• Published 11th Sep 2013
  • 35,237 Views, 9,849 Comments

The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga - Justice3442



Pinkie Pie finds herself adjusting to a new, hostile world, with a new hostile friend. Can they make it through this new misadventure together, or is it the universe that needs to watch out for them?

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Part 18 … Vs. …: Prologue

The Wheel and The Butterfly

Part 18 … Vs. …: Prologue

-ooooooo-

A thick steel door slid up and opened with a slight ‘whoosh’ as rectangular lights from the ceiling above immediately sprung to life and illuminated an armory filled with racks and racks of deadly firearms, devices of high explosive capabilities, and things which deliver said high explosives. Almost before the door had a chance to fully ascend, heavy combat boots slammed hard against the metal ground, carrying with them a full-figured woman who was practically poured into a blood-splattered, slightly ripped, skin-tight gray bodysuit. Damp and oddly sticky-looking shoulder length black hair clung to the woman’s nape and neck as her hair framed a face pulled into a scowl. With one steel blue eye, the right orbital socket covered by a black eyepatch, the woman picked out a couple empty slots amongst an assault rifle rack and continued her forceful march. “WHAT THE HELL, ELISE?!” the woman shrieked in a high-pitched voice.

Behind her, Elise’s own combat boots clanked against the ground. Similarly, her camo pants were ripped and blood-splattered, matching her blood splattered short-sleeved shirt, tactical belt and pouch-adorned chest straps. In her right hand, she carried a slightly gore-covered assault rifle which she left pointed at the ground. In her left hand, she held a brownish hardcover book.

With a red glow of the first woman’s right hand, an assault rifle materialized and is placed in one of the empty slots next to the pristine rifles. Elise placed her own rifle in the slot next to it then looked up to meet the woman’s shout with a shrug. “So things went a little south. That’s no reason to get so worked up.”

“South!? SOUTH!?” With a heavy sigh and another glow of her hand, a battered, wheeled office chair materialized that the woman promptly collapsed into. “San Diego is a ‘little south’! Heck! Mexico is a ‘little south’! That mission went all Costa Rica from the get-go… Or maybe even South America!?” The woman paused for a moment, her left eyebrow pulling towards the center of her face. “… You guys still have that, right?”

“South America? Yes. That’s still a thing.”

“What about…?”

Elise nodded. “San Diego, Mexico, and Costa Rica are all still things, Last Laugh. No extradimensional beings of pure thought, super-powered robots, or even Dan has wiped them from the face of the earth.” She frowned, adding, “Yet.”

“Worried about TOK destroying them?” Last Laugh inquired.

“No. Dan.”

Last Laugh sighed and hung her head. “Well… Good…” Her head snapping up with the speed of a bullet, she glared at Elise with her one steel eye. “Still… though… What the hell!?”

Her lips pulling towards the left side of her face, Elise looked down and around slightly then back up at Last Laugh. “You wouldn’t happen to have another chair, would you?”

Last Laugh shook her head. “Just the one. I have a crate, though.”

“That’ll do.”

With a glow of her hand, a big red crate labeled ‘T.N.T.’ materialized.

Elise’s frown deepens as she looks down at the crate. “Er, is it really filled with…” Elise trailed off and pointed at the label.

Last Laugh lowered her eyelid. “Do you even have to ask?”

“You know what? I’ll stand.”

Last Laugh reached out her glowing hand towards the crate as Elise flinched. Thankfully, the crate simply disappeared.

Elise chuckled slightly. “I’m surprised you even have something besides a weapon or explosive.”

“I can carry practical things around!” Last Laugh retorted irritably as she leaned back in the chair.

“… You hit things with that chair, don’t you?”

“Not all the time! Look, we’re getting off topic! To reiterate, WHAT! THE! HELL!?”

Elise cringed. “And I thought Pinkie had a pair of lungs on her…”

“Less stally, more explainy!” Last Laugh said through grit teeth.

Elise set the book down on top of the gun rack. The book looked to be bound in a rust-colored leather formed to resemble a wrinkly and twisted human face. “Okay, so this mission turned out to be less, ‘covert anti-terror’ and more ‘exorcist meets teen-horror slasher flick’! I don’t know why you’re getting all dramatic with me here! I mean… I’m sure you’ve dealt with worse.”

Last Laugh shot up to her feet, throwing her hands in the air. “Of course I’ve dealt with worse, but that whole debacle was far less exorcist and far more teen slasher!” She leveled an accusatory finger at Elise. “And you were doing the slashing!”
“They were clearly hostile!”

