Part 17 Sunset Shimmer Vs. The Dazzlings: Chapter 160 Chris Vs. Firearms
The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 17 Sunset Shimmer Vs. The Dazzlings
Chapter 160 Chris Vs. Firearms
-o~Just a few minutes earlier… again ~o-
“Thanks, Adagio!” Aria said excitedly as she quickly pulled both swords out, one in each hand. She turned and began running back down the hallway she just came from.
“STOP EXPLODING THINGS!” Adagio demanded.
“WASN’T ME!” Aria replied. She continued her run, sure that her opponent had probably found a staircase by now and made it up to her floor. She quickly made her way around the gentle bend in the center of the hotel and was greeted by the site of her maroon-haired opponent still wielding her own ninjatō.
“YOU!” Elise cried angrily.
“ME!” Aria replied excitedly as she sprinted forward.
Both women charged at one another with reckless abandon. Elise raised her weapon high overhead with both hands while Aria raised her right ninjatō over her head as she kept her left sword down by her side pointed forward. Both women swung their swords downwards as they entered striking range. The blades collided with a loud ‘CLANG!’, shooting of a small shower of sparks long before either was close to its mark.
Aria quickly thrust with her second sword, but Elise dodged to the right, raising her hilt up to her face and thrusting downwards towards Aria’s torso. Aria deflected with her left sword and swung her right towards Elise’s midsection.
Her own sword somewhat occupied, Elise leaned far back, just in time to watch a blur of steal pass inches from her face.
Aria let the momentum of the swing carry her into a spin as Elise raised herself. Aria positioned her blades to strike Elise’s neck and abdomen, but Elise quickly positioned her ninjatō to block, holding it downwards vertically as both Aria’s blades hit, causing another shower of sparks.
‘CLANG!’
“STOP SWINGING SO HARD!” Elise cried. “YOU’RE WRECKING THE BLADES!”
Aria blew a dismissive gust of air. “Pffft… Don’t block if you’re that upset about it!”
Elise took a step back, moving her sword in front of her. “Are you honestly suggesting I just let you slice me up?!”
Aria sung her right sword at Elise which the maroon-haired women deflected. Aria grinned. “You’re the one whining about your precious sword!” she said as she swung her left sword only to have Elise block again.
Aria pressed her attack swinging a sword than the other as Elise backed up, blocking each blow. More sparks flew from the weapons as Aria haphazardly attacked, simply aiming for Elise’s center of mass with each blow.
Elise grit her teeth. Aria’s attacks at this point were far from calculated, but the pop-star was simply attacking with enough speed and force that Elise couldn’t retaliate without taking a hit to the body.
‘CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!’
Elise clenched her teeth harder. Watching as Aria’s attacks wrecked a total of three swords was just too much to bear. She released her right hand from her sword and reached into her grey trousers. In a flash of movement and a ‘Shing!’ of metal being pulled from leather, Elise thrust a machete forward towards Aria’s abdomen.
“Whoa! HEY!” Aria cried in surprise as she narrowly avoided the point of the blade by pivoting her body. The cleaver like weapon slid through Aria’s white blouse on its way to shallowly cut her flesh. Aria took one more wide frantic swing at Elise as she backed off.
‘Shilcht!’
“OW! Dang it!” Elise cried as Aria’s wild swing caught her in the left shoulder, slicing it deeply.
The two girls took a couple more steps away from each other, huffing and puffing as blood from their fresh wounds added large red stains to their already torn and stained clothes.
Elise raised the machete in her right hand and ignored the pain in her left as she raised her ninjatō as well. “Are we going to do this the hard way?” she inquired of the purple haired, bleeding woman in front of her.
Aria’s eye twitched and her teeth gritted. She tightened her grip on her swords,
The two women had a tense stare dow—
‘SLAM!’
“HEY!”
The two fighters jumped slightly as a hotel door between them slammed open revealing a young irate girl. She wore a shiny gold-colored coat over a black shirt, boots that matched her coat, a short white skirt, leggings that ended at her knees, a necklace with a purple gem and matching earrings. The girl brushed wavy lavender and white hair held in a ponytail from her face as she held aloft a smartphone. “You! Hotel worker girl!” she said as she stared at Elise. “Why the heck can’t I get internet?!”
