Part 8 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Ordinary Week: Chapter 63: Dan Vs. Fairy
The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 8 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Ordinary Week
Chapter 63: Dan Vs. Fairy
*****
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”
Dan, Dave, and Becky all cried in alarm as they flew down a narrow pitch-black slide. The only light was the light they were heading to at a rapid pace.
“Ninja Dave!” Dan called out. “Use your ninja powers to teleport us to safety!”
“SINCE WHEN DO NINJA’S TELEPORT?!”
“GAH! USELESS! AT LEAST IF CHRIS WAS HERE…”
‘THUD!’
“…OOFFF!”
“GawOoff!”
“WhaaaOoofff!”
The small tunnel ended abruptly, spitting Dan out to the hard ground followed by Dave and Becky on top of him.
“…he’d be the one to hit the ground first…” Dan uttered painfully from under the people pile.
Ninja Dave quickly got up to his feet, and reached for Becky’s arms, pulling her up with him.
“Are you alright?” He asked.
Becky smiled back at him as Ninja Dave held her arms. “Yeah, I think I am.”
“Helloooo?” Dan called from the ground, raising an index finger into the air. “Still lying on the cold, hard ground after being crushed by you two idiots.”
Becky and Dave helped Dan to his feet.
“Okay, Becky…” Dan began, “I know you’re kinda new to all this, but what part of ‘don’t touch strange things’ didn’t you understand!?” Dan roared out.
“Well, how was I supposed to know it was some sort of trap door rock?!” Becky responded.
“Listen nimrod, it’s an underground gave that’s been populated by lizard people and Vampires!” Dan replied. “You should assume everything is some sort of trap!”
“Okay, okay!” Becky replied putting her hands up defensively. “I’m sorry, geez.”
“Dude, you don’t need to be so hard on her.” Dave said.
Dan sighed. “Fine, whatever. Let’s just find Pinkie. She’s pretty much completely lost without me around. No doubt she’s huddled in a dark corner somewhere sobbing hysterically…”
*
“WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
“Meerrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwww!”
“…”
Pinkie flew down a narrow pitch-black slide riding in the wagon in front of Cratey. Mr. Mumbles clung to her shoulder as Pinkie held onto her hat with one hand and raised her other arm up and gleefully expressed her excitement as the red wagon continued its rapid decent towards an unknown destination.
‘Kuthunk’
“WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
Pinkie continued to cheer as the wagon hit the ground and sailed down another dimly lit tunnel.
*
“OpenShutOpenShutOpenShutOpenShut!”
Pinkie gleefully pulled on one of the lamps as a hidden door next to it slid up and down with every pull.
*
“Ooowhoaaahooowhoaaahooowhoaaahooowhoaaahooowhoaaahooo…”
“Meeeerooooweeerooooweeerooooweeerooooweeerooooweeeroooo…”
Mr. Mumble clung shoulder once more as Pinkie as she worked another lamp back and forth, causing a platform under her to spin rapidly.
*
‘RumbleRumbleRumbleRumbleRumbleRumble’
“BoulderBoulderBoulderBoulderBoulder…”
Pinkie happily ran on top of a bolder as it rolled uncontrolled down the passage road.
*
“Alright, dude. Let’s go find your girlfriend and cat.” Dave said as he adjusted his costume glasses.
“And my crate.” Dan added.
Dave rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure…”
“Look no further!” A voice called out cheerfully.
Dan quickly found slender feminine hands with pink nail polish slide across his chest as red coat clothed arms wrapped around him from behind.
Becky and Dave breathed a sigh of relief.
“Hey Pinkie,” Becky began, “You’re alrigh…”
‘Shiiiiing’
“AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
Becky and Dave’s jaw dropped as they watched Dan pull one of his bayonets out of his cassock and thrust it into one of the arms around his torso.
“DAN?! WHAT THE HELL?!” Becky cried.
"That isn’t Pinkie.” Dan stated simply. He easily shimmied out of the woman’s embrace, put a little distance between himself and her, and turned.
The pink, curly hair, red coat and hat, and other clothing quickly faded and changed into long, dark red hair, a long, elegant black dress that hugged an unusually slim figure. Piercing silver eyes sat in an attractive face of pale skin and slightly pointed ears. The woman stood only about an inch taller than Dan, but held herself in a manner that drew attention to her presence.
She calmly pulled the bayonet out of her arm and let it clatter to the floor.
“Goodness, that was quick.” She said as she smirked at Dan. “Usually my interests are in far, far too deep before they suspect anything is amiss, and no one has ever seen through my disguise immediately. I’m impressed human.”
