Part 3 Pinkie Vs. Daily Life: Chapter 15 Pinkie Vs. Doberman
The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 3 Pinkie Vs. Daily Life
Chapter 15 Pinkie Vs. Doberman
-ooooooo-
Pinkie added a couple of spray canisters to her belt as she looked herself over in the mirror.
She was wearing her white and light red horizontally striped, long sleeved shirt that she had ironed some balloons in place of her cutie mark; some rolled up, cut-off denim shorts; her pink sneakers (which had taken her quite some time to lace up properly with her hands and teeth); and a small assortment of colorful bracelets on her wrists.
In addition, she had added a long length, short sleeved, light blue jacket.
Pinkie sighed.
If only I had a place for my crowbar…
She thought for a second, and went to the kitchen. Digging through the drawers, she pulled out a long chef’s knife in a plastic sheath. She unsheathed the cutting utensil and looked over the deadly looking implement as her reflection stared back at her.
This feels…right…
Though, in a very ‘I’m going to start abducting people from the neighborhood and brutally torture them to death over the course of several days via some sort of random number lottery’ sort of way…
…Yeah, better make this my last resort…
Pinkie placed the knife on a side pocket on her pink laptop bag, then slung the bag over her shoulder.
Alright, I have two cans of mace, a knife, money, and a song.
I’m ready for battle.
Pinkie gulped as she reached for the doorknob to the apartment door.
I’m going to do it!
I’m going to walk to the store and buy some groceries!
Pinkie carefully opened the door and stepped out into the California sun.
The oppressive heat beat down on her as she slowly made her way to the stairs, her normal bounding from place to place replaced with slow, calculated walking.
Her stomach churned as she pushed on, making it to the street and slowly pushing herself beyond the sidewalk to the next block over.
Slowly but surely, she made it block by block. Eventually, she tentatively began singing.
Take care when you're walking down the streets
Because you never know who you just might meet
There's lots of muggers out here your stuff they want to keep
And they won't hesitate to give your face a…
“Hey, Pinkie.”
“Eek!”
In a flash, Pinkie had grabbed a mace canister in each hand and gave her potential assailant a double dose of mace.
“…Well good afternoon to you, too.” Dan said, slightly irritated by the pepper shower he was just given.
“DAN!” Pinkie exclamed, excitedly giving her roommate a big hug and rubbing her soft face against his abrasive, unshaved one, noticing something a bit wet and hot against her face…
“Whoops…” Pinkie said as the depth of what she had done set in physically and mentally.
-ooooo-
“WHY IS EVERYTHING ON YOUR WORLD MADE OF PAIN!?” Pinkie cried to her roommate through the cheap, hollow core door of their bathroom.
Dan leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. Aside from the sound of tortured, painful sobs, and running water, this was the first sound Dan had heard in quite some time.
“You get used to it,” he said, loud enough for Pinkie to hear through the door and over the running shower.
“REALLY?!” Pinkie managed to choke back.
Dan pondered his own pain threshold built up after years of savage beatings and being exposed to debilitating chemicals. “Yeah, really.”
Dan heard the water turn off and waited a few minutes for Pinkie to emerge, curly hair still wet. She had swapped out her striped shirt for a red one with a floral pattern (the striped shirt now needing a good washing unless the wearer wanted to simulate the feeling of having their torso set on fire). Her face was still red and a bit puffy. Her eyes still watered, and there was a pleading look plastered on her face and directed full force in Dan’s direction.
Dan sighed, knowing full well what was coming. “You wanna talk about it?” he mumbled.
Pinkie vigorously shook her head up and down with the same look on her face, spraying the area with water.
Dan wiped a now moist face with his palm and made his way to Fort Dan Pie, crawling in and sitting on his side of the mattress, Pinkie right behind.
“Groceries,” Pinkie said, her shirt slowly getting soaked as water continued to drop down from her hair.
“You want groceries?” Dan said with a raised eyebrow. “We can get groceries.”
“Not ‘we’,”Pinkie corrected, “just ‘me’”.
Dan stared blankly, so Pinkie continued.
“I can’t just sit in the apartment all day and wait for you to come back before I do anything…I need to pony up and do this on my own.”
Dan paused. “... You’re having difficulty walking ten blocks?” he asked as surprise entered his face.
“Dan! This place is ter-ri-fy-ing, I was nearly mugged within a minute of arriving, half the people drive around distracted by their phones, everyone has these big iron gates like they’re trying to keep the Black Knight at bay, and tiny yappy dogs bark at you everywhere you go… except for the one house right before the grocery store! They have this scary looking Doberman that always acts like it wants to tear the throat out of anyone who walks by!”