“You shot people in the face! Like… A whole lot!”

“It’s not like I enjoyed shooting and slashing up all those possessed people!”

“You were laughing while you did it!”

Elise shrugged. “Well… You gotta love what you do.”

Last Laugh’s eye began to twitch as her slightly pink-hued face began to turn a bright red. Elise was sure she heard the oddly familiar whistle of a kettle.

“Look, you’re clearly upset,” Elise said.

“Well, D’uuuUUUuuuh!”

Elise rolled her eyes. “Let’s get the book crated up and sent off to Warehouse 23, get cleaned up, and you and I can sit down for a nice lunch. My treat,” she said with a smile.

Last Laugh glared at Elise for a moment before her eye stared down at her nose. She opened her mouth to speak.

“Yes, I’ll buy you a sundae.”

“… And a shake.”

Elise laughed quietly through her nose. “And a shake.”

Last Laugh smiled. “Alright, Elise.” She reached for the book.

“Wait!” Elise shouted as she threw her hands out in front of her. “The words!”

“Oops! Silly me!” Last Laugh said. “Klaatu Barada Nicktoons!” she said dramatically as she grabbed the book.

Elise let out a gasp of distress.

Whaaaat?” Last Laugh replied right as a low rumble shook the room.

It was Elise’s turn to glare.

“Erm… We’re in SoCal… so… Dang earthquake country!” Last Laugh said with a nervous grin.

From outside the room, screams, gunshots, and maniacal laughter began to mercilessly beat back the quiet.

Last Laugh swallowed. “Aftershocks, amIrite?!”

Elise folded her arms across her chest.

“Alright, Alright!” Last Laugh exclaimed as she threw her hands into the air, still holding the book. “I can fix this!”

Elise grumbled to herself and pulled a fresh assault rifle from the rack.

-ooo- Soon -ooo-

“Come on! You were enjoying the wholesale murder just this morning!” Last Laugh griped as she let loose a roaring volley from a combat shotgun into a smartly dressed woman with a twisted face. The multi-shelled blast quickly turned the woman’s body into pulp as the remains collapsed to the floor.

“Yeah, but I know and tolerate a lot of these people,” Elise replied as a possessed laughing man wearing business casual clothes rushed her with a wireless keyboard. The laugh was cut short as Elise casually sliced through the keyboard and the neck of the man with her ninjatō, separating head from body. “This was Ted from IT!”

“Still is, bitch!” Ted’s head said as it rolled to a stop by a desk. The decapitated body reached out for Elise who stepped on the fingers of one of the outstretched hands and began dismembering the body with her sword. “Hey! HEY! Stop that!” Ted commanded. “Not cool!”

Elise casually produced a pistol and put a few rounds into the head, silencing it. The thrashing body suddenly went limp. “He owed me 10 bucks,” Elise said.

Last Laugh looked down at the motionless corpse of the woman she had just shot. “And her?”

“Helen from HR.” Elise shrugged as she pulled a wallet out of the remains of Ted. “Eh.”

“Okay! It’s fine…”

“Seems pretty Costa Rica to me,” Elise commented.

Last Laugh grinned nervously. “Look, we’ll just get out of the building! I can fix this!”

-ooo- A Short While Later -ooo-

Bullets ricocheted off the heavy steel doorway that Elise and Last Laugh were using as cover as men and women wearing full combat armor let out howls of laughter from behind a security desk and piles of tables and office chairs serving as both cover and a barricade.

“Entrance is blocked,” Elise said in an annoyed tone as she shot Last Laugh a scowl and took out the pin from a fragmentation grenade. Without looking, Elise tossed the grenade behind her and into the maelstrom of bullets, it landed right behind the security desk and exploded, sending two possessed attackers sailing into the air, but did little to stop the constant tide of projectiles and crazed laughter.

Last Laugh quickly leaned past the door holding two rectangular pistols in her hand. She squeezed off a few shots and pulled herself back as she held the guns alongside her face.

“Ow! Right in the clavicle!” a female voice protested as more bullets were fired towards the door.

“The helicopter on the roof!” Last Laugh exclaimed.

Elise sighed heavily. “Guess we’re going back up the stairwell.”

Elise and Last Laugh jumped slightly as a few errant bullets slammed into the floor and walls around them.

“Hey, Hey, chickadees! Come up and play!” a man in combat armor exclaimed from the floor above as other armed and armored individuals followed him. “We won’t bite!”

