• Published 11th Sep 2013
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The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga - Justice3442



Pinkie Pie finds herself adjusting to a new, hostile world, with a new hostile friend. Can they make it through this new misadventure together, or is it the universe that needs to watch out for them?

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Part 7.5 Pinkie Vs. Virginity: Chapter 48 Pinkie Vs. Menstrual Cycles

The Wheel and the Butterfly



A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga



Part 7.5 Pinkie Vs. Virginity



Chapter 48 Pinkie Vs. Menstrual Cycles

*****

Author’s notes: More potentially funny, possibly heartwarming, but also hecka awkward situations as we continue with this part.

*****

Chris and Elise put their phones back inside their pockets and continued to exchange confused glances.

“Trouble in paradise?” Chris suggested.

Elise lowered one eyebrow and raised the other, giving this some thought. “Maybe…but they’ve barely started being a couple, and this has been their first full day off since they started working.” Elise looked back at her husband. “Do you really think they’d get into a fight right away?”

Chris wrapped a thumb and forefinger around his chin. “Hmmmm…honeslty, I’d more expect them to barricade the door and windows to their apartment and put up a big sign threatening anyone who approaches with painful sounding violence.” He replied.

“Yeah, that sounds about right for those two…” Elise agreed. The hints of a smile pulled at the corner of her lips. “I have a feeling there’s some sort of relationship aspects the two aren’t accustomed to that they’re working through…”

Chris stared blankly at Elise. “And the award for most vague explanation goes too…” Chris motioned out towards his wife.

Elise rolled her eyes and smiled. “Well, you know how those two have been innocently sharing a bed for months now?”

Chris nodded.

“Okay, now think about that and consider how awkward that’s gotta be now that they’re officially a couple.”

Chris pondered this. “Well…they seem to have gotten the hang of sloppy make outs when no one is watching, or if they think no one is watching, or if they’ve just gotten to the point where they’ve stopped caring if anyone is watching…heck. D.H. hit them with a half-dozen cupcakes the other day and I watched Pinkie clean the frosting off of Dan’s face with her tongue.”

“Uh…that’s…okay…wow…” Elise responded, trying to reconcile the image of the bubbly, sweet girl she knew with what Chris had just told her.

Chris waved a dismissive hand. “It’s probably not as steamy as you’re imagining. Something much closer to a squeegee on a car window than an inappropriate, public display of affection.”

Elise chuckled. “Okay, that sounds more like Pinkie. But, I still think this is new territory for them. They’ve both shown ‘adult’”—Elise air quoted—“situations aren’t either of their fortes.”

<*Over two months ago*>

Dan banged on the cheap, wooden, hollow core door. “Come on! You’ve been in there for hours! You can do all that pathetic wailing and moaning on a pile of my shirts or something!” Dan declared.

“Dan…I think I’m dying-wying.” Pinkie answered weakly from behind the door.

Dan rolled his eyes. “You’ve been dying-wying for the last several days now. It’s getting old!” Dan threw out his arms and continued talking to Pinkie through the door. “If you’re going to die, at least have the decency to do it in the coffin I prepared for you!” He said, leveling an index finger at the door.

Pinkie whimpered in protest. “But…but, I don’t want to lie down in the garbage-warbage...”

-

Outside Casa Paradisio, a large, brown dumpster sits, flies buzzing around the top of it. On the front of it, a message in black spray-paint written in a crooked, ham-fisted manner reads:

‘Here lies Pinky D-something Pie’

‘Born at some point - Please die already and stop whining’

‘Died moaning in excruciating pain, just like everyone else’

-

“I mean…you didn’t even remember my middle name…or spell my first name righty-whity!Pinkie replied.


“You’ll care a heck of a lot less about both those things when you’re finally dead.”

Daaaan…”Pinkie moaned out. “I think my host body is rejecting-wejecting me!”

“STOP DOING THAT!” Dan yelled at the door.

“Just…trying to keep my spirits-wirits…

SERIOUSLY! KNOCK IT OFF OR I’LL COME IN THEIR AND PUT YOU OUT OF MY MISERY!” Dan screamed at the door.

“…up.”

