The Wheel and The Butterfly
Part 18 Dan, Pinkie, & Ash Vs. Deadites: Chapter 169: Everyone Vs. Moral Quandaries
-ooooooo-
With a red flash and a suitably comic-bookish onomatopoeia sound, everyone appeared amongst stone walls, lime-green rusted copper guardrails, and a view of Los Angeles complete with helpful displays set in the rails with informative history.
“Where’d we go just now?” Chris enquired, visibly shaken.
Ash shrugged, clearly one of the least perturbed by this development. “We got sucked up into a portal like a desperate sorority girl on ladies’ night slurping down a Mai Tai through a stra—”
‘POW!’
Ash’s pronounced chin suddenly jerked hard to the left courtesy of a solid bunch threw by Applejack. This was followed by his body seemingly deciding the ground was a better spot to occupy.
Everyone looked down at Ash with detached, blank looks, then looked back up at one another.
“No, seriously,” Chris said. “What happened?” he asked, looking at Pinkie and Dan.
Pinkie shrugged. “Don’t look at me! My mysterious and wacky teleportation abilities only work on myself… and haven’t worked since I got to this planet!”
“I think… I think, I did that…” Dan murmured as he looked at his hands.
“Well, of course you did, silly!”
Everyone turned towards Elle, curious looks plastered on their faces, except for Ash who got back up to his feet and rubbed his chin with a groan as Applejack shot him a short glare.
Elle smiled back at everyone. “…”
“…”
“…”
Dan glared at Elle in irritation. “Yes! And?!”
“Oh!” Elle exclaimed. “I guess everyone was waiting for me to drop a bunch of exposition on them?”
Pinkie nodded. “It was actually kind of obvious.”
“Whoops! My bad!” Elle replied with a giggle. “Yes! You got really, really mad and teleported us to the top of the City Hall’s observation center!” Elle took a deep breath then walked over to one of the guard rails where she leaned her arms on it and stared out at the city. “Wow, the city looks sooo much different when it’s not a blasted hellscape that’s been mostly reduced to rubble!” Elle looked down and frowned as the sounds of sirens and guns designed to spray bullets wafted up from below. “The sounds of a gunfight are a little too familiar though. Guess the SWAT team decidedto make their big move...” Elle shook her head as an explosion from below caused the building to shake. “Poor bastards….”
Pinkie spoke up, her eyes focused squarely on Elle. “I’m very concerned about pretty much everything I just heard… Especially the ‘b’ word.”
“Really,” Ash said in a disbelieving tone. “The woman who took a bullet to the brain then spit it out saying ‘bastard’ is your concern?”
“Ah agree that we’ve overlooked something,” Applejack’s face tightened as she turned towards Elle. “How does Dan getting mad have to do with us being teleported… Is he like… the Hulk crossed with some… magic person?”
Dan threw his hands up in the air. “Like Doctor Fate or Doctor Strange?!” he growled out irritably.
Applejack shrugged. “Sure? I dunno who those fellas are, though…”
Pinkie sighed, “If only we weren’t still back circa season 4 sometime…”
Elle giggling to herself once more. “Well, being angry does focus your power, but it’s more connected through extra-dimension shenanigans than through magic or erm… Magic via extra-dimensional means, I guess!”
Dan folded his arms across his chest as once again everyone focused on Elle. “You have my attention, supposed sweet child of mine.”
Elle raised an index finger. “You developed some sort of connection to the Nexus when you were there last…”
“And saved me!” Pinkie interjected happily.
“Right, and saved Mom,” Elle added.
Ash and Applejack’s faces twisted in confusion. Applejack spoke up. “Ah feel Ash and I are missing a bunch of backstory, here.”
“Ehhh…” Pinkie shook her head. “Sorry, but considering most everyone here is caught up on the central plot, you two should probably just stay focused on the plot of the current story arc.”
“Hey!” Ash protested, “I’m the expert here and I need to know every tool at our disposal to take out the dead-heads that are bent on throwing the last and worst frat party this sorry planet will ever see!”
Pinkie shrugged. “Yeah, but you’re just a guest character for this arc!” She gave Ash a small smirk and shrugged. “Who knows if we’ll even see you when this is all over?”
Ash’s eyes tightened. “Look crazy, if we don’t figure things out fast, Los Angeles is going to become a ground zero for a Deadite invasion, and aside from the occasional face punches, which I probably deserved—”
Applejack smirked and nodded approvingly.