“Yes we will!” a male’s voice chimed in.

“Sorry! I’ve just been informed that we will bite!”

Elise produced two more grenades and pulled the pin off one and then the other. “OR NOT!” she exclaimed throwing a grenade upwards and the other outside.

“IT’S OKAY!” Last Laugh insisted.

‘KABOOOOM!’

“I CAN FIX THIS!”

-ooo- And a Little Later -ooo-

“You know, I keep telling maintenance they should put in smaller vents,” Elise said as she crawled through a chrome tunnel, an arsenal of various weapons slung around her body. “Major security risk,” she continued, “for reasons that should be obvious right now.”

“Well, maybe we can make a quick stop and kill maintenance!” Last Laugh said cheerfully from behind Elise, similarly armed with several assault rifles, shotguns, and pistols.

“…”

“… I can’t help but notice you’re not laughing.”

“Not really in the laughing mood,” Elise replied. “Plus maintenance is down in the baseme-Garhk!” Elise stopped and suddenly began to convulse.

“Elise?! Elise!” Last Laugh shrieked as she crawled forward and rolled Elise onto her back. “Stay with me Elise! We’re almost to the top! I CAN FIX THIS!

Elise’s eyes suddenly snapped open as a murderous smile sliced itself across her face. “But can you fix a few holes in your chest?!” With lightning quickness, Elise reached for a pistol on her chest, drew it, and let loose a few rounds point blank into Last Laugh’s midsection.

‘BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!’

“Ow! Ow! Ow! YES!” Last Laugh cried as blood began to ooze out of her wounds. “But it REALLY hurts!”

Elise thrashed, kneeing Last Laugh in her wounds and delivering a few solid kicks directly into the black-haired woman’s face.

“OWIE! NOT THE EYE! I ONLY HAVE THE ONE!” Last Laugh shouted as she threw up her hands to protect her face.

Crawling backward away from Last Laugh, Elise readied an assault rifle in her left hand and a combat shotgun in her right. “Alright, well let’s see how many holes it takes before you can’t fix it!”

“AH!” Last Laugh raised her glowing red right hand and a comically large trapezoidal prism weight suddenly appeared between Elise and her. Shots rang out from the other side and vents immediately collapsed.

-ooo- And Just a Little Later Still -ooo-

Last Laugh crawled out of the burning wreckage of a helicopter into a parking lot, her face and limbs smoking as she let out a few coughs. Once clear of the burning pile of ex-vehicle, her hand glowed red and a fire extinguisher appeared which Last Laugh quickly doused herself with amongst the choir of gunshots, laughter, screams, and car alarms. Her badly burned face and limbs began to smooth out as her light pinkish skin began to crawl over the wounds. She dropped the fire extinguisher as the last bit of skin covered her exposed muscles. Within mere seconds, she was back in one, no longer burning, piece. Though her body-suit had seen much better days; the arms and legs were mostly tattered and the midsection exposed her belly-button, some of her rump, and a little bit of cleavage.

“It’s… it’s fine!” Last Laugh assured herself in a definitively unsure tone. “I can fix this! I just need…” Last Laugh began to frantically pat herself down. “The book!” Last Laugh turned towards the wreckage of the helicopter, grabbed the fire extinguisher and began madly spraying as she practically dove towards it.

“Ow! Ouch! OUWIE!” Last Laugh cried as she crawled about the twisted and red hot metal. With a frustrated scream and an explosion of red energy, helicopter debris fired off in all directions, crashing into cars and setting off even more alarms as Last Laugh huffed and puffed, attempting to catch her breath as her one eye painted a picture of incredible frustration and anger. “I DROPPED IT INSIDE! AAAAAAHHHH!”

Last Laugh closed her eye and took a deep breath. “I can’t fix this…” she uttered to herself, her breathing normalizing somewhat. “I need help… I need…”

-ooooo-

Dan Mandel sat in his blue eyes chair, his face, as per usual, locked in a scowl as he stared out into the living room area of his apartment and absentmindedly pet Mr. Mumbles who was laying in his lap.

Wearing a green, shoulderless shirt with its sleeves scrunched up over a white, long-sleeved shirt that was similarly shoulderless, a star pendant, red suspenders that held up short jean shorts, and knee-high multi-colored striped white socks, Pinkie Pie held a smartphone up to her ear as ringing sounded out.

“Pinkie, you left her like a dozen texts and voice messages. Give it a rest.”

