Guest Arc Dan vs SyFy: Chapter 3 Elise vs Boundaries
Elise and Chris sat back on their couch together, enjoying a lazy day of watching a fun romantic comedy while eating unhealthy movie snack food. Admittedly, Chris was getting more out of both of these activities than Elise was, but she was just happy to have a day of having Chris entirely to herself, without any interruptions by Dan showing up to drag him off to do something crazy, stupid, illegal, illogical, or some combination thereof. Admittedly, said excursions had become less frequent ever since Pinkie’s arrival - or at least Chris’s involvement in said events had decreased, and Elise was happy to take what she could get - but with Chris getting a job at the bakery, getting an entire day to themselves was still a rarity. As such, Elise was more than happy to take advantage of it by getting Chris as comfortable as possible and then snuggling up to him, and Chris was considerate enough to only use his other hand to shovel food into his mouth, greatly decreasing the number of crumbs that wound up on Elise.
As such, Elise considered it more than reasonable that when a familiar red hatchback crashing through their wall and TV to park in the living room and on top of her brand new coffee table, her reaction was nearly inarticulate fury. Most definitely nearly, as she had quite a bit to say while Chris cowered behind the couch. “DAN!” she screamed out at the top of her voice, stomping right up to the driver’s side front door of the car. “It’s bad enough when you crash our peaceful days to drag Chris off for something, but at least you normally have the decency - though I hesitate to call it that - to not damage our house in the process!”
“What are you yelling at me for?” Dan demanded angrily as he climbed out of the back seat of the vehicle. “I wasn’t driving.”
“You let Pinkie drive?” Elise shrieked out. “She doesn’t even have a License!”
“I wasn’t driving either!” Pinkie piped up as she bounced out of the passenger seat, still dressed in the bodysuit but having stuffed most of her weaponry into her hair since she lacked any need to wield it all at the moment.
Elise blinked in confusion, running through her mind everyone in their little circle Dan might have let drive his car who would be that bad behind the wheel. This quickly became an optimization problem as she eventually settled on the only person in Dan’s circle she could possibly imagine driving a car into a building that Dan would even let into his hatchback. “...D.H.?”
“Just because I’ve never driven stick before doesn’t mean I’m that bad!” an unfamiliar woman who bore a striking resemblance to Pinkie said as she stepped out of the driver’s seat. “And I was trying to break before Pinkie jumped and my foot slipped onto the gas!”
At that point, Chris had climbed out from behind the couch to stare at what had transpired. He found himself staring at the young girl he didn’t recognize. “...Elise? Did you make another Pinkie clone?”
“No!” Elise insisted angrily. “I was just about to demand to know who this is!”
“Dancing Shadow,” the girl greeted, drawing herself up into a salute, “I’m Agent Last Laugh, from Operation Fractal Butterfly.”
All the rage drained out of Elise instantly, along with the color from her face. “...what’s the protocol?” she asked finally.
“Skynet wears the crown, the Games are lost,” Last Laugh responded instantly. “Lost cub reporting to Lone Aunt.”
Elise shuddered a bit. “Is there a Fate?” she asked worriedly.
“Only what we make,” Last Laugh responded immediately.
Elise let out a sigh of relief. “What do you need? I’ll get it as fast as possible.”
“A bottle of fish guts, two bags of grass clippings, eight pints of bear blood, and an ounce of nuclear fusion by-product,” Last Laugh listed. “And a vehicle to get us to Canada in under twenty minutes.”
Elise smiled widely. “Easy enough. I have all of that in the garage.”
“Do I want to know why you have those?” Chris whimpered as the group made their way to Elise’s new facility beneath the garage. “Except the nuclear by-product? That sounds work related.”
“Twilight and I weren’t having any luck opening the bridge between our worlds with me doing the science over here while she worked the magic on her end, so we decided to try it the other way around,” Elise explained reasonably. “Alchemic magic requires a lot of strange ingredients.”
“Oh, okay,” Chris allowed, accepting that as a reasonable explanation. He then sighed sadly. “I miss the days all of that wouldn’t sound so reasonable. It was a simpler time.”
“Not nearly as much fun though!” Pinkie piped up happily.
“So what’s this ‘Fractal Butterfly’ nonsense?” Dan demanded angrily as Elise keyed the codes into her remote to gather the various resources they needed. “That sounded like a lot of really bad time travel related references.”
“While we were working on the portal, Twilight mentioned a time when she experimented with a time travel spell,” Elise explained. “She talked about how her attempt to do so had failed due to a shortage of time to deliver the message. So I created a new Operation set and list of Protocols to explain events incredibly quickly should any time travel occur over here. Fractal Butterfly specifically refers to any time travel having something to do with Pinkie Pie. The rest told me what the problem was…” She glanced sadly at Last Laugh. “And a few other things…”
“Do I want to know?” Chris asked worriedly.
“No,” Elise replied firmly.
“Fine with me.”