“—, this city has been pretty good to me. Which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for most places. And I think it deserves better then turning into Hell on Earth. Plus, I’m the only one here that really knows what we’re up against. So anything helpful you could tell me would probably go a long way to saving the day for everyone here and, oh, say as far as the opposite end of the planet.”
Elle rubbed the back of her head, ruffling her shoulder length black hair, “Uh… It’s kinda hard to explain Dad and my powers and I don’t think I understand it all myself, but we get our powers from an extra-dimensional realm that’s basically the source of all magic… I guess? Mine I more or less grew up with while Dad has to focus a lot harder, usually by being mad, to get his to work.”
Chris gave Elle a horrified look. “So, if Dan gets angry enough he can wish for anything and it just happens?!”
Dan steepled his fingers and let out a soft, dark chuckle.
Pinkie frowned. “Even I’m pretty terrified if that’s the case.”
Dan thought for a moment. “That’s fair,” he said.
Elle waved her hands in front of her as if she was trying deflect the concerns in the immediate area. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Dad can like… relocate things inside and between dimensions.”
Chris’s face tightened. “Okay, but how does that explain the energy bolts Dan has manifested, or his super supposed strength?!”
Elle shrugged. “Energy is a thing! And… Maybe Dad is moving the chemicals in his own body or using his powers to hold other people in place?! I DON’T KNOW! WE COULD NEVER FIGURE IT ALL OUT IN BETWEEN TRYING TO STAY ALIVE EVERY DAY!”
Pinkie let out another quiet, distressed noise.
“Uh… alright, I guess…” Chris said. “So how do your powers work?”
“Yeah? What’s with the Deadpool routine?!” Dan demanded.
“Oh!” Elle said. “I think I was like a born fixed point in the multiverse or something?” Elle said. “Like… As long as my connection to the Nexus is intact, I just keep on getting put back together no matter how much I fall apart!” Elle’s face lit up. “I can also do some of the stuff dad can do…” Elle held up a hand where a rectangular pistol appeared in her head with an azure flash. “Just not as well…”
Ash’s face tightened as he stared at Elle. “Okay, I think I’m starting to turn the corner on this whole thing…”
“Uh, how’s that?” Elle asked.
“I’m really starting to wonder why me and my girlfriend are here.”
Dan sighed. “I thought maybe the bad guys where at the top of the building doing their bizarre demon sacrifices, alright?! That’s the usual place for end of the world rituals!”
Ash shot a cocked eye at Dan. “No, I meant in general. If you’re smuggling an ass-load of superpowers in that pint sized body and have the magic, overactive T-1000 with you, why do you even need us?”
Dan sighed. “I’d say something snide about you being useless, but the fact that you’d just agree is really taking the wind out of my sails here.”
Ash took a quick glance outside then sigh. “Of course, even with this place probably swarming with Deadites, it feels safer with you Avengers rejects than trying to discreetly sneak away…”
Dan narrowed his eyes at Ash. “Yeah, keep talking like that and see how long it takes me to teleport or throw you outside.”
“Oh, come on!” Elle said to Ash as she quickly stepped in between him and Dan. “You’ve supplied us with valuable intel and Applejack… Applejack has a really cool car and looks like she can beat a sumo wrestler unconscious with just her abs!”
“Uh… Ah think Ah can come up with a better reason than that…”
Ash smirked. “Killer abs are pretty hard to top.”
“Yeah, Ah know,” Applejack agreed. “But uh… What’s everyone’s plan here? We just make our way down killin’ every poor possessed SoB we find?”
Everyone else exchanged looks, shrugged, and gave Applejack some casual murmurs that suggested that was, in fact, the plan.
Applejack sighed. “And y’all really don’t see a problem with that?”
Dan scowled at Applejack. “Just what are you getting at, Apple-huma—”
Pinkie leaned down and put an index finger up to Dan’s lips, much to his chagrin. “Shhhh! I kinda like human Applejack like this. It feels familiar.”
Dan sighed. “Fine, fine… What’s your point, broken pencil?” Dan asked.
Applejack raised her palms up to her shoulders in a small shrug. “Just wanted ‘ta clarify that y’all are on a crusade to save ONE person who’s possessed?”
“Yes? And?!” Dan practically growled out, his patience clearly wearing thin.
“What’s the difference between her and the people we shot down at the entrance?”
Elle enthusiastically raised a hand. “Ooo! Ooo! They’re all definitely dead now because they got crushed under a buncha cars and the concrete entrance!”
Dan added his voice to the conversation. “Chris cares about Elise unlike everyone else possessed who are strangers, and therefore, not our problem.”
