Part 12 Dan Vs. Couples Chapter: 102 Dan Vs. Roundup
The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 12 Dan Vs. Couples
Chapter 102 Dan Vs. Roundup
-ooooooo-
-- ♫
Dan squinted into the distance as blood from a gash on his forehead began to trickle down his head. Behind Dan, the sun had just touched the horizon and casted a warm orange and red glow over the California street.
--♫
Dan’s shadow stretched far in front of him as he continued to stare down the road. The blood from his wound traveled down his face. It created a small red stream that forked left at the bridge of his nose and pooled about his lips.
--♫
Dan brushed the back of a hand against his mouth, wiping away much of the blood but causing a faint red smear across his face in the process. Still holding Jason’s free beard in one hand, he reached into his pocket with the other, pulled out his smartphone, and hit the screen a few times.
--♫
A picture of Chris attempting to consume about a dozen strips of bacon simultaneously showed up above a message that said ‘Calling’.
--♫
Dan rose the phone to his ear and glanced at it with an irritable expression on his face as it rang on and on. “Come on… Come on…” He mumbled to himself.
--♫
“Answer the phone!” Dan growled out through gritted teeth.
--♫--
-ooo-
Chris glanced across the bed to his phone as it rang out on top of a nightstand and frowned. “Its Dan,” he announced.
“Oh, just let it ring,” Elise’s voice replied. “He can leave a message.”
Chris looked down at his lap and frowned. “Yeah… Dan gets really upset when I let his calls go to voicemail.”
“Dan’s always really upset. He’ll get over it,” Elise insisted.
“What if it’s an emergency?” Chris asked in a concerned tone.
“Don’t worry so much!” Elise said. “He’s got Pinkie to help bail him out of trouble! Besides, I’m really enjoying this…” Elise cooed.
“Well… alright…” Chris said with a small smile. “I guess it can wait for a little bit…”
“You’re the best, sweetie…” Elise said. “Do you think you can brush my tail next?”
Chris smiled down at the ashen-colored pegasus whose maroon mane he was currently running a bush through. “Sure, honey,” he said with a smile.
“Awesome,” Elise replied. She glanced across the room to a large, wood framed mirror that was hanging on the wall. Instead of a reflection, Twilight sat quietly in her library with a content smile on her face and an open book floating in front of her. “Twilight,” Elise began, “you should really get your boyfriend to do this sometime.”
Twilight frowned slightly as she stared off into space. “I tried.”
“Oh?” Elise replied. “What happened?”
Twilight turned to face Elise. “Unfortunately, Flash did not adjust to being a human as well as you adjusted to being a pony. There was quite a bit of screaming, for one.”
Elise frowned. “That seems a bit extreme.”
Twilight shrugged. “I actually reacted the same way the first time I transformed into a human… It’s not like we actually have humans in Equestria, so it’s probably a bit more of an adjustment for us ponies.” Twilight’s frown increased as she squinted. “You guys have a lot more… uh… fine manipulators than us ponies… it’s actually a bit creepy at first.”
Chris lifted up one of his hands to eye level and wiggled his fingers slightly. “Huh, I never thought about hands being that creepy…”
-ooo-
-- ♫
“Hi! It’s Chris! Leave a message!”
Dan shot a death glare at his phone and pulled it away as he began screaming at it, “YOU WORTHLESS EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING! LETTING YOUR VOICE MAIL PICK UP WHEN I NEED YOUR HELP! THAT IS IT! WE ARE DONE! CONSIDER OUR FRIENDSHIP NULL AND VOID! I HATE YOU WITH THE VERY CORE OF MY BEING! WHEN THIS IS OVER I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL END YOU…”
--♫
Dan paused and brought the phone up to his ear and mouth once more. “Call me when you get this. It’s Dan,” he said nonchalantly.
--♫
“Pinkie’s been kidnapped by couples.”
--♫
Dan pressed the phone’s screen and terminated the call.
--♫
He hit the screen a few more times and placed his phone to his ear as he began taping the foot on his good leg impatiently.
--♫
“Pick up, you damn cookie Ninja, PICK UP!” Dan growled at his phone.
--♫--
-ooo-
In a dark movie theater, Ninja Dave and Becky sat next to each other surrounded by other moviegoing patrons as the light from the screen illuminated their faces and the collection of snacks they had.