Dan cocked an eyebrow. “Really? I mean, you forgot to give yourself gloves.”
The woman chuckled and flicked a pink nail polished hand up, holding it up at face level. Almost identical to Pinkie’s hand with the addition of a few golden rings on the fingers. “What, and hide these cute, little digits?”
“That’s another thing,” Dan continued, “Your nail polish is a shade off from Pinkie’s.”
The woman’s eyes widened. “Goodness, you are observant.”
“Pinkie also smells nicer than you.” Dan added.
The redhead shot a glare at Dan and her lips twitched into a slight frown. “Okay, now you’re just being mean.”
“Mean nothing, lady. You smell like crypt and,” Dan shuttered, “nature, which is even worse. Also,” Dan continued, “Pinkie would never say ‘look no further’, if anything, she’d cover my eyes and make me play ‘Guess Who?’.
The woman paused and broke into laughter. “Hahahaha, my, my, you are either the bravest or the dumbest human I’ve ever met.” She grinned slyly at Dan. “You really have no idea whom you’re dealing with, do you?”
Dan closed his eyes and raised a hand to his forehead and began to massage the sides of it with his thumb and forefinger. “Are all fairies this mouthy?” He opened his eyes as he held his hand in place. “’Cause I got a girlfriend to go find and we can either do this the easy way or the way where I stab you in the mouth until you stop talking.”
The fairy blinked. “You’ve done your homework, I see. I’m beginning to see why his immortal pomposity wants you for his brood so much.”
“Uh…Dan?” Dave asked. “Should we be doing something?” Dave asked.
The fairy frowned at the interruption and her eyes flashed with silver light, causing Dan’s, Dave’s, and Becky’s to do the same.
“HE should stay and chat some more. You two can please go kill yourselves.” The fae commanded.
With brightened, glazed over eyes, Ninja Dave wordless held the scabbard of his katana and pulled the handle up as Becky reached into her satchel.
‘vzzzzt’
The fairy shrieked again as a Bayonet sunk into her thigh, courtesy of Dan throwing it.
Dan turned to Becky and Dave as their eyes cleared and they began to look around with confused expressions on their faces. “Could you two, oh I don’t know, maybe go and look for Pinkie instead of stupidly killing yourselves at a fairy’s whims!?” Dan growled out.
“Uh, sure Dan…” Becky replied.
“DAN! BEHIND…”
“GHAK!” Dan cried as a dagger was inserted into his shoulder.
“…You…” Dave finished too late.
The fairy, made an irritated grunt as she reached for the bayonet in her leg.
‘vzzzzt’
The fairy screamed half in pain, half in irritation as Dan gave her uninjured leg a matching bayonet.
“AHHHH!” She yelled, grimacing and motioning to the first bayonet, following this up with a second “AHHHH!” as she mirrored the motion on the next leg.
“So anyways,” Dan continued, climbing back to his feet and dusting himself off, “You two nimrods should blow, you’re just going to get in the way it seems.”
“HOW ARE YOU ABLE TO STAND?!” The fairy shrieked. “The poison on that blade should have left you in agony!”
Dan turned to the dagger sticking out of his shoulder and winced slightly as he pulled it out, a thin layer of blood coating the tip. “Is that what the unpleasant itchy sensation is all about? Lady, I’ve dealt with tear gas worse than this.”
“Dan?” Becky called out tentatively.
“WHY ARE YOU TWO STILL HERE?!” Dan shouted angrily as he glanced behind him.
Becky paused and smiled. “Kick her skinny ass.”
Dan smirked. “That’s the plan! Now go!”
Dave and Becky began to book it down the long, dim tunnel.
“Good luck, dude!” Dave called.
The fae pulled the bayonets out of her legs, not a trickle of blood on either weapon.
“Strong willed and able to resist tremendous amounts of pain.” The fairy cooed. “You’ll need something besides blessed steel and silver to actually harm me, though.” She informed. “You know, you’re not my type...at all. I usually go for the tall, handsome, poetic type, but maybe it’s time I broke ties with that stuffy vampire and add you to my conquests.” She licked her lips. “I do love a challenge.”
Dan rolled his eyes. “Alright, Lea…Can I call you Lea? Leanan Sidhe is a bit of a mouthful.” Dan reasoned.
“I…wow, you’re certainly well read.” Lea replied in surprise. “It seems I’ve underestimated you in many ways.”
Dan shrugged. “Red hair, fairy, seems to want to collect me and probably feed on life force or some such? You’re not leaving me with a lot of options here.”
Lea laughed again. “Hahahahaha! You just keep on getting more and more interesting!”