The two bleeding women lowered their swords and stared the cause of their interruption in annoyed confusion for a second.
“I’m a bit busy!” Elise cried as she pointed at Aria with her machete.
The girl rolled her eyes. “You can have your stupid sword fight later! I’m trying to figure out why my high-speed stopped working so I can blog about this! The hotel’s stupid wi-fi is down, too!”
Aria sighed heavily and slumped her shoulders allowing her swords to stab into the, now blood splattered, carpet below. She shook her head, “Man, this town is full of some real wackos!”
Elise narrowed her eyes. “Look, just go ask someone else!”
The girl sneered at Elise. “Fine! But I’m telling the owner about this! He’s friends with my dad!”
“I don’t care!” Elise cried.
The girl grumbled to herself as she stormed off.
“Some people…” Elise uttered.
“I know, right?” Aria said in agreement.
The two women turned and stared at each other for a brief moment.
“…”
“…”
In a heartbeat, both women’s weapons were raised in front of them as they charged once more.
‘CLANG!’
All four blades crisscrossed as they were slammed against each other. The girls both pressed their weight into their swords, sending sparks in all directions as metal ground against metal. The women shifted their weight, moving side to side and back and forth as they searched for a favorable position over the other. The swords went one way than the other, stabbing into the hotel walls and doors as each woman attempted to overpower her opponent.
Soon, both women were swinging their blades at each other once more. Metal hitting metal hard as they inflicted the odd superficial cut on one another.
‘CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CRUNCH!’
The unfamiliar noise caused both women to take a few steps from each other. Aria examined her blades finding that one of her swords had suddenly been shorted by most it’s length, the rest now lying in a chipped mess on the hotel floor.
“HA!” Elise cried. “I told you! You should go easier on—”
Aria let go of the damaged weapon and gripped her other sword in both hands. She lunged and swung the blade with all her might. Elise reflexively raised both her swords to block. Unexpectedly, Aria’s weapon hit its target, her remaining ninjatō striking Elise’s at full strength.
‘CRUNCH!’
Elise took a step back as a full half of her ninjatō blade fell to the floor.
“HA!” Aria cried. “Now we’re even!”
“I HAD THAT SWORD SINCE I WAS 14!” Elise shrieked.
Aria rolled her eyes. “Oh, just get the blade replaced! Stop being such a baby.”
Elise gritted her teeth and reached into her trousers, pulling out a small, rectangular-shaped pistol as she dropped her machete.
“Hey!” Aria’s called out as she dropped her own sword and reached down to her belt buckle. “What the HELL lady!”
Elise took quick aim.
Aria pressed down on one of the corners of her star belt, causing a red mist to fire out in Elise’s direction.
“Ghah!” Elise cried as she backed up and shifted her position to avoid getting hit by the, no doubt flammable, mist.
Aria pressed a different side of the star and a small jet of flame fired out that ignited the mist that now hung between the two women.
‘PHWOOSH!’
Elise backed up further, averted her eyes, and opened fire.
‘CLACK! CLACK! CLACK!’
Aria dove as Elise fired wildly at the pop-star.
“ELISE!” Chris’s voice called out. “Wait! STOP!”
Elise turned around to see Chris with his hands raised in the air, still wearing his ill-fitting bellhop uniform, standing in front of Aria who was now picking herself off the floor.
“Out of the way, Chris!” Elise cried as she moved her gun back and forth, trying to get a bead on Aria.
Chris shot Elise a pleading look. “Elise, I think you may be over reacting a bit here.”
Elise narrowed her eyes. “She almost set me on fire! … Twice!”
Chris sighed. “I think this whole thing between you two has escalated way too far, and—”
‘Click.’
Chris’s eyes widened as he heard a click from behind his head. He kept his arms locked in the air as he frowned heavily and shot Elise a worried look. “There’s a gun pointed at the back of my head, isn’t there?”
Elise sighed heavily as she kept her pistol pointed forward. “Yeeeeaaah...”
Aria spoke up from behind Chris, “If it makes you feel any better, it’s a pretty low caliber.”
Chris’s left eye twitched. “Why does that matter? It’s still pointed at the back of my skull.”