“Also, how many times do I have to tell you, you moron?!” Dan shouted angrily at the door. “You don’t have a host body! No woman is stupid enough to go walking around a neighborhood this bad at night with an expensive looking bag like that! Standing around with a large sign that read ‘Please mug and kidnap me.’ would have been far less dangerous.”

“But it perfectly-werfe…er explains the two lumps on my chest!” Pinkie responded. “And why they hurt so much!” She added

Dan gave an exasperated sigh and smacked a palm against his face, dragging it down in frustration. “No, you idiot! We’ve been over this! Those aren’t ‘two souls’ trapped in your body. I mean…you’ve seen Elise! She has them, too!”

There was a pause. “…Maybe Elise is from another world, too!”

It was Dan’s turn to pause and think about this. “I…okay, that would explain some things…but seriously...every other woman has those, as well…”

“Maybe all women on this planet are from another world..?” Pinkie offered.

“…You know, I’m half attempted to phone this crack-brained theory into K-L-I-E.” Dan said as he rubbed his chin. “If it weren’t for the fact that I’d sound like a pathetic loser, that is…” Dan turned back to the door. “Can you, please just go find somewhere else to whine pathetically for a while?”

“I…uh…can’t…” Pinkie said meekly.

Dan sighed. “And why’s that?” He growled out.

“I’m…leaking…”

Dan knitted his brow. “From which orifice?”

“I…don’t want to say…”


Dan rubbed his chin contemplatively. Suddenly his eyes widened as he snapped his fingers. “I got it! Your body’s used to being on the estrous cycle, you being horse and all... not…whatever it is girls go through once a month…”

WHAT?!” Pinkie responded squeakily. “HOW OFTEN!?” Pinkie’s moaning slowly changed to quiet sobbing.

Dan rolled his eyes, “Oh get over yourself, you big baby. It’s not that bad.”

Try it!” Pinkie shot back.

Dan grinned to himself. “I’m a guy, I don’t have to!” He sang out at the door.

“…”

“Pinkie?”

“Sorry…just…sorting out how I can recreate this experience for you…so far I need a knife and a baseball bat.”

Dan’s expression turned nervous. “Uhh…Why don’t I get you some help?”

“…Do I…do I need an ambulance?”

“More like a WAHmulance!” Dan suggested chuckling.

“…”

“Uh…Pinkie?”

There was a quiet giggle. “No wait, I get it…Ooo! Plunger! That’ll be handy…”

“Uh, I’m just going to call Elise.” Dan replied as his nervous expression returned.

“WHAT?! Dan, no!” Pinkie pleaded. “I barely know her! I really, really, really don’t want this to be one of our earliest experiences in our friendship!”

“Look, your options are either I call Elise, or you stay in the bathroom for a few days.”

WHAT?! HOW LONG?! How…WHY?! But…” Pinkie broke down into sobs once more.

“So...” Dan began. “Elise?” He offered.

Pinkie whimpered softly. “Yes, please…”

Dan walked past the large furniture fort in the middle of the apartment living area and into the kitchen area, pulled out his smartphone, pressed a few buttons on the screen, and put the phone to his ear.

“Dan?” A feminine voice responded. “And to what do I owe this dubious pleasure?”

“Don’t get snippy with me!” Dan said irritably into the phone. “I’m not calling for me. I’m calling for Pinkie.”

“Huh? What’s wrong with Pinkie?”

“She’s holed up in the bathroom having women’s issues.”

“…Uh…thanks for sharing. So?”

“SO, I need you to come here and deal with her!” Dan responded, his irritation turning into frustrated anger.

“Dan! Don’t be ridiculous! I barely know her!” Elise responded.

“Pinkie said the same thing.” Dan informed. “I think this would be a great bonding experience for the two of you! I mean, you have so much in common!”

“Dan, Pinkie and I have almost nothing in common!” Elise retorted.

“Sure you do!” Dan insisted. “She’s a woman…you’re a woman…you both…erm…presumably have regular scheduled bleeding after about a month.”

“Hanging up now…”

“No wait!” Dan said frantically into the phone. “I’ve been needing to use the bathroom for over an hour!”

“Dan! Look, this is really simple. You just drive to the store, walk to the feminine hygiene aisle and…”

“WHAT?! No, Elise. Just no! I’m not doing that. I’m never doing that! That is a bad idea!” Dan held his phone out a bit and pointed accusingly at it. “You just said a bad idea! I’d have no clue what to even get!”