Dan reached into his cassock with both hands and pulled out two more bayonets. “And you don’t seem to want to shut up. Sorry, Lea, but its mouth stabbing time.”
Lea chuckled. “You can’t stab what you can’t see.”
With that, the fae faded from view.
Dan sighed and threw a bayonet out, it sailed through open air and clattered against the tunnel walls.
Dan heard a snicker.
“Not even close.” Lea called out.
Dan turned towards the direction of the voice and threw his second bayonet, it too, sailed through open air until it collided with a wall.
“Oh, you didn’t think I’d make it that easy?” Lea mocked, the voice coming from a completely different location.
Dan reached for more bayonets as his eyes darted back and forth through the dim light of the tunnels.
“I should credit you for not following the instructions by the way, as silly as it is that you’d walk in here for something as trivial as one of your human electronic toys, you were wise not to step right into our trap.” Lea’s voice sang out from another new location.
Dan paused. “Lea, I have no idea what you’re babbling on about. You left a trail of cracker crumbs right to here.”
There was a pause. “I…uh…I think you meant breadcrumbs.”
“Whatever!” Dan replied in irritation. “You left plenty of clues in our apartment!”
“Those where just so you’d believe the note!” There was another pause. “Wait a minute! Don’t tell me you didn’t even read it!” The voice called in a shocked tone.
“Uhhh…note?” Dan asked in a slightly confused tone.
“BY ALL THE FAIRIES OF THE SIDHE! I STUCK IT TO YOUR FRIDGE! IT…IT WASN’T EVEN SMALL! IT WAS THIS GIANT…OSTENTATIOUS SCROLL! DO YOU HAVE ANY CLUE HOW SICK IT MADE ME TO SNEAK INTO YOUR HOUSE UNINVITED, TAPE THAT DAMN THING TO YOUR FRIDGE, GET BATS TO ROOST IN YOUR HOME, SPRINKLE CRYPT DUST, AND STEAL YOUR LITTLE TOY?!”
Dan paused. “Wait, what about the cape on Mr. Mumbles.”
“…Who?”
“My cat.” Dan explained.
“What?! WHY WOULD I PUT A CAPE ON A CAT?!”
“Huh…” Dan uttered as he rubbed a bayonet grip against his temple. “Mr. Mumbles must have just thought it made her look cool…”
“I…YOU…how... how does that even…” Lea stuttered out. “I ACTUALLY GOT PHYSICALLY ILL AND RETCHED FAIRY DUST DOING ALL THIS!” Lea screamed out angrily.
“What?!” Dan replied in alarm as he began to spit from his mouth. “Ewwwww! That was fairy vomit Pinkie and I were tasting?!”
“WHY WOULD YOU EVEN STICK IT IN YOUR MOUTH?!”
‘vzzzzt’
“GLCK!”
Lea uttered a loud, muffled guttural sound as she repapered, a bayonet sticking out of her throat.
Dan grinned and quickly closed the several yards distance between him and Lea. “By the by, you’ve been forgetting to make your voice come from different places for a while now.” Dan reached into his cassock and pulled out two crude, dull grey swords with simple leather wrapped handles.
Lea’s flustered appearance changed to fear as she glanced at the weapons. She quickly reached for the bayonet in her mouth and pulled it out.
“Wait!” She cried.
“Naw,” Dan replied, “you’ve talked enough as it is.”
Lea flicked out a ringed finger, as she did, a gust of wind hit Dan and he flew backwards onto the cave floor.
Lea’s eyes suddenly glowed with blinding, bright silver light.
Dan ceased struggling to his feet as the glow was matched in his own.
In a blur of movement, Lea was on top of him, the bright silver glow of her eyes focused directly onto Dan as she held the sides of his face in her hands.
“YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE ME!”
‘THUNK!’
“Don’t tell ME who to love!”
The glow faded and dissipated as Lea’s face turned pained.
Dan slid his body out from under Lea who continued to kneel on the ground, and stared at the iron sword that was just shoved through her thigh. Blood seeped through the puncture wound and began to pool on the stone floor below.
“Ha…HOW!” Lea choked out painfully. “HOW CAN YOUR WILL BE SO STRONG?!”
Dan raised himself to his knees and placed his face inches away from Lea’s. “Listen Lea, I’m flattered, I really am. If I wanted to become some flighty fairy’s love toy, you’d be right at the top of the list.”
Dan reached for his sword and pulled it out.
Lea shrieked in pain as the sword made a sickening sound, cutting through her flesh again as it was raised up and out of the wound.