Dan thought for a second. “Oh that dog? Yeah, he probably does want to tear out your throat…”
“SEE!”
“So that’s what you were doing before you decided my day wasn’t spicy enough? Walking to the store?”
Pinkie nodded.
“And the song?” Dan asked.
Pinkie sighed before she continued, “Well, I have a song for when I’m scared, but it’s more for imagined dangers. Not for the very real danger of being flattened by a soccer mom who's texting dinner plans back and forth with her overweight, alcoholic husband.”
Dan smiled. “You do a really good job of remembering my rants,” he complimented.
Pinkie also smiled. “Why, thank you.”
Dan rubbed his chin and looked up towards the sheet that served as a ceiling. “What if…I shadowed you?”
“…Like a ninja?” Pinkie offered.
“Exactly, I’ll just be a block or two behind, and I can step in in case you need my help.”
Pinkie’s face lit up. “Oh, you’re the best Dan!” Pinkie leaned in and gave her roommate a big hug.
“…You haven’t washed your face or changed your shirt since we got back, have you.” Pinkie asked, already feeling some warmth return to her face.
“Not as such, no,” Dan admitted.
*One pain filled shower, blow dry, and change of shirt later.*
Pinkie stood ready, decked out as she was when she first began her long excursion to the grocery store, save she was now wearing her pink and darker pink raglan (also, now sporting some small balloons for her cutie mark).
She opened the door and strolled out into the street with far more confidence than she had at her disposal earlier that day.
Dan followed, but kept his distance.
It wasn’t before long that Pinkie broke into song once more.
“Take care when you're walking down the streets”
“Because you never know who you just might meet”
Dan noticed a shadowy figure slip out of an alley behind Pinkie, knife drawn, but for some reason swaying back and forth to the rhythm of Pinkie’s song.
“There's lots of muggers out here your stuff they want to keep”
“And they won't hesitate to give your face a beet”
Dan increased his pace as it became apparent Pinkie was in danger.
“Oh, you better watch out when you cross the road”
“'Cause there might be a driver talking on their cell phone”
Dan got far enough to notice a car barreling down the street, and glanced at a driver happily chatting away into his phone, somehow also swaying to Pinkie’s rhythm.
“And even though the law will not condone “
“They may run you over and you'll die alone”
Dan watched in amazement as the car plowed straight into the would-be mugger, who tumbled up over the car and hit the ground with a resounding thud. The car began to fishtail and lose control.
“And that's what I came here to say,”
“That this city is really scary and hey, hey, heeeey..!”
Dan cringed as the car flew past Pinkie, narrowly swerving around the pink haired girl who was now happily trotting to her destination as she sung at full volume.
“Oh you better keep your eyes peeled~”
“'Cause the threats out here are very real~”
Dan flinched as the Car finally stopped via collision with one of the many palm trees lining the street. The hood caving in and the airbag deploying.
“You might find yourself being robbed”
“Or you might end up- mauled by a dog”
“Buuuut if you wanna make it very far”
“And you wanna be a grocery buying star”
“And you don't know how to drive a car”
“You take a walk but don't forget where you are”
“'Cause now palm trees fill me with a sense of dread”
On cue, the palm tree that just had a rendezvous with the car collapsed, crashing into a spiky, iron fence across the street.
“But I can't let this place get to my head”
Dan noted the startled yelp of a large Dog from the yard that now had the top of the palm tree crushing its fence.
“And I wanna sleep nice and sound in my bed”
“So I better walk a few blocks and buy some bread”
“And that's what I came here to say,”
“That this city is really scary and hey, hey, heeeey!”
“Oh you better keep your eyes peeled”
“'Cause the threats out here are very real”
“You might find yourself being robbed”
“Or you might end up- mauled by a dog”
Dan watched as the Doberman squeezed through the new opening and began growling then approaching pink haired girl.
Dan quickened his pace once more.
“I SAY, hey, hey, hey!”
In one swift movement, Pinkie placed her hand on the palm tree and jumped, moving her legs sideways to clear the tree.
The large dog jumped after her, but struggled to get over the large, round tree.
Dan held his breath as he slowly approached, Pinkie was almost to the store…
“You better keep your eyes peeled”
“The threats out here are very real”
The Doberman cleared the tree.
“You might find yourself being robbed”
The Doberman got up to Pinkie just in time to have the grocery store door closed on its snout.
“Or you might end up- mauled by a dog”
It yelped, and pawed its nose, then began to pace in front of the door.