Pinkie looked over at Dan and stuck her tongue out at him. “13 texts and 6 voice messages,” she corrected. “But I have a good feeling about call attempt lucky-number-seven!”

Dan let out a short groan and let his head fall back, rolling it about in a circle before he shot a glare in Pinkie’s direction. “Look, I also wish Elise would show up soon, and save me from the mind-numbingly dull chit-chat of your little girly play-date.”

Pinkie grinned knowingly. “Are you really that eager to get rid of cute-lil’ ol’ me?”

“No,” Dan replied. “Still, it’s bingo night and I need to wipe the smile from Mrs. Glenderson’s face… Moldy-old cro—“

“Hello Elise, iiiiit’s Pinkie Pie! I’m sure you got caught up at work, but I can’t WAIT to hang out! You know… Just the two of us? Ooo! Ooo! Like that song!” Pinkie giggled. “Remember the movie with the bald guy and the midget that looked just like him? Just the two of us~! You and I~!Pinkie sang the last bit in a deep voice laughed some more, then continued talking, “Hey! Maybe we can watch that together! Or… Anything?! Well… Not horror… You know I get all scaredy-kitty-cat when we watch those movies! Sooo…. Uh…. Call or text me back!” Pinkie pulled the phone away from her ear and pushed a button on the center.

Dan rolled his eyes. “Pinkie, you’ve fought actual monsters… Here on Earth, and also back in magic-eye-searingly-pastel cartoon horse planet. I don’t see how watching a movie can compare to the life and death situations we have to deal with on a near constan—”

“Okay!” Pinkie exclaimed bubbly as she thrust a fist into the air. “Come on lucky-number-eight!” She said as she poked at her phone again and brought it to her ear.

Dan let out a frustrated growl as he ground his teeth together. That’s not a thing!”

Mr. Mumbles yawned, stretched, and leapt off of Dan’s lap, her pads soundlessly walking across the carpet as she disappeared into the open bedroom.

Dan got up to his feet and took a few steps towards Pinkie. He pulled back his fist as if ready to strike, then closed his eyes. His head quaked slightly before he opened his emerald eyes once more and took a deep breath. You’re just lucky you have an ass that won’t quit!” he growled, his fist relaxing.

Pinkie stuck her tongue out once more and swatted her behind with her free hand as she turned away from Dan. “Ooo! Ooo! Someone’s picking up! Hey, Elisey-wheesy! It’s your best friend Pinkie-Piey! Are you all set up for a fun-filled time of hanging—“

“I WILL DEVOUR YOUR SOUL!”

“Uhhh…. Oh… Like… The seafood place, right? Hahaha… Sole! Good one!”

Dan raised an eyebrow as he watched Pinkie practically dance in place as she talked on the phone.

“Sure! We can do that! Sounds delicious-to-the-max!”

“YOU WILL BEAR WITNESS TO THE BLOODIEST OF BLOOD-BATHS!”

“Sooo…. Steak then? Surf and turf? I’m not a picky-Mickey! Whatever floats your boat, or farm in this case. Tee-hee!”

“YOU WILL WATCH AS YOUR FAMILY’S ENTRAILS ARE CONSUMED!”

“… I don’t know of a restaurant that does that… Oh! Are you mad at Dan?”

Dan rolled his eyes and shook his head. “So what else is new?”

Pinkie turned to glance at Dan then continued, “I mean… He’s been with me literally the entire time since you saw us last! I barely stop looking at him even to sleep! And in bed, we’re all cuddled up like two cuttlefish having a cuddle party!”

Dan’s face pulled inward with a look of contemplation. “That’s a rather tame way to say it…”

Angry growling and gnashing sounded on the other line as Pinkie cringed and pulled the phone away from her ear. This was joined by a chorus of dark laughter.

Pinkie pulled the phone back to her ear. “Are you… erm… Having a party over there at your work?”

Gunshots and screams sounded on the other end.

“… A crazy firearm party?” Pinkie asked hopefully.

“THE STREETS WILL RUN CRIMSON AND YOUR WORLD WILL BURN!”

“Oh… Okay, Elise…” Pinkie said in an unsure voice. “See you soon, okay?” she said before pulling the phone in front of her face and pressing a pink nail-polished finger against the front.

Dan tapped his foot impatiently. “So, is she coming, or…?”

Pinkie looked over at Dan, concern written across her face like a multi-tomed epic. “Elise sounded weird.”

“I’m going to forego saying anything snide because I love you,” Dan replied.

Pinkie gave Dan a small smile. “Aww… I love you, too.”