“Uh, the exit wound wouldn’t be so bad that a mortician wouldn’t be able to cover it back up?”
Chris’s already frightened expression only worsened. “Yeah, that doesn’t make me feel better at all.”
“Here’s an idea!” Elise said. “Why don’t you just put your gun down and let my husband go?”
“Oh! Better idea!” Aria said. “Why don’t you put your gun down and go screw yourself with your sword?”
Elise tried to shot a death glare past Chris to the woman pointing a gun at the back of his head. “I said, ‘PUT THE GUN DOWN!’”
“OR WHAT?! YOU’RE GOING TO SHOOT YOUR HUSBAND?!”
“IF HE GETS HURT YOU’RE DEAD! DO YOU HEAR ME?!”
“THEN YOU PUT YOUR GUN DOWN!”
“WHY?! SO YOU COULD SHOOT CHRIS WITHOUT FEAR OF GETTING SHOT YOURSELF?!”
“WHY WOULD I SHOT THIS GUY?!”
“YOU HAVE A GUN POINTED AT THE BACK OF HIS HEAD! YOU TELL ME!”
“I ONLY HAVE A GUN POINTED AT THE BACK OF HIS HEAD, ‘CAUSE YOU PULLED A GUN ON ME FIRST! WHY DO YOU HAVE GUN POINTED AT YOUR HUSBAND?!”
“IT’S NOT POINTED AT HIM! IT’S POINTED AT YOU! YOU’RE JUST IN FRONT OF HIM!”
“LADIES!” Chris cried in a pleading tone. “Please stop yelling at each other! You’re just a few yards away and I’m right between you two!”
“Sorry Chris,” Elise said.
“Yeah, sorry dude. Nothing personal. I just don’t want to get shot.”
“Can’t you two resolve this without violence?”
“…”
“…”
Aria shook her head. “No, sorry. I don’t think so.”
Elise nodded in agreement with Aria. “Yeah, sorry Chris. She and I have unfinished business.”
“Hey! I know what we can do!” Aria said. “If you don’t want him to get hurt, your husband you force to dress in this stupid small bellhop uniform can just duck!”
“I KEEP TELLING YOU, I DIDN’T FORCE HIM TO DRESS LIKE THIS!”
“HONEY!” Chris cried.
“Sorry,” Elise said. “As I said, I didn’t force him to dress like that,” she said calmly. She focused her attention on Chris. “Better?”
Chris nodded. “Better. Also, I’m not doing it.”
“What?! Come on, dude!” Aria said. “I’ll sign something for you in your wife’s blood! Hell I can even sign it in my blood! There’s plenty all over the walls and floor at this point.”
Chris shook his head. “If I duck, you’ll both just shoot each other in the chest or face! Besides, I thought you didn’t want to get shot.”
“… Good point,” Aria said.
Elise frowned. “And it’s not likely either of us are going to miss at this range.”
“Well… what then?” Aria asked.
Chris spoke up, “I vote everyone put their guns down before the police show up. One of the guests on this floor must have got through to them at this point.”
Elise shook her head. “Not likely, there’s no one at the front desk and I cut all the outside lines and hotel internet shortly after we entered the hotel.”
“Okay, but—”
Elise pulled her lips and her eyes to the left as she gave a slightly embarrassed look. “Aaaaaand I might have setup up a device that blacks cell internet and also intercepts nearby cell phone calls and redirects them to a long distance number…”
Chris frowned. “How far away?”
<-ooo->
“♫ In an Island in the sun~”
A tanned woman with freckles and long brown hair, wearing an orange bikini sighed heavily as clear blue ocean waves gently caressed the beach she was sitting on.
“♫ We’ll be playing and having fun~”
She reached out for a smartphone sitting on a small square wicker table next to her beach chair.
“♫ And it makes me feel so—”
She glanced at the screen, frowned heavily, and pressed the screen. She brought the phone up to hear ear. “Uh, like, Mrs. Burger speaking.”
“Hello?!” a man’s voice replied. “There’s… two women fighting outside my hotel room with swords, and there was an explosion earlier, and I think I just heard gunfire, and—”
One of the woman’s eyes twitched. “Just shut up! How’d you even get this number?!”