Dave frowned as he felt a vibration from his jeans. He reached his into his pocket and pulled out his smartphone. The screen lit up as he stared at it. “It’s Dan…” he said.
“He’s probably just upset that you closed up the cookie shop while we’re at the movies,” Becky suggested. “Just shut your phone off. He’ll get over it… probably…”
Dave pressed a button on the side of his phone and put it back in his pocket. “I just hope he doesn’t smash up the store while I’m away…”
Becky smiled. “Eh, he’s probably with Pinkie. I’m sure she’ll make sure he doesn’t go crazy, or anything.”
-ooo-
--♫
“You’ve reached Ninja Dave’s phone, I’m not available—”
“GAH!” Dan cried in frustration.
“—at the moment. Please leave a message.”
Dan pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “Dave? It’s Dan. Maybe you can explain to me the point of having friends”—Dan pulled the phone away from his face slightly—“IF THEY’RE NOT EVEN AVAILABLE ON A MOMENT'S NOTICE IF YOU NEED THEIR HELP IN CASE,”—Dan rolled his eyes—“OH I DON’T KNOW, YOUR GIRLFRIEND GETS KIDNAPPED BY COUPLES?!” Dan returned the phone to his mouth and ear. “And by ‘your’, I of course wasn’t being rhetorical and meant my girlfriend. So uh… call me back when you got a chance. P.S. You’re dead to me.”
Dan sighed as he terminated the call and put his phone back in his pocket. “Guess it’s just me who has to fix this mess… typical.” He began limping back to his apartment, grumbling to himself as he went. “Stupid injured leg… Stupid friends who don’t pick up the phone…” Dan furrowed his brow and frowned. “I bet they’re busy doing couple stuff… Stupid couples…” Dan paused. “… in general…” he added. “Stupid couples who specifically kidnapped Pinkie Pie.”
--♫
Slowly, Dan pulled himself up the apartment stairs, keeping his hand on the railing as he made his way up and across the walkway to apartment ‘8’.
--♫
He opened the door were a mangy grey cat greeted him with a concerned sounding “Meow.”
--♫
Dan looked down at Mr. Mumbles and grinned. “Hey there Mr. Mumbles.”
--♫
“Pinkie Pie has been kidnapped by couples. Are you a bad enough cat to rescue Pinkie Pie?” Dan asked.
--♫
“Merrow!” Mr. Mumbles replied in a happy tone.
Dan nodded and bent down slightly to stroke Mr. Mumbles's head.
--♫
“Alright, let me quickly treat these wounds and we’ll get your into your ski mask. We’ve got some breaking and entering to do!”
--♫
“Merow!”
-ooo-
Dan slinked through the dark night as he approached the elementary school simply labeled ‘Elementary School’. Dan had put on a black sweater as well as a black ski mask that he had pulled down around his face. He also carried an aluminum baseball bat with him. Mr. Mumbles bounded alongside Dan, a matching black ski mask also pulled down around her face.
Dan focused on one of the windows as he quietly drew closer to the school, noticing it was broken open. “Huh, that’s lucky…” Dan murmured. He crawled up to the window and slowly stood up, peaking into the trashed classroom as he kept his head down. “Eesh, those five really did a number on this place,” he said as he looked down at the overturned desks and broken pieces of pencils. “I’m amazed those four got away from Amber… She was even madder than when Chris littered all over the school…”
“Meow!” Mr. Mumbles called from the ground.
Dan leaned down, let go of his bat, and picked up Mr. Mumbles with his free hand. He held her pass the window frame and lowered her slowly into the classroom.
“Hmmmmm…” Dan hummed to himself as he stared at the broken glass along the window frame. He quickly took off his sweater and placed it over the top of the frame. He grabbed his baseball bat and, with a pained grunt, he pulled himself up and attempted to slowly lower himself into the classroom. “AAAH!” Dan cried as his sweater slipped and fell into the classroom with a ‘Thud!’ as more glass broke underneath his body and his bat rolled away into the room with a “Clangaaangaaangaaang…”
“Meow!” Mr. Mumbles mewed as she bounded up to Dan and began licking his face.
“…aaaangaaaangaaangaaang…”
“Uhhhg…” Dan grunted out. “I’m fine,” Dan said to Mr. Mumbles. Dan slowly raised up to his knees as he brushed broken glass from his clothes. “Just keep watch and make sure…”
“…aaangaaa—”
“You’ve got a lot of guts coming here, after what you pulled!”