“You could try, oh I don’t know, asking her!”

“That’s an even worse idea!” Dan responded as he put the phone back up to his ear and motioned out angrily with his free hand. “She has even less of an idea of what she needs.”

There was a long pause. “What? Dan, she’s at least twenty! She has to know!”

Dan pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger and sighed. “She’s used to being on the estrous cycle, not…the uh…monthly…girly…yelly cycle.”

“Wait, what’s the estrous cycle?”

“You are dumber than your idiot husband, sometimes, you know that?! The estrous cycle is what most mammalian therian females undergo during various times of the year for reproduction. Pinkie, having have been a pony up until this point…”

Elise sighed. “First of all, how the heck can you know that but not that human women have menstrual cycles!”

“What?!” Dan protested irately. “It’s not like that information has ever been relevant to me!”

“Oh, and the pony equivalent is?!”

“Therian!” Dan corrected. “It’s a subclass of mammals! You should really pick up a book sometime, Elise.”

“I read plenty!” Elise responded irritably. “Second of all, you seriously still believe Pinkie used to be a pony?”

“You really think it’s that farfetched after everything we’ve dealt with?!” Dan shot back.

“Okay, I’ll admit that we’ve seen some pretty weird things, but it’s far more likely Pinkie is just a confused, young woman…”

“Who’s still in my bathroom!” Dan reminded.

“Dan! I said no! You two will just have to figure it out yourselves!”

Dan sighed. “Well…I guess there’s enough space under the door I can always slide pancakes under it so Pinkie has some nourishment for the next several days…”

“…You wouldn’t!”

“Elise…look, I’m really out of my depth here, and Pinkie needs someone who at least has an idea of what they’re doing.” Dan made a few gagging and choking sounds followed by a labored “Please?”

Elise gave an exasperated sigh into the phone. “Alright, fine. I’ll stop by a store on the way over…”

“Finally!” Dan replied. “Also, bring me a sandwich.”

“I will cut you!” Elise responded.

“Peanut Brittle?” Dan asked.

Elise gave another sigh. “Fine!”

Dan smiled and terminated the call.

-

Elise walked out of her and Chris’s bedroom, grumbling into the living room.

Chris looked up from his copy of WHEN FRIENDSHIP HURTS.

“Hey honey!” Elise called, her expression softening a bit. “How’s the book.”

Chris shrugged. “It’s okay, I was hoping the title was more literal, however.”

Elise smirked. “Alright, I’m heading out for a bit.”

Chris sat up. “Should I come with you?”

“Pinkie is having feminine issues.” Elise explained.

Chris sat down as his eyes went wide. “And that’s when Chris decided he would stay here.” He replied.

Elise chuckled and walked over to her husband, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. “See you later.”

**

Elise grabbed another black box colored with flowing, neon colored lines that seemed to flow around the sides and put it in her basket to join the other.

It’s alright Elise, you can do this.

Yeah, It’s pretty weird that she’s an adult, but just think about it as practice for when, God and Chris willing, you have a daughter.

Hmm…How did mom do this for me?

<*****>

Elise sheepishly walked through the house towards her mother. Tall, thin, with shoulder length maroon hair with a small bow in it. A long-sleeved, white shirt with a heart on the front hung loosely over her small frame, and jeans clung to her waist heading down towards red and white sneakers.

“Mom?” Elise began weakly.

A short haired, blonde woman peered over the newspaper she was reading as she sat in a black easy chair. She sighed heavily. “Yes, Junior? What is it?”

Elise shifted uncomfortably on her feet. “I think that thing school talked about is happening to me…” She said faintly.

Elise Sr. paused. “What thing?”

“I’m…bleeding…down there…” Elise responded as her face flushed.

Elise Sr. stood up and adjusted her green, sleeveless shirt that sat above her blue jeans. “Alright, I’ve been preparing for this. Wait there.” She instructed. Elise Sr. walked off and quickly returned with a white box, with various pastel colors splashed across it and a sheet of line paper that had been written on. “Junior. Your body is going through a strange and wonderful process right now.” She handed her daughter the box and the sheet of paper.

Elise took the items and looked at them questionably.