“… You mean ‘9-1-1’? It’s not really secret or anything, I mean… I think lots of people know it. I figured lots of people must have called, but the police are taking so long, and—”
“Lots of people have called!!” The woman snapped. “I’m on an island, like, out in the middle of the ocean! How are you all getting through to my phone?!”
There was a beat of silence on the other line.
“… Why are all the police on an island? Are the all on vacation?”
“THIS ISN’T 9-1-1!”
“… Do you have their number, then?”
“GHA!” the woman cried as she pulled her phone away from her face and stabbed at the screen with a finger. She began to place the phone back on the table.
“♫ In an Island in the—”
“GrrrrrrRRRRR!” The woman quickly hit the ‘answer’ button on the screen and pulled the phone up to her ear. “WHAT?!” she said in a demanding tone.
A young girl’s voice answered this time. “Hey! There’s like… girls fighting with swords here and also like… an explosion? Also maybe gunfire? Are they shooting a movie? Also… Is that why our internet isn’t working? My friend went out to yell at the girls, but then I think she went to the front desk, but that was like… two minutes ago, so I was wondering if—”
“RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” the woman in the orange bikini suddenly hurled the phone into the gently rolling waves in front of her.
‘Plop!’
She let out an annoyed sigh as she collapsed back into her chair.
“More phone calls?” a masculine voice asked.
The woman leaned up as a smiling, balding overweight man in black swimming trunks walked up with a tray of burgers.
“Ugh… Yeah,” the woman said. “How do people even get that number?!”
The man simply lowered his tray so the woman could reach it, “Burger?”
The woman reached out for one. “Thanks, hun.” She gave the man a smile as she wrinkled her brow slightly. “Have you ever thought of eating something besides hamburgers?”
The man shook his head. “No, not ever.”
>-ooo-<
“Far…” Elise answered.
Chris sighed and shook his head. “Oh, honey…”
“We went out with DAN AND PINKIE!” Elise cried. “How was I supposed to know we wouldn’t want the police to show up for a change!?”
“Chris!”
Chris titled his head to see Dan followed by Pinkie Pie, Sunset Shimmer, and Adagio Dazzle run down the hall.
“Just duck!” Dan continued. “They’ll just shoot each other and you’ll be fine!”
Chris narrowed his eyes as the group approached. “I’m trying to avoid that!” he replied.
“Oh?” Dan said. “Why?”
“Dan!” Pinkie said in a chastising tone. “No encouraging Chris to aid in mutual assured destruction of my best friend and one of my favorite music artists!”
Dan frowned. “Chris isn’t aiding in it! He’s an innocent bystander.”
“Hey!” Aria cried. “It was him who literally walked in between the two of us!”
Elise narrowed her eyes. “I’m not sure how that’s relevant.”
“No, she’s right,” Chris said. “This is partially my fault.”
Sunset raised her hand. “I vote for the ducking and the shooting each other.”
Pinkie narrowed her eyes pulled back her fist, and punched Sunset hard in the arm.
‘Pow!’
“OW!” Sunset cried as she moved a hand over to rub her arm. “Hey! Your boyfriend suggested it first!”
“Yeah, but I like him!” Pinkie retorted.
Sunset frowned. “Right. Fair enough.”
Adagio sighed heavily. “Aria, this has gone far enough, this floor is already covered in blood and holes, plus it’s really going to screw up our concert schedule if you kill someone or die.”
“Hey!” Aria protested. “She pulled a gun on me first and tried to explode me with a pen!”
Adagio gave Aria a confused look. “… Okay… just going to push past that last part. How many times did you try to set her on fire?”
“Okay, I can see where you’re going with this, and—”
“Just answer the question!”
“Twice!” Aria answered. “But one of those was after she pulled a gun on me!”
Adagio sighed, turned and began to trudge back to the hotel room. “Ugh… this is getting us nowhere…”
Sunset watched as Adagio walked away then refocused her attention on the scene in front of her.
Dan narrowed his eyes slightly as he looked at Sunset and pointed behind him a thumb at Adagio. “I thought you needed to browbeat her or just plain beat her until she changes the concert date.”
Sunset shrugged. “Hey, if one of the Dazzlings gets shot, I’m pretty sure they’ll have to cancel anyways.”