“But I actually broke the woman I love and had to make it up to her,” Dan continued. His expression turned wistful. “And, despite all that, she decided she could still like me, and eventually she decided she could love me. ME!” Dan stressed. “Now, that’s love!”
Through the pain in her leg, Lea managed to reply. “Cough…uuuugghh, human romance is so…huff…stomached churning. Wait…What you are doing!?” Lea called out fearfully, her eyes darting to either side of her head as Dan stood up and placed both iron swords on her shoulders, crisscrossing the swords in front of himself as he held his elbows out from his body.
Dan grinned evilly down at the red haired woman. “You want my love? Here’s step one. I don’t have time to figure out what will emotionally hurt you…heck, you probably can’t even be emotionally scarred, buuuuuut~ I’m sure decapitation is painful enough.”
Lea tried one more desperate attempt at calm. “These won’t kill me, you know…send me back amongst the Aos Sí, sure…but I’ll be back!” Lea said in a threatening tone. “I’ll return and I’ll transform your pathetic life into an unending hell.”
Dan chuckled. “Wouldn’t be the first time.” Dan’s smile dropped to an angry grimace. “Anyhow, the worst hell I’ve ever seen was in the eyes of someone I hurt very badly who didn’t deserve it. I doubt you have the imagination to cook up something like that, Lea.”
Lea sneered up at Dan. “I will certainly try, little mortal!”
Dan’s flashed lea a mouth full of pointed teeth framed by lips that opened and curved upwards.
“It’s a date!” Dan replied as he scissored the two blades closer to each other and towards the neck in between them.
*
“Do you think Dan’s okay?” Becky asked as she and Dave continued their directionless walk down yet another dimly lit tunnel.
*
Dan grunted as he pulled on one of the rings from the now limp hand.
“Whoa!”
The ring parted from the hand and Dan slipped on the blood pool below him, falling backwards.
He stood up and smoothed out his outfit, then examined the golden ring; a wavy leaf motif framed a brilliant, sky blue colored gem.
“Huh…I wonder…”
Dan waved the ring about. It did nothing.
He held it in front of him. “Go ring, go!..Shazam..! Uh…”
Dan tentatively attempted to put the ring on his index finger, to his surprise, the small ring seemed to fit easily, expanding as it was slid down his finger.
“Heh, killing mythological creatures is awesome…”
Dan flicked his finger out at his face, and a strong gust of wind forced his cheeks out, sent his hair standing straight up, and blew his costume glasses off.
He stared wide eyed at the ring. “Uh…maybe I should pick a different finger…” He mused as he turned to look for his glasses.
*
“He’s one tough little dude, I’m sure he’ll manage.” Dave replied.
“Do you think Pinkie’s okay?” Becky asked, a touch more concern in her voice.
*
“VAMPIRE TUNNEL RAVE PARTY!” Pinkie announced.
“Meow!”
Mr. Mumbles perched on Cratey and began batting at the wall, depressing a switch over and over again that was designed to blend in with its surroundings. The dim lamp lights turned off and on with each press of the paw, creating a bit of a strobe light effect within the tunnel.
Pinkie exuberantly flung her hands out as she dance in the flickering light.
*
“Well…She’s pretty upbeat. I’m sure she’s keeping a level head over all this…” Dave reasoned.
“…Do you think we’ll be okay?”
Dave turned and smiled. “We’ll be fine.” He insisted. “We’re both loaded for the undead, I’m a trained ninja. You uh…have dealt with people pretending to be vampires…” Dave offered meekly.
Becky pursed her lips. “I’m a lot tougher than you think.” She insisted.
“Uh, right…sorry. Didn’t mean to…” Dave paused. “Wait, what was that?”
“Huh?” Becky turned down the hall. “I didn’t hear anythi…” She turned back to where Dave was standing a moment ago.
“Ninja Dave? Where did you…”
Without warning, one of the tunnel walls spun, and a trio of pale looking people dressed in dark clothing and wearing an overabundance of gaudy looking jewelry appeared and greeted Becky with grim looking smiles.
“Uh…hi?” Becky uttered in a weak voice as she reached into her black cassock with both hands.
Before she can make a move, two of the vampires were upon her, holding her in place with inhuman strength.
“Found you~!” The dark haired female of the group sang out as she held Becky’s arm and shoulder.
“Geez, these guys really made us look for them.” A male in a studded leather jacket griped as he, too, held onto Becky.
“Hey, is this one of the ones the boss wants to keep?” The female asked the third vampire.
The third vampire who was busy scanning the tunnels turned and gave Becky a quick once over.