“But I will ask for more details.”

Wellll…. Elise was talking all… erm…” Pinkie snapped her fingers as realization hit. “Like that old guy from the Mortal Kombat movie… You know… The ‘Your soul is MINE!’ guy?”

“Shang Tsung?”

“Yeah! Him!” Pinkie said, pointing at Dan. “So, I think she’s in trouble!”

“GOOOOOD!” Dan shouted.

“Dan!” Pinkie chirped in a half-pleading, half-chastising voice. “Elise is my friend! I know you and her have a long history of violence against one another, but you also have a long history of violence working together!”

Dan sighed and walked past Pinkie into the couple’s bedroom.

“Also, she’s Chris’s wife! Your best friend’s wife, Dan!”

Dan walked out, jingling a pair of keys.

“What would poor Chris do if anything happened to Elise?!”

Dan rolled his eyes, grabbed Pinkie’s hand, and began to pull her towards the front door.

“It’d destroy Chris! I know those two have had some rough patches, but they’re really working together to fix it!”

Dan opened the door, pulled Pinkie outside, then closed the door behind her.

“They love each other, Dan! Love! I know I don’t have to tell you what that feels like!”

Dan locked the door, grabbed Pinkie’s hand, and began escorting her down the sunny cement walkway of Casa Paradisio. He walked her down the stairs, then towards a dusty and dirty red hatchback.

“Plus, Elise has helped both you and I out soooo many times! She’s really an integral part to our lives! We can’t just abandon her in a time of need!”

Dan opened the passenger side door, gently pushed Pinkie inside the stain riddled interior of the car, and bent over her to buckle her in.

“We owe it to Elise to help her! I mean… If this was reversed, she’d come to help you!”

Dan scowled at Pinkie and slammed the car door.

“Okay, okay… I mean… I’d probably have to convince her too, but still… She’d be there with all the guns in the world to help you out!”

Dan opened the driver side door, sat down, and buckled up.

“So, regardless of how you feel about her. We have to go save Elise! We just have to!”

“We’re already in the car, Goofball,” Dan said glibly.

“Yeah, I know,” Pinkie replied. “But I spent a lot of time working on that speech and really wanted to say the whole thing.”

Dan’s lips mashed together as a grimace and smile collided. He put the keys in the ignition and started the engine. The red hatchback sprang to life with all the ferocity a four-cylinder engine could muster.

“Welp! Let’s go get Chris!” Pinkie said as she dramatically pointed her finger out.

Dan gently reached over and repositioned Pinkie’s finger. “Chris’s house is THAT way.”

“Let’s go get Chris!” Pinkie repeated, her finger now pointed in the correct direction.

Dan shook his head as he put the car in reverse and looked over his shoulder, placing his hands on the grimy and well-worn steering wheel. “Guess he should be there to help bail out his wife… I mean… If she’s possessed we’ll want someone to shout, ‘Elise! Remember who you are!’ and all that sentimental garbage.”

“Awww! Chris can fix Elise with the power of true love!”

Dan gave Pinkie an icepick smile. “I’ll give you even odds she stabs him anyway,” Dan replied as he turned forward and put the car into drive.

Pinkie’s exuberance sank into a deep, dark pit of a frown. “Well that doesn’t sound like a good ending to a movie.”

Signaling with the car, Dan replied, “Agreed… Only because I like Chris though… That’d be a heck of a twist if any director had the guts to do it.” Dan pulled out into traffic. “Well, let’s go get the bacon bucket dufus, anyway,” Dan said unenthusiastically.

“Come on, Dan!” Pinkie said energetically. “Where’s your can-do spirit? The three of us together again, just like the old days!”

“That was just a few months ago,” Dan said.

“Really?” Pinkie quipped as her eyebrows knit together. “It feels more like a few years.”

Dan sighed. “Well, whatever… Chris can tag along for all the good it’ll do.” Dan shook his head. “I mean… You’d have to have the faculties of someone with an intellectual disability who just got hit in the skull by a garbage truck to think Chris could be of any real help.”

-ooo- And Finally -ooo-

‘Knock!’

After a few brief moments after the single knock, a wooden door opened revealing a woman with an eyepatch-wearing the remnants of a gray body suit.

“Chris? Chris Pearson?” The woman greeted with a smile. “I, uh, need your help.”

Author's Note:

An arc inspired by a FimFiction Discord channel conversation. Not exactly what I was building up to, but that's still what we're merrily cruising towards. Enjoy everyone!

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