Pinkie gave Applejack an unsure smile and shrugged her shoulders. “Elise is the only one possessed who’s actually an important character to the story and everyone else is basically collateral that the audience is unconcerned with?” she suggested.
Everyone turned towards Pinkie, confusion galloping across their faces.
Dan turned to Elle. “Do you follow it when she says stuff like that?”
Elle sighs. “No, Mom’s weird warper abilities weren’t something I inherited.”
Chris raised an eyebrow. “Wait, so the fact that Pinkie says stuff like that is somehow genetic?”
“How the heck would I know that?!” Elle griped in an irritated voice. “All I know is it’s something Mom can do that no one else can.”
Applejack let out a heavy sigh. “What Ah was getting at is these people all have lives of their own and families… Ah get that it’s them or us, but making a distinction between one person and everyone else in the same hell-boat feels kinda hypocritical.”
“Hey,” Dan protested. “Pinkie and I already covered that! At least one of us here actually cares about Elise, so therefore everyone else here is just collateral!”
Pinkie considered Dan’s word for a moment. “Eh, close enough.”
Elle frowned heavily at Dan. “My suggestion wasn’t worth mentioning?”
Dan’s face tightened. “You just said the first thing that popped into your head and you know it.”
Elle sighed and hung her head. “Yeah…” she admitted.
A look of annoyance born out of frustration appeared on Applejack’s face and she turned towards Ash. “I noticed you’ve been uncharacteristically quiet by the way.”
Ash shrugged. “I’m not sure there’s hope for any of these people. I mean… I just didn’t want to undermine your point because that’s kind of like telling your girlfriend she’s putting on weight.”
Annoyance quickly changed to anger on Applejack’s face and she opened her mouth to speak.
“You look fantastic, by the way,” Ash continued without missing a beat. “Like a sexy southern amazon warrior.”
Applejack closed her mouth as her expression softened. She took a deep breath. “Okay, but you said there was probably some way to save Elise.”
Ash frowned. “Well, it’s probably a long shot, but—”
“But nothin’!” Applejack interrupted. “Maybe y’all are morally bankrupt, but this mass killin’ of people, possessed or not, is starting to wear on me a bit.”
Pinkie leaned closer to Applejack, “Like, saaaaay… A red onesie footie PJs that’s been worn so much it’s gone thread bare?” she suggested hopefully.
“Seriously, Pinkie-from-another-world,” Applejack replied in an annoyed tone. “Ya seem to think I’m some sort of weird Southern stereotype and just… What the hell is going on with your Applejack?”
Pinkie sighed. “I dunno… it’s just this thing she does…”
“Well, she should maybe get out of the farm more… Try being a city girl.”
Pinkie smirked. “Would you believe she tried that when she was a filly and eventually decided came home because a rainbow created by our friend who wasn’t our friend yet Rainbow Dash did the first ever Sonic Rainboom that caused me, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Twilight Sparkle to all get out cutie marks and also was seen as a sign to Applejack to return home to Ponyville?”
Most everyone gave Pinkie a blank look with only Dan and Elle rolling their eyes as if they had heard this story already, Dan with a grumpy expression on his face, Elle with a small smile.
“Yes,” Applejack said simply.
“… Seriously?” Ash replied in dry disbelief.
Applejack closed her eyes shook her head. “Forget it, Ashley. It’s Pinkie Pie.” Giving Ash a serious expression, she continued, “What Ah wanna know is what do we have to do so we maybe save people instead of racking up an impressive body count.”
Chris frowned. “Speaking of which, I’m not sure why another tactical team or legions of possessed office workers aren’t here to kill us.”
“You mean get killed by us,” Dan corrected.
“Never mind…” Chris said. “I think I have my answer.”
Ash spoke up. “Deadites also like to play mind games with their victims. Maybe they’re trying to lure us all into a false sense of security before they jump us.”
Everyone took a few weary looks at their surroundings with trepidation, everything look a bit too serene if one ignored the sounds of combat from the ground below.
Elle gasped. “Dad can tell us if they’re trying to ambush us!” she declared.
“I can?!” Dan exclaimed.
Elle nodded. “Sure! Just get angry, close your eyes, and try to picture everything around us!”
Pinkie gasped. “You mean Dan’s Nexus powers means he has ESPN?!”
Dan closed his eyes and pierced the bridge of his nose. “ESP, goofball! Extra Sensory Perception! ESPN is like… a cooking channel or something.”
Chris let out an annoyed groan.
Elle grinned at Dan. “There! Use your anger at mom to channel your powers!”