“Nope.” He replied as he adjusted his black, popped collar.
Becky gulped at as the Vampire’s grips tightened around her. The vampires to either side of her parted their lips, exposing toothy, malevolent grins and long, sharp looking fangs.
“Guess you know what’s coming next.” The female vampire cooed.
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derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/12/25/506062__safe_solo_pinkie+pie_humanized_animated_clothes_christmas_sweater_artist-colon-semehammer_hearth%27s+warming.gif
Merry Christmas, my dear readers! Hope it's a happy one!
3681630
Quite the Christmas present.
3682063
You're welcome!
PRAISE SANTA!
Decapitation AND Rave parties?!?!?
MADNESS I SAY
So, Apparently you can resist mind control/ glamor by being so hateful nothing but you can survive in your mind. Fail Win
Yeah, did anyone think their plan though here? I mean turning Dan means having to (kinda) live with him. Possibly forever. What could possibly be worth that? Also, when you turn anyone with preexisting hatred of you, they'll probably still hate you. Dan is really good at Vengeance. That won't work out even if this stage succeeds.
You know, on another note it is pretty impossible to undermine a relationship based upon knowing exactly how horrible your partner is (in soul crushing detail) and not running for your life.
Indeed Sir, Indeed.
Also, sex fairy nemesis for Pinkie! She may be the only being to out crazy the fae without being Delirium.
I'm sure the Scoobies will be a'ight. I mean, it takes a bit of time to turn somebody, so they'll probably just be drained a bit and enthralled. Kill the coven( especially the master) get them a transfusion, and start blessing. They'll be fine eventually. Maybe have Ninja Dave do that "purify yourself in an ice cold waterfall" thing. Of course, you could bleed them out, but that's kind of petty, and you usually don't roll that way.
You know, I can kind of see Dan going to Hell, and straight tanking it. Like Dante's inferno, but without Virgil. He just gets booted between circles until he hit Caina, and climbs his miserable butt up through Purgatory.s access door. Then he just has to work (literally) his way up the mountain. Pinkie would totes be his Beatrice... without all the Pedo implications.
3684081
HA! I can't believe someone actually got that reference!
Merry Christmas to me!
Lea is based out of Celtic myth, but also one of my GURPs books which gave her enough spells that potentially she could have gone so far as to implant memories in Dan.
That being said, she was doing a lot of impulsive decision making on a whim as Fairies are wont to do. Given Dan, yeah, it certainly would have backfired at some point, anyhow...
Speaking of a Pinkie, Delirium connection (Would just post it, but FimFiction is throwing a fit over the image).
3691236
Huh, wasn't aware Dan was in that. Now I know of four fics where these two are paired in!
Kinda wondering how much focus the Dan X Pinkie stuff is, since I gathered it was a huge cross-over with many series in the mix.
3692805
At first I thought you meant the "Goggles do nothing!" and then I checked the chapter.
That one was subtle, I'm glad someone caught it!
Forgot to credit Superbowl for a little idea in this chapter.
This has been rectified.
missing a quotation here"that isn't Pinkie."
i believe that's supposed to be The fairy commanded.
ok i now relize that fae is another way of saying fairy ya confused me for abit
3803819
Fixed.
And yeah, they're interchangeable. I could have done more, but didn't want to go overboard, here.
All of my yes for that reference!
Two Baldur's Gate references a bit ago, now a Jim Carrey ref this time? I think I love you, Justice.
Should be steel.
You should probably edit that line.
4382150
Got these! Thanks.
Mr. Mumble clung shoulder once more as Pinkie as she worked another lamp
Those where just so you’d believe the note
human romance is so…huff…stomached churning
Dan’s flashed lea a mouth full
1. Mr. Mumble clung to her shoulder once more as Pinkie worked another lamp.
2. Were.
3. Stomach.
4. Forgot to capitalise.
Officially halfway done!
Mega bonus points for Leanan Sidhe. Also, I love decaptation!
Please tell me Dan is going to give Pinkie the head as a present...
At this point I honestly won't be suprised if Harry Dresden or Bob are the next ones Dan would want vengeance on.
4936410
What about John Taylor? Dan ad Pinkie going to the Nightside would be interesting...
I don't normally comment, but I had to after seeing the Ace Ventura ref you so cleverly snuck in. Can't wait to see what else in store!
I appreciate the Ace Ventura reference there
3803819 The more you know!
(to lazy to find the gif)
Lea is officially Flutterfairy. How'd Dan know her name, though?
Ace Ventura 2. Classy.
Kind of disappointed dan didn’t put the ring on his middle finger
go to 8:03