“But if it's my advice you want to take”
Dan sprinted the rest of the way, hoping to distract the dog.
“Go to the store and buy a cake”
Somehow Pinkie was still singing loud enough for him to hear, even through the walls of the store.
“Then dump cayenne pepper all over the place”
“Alright, jerk dog. Let’s dance!” Dan said, not sure how he was going to beat up a large, vicious dog without weapons…
Wait, what?
The dog turned to face Dan with a growl, but the door to the store flung open.
“And throw that sucker into a dogs face!”
The dog turned just in time to see a rapidly approaching pink confectionery cover its vision in frosting, cake, and a bright red powder. It shook its head to remove the bulk of the mass, however frosting had plastered on a large amount of the spicy substance to the dogs face. The dog yelped, feverishly pawed at its nose, and scurried its way past fallen palm tree back into its yard.
Dan’s jaw dropped.
“So if you wanna make it very far”
“And you wanna be a grocery buying star”
“And you don't know how to drive a car”
“You take a walk but don't forget where you are!”
There was a pause, and then clapping as Dan broke out in applause.
Pinkie swayed an arm to the side, and another over her chest, taking a bow.
Dan’s clapping was interrupted by an explosion. The car that had crashed earlier suddenly deciding there simply wasn’t enough fire in the world.
Dan and Pinkie surveyed the mini-scene of carnage that marked Pinkie’s path from apartment to store; Mugger lying in the middle of the street, fiery car, palm tree that had fallen to the other side of the street, crushed fence, and finally, a dog desperately trying to lap up its entire water dish that would probably think twice before it lashed out against its pink haired foe.
“Does this happen every time you sing?” Dan asked, motioning down the street
“Well…usually ponies just join in with me…I don’t really have to worry about being mugged or ran over in Ponyville, so most my songs spread joy and cheer.” Pinkie responded.
“As opposed to the fire and destruction they spread over here?”
Pinkie shrugged. “Terrifying songs for a terrifying place, I guess.”
“Anyhow, that was amazing. We should celebrate with dinner, my treat,” Dan said with a smile.
Pinkie mirrored his smile. “I’d like that, but first…would you like to go grocery shopping with me?”
Dan shrugged and said, “Sure,” maintaining his smile.
The two walked into the store, illuminated a flickering orange by the fire that had now spread to the palm tree. The door closed behind them, muffling the sound of fire truck sirens approaching.
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That was bucking awesome
3258730
Thank you very much for saying so.
That was nothing but entertaining to read. I LOVED IT!
3258962
Thanks for saying so.
The murder thing is a pretty shameless reference to the now defunct "Ask Pinkamena Diane Pie" tumblr blog.
3258879
Also thanks.
I'm really happy for the feedback here given the closest to song writing I've ever done is Weird Al style parody lyrics on web forums and such...
Pinkie now controls the fates of others..............THROUGH SONG \(^▼^)/
I'm calling it now, the climax of this story is going to be Pinkie and Dan laughing maniacally as they march through rivers of blood and destroy California in a nuclear explosion.
Normally, that would be destruction of property private and public, two counts of attempted murder, and assault, but because the chaos was created because of a song, that makes it alright I assume.
3260777
I definitely imagine a judge and jury would have trouble convicting Pinkie of any wrong doing except maybe animal assault with a spicy confectionery...
And even if we disregard that it was in self defense, the only actual crime that would probably count as would be littering.
This was genious, pinkie is a force to be reckoned
3260777
no one can prove that pinkie was responsible the mugger would be sent to the hospital (since he hasn't done anything yet), the driver would be arrested for distracted driving and be blamed for the property damage, the dog would be labeled dangerous and be put down and elise would blame Dan
also.....since when has anyone ever received punishment when Dan destroys something
3258751 I held off reading this because I thought you would turn them completely OOC, but after reading 15 chapters since 12 last night and restarting at 7:00 AM, I must say that I love this story. And I'm going to regret getting into it once I run out of new chapters to read. :C
Edit: Technically 17 chapters.
trees
thelining the street.Cause now palm trees "feel" me with a sense of dread”
"fill"
Dan
wassprinted the rest of the wayDid you rhyme here on purpose?
Cupcake reference #2. Winning! (I'm brining that back.)
Those are some powerful songs.
The whole disaster-riddled Pinkie song montage had me laughing straight through.
Correction time!
in
exclaimed
Don't need that comma after sobs. Also, that semicolon should be a comma.
That period should be a comma and "he" should not be capitalized.
You need a comma after "threshold".