Dan frowned. “Okay… I mean… I think that’s much more of a long shot than you’re giving me credit—”
“JUST SHUT UP, CLOSE YOUR EYES, BE MAD AT MOM, AND TRY TO IMAGINE EVERYTHING AROUND US!” Elle snapped.
“Alright, alright!” Dan said, closing his eyes and raising his hands defensively.
Everyone went quiet for a moment as Dan kept his eyes closed.
“Well… is it working?!” Elle asked.
“No!” Dan said as his face wrinkled. “I’m trying to be mad at her but Pinkie is just too adorable.”
“Aww…” Pinkie said with a big grin on her face.
Ash let out a chuckle. “Does looking constipated help your super-powers?”
Dan’s eyes flew open and he grit his teeth. “Shut UP! Ashley! This is all new to me and…” Dan pursed his lips and closed his eyes. “Wait… Uh… There’s no one possessed or otherwise for at least five floors below us, the bathrooms up here are ridiculously clean, and a great deal of the furniture seems to be made out of some really expensive wood… like… mahogany, I think.” Dan’s eyes opened wide and he frowned heavily. “If I paid taxes, I’d be very upset about how my money is being spent.”
“You do pay taxes,” Pinkie said, “remember?”
Chris nodded. “Against all odds you’re an actual productive member of society.”
Dan clenched his fists at his sides as his lips contorted with rage. “I am now very upset for a number of reasons!” he declared as the very room began to shake.
Most everyone in the room looked about their surroundings with trepidation, however a massive smile spread across Elle’s face. “Okay! Now try to picture everything further! Like… try to find where the bad guys are!”
The building stopped shaking as Dan kept his eyes closed. “They’re...not in the building at all…”
Ash gave Dan a skeptical look. “Well that proves you’re just making this shit up. Where the hell would they go? I’m pretty sure we would have noticed a mass Deadite exodus or the at least noise outside would be even worse.”
“They’re under the building, moron,” Dan replied in an irritated tone. “They’re all hunkered down in the lower, ‘secret’ area where a bunch of… uh swirling… stuff I can’t identify is.”
“Well that’s helpful,” Ash replied dryly.
Elle pursed her lips into a tight frown. “Considering he told us where the bad guys were, it actually was super helpful.”
“Hey, he gets his powers from being mad, right?” Ash said.
“Yeppers!” Elle replied.
“So, I’m helping!” Ash declared.
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Sure you are, boy-toy…”
“No wait!” Dan said. “It’s magic stuff, definitely magic stuff!”
Taking care not to hit anyone with his chainsaw hand, Ash crossed his arms across his chest. “Your, apparently new powers aside, what do you know about magic?”
Dan’s eyes flew open. “I believe you’ve already been given a partial list of my accomplishments which include dealing with a demon boss, apparently actual magical magicians, and also Canada.”
Ash huffed out a sigh. “Fine. Can you tell us what the magic is doing?”
“Uh…” Dan closed his eyes. “I’m trying, but honestly I kinda want to see if I can use my powers to remove your brain from your head at this point.”
Elle let out a startled “Ah!” and kicked Ash in the groin where he proceeded to make a strained, high-pitched “Ooooo!” before he instinctively brought his ‘hands’ to the attacked area. One of his hands being a chainsaw, he instead smashed the front handle into his crotch where he then proceeded to make a quiet “Eeeeee!” sound pitched high enough to make an Opera singer jealous.
Ash collapsed to the floor as most everyone looked at Elle in surprise.
Dan’s eyes flew open as he cringed. “Elch… You’d think that might have made me happy, but seeing the X-Ray version of what happens to a man’s family jewels when they get double-tapped is now burned into my brain.”
“The hell was that for?!” Applejack exclaimed. “Ah mean, I understand Ash often deserves to be physically assaulted from time ‘ta time, but ya don’t hit a man’s family jewels unless he’s done ya a serious wrong… Plus I’m probably gonna need those after all this…”
“Sorry!” Elle replied. “Just that… Dad can remove Ash’s brain from his head… and I don’t think he’s skilled enough yet to put it back together!” Elleraised her own hand in front of her face and it glowed a deep azure for a moment. “And I dunno if my own powers are quite enough to fix someone else’s brain…” Elle stuck out her tongue in disgust for a moment. “Plus like… that’d be a lot of icky pushing to get it back through Ash’s ear…”
Chris raised an index finger. “I have several questions… and concerns… but let's start with how Dan can remove brains from skulls with his mind.”
“Yes!” Pinkie said with a massive grin. “Let’s! Let’s!”
