attempted tying them while rolling uncontrolled down a rocky-hillside, “READY!” Pinkie said enthusiastically.
Dan looked her up and down as if seeing her for the first time this morning.
Of course she can’t tie shoes worth anything…
…And that bandage looks like wandered off the set of a Zombie apocalypse movie…
“Walking corpse,” Dan said glancing at Chris, “wait here.”
Pinkie let out a little, “Eeep” as Dan grabbed her by the hand, dragged her into his apartment and shut the door, locking it behind him.
Chris walked up to the door with a look of concern.
There was an apology, some yelling, more apologies, more yelling, some shrieking…
“Dan?” Chris called in concerned.
...the sound of a startled cat, Dan moaning “WHY!?”, some giggling, MORE shrieking, the sound of something crashing…
“DAN! Open the DOOR!” Chris tried the locked knob and banged on the door a few times.
…some muffled sobbing, some grumbling, more apologies…
“Dan! I SWEAR I will break down this door if you’ve…”
The door flew open and Pinkie stumbled into Chris’s chest who steadied the dizzy girl.
“YOU’RE WELCOME!” Dan shouted from the open doorway, pushing Pinkie’s pink bag outside and slamming the door.
Pinkie shook her head as if clearing it, felt the fresh bandage, and looked down at her properly tied boots. She reached down and grabbed her bag, looked up with a huge smile and shouted, “THANK YOU!” at the closed door.
Chris just looked at the door with a blank expression.
“Let’s go!” Pinkie said, her voice overflowing with enthusiasm. Chris followed close behind.
“WhaaaaAAAAA!” Pinkie exclaimed in surprise as she attempted stairs as a human for the first time. Lucky for her, Chris grabbed ahold of her arm before she could tumble all the way down. Pinkie steadied herself on the rail and looked up with an embarrassed expression. “Thank you Chris…could you ummm…” Pinkie smiled meekly “…help me down the stairs?”
“Sure Pinkie,” Chris replied with a smile.
Pinkie steadied herself by wrapping an arm around Chris’s torso and grabbing the rail in the other, carefully, the two made it down the stairs and towards the car.
Pinkie stood in front of the same door she was using last night.
Chris opened his door and unlocked the car, “You can ride shotgun, if you like.”
Pinkie stared at him blankly.
“Erm…”, Chris motioned to the passenger seat.
Pinkie gasped, “But I thought that was Dan’s seat?”
Chris smiled warmly, “He’s not here right now. Besides, he usually has to sit in back if Elise is with us.”
“Oh! Who’s Elise?” Pinkie asked excitedly, walking over to the passenger seat.
Pinkie and Chris entered the car and buckled up, Pinkie still smiling to herself every time she successfully got her seatbelt buckled. “Oh right! I haven’t told you about my wife…”
-o-
Dan watched as Chris’s car pulled out and into traffic, he grumbled and felt the fresh Mr. Mumbles scratches on his face.
He turned back to his bed, fell face first on it, and soon was snoring away once more.
He awoke to an enthusiastic knock on the door.
What is she? Punishment from God?
He rose to his feet, grumbled, and looked at the clock by his bed. 1 o’clock.
Well, at least it’s now a time when civilized people are up and about.
He opened the door to be greeted by Pinkie’s beaming face, smudged with pink paint.
Pinkie spit out a paint brush with a similar shade of pink she was holding in her teeth and greeted Dan with her renewed zeal.
“Hiya, Dan! Did you get enough sleep?! Huh? Didja, didja, didja?!”
“Ulg,” Dan grunted in reply, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, “what do you want, pink girl?”
“I wanted to thank you and Chris by treating you to lunch! Chris says there’s this place called ‘Lenny’s’ down the street. Oh, please say you’ll come, please, please, pleeeeaaase!?” Pinkie cupped her hands, brought them up to her cheek, and tilted her head, so she was now looking up at Dan with her big, toothy grin.
Dan’s stomached growled in response, Pinkie stood up straight, closing her eyes and smiling wider while keeping her cupped hand by her cheek.
Dan grimaced in response, narrowed his eyes and said, “No,” he softened his tone to something a little more even for a change, “but please choke on something and die at your meal…” he said with a smile, holding a finger up. “Oh!” Dan leveled his finger at Pinkie, “And tell Chris to do the same.”
“Okie-dokie-lokie! Well, you know where to find us if you want to come and mock our corpses!” Pinkie added with a smile. Pinkie bounded off, almost slipped down the stairs, caught herself on the rail, and slowly made her way down to Chris’s car.
“He said 'no', huh?” Chris asked as Pinkie sat down in the passenger seat and happily buckled up.
“He asked that we both choke and die on our meals,” Pinkie said, still smiling.
“Sounds about right.”
“He’ll come around!” Pinkie insisted. “Do you think he’ll be surprised? Doya, doya?” she asked, looking over her shoulder.
“Ooooh, He’ll be surprised, alright,” Chris said with a knowing, mischievous grin.
-o-
Dan watched the blue car pull away for the second time that day.