Dan sighed. “No one sneaks up on us.” He turned towards the doorway and saw Amber’s silhouette in the doorway.
Amber bent down and picked up the bat. She held it one hand and slapped it lightly against her open palm and narrowed her eyes. “Hey, Dan,” Amber said. “I hope you came looking for trouble, because you just found it.”
-ooo-
“That seemed extreme…” A male voice called out.
... Who… Flynn?
“Well, this is an extreme situation!”
… Jean?
“I don’t know…” Another female voice said. “I mean… if we want to show her Dan has her in an abusive relationship, we certainly aren’t setting a much better example.”
… Jennifer?
“Yeah!” A new male voice said out. “And Dan even saw us! If he doesn’t call the police on us, he’ll come after us for sure… and he’s out of his mind! Who knows what he’ll do?!”
… Jason?
“Don’t worry,” Jennifer said. “I brought my gun along just in case…”
“And if Dan attacks us with flaming logs fired from a nearby building?” Jason asked.
“Uhhh…” Jennifer nearly trailed off.
“Shhh…” Jean hushed. “She’s coming to.”
“Wha… what…?” Pinkie murmured as she slowly opened her eyes. Her vision slowly focused on her surroundings. A colorful living area full of different colored throw pillows and veils that hung from the ceiling. “Uhg…”
Pinkie attempted to move her limbs but found both her arms and legs held fast. She looked down at herself and pursed her lips. Her arms were bound behind her back and her legs were tied to the legs of the chair she was sitting in.
“Hello, Pinkie,” Jean said. “How are you feeling? Anything I can get for you? Water? Some chamomile tea?”
Pinkie’s eyes darted fearfully across the group. “Please don’t hurt and/or take advantage of me!” she pleaded.
Jean looked back at Pinkie in surprise. “No one is going to hurt you.”
“Oh…” Pinkie replied. “Uh… then why am I tied up?”
“We just need to talk to you and make sure you listen,” Jean explained.
Pinkie stared at Jean with a blank expression. “Talk? Talk about what?”
“Dan,” Jean said.
“Huh?” Pinkie said in a confused tone. “You don’t need to tie me up for that! I LOVE talking about Dan! I mean... I can go on for hours, and hours, and—”
Jean shook her head. “No, I mean… we want to help you understand why you should leave Dan.”
“Oh… okie… dokie… lokie…” Pinkie said as she processed what Jean had just told her. She smiled nervously. “Are you sure I can’t convince you to hurt me or take advantage of me, instead?”
-ooooooo-
Author’s notes: Sorry about the plethora of short installments lately. Just hitting stopping points a bit quicker than usual. I’m trying to get these out a little faster as a result, depending on other things going on and allergy attacks, that is…
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I see you're on a stride. {I've seemed to have hit a speedbump with mine...Hopefully, I'll be able to finish my next chapter either tomorrow or Sunday.}
Still, nice chapter. (Seems like either filler, or Dan's going to have to solo this out.}
4256749
Thanks.
I just added a bit at the end. It seemed a little too short. Looking forward to your next update.
So... Is he gonna enlist Amber in a vengeance run?
4256799
I'm not telling~!
I just added a bit... I should make a quick blog post.
Short installments are fine so as long as the story doesn't stop at a climax.
Amber... Something tells me that the one man and a cat vendetta might drag a piece of hell with them against those couples.
4256803 *grits teeth* youre doing this on purpose now...I WANNA SEE WHAT HAPPENS*cries*
i loved this chapter by the way/
Pinkie will have them legally insane before Dan even gets to the building...and she iwll not even be trying
gotta love the reference, he did that thing in one episode right? hehe.. I feel sorry for those stupid couples.. i'm more worried about them than Pinkie..
this is an awesome fanfic man. I read all 115 chapters in 2 days .. i'm a fast reader
4257016
He did indeed do something similar to Chris in one of the episodes. Actully, I think he did it possibly more than once during the series. He's at least left more than one message basically threatening to disown Chris with him not following through the next time he seems him.
4257035 since its serious this time, i bet he's just going to break his nose with that baseball bat.. and Elise as a Pony, hmm why i'm not surprised.. hehe cool she's a pegasister. I wonder how she and Celestia will get along? maybe shes more going to get well enough with Luna mostly... since their both secretive and stuff
I'm going to make a wild guess, tell me if i hit the nail! Pinkie meets Dennis in this saga and be the best mom ever, by messing with his foster parents.