Elle rubbed the back of her head. “Uh… I think I kind of explained it, but It’s like… Dad can see like… the… er… the tiny-things that make up everything and can rearrange them?”
Chris frowned. “How tiny?”
“Really-really tiny!” Elle clarified.
“Like mini-cupcakes!?” Pinkie suggested excitedly.
“Er… smaller, mom…” Elle replied as her face began to flush slightly.
“… Like micro-cupcakes!”
“Uh… erm...” Elle put on a ponderous expression. “More like molecules and atoms…”
“What?!” Chris exclaimed. “How can Dan’s brain possibly handle that much information?!”
“Hey!” Pinkie protested. “If anyone can do it, it’s Dan!” she insisted. “He’s like, the smartest person I know!”
Seemingly lost in his own melancholy, Dan rubbed at his eyes with a thumb and forefinger and frowned heavily. “I can never watch America’s Funniest Home videos again…” he lamented.
Chris sighed. “Sure…” he replied to Pinkie in a defeated tone.
“I’d laugh…” Ash said in a strained tone from the ground. “But it hurts to laugh right now… also… exist.”
“Uh, Ah think Chris has a point,” Applejack said as she bent down and helped Ash to his feet. “Ah mean, Dan’s human brain is only so big… I dunno how it could deal with knowing what made up everything all at once.”
Seemingly emerging from his funk, Dan spoke up, “It’s like I’m Neo and I can see the code of the Matrix and I can also rewrite it to some extent.”
“Okay, see now that I understood completely!” Chris said. “Why can’t people just explain everything in movies?!”
Elle threw her hands up in the air. “I spent a lot of my youth just running around trying not to get captured be evil magical beings from another dimension, okay! Get off my back!”
Pinkie let out a concerned shriek of motherly concern as she raised her hands to her mouth.
Chris just shook his head. “You know what? That’s enough questions for now, we should really get back to saving Elise.”
Dan cringed then closed his eyes. “Okay, hold up. I think I can identify which one of these possessed jerks is Elise…”
Chris gave Dan a scowl. “And remove her brain?”
“Tempting!” Dan replied. “But, no… I’ll find her… then remove everyone else’s brain!”
“Oh, that works,” Chris said.
Elle nodded. “Yeah! Good thinking!”
“Hurray for Dan!” Pinkie exclaimed.
“… Uh…” Applejack uttered. “Ah think I should get back to the point Ah was tryin’ to make…”
“Ugh!” Dan uttered. “There she is… I’d notice that shapely, well-tone figure wrapped in a skin-tight catsuit anywhere!”
Chris’s eyelids dropped. “Stop Neo ogling my wife!”
Dan’s brow tightened in annoyance. “Chris, even if I wanted to use my powers to ogle Elise—”
Pinkie giggled. “And… who but Dan wouldn’t? Me-ow!” she said with a playful swat at the air.
Chris raised an eyebrow at Pinkie.
Dan continued, “It’s not as sexy as it sounds… Again, think the Matrix except for crossed with the world’s grossest biology textbook for living things or a boring catalogue that has every inanimate object and their base components…” Dan’s voice suddenly took on a chipper tone. “Still… I think I can start moving brains…”
Pinkie’s face lit up. “Ooo! Ooo! Can you remove the eyes, too, and make the brains look super startled and maybe arrange them in funny places like on toilets and… hehehe… shoved into coffee pots and stuff.”
Dan smiled. “I don’t see why not…”
“Hey, hold up now!” Applejack said, a concerned frown having entrenched itself on her face. “Could we maybe explore other options beyond mass-brain removal?”
The left side of Ash’s lips pulled upwards into a small grimace. “Well, it’s gruesome, but it beats being shot at or having to make our way through an office of people.”
Applejack looked around. “Ah know you wanna save your friends, but, again, this is statin’ to get a mighty too bit murdery for my taste!” She looked around the group. “Ah can’t really be the only one who sees that!”
Eyes still closed, Dan frowned. “I see it…”
“There!” Applejack said. “At least someone—”
“So clearly!” Dan continued. “I mean… it’d be so easy just to separate brains from skulls, it ought to be illegal!”
Applejack’s face tightened into a scowl. “It is literally illegal!”
Dan’s smile only grew. “When there’s no cops around, anything’s legal! Also, they’re possessed and lost causes anyway… probably.”
Chris let out a small noise of distress.
“The building is also surrounded by police,” Applejack said. “So, Ah mean… there’s cops literally around us!”
Dan’s eyes partially opened and he found himself glaring out into empty space. “Ugh… You’re technically correct… the best kind of correct.”