Whatever, I have a war to fight. Lousy deserter Chris…
He grabbed his fliers and walked out the door, shielding his eyes from the sun with a, “Grrrr”.
His eyes opened wide and he gasped.
“My car!” he exclaimed, crouching next to it, and seeing that his red hatchback had been turned pink.
“Bedazzled!” he hissed at the colorful, plastic jewels arranged in the shapes of hearts on the side of his car.
His face turned red with anger.
Oh, that’s the last straw.
IT
IS
ON!
Dan balled his hands into fists, threw his arms into the air, and shouted at the heavens.
PIIIIIIIINKKIIIIIEEEEE PIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!
Dan Vs.
Pinkie Pie
End Part 1.
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So now instead of just disliking her, he has officially declared war on Pinkie.
Ho boy.
This is gonna be like watching a train wreck. You know its gonna end badly but you just can't help but watch anyways.
phh... bedazzled...pink...phhhahaha!
Good show, my dear author, good show indeed.
I admit, I totally stole that idea from the hub.
But there was no way I was going to let an idea like that slide. I've been driving the story towards this for a while now.
............wow, dan and pinkie, two avatars of chaos.......world is gonna go boom
welp thats it His hand have been raised and hes screamed her name to the heavens
Dan has officially declared Revenge on pinkie!
Saw it comming as soon as Pinkie saw the car
3197400 So THAT'S where this huge "Dan VS Pinkie Pie" fandom has come from? Huh. Did not know that. Was wondering.
I can't wait for the epic showdown.
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That's where it started, yeah, but The Hub did another bump with them:
Then it had them go to the movies together:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/6/29/25215__safe_rainbow+dash_pinkie+pie_rarity_human_transformers_optimus+prime_dan+vs_dan_the+hub.jpg
And if course, there's this jem:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/6/19/352560__safe_pinkie+pie_rarity_shipping_straight_crossover_interspecies_transformers_crossover+shipping_dan+vs.jpg
Text reads "Summer fling or Wedding Ring."
So, The Hub put them together then started shipping them hard.
Though a few skilled Deviant Artists I think started fanning the flames almost as soon as The Hub kindled the fire.
"shapes of hearts," I'm guessing.
4350849
Got this one too! Thanks!
I've only seen 2 episodes of Dan vs, but this fic now makes me want to watch the whole thing! Great fic so far, I'm now actually gonna ship this pairing. Can't wait to see what Dan does in later chapters.
Ooh! I remember this! xD
Dan: PINKIE PIEEEEEEEE!
Pinkie: You're welcome! :D
don't bedazzle the car Pinkie.
edit: (finished chapter) Do'h, Pinkie.
I came from curiosity and staying for the epicness
note to self start watching dan vs after the finale of s4
I look forwards to reading the rest
Woah, Pinkie's quickly developing a taste for black comedy.
Lolsz!
Bedazzled!
I see that you also bedazzled this chapter by revising it!
...
Come on, that one was funny!
4451985 that was a good one!! :)
This is really good. One of the few fics that make me laugh, and even better, it's long!
“I most certain don’t!” I think you meant certainly.
"Well, it least it’s now a time when civilized people are up and about." I think at is the correct word here. Otherwise, phenomenal. Flutter on, dear author.
Dan silently walked up, cupped his hands around his eyes and attempted to pear in.
1. Peer.
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And these! Thank you!
Reminds me of that one animation where the guy screams
FUCK YOU STABBYYYYY!!!!!!
Ya know, going back and reading these earlier chapters with the knowledge of what happens in the future makes various events a LOT funnier.
4654779
Nice reference to the Animation Hasbro had for a while.
I love the fic so far.
Now for the next 100+ Chapters.
3197400 the glove compartment, eh?
Oh, I was waiting for this and I was not disappointed XD
God I died at the end...
3197400 Bedazzled!
So silly...
5436612
... It just dawned on me I made a car pun over a year ago and never noticed.
It has begun...
On no XD oh no... this won't end well for anyone.
LOL! :D
Nice job mate!
4320943
We didn't start the fire!
It was all Hub's doing
Set the shipper's brooding!
We didn't start the fire!
But now we all want to see
What happens with this OTP!
I'd already guessed the pink car but somehow reading about it and the response...priceless! And Laugh til it hurt.
Yeah yeah the pink car n stuff... but uh. The place they were going to... uh.. "Lenny's"? Like... Lenny Face? Le' Lenny's Diner...
Does that mean there will be some kinky refrences, m'lady? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
7498439 know it's a late response but I assumed it was a reference to Denny's, which is an actual restaurant.
I feel you but there exists the demonic thing called SCHOOL
Oh...That reference at the end...I-I love it to bits.
I guess this will be a recurring theme in this story.
I've SO missed reading this story...
I think this is the 3rd or 4th time I'm now re-reading this story. I just love it too much, and the other night I thought about it and started gushing about Dan vs and then went on to start gushing on a server I own about how much I love this story and how amazing it is
Reading this makes me want to watch Dan Vs, does anyone know where I could watch it?
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Amazon Prime
Least, last I checked
Someone should really turn this into an animation
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Tubi
i must know more about this... operation.
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YouTube