Pinkie leaned sideways past Elise and looked at Aria, glancing at the small, snub-nosed gun in Aria’s hands. “Could you maybe stop pointing a gun at my friend, please?”
Aria furrowed her brow in irritation. “Can your friend’s wife put down the gun she’s holding?”
Pinkie pursed her lips and raised a pink nail-polished index finger to her chin. “I don’t know. Let me ask.” Pinkie leaned her body the other direction and looked at Elise. “Elise, can you put down your gun?”
“Not while she has a gun pointed at Chris!” Elise cried.
“Oh… Okay!” Pinkie said cheerfully. She leaned her body back the other way and looked at Aria. “Elise says she can’t put down her gun while you have a gun pointed at Chris.”
“Well then my gun stays!” Aria said.
Dan rolled his eyes. “Goofball, both the girls are right here, they can hear what the other is saying.”
Pinkie turned and gave Dan a small smile. “I’m just trying to be proactive here.”
“… Do I get a vote?” Chris asked.
Dan narrowed his eyes at Chris. “You already said you’re not going to duck! I think your other option is ‘get shot’!”
“… Is there a third option?” Chris asked.
Dan shook his head. “Sorry Chris, you know it’s a two party system.”
“Dan, you hate the two party system.”
“Hey!” Dan protested. “That’s because neither political party will accept my proposal to annex Costa Rica and turn it to a penal colony for the elderly and children’s choir.”
Chris raised an eyebrow and looked at Pinkie.
Pinkie shrugged. “Dan’s trying to be more efficient with his revenge items.”
“I’m back!” Adagio announced as she walked back up to the group.
Sunset glanced at Adagio. “No one’s shot the other… unfortunately.”
“Oh, really?” Adagio answered sarcastically. “Good thing I have you here to tell me what I can plainly see.”
Sunset narrowed her eyes. “You do realize if you don’t willingly move your concert, plan ‘B’ is I simply render you unable to sing with violence, right?”
Dan stroked his chin. “That really should have been plan ‘A’.”
Adagio glanced at Sunset and rolled her eyes. “Right, like there’s even a world where something like that could happen.”
“Hey!” Pinkie said as she skipped up to Adagio. “Now that you’re back maybe you can help me get everyone to drop their guns!”
“Way ahead of you,” Adagio said as she pulled her arm out from between her back and long, curly hair, producing a massive silver gun with a long rectangular barrel which she pointed at Elise’s head. “Put the gun down, please.”
Elise’s eyes suddenly shot open wide.
The sides of Pinkie’s mouth plummeted like two planes that suddenly went into a nose dive.
Dan and Sunset simply watched with quiet interest.
“Elise!” Chris called out in alarm.
“It’s okay!” Elise said. “I have this all under control.”
“No you don’t,” Adagio said.
“… No I don’t.” Elise admitted.
Pinkie sighed and reached both her hands into her hair. “So this is going to escalate…”
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Quickly.
For some reason, I can see Dan doing an inevitable Evil Dead quote when he steals a shotgun.
"Groovy."
So... Either Pinkie goes Gunzeker, or a Party Launcher is coming.
... Or Pinkie goes Gunzeker with TWO Party Launchers !
This can only end well.
Aria sung her right sword at Elise
had suddenly been shorted by most it’s length
WHY WOULD I SHOT THIS GUY
your husband you force to dress in this
1. Swung.
2. Its.
3. Shoot.
4. You force your husband to dress in this.
Is that a cameo by Time Squad? Where's Otto? And the robot... Guy... Larry? I can't remember his name for my life no more.
I think that should be "HE'S JUST IN FRONT OF YOU!"
Really love this Mexican Standoff.
Oh dear, Is Pinkie going to Mask On at this point?
How is she holding TEN WEAPONS.
Its Pinkie. Dont try to think how,
DUCK.
Quack, Quack, HONK.
My idea, staring right at the end if this chapter:
Sunset: *slowly scoots closer to adagio.* I have an idea everyone! Put down your gun or you'll drop!"
Everyone: what?!
Sunset: lashes out and clocks Adagio in the temple, who proceeds to fall over comically and stay down "...Like a rock!
Oh yes!, Go pinkie!. Show them your dark side! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!.