That comma should be INSIDE the quote mark, not outside it. Also, "Her shirt" shouldn't be the start of a new sentence. You should have that all one sentence:
“Groceries,” Pinkie said, her shirt slowly getting soaked as water continued to drop down from her hair.
Once again, you have punctuation outside the quote marks when it belongs inside.
pony up and do this
Comma should be a period.
"he" should not be capitalized.
Comma should be a period.
A few more commas that should be periods.
in case
Comma should be a period.
Period should be a comma. Or a question mark.
Period should be a comma.
"before long", and delete "that"
"car" should not be capitalized.
street, the
"dog" should not be capitalized.
One or two missing words here.
Missing period at the end.
way, hoping
Oh, and once again, get rid of all the quote marks during the song lyrics.
decided (or 'had suddenly decided').
Missing period at the end.
Period should be a comma.
Comma should be a period.
Period should be a comma.
Comma should be a period.
I don't... How did... Dammit Pinkie. Stop bending the world.
Ya know... Dan Vs. is actually a really interesting case. Its been a good long while since I've seen a cartoon that really earned that PG rating. PG supposed to be a warning that Parental Guidance is suggested. I mean between the guns, violence, attempted murder, poor role-models, criminals acts, and general negative undertone of the show, its a wonder that it even maintained that rating in this day and age. Good to see Pinkie is adapting to the f**ked up world of Dan Vs. though... I guess.
This chapter is so full of win.
Awwwww! I can't make a revision joke here! Dang it!
4457178
It was revised. I just forgot to label it as such...
I cant stop laughing XD am I the only one who imagines this story playing out in his head XD
4457183 even with all the revisions I still notice errors.
still good though.
Dan flinched as the Car finally stopped
Dan noted the startled yelp of a large Dog
1 & 2. Extra capitalisation.
Pinkies song of destruction. Or she just controls the world through song because singing magic
There's NEVER enough fire in the world!
What a lovely ctachy tune, great chapter =D. I love your depiction of Pinkie
3260697
So their average day
*Alondro pants and drags his limp body up to the keyboard* Finally... up to... 16... the madness... so much madness... *his face twists into a manic grin* Ssssssssssssssssso delicioussssssssss.....
sp2.yimg.com/ib/th?id=HN.608045375122771850&pid=15.1&P=0
OH MY GAWD! This is pure gold, no scratch that. This is a Diamond the size of the SOlar System of hilarity and awesomeness! I can't stop READING IT.
.... I'm.... I'm sure the person driving had gotten out in time
My goodness that was fun!
I did not expect to find Arthur in a Dan Vs MLP. Loved how the reality-warping effects of the rhymes turned out. Outstanding =D
Any tunes in mind for this to be sung to?
That song needs to be pitched to Hasbro. We need this episode to be a thing. I want my Dan Vs back on the air! A Pinkie Pie as a human for a season in Dan's universe would please me greatly.
This made me crack up 8'D
heeheehee.
Nice job!
I think you accidentally hit Ctrl + i there.
never enough fire
I ship it.
6227380 And she hasn't even visited us here in Australia yet. Pain is life here.
3.bp.blogspot.com/-ISJhShGm7k0/UW4oWpRxDGI/AAAAAAAACms/UDeUNOuZIAY/s1600/koalas.jpg
including dropbears!
Now here's an interesting thought...5652032
Say, Justice, how would you feel if Hasbro asked to use this story as a basis for creating an official next season for Dan Vs? Complete with Pinkie included and the shipping of later chapters?
The italics on exclaimed are weird. Like I'd pronounce it as excla-med which sounds like a very exited insurance policy.
Do musical numbers give pinkie advanced dexterity to make up for her general incompetence at this point in time?
God help us all.
8271548
Likely she has gotten use to walking
8705646
Ok but she was like, parkouring off that tree and stuff. She didn't figure out her proprioception for several chapters after this.
8715277
Each chapter is not a day later since they talked about being at lennys more then one last chapter it's likely this is at least a week or two after pinkie landed there if not more she has had time to adjust
8715277
9214015
Yes, each chapter (or at least story segment) likely takes place several days apart, unless there's an explicit continuation. Also,don't forget there's the brief coverage of her early days in the related story, "Dan and Pinkie Take A Slice Out of Life."
9214015
9426186
I am aware of the timing but look at this line:
Regardless of the amount of time between chapters, they presumably take place in chronological order and Pinkie vs. Balance, which demonstrates repeatedly that she couldn't do this kind of thing before the arc finished, is Part Five, and thus takes place after this event.
C-Cupcakes Pinkie...
Hides. Hides like he has never hid before