Elise Sr. continued. “You’ll need those, there’s a set of instructions, now please never tell me about your bodies strange and wonderful processes again.” Elise Sr. said, sitting back down in her chair and opening her paper back up.

>*****<

Elise stared blankly into open space in the ‘Feminine Hygiene’ aisle as she held her basket.

…Alright…

…Let’s not do that…

**

Elise gently knocked on the door to Apartment 8 as she held a large, paper grocery bags in her other arm.

She heard some shuffling on the other side of the door before Dan opened it and gave her one of his trademark grumpy expressions.

“Hey, Dan.” Elise greeted.

Dan merely held out his hand.

Elise rolled her eyes, dug into the grocery bag, fished out a small can labeled ‘Peanut Brittle’ and handed it to Dan.

Dan wordlessly accepted the can, opened the door wide, and extended a hand into the apartment. “She’s in the bathroom, still.” Dan said simply.

Elise entered the apartment as Dan closed the door behind her, walked back towards the foosball table, and crawled under it into the large fort he and Pinkie had erected.

Elise looked at the furniture and pillow structure quizzically, then shook her head. She walked towards the bathroom and knocked on the door.

“Ummm…Pinkie? It’s me, Elise! Can I come in?”

There was a brief pause followed by a weak, squeaky “Just a jiffy…”

Elise heard the sound of someone standing up, soft approaching steps to the door, the sound of a door being unlocked, then steps that got slightly quieter as they retreated from the door.

“Alright, come in…”

Elise tentatively opened the door and peered inside the narrow bathroom.

Pinkie sat on the toilet, her pink dress hung from her shoulders, the skirt covering her thighs and bunched up behind her. A small, blue jacket sat over her shoulders. Her pink, frazzled looking hair hung down over her face, and she clutched her arms around her abdomen.

Elise approached and got a closer look at Pinkie’s beet red face. Embarrassed didn’t even come close to describing the young woman’s expression, she was clearly mortified. Elise felt a pang of pity for the young adult in front of her. Whatever awkwardness Elise felt at the situation was clearly overshadowed by what Pinkie was experiencing.

“Uh…how are you feeling?” Elise asked, though Pinkie’s body language was doing a pretty good job of communicating that.

“Miserable…terrible…dreadful…awful…Ooo…” Pinkie looked up at Elise and managed a tiny smile. “Wretched, wretched is a really good word for how I’m feeling right now.”

Elise gave Pinkie a warm smile and sat on the edge of the bathtub across from her. “I know something that will help you feel better.” She sat the brown grocery bag and dug out a small, rectangular box, and opened it. Elise slid out a foil sheet with evenly placed bumps in it. She pressed on a couple of the bumps popping out small pills into her palm. She set the box down and reached back into the grocery bag, pulling out a bottle of water. She handed both pills and water to Pinkie. “Here, take these.”

Pinkie eagerly took the pills and popped them into her mouth, followed by quickly unscrewing the lid to the bottled water and taking a large gulp of it, swallowing the pills. “Thanks Elise…erm…will these stop the…uh…leaking, too?”

Elise’s smile dropped as she reached back into the bag.

-

Dan continued to lay on the mattress that served as the floor of the fort as he absentmindedly pet Mr. Mumbles and stared at the T.V. screen that washed him in soft, shifting colors.

I HAVE TO PUT THAT WHERE!?” Pinkie’s shrill voice called from the bathroom.

Dan paused and turned to face the direction of the bathroom, a puzzled expression on his face.

“OKAY…BUT…DON’T LOOK!” Pinkie pleaded.

Dan heard the sound of the shower curtains closing.

“AND SING! SING SOMETHING!”

Dan knitted his brow as he continued to listen in.

“I DON’T KNOW! ANYTHING!” Pinkie pleaded.

Dan began to hear Elise sing out Baa Baa Black Sheep from the bathroom.

Eventually the song ended, and was shortly followed by Pinkie pleading. “SOMETHING ELSE!”

Dan listened in as this patterned continued for a rousing rendition of Yankee Doodle Dandy, Campton Races, and When the Saints Go Marching In.

At the end of the last song, Dan heard more muffled talking, quickly followed by the bathroom door opening, closing, and a set of footsteps walking into the bedroom.