Applejack looked at the others in the room.
Pinkie gave her an embarrassed smile. “Sorry… My friend is in danger and it’s been quite the day coupled with the constant churn of chaos in my life fueled by this world’s seemingly endless supply of horrible things, only occasionally caused by Dan and myself, that have really broke my moral compass.”
Applejack sighed. “Alright, Ah guess that’s fair.”
“Also the compass got stabbed with a kitchen knife and is on fire.”
“Uh… right…” Applejack turned to Elle.
Elle motioned to Dan and Pinkie. “I was raised by alternative versions of these two in a sort of crazy apocalypse!”
Dan frowned. “How crazy?”
“Erm… Like Terminator meets X-Men: Days of Future Past meets uh… Adventure Time.”
Pinkie let out a small noise of distress.
“Adventure Time isn’t a movie!” Dan countered.
Chris piped up. “Also, I thought you said you didn’t really have time for movies and stuff…”
Elle glared at Dan. “Okay, first off, it was the only post-apocalyptic thing with magic I could think of,” she switched her attention and glare to Chris. “Second off, Dad made me watch post-apocalyptic stuff like it was some sort of survival guide! Honestly… it worked out pretty well except for a weird teenage phase where I shaved my head, kept on spraying my mouth with silver spray paint, and crashed every car I could get to run into anything that attacked us!”
Pinkie let out a series of incomprehensible murmur shrieks.
Elle just snickered to herself. “Thank Glob for my healing factor…”
“Really?” Dan asked in disbelief. “I had you watch Adventure Time? I mean, I tried to sit through the first episode and…” he shook his head. “From what I’ve seen, that show is just… pointless and random… and vapid.”
Elle swatted a hand across Dan’s face with enough force the sound of the ‘slap’ filled the entire room. “You shut your dirty ignorant mouth about Adventure Time! That show is amazing and touching, you son of a bitch!”
Dan stared at Elle in surprise for a moment as he felt his struck cheek. Pinkie silently glanced between Dan and Elle as a worry born from having no idea what to do in this situation seemed to take over her features.
“Er, sorry, Dad…” Elle said. “I erm… Kinda have fond memories watching that show with… uh…” Elle sighed and turned to stare out a window. “With my family… and stuff…” Elle took a deep breath as tears began to run down her cheeks from her steel blue eyes. The joyous expression she had carried as well as the confidence held herself with began to seep from her like a tire that had just been slashed.
Dan’s face tightened and he took his left hand off his his cheek. He then raised his right hand up to his head as Pinkie whispered a quiet, “Please, no…”
Slowly, Dan placed his hand on Elle’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.
Elle turned and she looked over Dan almost as if she was seeing him for the first time, like the glint of recognizing Dan as someone from her past who was now gone and what she had in front of her was just a pale shadow of someone who, at best, bore a passing familiarity to someone once loved and was now lost.
Dan sighed. “When we get through all this, you can show Pinkie and me Adventure Time.”
Hands still covering her mouth, Pinkie let out a gasp of nearly unfathomable joy and disbelief.
Elle managed to crack a smile. “Really?” she said weakly.
Dan let out an annoyed grunt. “Yes. Really… Just don’t expect me to like it—GHAH!” Dan suddenly found Elle’s arm’s wrapped around him as the taller girl happily rested the side of her head on top of his.
“That’s exactly what you said the first time you watched it with me!” Elle exclaimed happily.
Dan let out a sudden snarl but was soon cut off as another set of arms joined Elle’s and he found himself sandwiched, or more accurately, burrito wrapped by his girlfriend and future-kinda-daughter. Dan let out a quiet sigh of defeat, closed his eyes, and wrapped his own arms around the two women.
“Wow… uh… touching?” Applejack said. “Though, kinda doesn’t address the brain removal problem.”
“Yeah, sorry,” Chris spoke up, “I’m usually kind of the… er… well not ‘moral compass’ but more moral rudder for everyone to the best of my ability. Just kinda… concerned about my wife who… erm… actually maybe doesn’t care about the possessed people we kill to save her.”
“The hell did you marry?!” Applejack exclaimed. “Satan’s daughter?!”
“That’s what I keep saying!” Dan exclaimed.
“Ooo! Ooo! I was also raised by Elise!” Elle declared. “So really… I’m probably the last person who should be asked about anything regarding moral quandaries or ethics!
Applejack sighed and shook her head. She turned towards Ash. “Can ya please go over again how we might be able to save everyone in a far less murdery way?”
Ash frowned. “It wasn’t pretty. I had to explode my evil-doppelganger and that somehow freed my past-pillow-gal-pal from possession.”