4257077
I don't know if it'll be quite "best mom ever" stuff, but Dennis will certainly make more appearances.
Nice chapter!
rmember when dan almost launched a nuke?
I think this is sufficient motivation for him to try again
This looks like a solo mission!
“Its Dan,”
...I think that's It's (It is, abbreviated). I think. I remember there being something about possessive 's not working right with it? Meh. Darn screwy language.
Grey and Maroon... sort of an adult scootaloo. I wonder what her cutie mark is? A bottle of chloroform? A shadowy figure shushing someone?
Mr. Mumbles head.
...Stupid English. I think that's a possessive, and the rules for ending with s are a bit screwy. So either Mr. Mumbles', or Mr Mumbles's (Which just looks plain goofy)
up, peaking into
He probably piqued his curiosity, requiring him to climb a peak, then steal a peek at a nearby attraction. (Again with those homophones! Peak is the top, peek is looking.)
with his free hand. He held her pass
...He picked her up, and held her past the window frame? Or moved her past? It's a little odd, but I think we get where they're going.
Dan slowly raised up to his knees
I think you can make that 'rose to his knees'
Added bits! Good thing I slept on it! Looks like you cleaned up some of the things I spotted last night too, so cleaned those out.
Elise gets a Pony! Who is Herself! ...Temporary Ponyfication for Brushy purposes is a mildly odd hobby, but it's not hurting anyone. Poor Flash.
Becky and Ninja Dave are background coupley! Dan inflicts major guilt on all participants! Pinkie questions sanity! It's a madhouse!
Quite nice. Looking forward to the mayhem.
4257874
Got all these! Thanks!
Oh dear, just when Dan thought he had an entire army at his disposal, theyre all AWOL.
At least he has the ships cat, and now just has to deal with the Alien Queen.
Way to nix the awesome backup...
Ah well, he's still got D.H. and Crunchy. Maybe enlist the mechanic for a giant robot car again. However before the big rescue, I want the couples to meet Pinkamena
This is getting good.
And May god have mercury on their souls... because Dan won't.
Also nice reference to "Bad Dudes"
man... i feel old for knowing what that is.
You just combined one of my favorite songs, with one of my favorite stories, and making a million references along the way. Don't take this as me being too much of a fan girl but dude, I LOVE YOU ??
Yeah but seriously you write some pretty bad boy stories.
4258183 Yet another great chapter--I don't think you've delivered a bad one yet.
4260108 "Mercury on their souls"? As in the liquid metal?!? I think you just gave Dan a new venegence idea.
"May God have Mercury on you souls!"
"Don't you mean 'mercy' on our souls?"
"He knows what he said!"
I was going to read without the lyrics, but then I saw that Boulevard of Broken Dreams would fit in perfectly.
Sadly it was not. Ahh well.
Bwoosh. Mind Blown. Elise is living every girl's secret fantasy.
Oh yeah she is! And reference, Nice!
You, are without any shame.
4387587
Uh, not that I have anything against the very talented MixerMike622 and his entertaining Dan Vs. FIM and Fluffle Puff work, but Dan's dialogue in that video is lifted straight out of the show. In my case, I was calling back to the scene that dialogue is from a few other similar instances with Dan.
Though... I kinda don't have any shame when it comes to references anyhow.
Am I the only one squee'n like a little girl about Elisa turning into a pony?
No?
ok
Obviously the best way to rescue Pinkie is to have everyone Dan knows (who also know about Pinkie's secret... which is basically himself, Elise and Chris) to turn into ponies and do a three pony stampede. Because herd mentality. I think.
Let's be honest this is going to be less a "lets save pinkie" mission and more a "let's keep pinkie out of prison" mission
Gotta love a friend who when disappointed in your being unable to answer, curses you out, then calmly says "call me back when you get this".
Yay pony Elise! So happy to see that :)
Oh, good chapter too.
I thank you Justice. It has been far too long since I heard that song.
Pretty sure we all saw Elise's transformation coming the moment she gave her girlish squeal. 'Twas inevitable. Now we wait for Twilight to transform Chris, fulfilling her obligation as facilitator of kinky sex for foreigners.
8526680
Well she did call herself a Sex Mage ... or was it a Skeeve Mage. So yeah, Twilight doing Skeevy magic for her friends is definitely something I can see her doing.
And Elise makes for a super cute Pegasus.