Before long, all of the supplies arrived as Elise started calling up the appropriate vehicle. Last Laugh, however, pulled open the bottles of blood and took a quick sniff. “...why does it smell like the bear this blood came from subsisted almost entirely on bacon and deep fried donuts?” she demanded insistently.
Elise swallowed convulsively.
“Are you...certain this is okay?” Twilight asked nervously as she prepared the transformation spell. “I mean...it’s Chris!”
“And he turns into a bear all the time!” Elise countered, bottle in one hand and the controls for the table Chris was curled up on in the other. “...well, any time we go to Canada, anyway. It’s fine, Twilight, really! And you said I needed it for the magic circle.”
Twilight sighed fitfully. “Alright. But let’s try not to make a habit of this, alright?” Focusing her magic, she sent the spell through the mirrors, transforming Chris into a bear.
“Of course not!” Elise agreed as she started drawing blood. “I’d never treat my husband like that!”
“...coincidence,” Elise stated firmly, not meeting anyone’s gaze.
Last Laugh narrowed her eyes. “Elise, is this Chris’ bear blood?”
“Pssh!” Elise countered. “Why would you even think that? I would never-”
“Because if it is, I’m going to need a small vial of kraken ink to draw the right symbols, or the magic will go awry and probably destroy everything in a 500 mile radius, bare minimum,” Last Laugh concluded.
Sighing and hanging her head, Elise sent another requisition out to her lab, revealing a tiny bottle filled with black liquid.
“Elise!” Chris complained, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m very disappointed in you! I thought we’d had our talks about what was appropriate there, and I don’t recall volunteering to be an animal based blood bank for magical experiments.”
“Aww, honey,” Elise cooed, gently grabbing his arm. “You wouldn’t really have said no to helping me find a way to get Pinkie Pie home, would you?”
“Well...no,” Chris admitted ruefully. “But you didn’t even ask me…”
“But you were sleeping so peacefully,” Elise simpered, fluttering her eyelashes at him. “I didn’t want to wake you…”
“Aww…” Chris responded softly, smiling back.
“As sweet as it is to see you wrapping Chris around your finger,” Last Laugh offered firmly, “and I do mean that, by the way...we need to get this stuff into that vehicle and get our butts to the cave you sent Dan to back when you made him think there was a monster under his bed trying to eat him.”
“I still haven’t gotten properly even with you two over that,” Dan spoke up, narrowing his eyes in a flinty gaze.
“I’ll help load!” Chris called out eagerly. “Let me just go get some snacks for the trip-”
“Actually, Chris, I need you to not eat anything until this is all over,” Last Laugh cautioned, steering him back to the flying craft Elise had called up as everyone quickly loaded the supplies into it.
“Aww…” Chris pouted, hanging his head as he took his seat. Dan rubbed his hands together happily, for the moment enjoying his friend’s suffering as a partial vengeance.
“Is that really necessary?” Pinkie asked worriedly. “It seems so cruel-”
At that moment, the entire roof tore away as Killi-TOK ripped the garage away from the lab below, glaring down at them as it hefted a massive laser cannon in the other arm.
“Gun it, Dancing Shadow!” Last Laugh screamed out, though Elise had already set the craft shooting into the air and towards Canada.
“It can’t fly, right?” Pinkie Pie asked worriedly.
Last Laugh swallowed convulsively as she stared back at the android lifting into the air. “Umm...in my time, it, uh...stole Terri-Man’s abilities.”
“Has it filtered out the weaknesses?” Elise asked quickly as she started tapping away at the controls.
“Not entirely,” Last Laugh offered. “But it won’t keep it down for that long…”
Pulling a trigger, Elise caused the vehicle to dump several gallons of hot sauce in its wake, forcing the android to the ground. “Every little bit counts…”
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And on we go.
HAH! Man, TWO updates in so many days? This IS back!
Awesome!
Alright, onward and upward, and while they seem to not question her exact origins, Last Laugh is defintely Dan and Pinkies child from the future...I mean, come on, Last Laugh? What more could you get from that name?
Pity TerriMan weakness cant be handled by progressive Scoville scaling or they could keep it occupied for quite a while.
I suspect Chris is going to have an extremely bad case of trapped wind soon. But what to light it with.
Ahh, dynamically reacting alchemical ingredients with specific ingredient rune ink. Been years since Ive seen Magic Contact like that.
7415268 Dan does yell
In the previous chapter. I'm assuming he's genre-savy enough to know what's going on.
7415628
Hm...good point.
Alright then, it just seemed rather, you know, unsaid, like, nothing much other than that line.
Guess it's kinda not the time to sit down for a family talk but, still.
And I was trying to break before Pinkie jumped and my foot slipped onto the gas
1. Brake.
Loving this!
Need more.
7416161
Another enjoyable chapter. Good job.
need more also we need u to try to update this please
Gods, I hadn't realized how much I've missed this fic
7416742 Tjis story would make the most amazing cartoon series... I swear, if I win Powerball...
brake
? should be full stop.
Canada!? Oh hell yeah. Finally getting some more of that werebear action.