Soon, more footsteps were heard walking back towards the bathroom, as the door was opened then closed again. After a little bit, the door opened again and two sets of footsteps exited the bathroom.

“Dan?” Elise called. “I’m taking Pinkie out for a bit.” Elise informed.

“Sure, whatever.” Dan replied from inside the furniture fort.

“Dan?” Pinkie called out tentatively. “You can use the bathroom now.”

“Already taken care of.” Dan replied.

The two women paused.

“I don’t even want to know…” Elise responded as the footsteps continued to the apartment door.

*

Pinkie held her thighs close together and squirmed uncomfortably in the passenger seat of the blue sedan as her curls sat in a haggard fashion around her face.

Elise gave her a small glance. “How are you feeling?” She asked.

“Uh…better…I’m just not used to the idea of…” Pinkie’s already red face became redder. “…you know…”

Elise chuckled.

“Uh…Elise? I’m sorry you had to come out here…for this…” Pinkie offered.

Elise motioned dismissively with a hand as she continued to drive. “Don’t worry about it.”

Pinkie sighed. “I will…where are we going, anyhow?”

“I know something else that will help.” Elise explained. “I called in an appointment with a doctor I know through work. She’ll get you on a regiment of birth control pills.”

Pinkie’s face somehow managed a brighter, more luminescent shade of red.” Ba…birth control? Elise, I’m not…I mean…okay…Dan and I share a mattress, but we’re not…I wouldn’t…” Pinkie began, once again mortified about what her new friend must think about her.

“Relax!” Elise said. “That’s not why I’m suggesting it…I mean…alright…that’s maybe a little why I’m suggesting it.” Elise admitted, holding up her thumb and forefinger to signify ‘a little bit’. “But it should really reduce the bleeding and abdominal pains next time around.” Elise explained.

Pinkie’s face lit up. “Really?!”

Elise grinned. “My doctor could probably make it so you don’t suffer them at all.”

Pinkie beamed. “REALLY!?”

Elise nodded.

“Well! What are we waiting for! Birth control pills, ho!” Pinkie declared, pointing dramatically towards the road.

Elise stifled a laugh as she continued to drive onward.

***

“Hey, Dana.” Elise said, extending a hand to a female; red, chin length haired, blue eyed doctor wearing red lipstick and a white lab coat. She held a tablet PC in her hand.

Dana smiled and took the hand, giving it a firm shake. “Hello, Elise.” She turned to the pink haired girl in the room and extended her hand. “And you must be Pinkie Pie. I’m Dr. Dana Anderson”

Rather than take the hand, Pinkie cupped her hands together in a shallow bowl like manner and extended them. “Birth control pills, please!” She asked happily.

Dana and Elise exchanged surprised looks.

Elise began to giggle quietly to herself.

Dana turned back to Pinkie.“Ah, of course. I just need to ask you a few questions first.” She retracted her hand and pulled up her tablet PC and pulled out a stylus.

“Oh! Sure…of course!” Pinkie replied.

Dana peered over her tablet. “Are you currently sexually active?”

Pinkie’s smile dropped and her eye’s widened, her pupils shrank to the size of pinpricks. “What?” Pinkie asked. She turned to Elise. “WHAT?!”

Dana blinked a few times. “Uh…that’s a ‘no’, I’m guessing.” She said, scrawling on her tablet.

“Elise, do I seem slutty to you?” Pinkie asked concerned.

Elise put a hand over her mouth and tried to stifle her laughter. “Heheh...na…no!”

Pinkie’s concerned expression only got worse. “Elise! Tell the truth!”

“Pinkie…hehehe…no…you’re fine!”

“Elise!” Pinkie pleaded.

Elise got ahold of her laughter long enough to put a comforting arm on Pinkie’s shoulder. “No, Pinkie. You don’t come off as ‘slutty’.” She assured with a smile.

“Promise?” Pinkie asked.

Elise nodded. “Promise.”

Pinkie put hand on her chest and breathed a sigh of relief.

“Uh, sorry.” Dana offered. “It’s a just a standard question…I’ll move on…could you describe your menstrual periods?”