Pinkie’s shot Ash an unamused expression then she turned to Applejack. “Past-pillow-gal-pal?” She turned to Applejack. “You really hooked up with this guy?”
Applejack shrugged. “Eh, my standards for present-pillow-boy-toys just aren’t that high.”
Dan and Elle snickered.
Ash just shrugged. “That’s fair,” he frowned heavily, his shoulders slumping. “Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “That we try to break everyone’s possession through creating a doppelganger rather than fight an army of possessed office workers in the hopes of saving just one. Yeah, Ah reckon Ah am.” Applejack frowned and looked amongst the group. “As long as everyone else is alright with at least trying the less body-count heavy solution.”
Everyone else shared glances between each other as they let out sighs and let out murmurs of affirmation.
“Great!” Applejack said. She turned towards Ash. “So, what do we do?”
Ash sighed heavily. “Well… We need a mirror…”
8718251
It certainly does.
Okay, this was oddly hilarious and touching again. I am loving how you write Elle.
Also, Dan's powers just keep getting more and more terrifying, and I love it.
And the explanation of Elle's powers - and after that, Dan's powers - makes so much sense. Reality hacking for the win!
And so much good humor about Dan's new abilities, too! I can hardly wait for the conversation where Twilight - and Elise - get told about all of Dan's new abilities-
...WAIT A MINUTE!
When Ash did the 'doppleganger' bit, it restored the dead/possessed people connected to him, as the title character. And we've already done Pinkie clones...
ARE THEY GOING TO HAVE TO CREATE AN EVILLER DAN FOR DAN TO EXPLODE?
...or is it more about relationships, and they're gonna use Chris?
Dan uses Brain Drain.
Its Super Effective.
Dan is now Steve Jobs.
You poor poor ignorant. Adventure time is one of the best shows about Apocalipse stories and emotional adventures ever.
Man it's been a while since I've read this. Is Pinkie Pie still not home?
Guess the SWAT team decidedto make their
I thought maybe the bad guys where at the top of the building
Elleraised her own hand in front of her face and it glowed
1. Forgot your spacing.
2. Were.
3. Forgot your spacing.
Ah the John Constantine method to dealing with demons, give them the old run around and then confuse the heck out of them when you 'somehow' manage to beat them with crazy chicanery.
8718275
Chris. Definitely Chris.
Elle is mai waifu.
Dan can remove brains? Yet another reminder to try and stay on his good side.
I just realized, the author of this fic would be truly terrifying if he had Discord's powers.
I'm tempted to let him have them.
A Futurama reference? Nice!
I wonder if Dan is going to get so mad that he literally punches the spirits out of people.
I'll be honest. I really like this story as a whole and am still enjoying it but things have been getting less and less fun since dan got kidnapped. I mean, Chris vs Pinkie was still just as fun as the earlier chapters but I'm still pinning the end of Part 15 as the shark jumping moment.
I haven't logged on in like 4 years but i still love you
So it's certainly been a while. I had no idea this was still a thing. Its at least been 3 years since ive seen this. Wow. I even made an account to comment on this. Brilliant work sir. Excellent story. Keep it up.
Three days it took me three days too read
all of this
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Even after all this time, I'm still amazed people binge this in such a way.
Thanks!
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You got me there.
update soon please
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That's a good way to write.
... I can't help but think of they bringing a mirror, 'Evil' Ash coming back to life in Equestria and the biggest fucking kerfuffle to ever exist being brought into existence.
Also, TOK invasion being twarted by Evil Ash out of pure spite, tomfoolery and Evil dead being Evil dead meets Dan vs.
Because :3
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....
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I'll assume that was aimed at Dan?
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Yes. Yes it was
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This one?
And so the dread moment arrives. I am now at the end of what has been written and, like all others, must now be made to wait for updates. I know it'll be worth it, though. This story has such an amazing blend of humor, heart, and genuine drama.
Also, is AFV even still on? I'm pretty sure the internet has filled that niche rather completely.
I want this story to keep on going for as long as possible in general, but it better not end before we meet native human Pinkie. The ship must sail!
I would have to say both Dan and Elle are right about Adventure Time. It's an amazing show, but you'd never guess that from the first episode. A shame for it's upcoming conclusion, which will hopefully be as epic as it deserves.