So much YES!
Here's an idea: How about you both put your guns down AT THE SAME TIME?!
Well Adagio is dead
Inconvenient Tiara?
The sword's probably better in bed...
Well that escalated.
Ahhh, this is a nice fan fic--I don't say that enough...
...also, I hope Trixie and Gibson are making out somewhere...
5831186
5830586 Or Chris gets both guns? As he's the closest to a neutral party there is there.
Another enjoyable chapter. Good work.
Well, I got nothing.
Gun party anyone?
5832359
He hates guns.
Pinkies got reaching for hammerspace. Everybody's screwed.
5834360 Sounds like they'd all equally hate Chris having them, then. Perfect equal solution =D
... I think I have to re-read the whole thing... again....
Groovy.
We're having quite the Mexican standoff here.
Finally caught up. It was a hellish two-and-a-half weeks.
Simple Solution: Everyone drops their gun at the same time and goes to eat some tacos.
But this isn't simple, This Dan and his friends were talking about. It's going to be nothing short of hell on earth, in a fancy-schmancy-prancy hotel.
That's what everybody(pony) tells Michael Bay.
Should I be worried that you had a sword at the age of fourteen in an age where long range combat is more common?
Silence that spans an eternity yet lasts a moment.
Silence that worlds have died in.
Silence that silence went and died in.
This all followed.
The problem with that logic is that Chris is a passive aggressive pacifist that stepped in between them to avoid them shooting each other.
SIRENS VS. DAN ARMY
Sirens:
One pyromaniac knife expert.
One taco crazed girl.
One slightly nymphomaniacal violent girl.
VS
DAN ARMY:
One part time bear that is a were bear and actually one sixteenth Canadian. CANADA! FOR THE WIN!
One top secret spy who has an abnormally large basement and knows kung fu, martial arts, has multiple guns, many many MANY ways to kill you, connections, relationship to Dan and Pinkie... ETC. ETC.
One hyperactive former pony illegal immigrant with purse full of money, ADHD issues, Split personality, martial artist, ETC. ETC. ALSO.
One anger management issus man who is most definitely psychotic, capable of channeling the energy of the universe and the world conforms to him.
One boy whose teenage puberty gets away from him. Effectiveness against teenage pop stars are raise by OVER 9000!
One magician who spams chlorofoam.
And several backup members.
... I think we're in the right world where you can be beaten up by violence!
HOLY *************************** PINKIE IS REACHING INTO THE FIFTH DIMENSIONAL POCKET HAIR! I REPEAT!
SHE IS REACHING INTO THE FIFTH DIMENSIONAL POCKET HAIR!
THE REAL PINK PONY IS SITTING EVERYPONY DOWN! OR EVERYBODY DOWN!
Justice... This fanfiction officially has more comments than Anthropology.
I - I caught up...
I actuallysomehow caught up...
Lovin it by the way.
So she either reached into her own hair and is about to pull out Celestia only knows what, or she's trying to defuse the situation by unexpectedly fondling Adagio's fluffy orange sheep hair.
What the... WIMPY?! How did the Popeye-verse get here?!
WHAT IS THIS MADNESS!?!?
yay hortense.
by the site of
sight
blur of steal
steel
a sword than the other
one sword then the other
been shorted by most it’s
been shortened by most of its (It is? It's. It has? It's. Possessive it? Its. Funky language man)
WOULD I SHOT
Shoot... dang 5830005 Beaten to it
have setup up a
setup or set up, but not setup up
we wouldn’t want
I think she means they would want the police in this one very limited case.
Interesting. Good bridge. I am way behind on keeping up.
Hm. Feel like I should recognize, but don't.
A tanned woman with freckles and long brown hair, wearing an orange bikini sighed heavily as clear blue ocean waves gently caressed the beach she was sitting on.
Dan, Dan, Dan... that's just silly. The US ALREADY owns Puerto Rico and it's an island to boot. You really need to think these things through.
6858417 Costa Rico which ISNT a island and is a foreign nation
Shoot.
7011097
...Costa rica has been a territory of the USA since 1894
10747447
The place you're thinking of is Puerto Rico. Costa Rica is a completely different place, and is a sovereign nation.