“Oh, sure! Well I can play a lot of different instruments, even all at once! Ooo! Ooo! And I’m really good at singing and songwriting, too! Sometimes I just like to randomly break into song! Like…

“I’m sure my host body is rejecting me.”
“And now my abdomen is starting to bleed.”
“And these lumps on my chest are really sore.”
“And everyone seems to think I’m a whore.”

Dana looked on with a shocked expression.

Elise lost all control on her laughter and doubled over.

***

Once again, Pinkie sat in the passenger side of the car and shifted uncomfortably. This time, her beet red face was buried deep into her palms.

Elise drove on saying nothing, however a large grin was plastered on her face.

Pinkie finally broke the silence. “I can’t…I can’t believe I sang the song to the pharmacist, too!”

Elise tittered. “I know! It was even funnier than when you sang it to my doctor!”

Pinkie moved her finger tips towards her temples and stared down at the pink skirt adorned with blue and yellow balloons around her thighs. “Ulg! I just…unloaded every icky detail! Without even thinking!” Pinkie turned to Elise, her face bright red again. “Did you see the look on his face?”

Elise giggled. “Priceless!” She responded. “I think he needed to lie down after you sang to him.”

Pinkie frowned. “I wasn’t trying to traumatize anypo…I mean one.” Pinkie said, reaching towards the hem of her dress and absentmindedly fidgeting with it.

Elise took a hand off the wheel to give one of Pinkie’s hands a sympathetic pat. “Hey, don’t worry about it. My doctor makes a living dealing with people’s ‘icky details’.”

Pinkie cocked an eyebrow. “What about the pharmacist?”

“Well…he has to explain all information and potential side effects of whatever he dispenses, I’m sure he’ll get over one little song and dance about a woman’s period.” Elise offered.

“Okay, well…what about you?”

Elise raised her hand off Pinkie’s and waved it dismissively. “Trust me, I’ve dealt with much more disturbing things than hearing you sing about your insides.”

Pinkie sighed and shook her head. “Everyone must just think I’m a completely moronic basket case.”

Elise said nothing.

“…Elise? This is the part where you tell me you don’t think that…even if you do…” Pinkie informed with a worried tone.

“Oh, sorry Pinkie…I don’t think that. I really don’t!” Elise assured. “it’s just…I don’t really hang out with other girls…” Elise admitted.

“WHAT?!” Pinkie exclaimed. “A smart woman like you! You must have loads of friends!”

Elise shook her head. “No…just Chris, really…and to a much, much lesser extent, Dan.”

“But…why?!” Pinkie asked in complete disbelief.

Elise shrugged. “Work, mostly…and…I think other women find me a bit intimidating…most men, too…” Elise stated as she stared into the road.

“I don’t find you intimidating.” Pinkie said without a hint of hesitation.

Elise paused and an earnest smile spread across her face. “Thanks, Pinkie…that…that actually means a lot to me.”

Pinkie grinned wide enough that her lips made an audible ‘squee’.

“So,” Pinkie began. “We have some time to kill while they work on my prescription! How about we go to dinner, my treat!” Pinkie insisted. “It’s the least I can do after everything you’ve done for me today.”

Elise nodded as she continued to smile. “Sure, Pinkie. I think I’d like that a lot.”

“Ooo! Ooo! And we should see a movie while we’re out!” Pinkie suggested joyfully.

Elise laughed. “Sure, Pinkie. Sounds fun.”

“Girls night out, yay!” Pinkie declared, throwing her hands up happily. She paused. “Hey, Elise? Erm…Thanks for being there when I needed you…” Pinkie said weekly with a small smile and a small blush.

Elise smiled back at the pink haired girl. “Anytime. Thanks for being my friend.”

Pinkie smiled back. “Of course. Thanks for being mine.”

*

Dan sighed as he continued to pet Mr. Mumbles and watch T.V.

“It’s too quiet, here…” he mumbled, looking out at the screen with a bored expression.

“Merow.” Mr. Mumbles replied in agreement.

>*Back in the present*<

Elise pulled her keys out of her pocket as she walked towards the door.

“Are you really sure you’re comfortable helping Pinkie out, here?” Chris asked from the couch with raised eyebrows.

Elise turned. “Of course!” She replied with a knowing grin. “She’s my best friend.”

Author's Note:

Special thanks to user Heron Brokengear for the chapter idea.

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