I have spent over three months going through this entire story. Chapter by chapter. Line by line. Act, by grueling act. And I've finally come to the end. I've had this story on the backburner for some time, as the premise was interesting enough to put it into my watch later, and I decided to finally just deal with it. I am caught up with it completely from the beginning to the end, and I gotta say, that I'm not disappointed at all with this story. The fun references, crossovers, and even just the funny bits of dan and co make this story worth reading. I can absolutely say that I love this story, it's being put into my favorites, now that the chapter count won't have unread at that high of a number, and I hope that more comes out soon. It'll not be the same now that it's all done and over with. I rate it 10/10 Dan Reasonable Revenge Schemes.
P.S. Really excited about them seeing post apocalyptic adventure time stuff. Especially since it's officially over. And hearing other people talk about episodes, other than the finale (I haven't even seen it yet) will be a fresh change of pace, and it will bring a lot of happiness to a lot of people out there. Anyway, I love your story and I hope that you can keep making good content. :)
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Unless you are a native French speaker, it refers to a measuring system set in Base 10, like the Imperial system, silly 'Mericans still use which is Base.....who the hell knows, it changes at every increment variation. If you are going to use a word in it's French form, stick to all French, I will always take the 'measure' of someone/something, you know the English correct word. If you're American, I'm surprised you don't say you take the 'Imperial' of someone/something.
Also, seriously? You're having a go at people two years after the conversation ended?
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Have replaced other two broken links with others showing the original pics.
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If you watch anime, then have I got one for you. Look up an anime called Ranma 1/2. This anime has ALL sorts of martial arts blended in to every day things. Some of the ones I’ve seen are Martial Arts Tea Making, Martial Arts Eating, Martial Arts Food Delivery, and yes, even Martial Arts Figure Skating. While the 2 characters who use the latter are a couple of idiots, the fighting scenes are interesting enough if you take those 2 with a grain of salt.
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You answered a question posed 4 years ago. Well done, your life is complete. Please don’t respond to or message me ever again.
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Oh man, I forgot about this story. Thanks for reminding me ^-^
Yeah, my time working as a janitor at my local Burger King taught me a *lot* about how insane some people can get. I may never have gotten the deluxe treatment the cashiers got, but that doesn't mean I did witness it. You'd be surprised how many people wanted menu items that they sold at other fast food places. XD
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Huh... I did not know this. It sounds oddly fitting.
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There seems to be many different kinds of bone saw, but at the very least this kind cuts through bone and not flesh. It works like the ones they use on casts. It vibrates back and forth very quickly, which will let it saw through something rigid like bone, but not something that has give like flesh. Here's a video of it in action, failing to cut someone.
9193261
You're thinking of Broken Arrow, which is When a US position is in danger of Being Over run, EVERY Air asset will be Diverted to assist.
Check "We were soldiers" to see it in action in Vietnam.
I have not seen any Reference to Last laugh and probably even having it as you wrote it in the Playbook as a possibility would break the convention, not to mention how impractical what you described would be.
Dude, I read through the first hundred chapters three years ago, and this thing is STILL GOING?! That's some dedication, and I freaking love it! The whole reason I started reading was because of the Dan x Pinkie premise, and the writing was absolutely stellar. When I get the chance to come back to it, I know I won't be disappointed.
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If only they were to visit Alabama next...
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To be fair, I only heard about it uncounted-hand. As far as the Convention is concerned, however, whether or not the American military adheres to it is entirely at the discretion of the United States government. It's not like anyone else involved with the signing has any power to enforce it.
I can't wait for a new chapter on this! I love this whole story, it just makes me smile and laugh so often!
My my, I actually forgot how many times I’ve read up to this chapter....
Please more.
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Np
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.....Ah.
I remember this was one of the firsts fics that I read so many years ago I couldn't even read English that well
Now I can somewhat read it better
....
So fu©¥n funny just as remember
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I'd certainly like to see that.
It's definitely par for the course that Dan's new perspective would go over his head. As well as to his head.
Is this story dead?
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No, I just have lots of stuff I'm working on at the moment. I'll get back to it at some point.
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Naw I am just rushing to conclusions. But seriously though that can seriously ruined anyone's childhood if you have grown up on either movie.
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A lock for a bathroom in a home would be the kind that has a key slot on one side and a nub to use to lock it on the other. Pinkie turned the lock around with her weird magic so the key hole side is on the inside, which would make it so Dan couldn't get out without a key, which he didn't have. From the outside with the lock reversed they wouldn't need to pick the lock because it would just have the little nub to turn.
I mean its a nothing plot hole that doesn't really matter. However it wouldn't be hard to fix just change what Dan says from, She reversed the lock to the lock is gone and I can't turn the doorknob. (which it might have been I haven't read the story in a while)