The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 11 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Distractions
Chapter 95 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Questionnaire
-ooooooo-
“WHAT – THE – HECK?!” Amber demanded angrily as the group shuffled back into the classroom. Ninja Dave carried a pizza box in his hands.
“See, dudes!” Ninja Dave exclaimed. “I told you she’d be okay!”
“Okay?!” Amber exclaimed angrily. “OKAY?! I wrote ‘Floor is lava! Send help!’ on my window!” Amber motioned to her window to emphasize the point, the message she has just described was written messily in red marker across it.
“Ooooo!” Pinkie uttered. “So that’s what that was…” Pinkie giggled. “Hehe… I just thought you went bonkers and started writing fun gibberish! Hehe… aval si roolf!”
Dan scrutinized the writing on the window. “You know you’re supposed to write backwards on windows so the people on the other side can actually read what you wrote?”
“I thought the floor was lava!” Amber exclaimed as she motioned out to the floor. “I wasn’t thinking straight!”
“Well, maybe you should have done some of your stupid calming exercises!” Dan suggested. “I mean, if the floor really was lava there’s no way anyone would have come to help you and you would have melted for sure!”
“If the floor was actually lava, then the wooden desk I was on would have caught fire and I would have died anyway!” Amber cried.
“Okay, now you’re just being silly,” Dan said as he folded his arms.
Amber let out a number of incomprehensible rage growls.
“Look,” Chris said as he stepped in between Dan and Amber, “I think we’re all missing the important thing here!”
“Oooo! What’s that?” Pinkie asked.
“That we all got through this experience alive and mostly unharmed,” Chris said.
“Hurray for living!” Pinkie exclaimed cheerfully.
“It’s couple’s counseling!” Amber declared. “You’re supposed to be able to go through it alive and unharmed!”
Elise spoke up, “Normally I’d agree such sentiments aren’t worth mentioning. However, my dear, dear husband”—Elise smiled wide and patted one of Chris’s forearms—“brings up a valid point considering Dan and Pinkie are here.”
“Hey!” Dan protested. “Neither of us darted Amber in the neck!”
“But one of you punched her in the face,” Elise pointed out. “And the other encouraged it.”
“Well…” Pinkie said sheepishly. “… I mean… I wasn’t going to but then Amber wanted to fight…”
Amber sighed and forced a smile, though her eyes betrayed that she was far from happy. “Let’s just forget about the little episode in the hallway, shall we.”
“DONE!” Pinkie cried. “YAAaaaaaay…!” she shouted as she exuberantly ran into the hallway. “Dan! Dan!” Pinkie called out.
Dan sighed as he placed an arm in front of his chest and rested his other arm on top of it, followed by resting his cheek against an open palm. “What is it, Goofball?” he said in an almost bored tone.
“The hallway is full of lockers!” Pinkie declared.
Dan rolled his eyes. “I know! We just walked through it.”
Pinkie poked her head back in the classroom. “We did? How come I don’t remember?” She glanced around the room. “Wait, how we even get in here in the first place?!”
Amber stared at Pinkie then looked back at the group. “Is she… is she serious?”
“Yeah, pretty much,” Becky confirmed.
Amber cleared her head by shaking it. “Look, what really concerns me is that I was just darted with a hallucinogen!” she exclaimed as she shot an angry glare at Ninja Dave.
“Well, how would you prove you were really a ninja?!” Dave cried.
“I don’t know!” Amber exclaimed. “I’ve never been one!”
Dave nodded. “There you go! You’re in no place to judge!”
“BUT you… grrrr… you shot me with a dart!”
“Aaaaand I saved you some pizza as a way of apologizing!” Dave said as he handed Amber the box. “I basically had to guard it from Chris the entire time!”
“It’s true!” Chris exclaimed.
Amber sighed and took the pizza box. She opened it and examined the contents, then closed the box. “You didn’t uh… poison the pizza or anything, did you?”
“Why the heck would I do that?” Dave exclaimed. “I already proved I’m a ninja!”
“Alright,” Amber said as she placed the box on her desk. “Sorry, but I’ve never been darted in the neck before.”
“And as long as you believe some dude when he tells you he’s a ninja, you probably will never be again,” Dave reasoned.
Amber’s eye began to twitch as she glared angrily at Ninja Dave. She pressed an index finger against her twitching eyebrow to cease the display of anger and forced her lips open into a contorted smile.
“Letss jusst continue our sesssion,” Amber said through clenched teeth. “Sshall we?”
The group returned to their seats as Amber took several calming breaths. Her smile returned to something a bit more genuine as she walked behind her desk and opened a drawer. She pulled out a few pens, and sets of stapled-together papers. She began to distribute the pens and papers amongst the couples in the front.
Amber handed a pen to Pinkie.
“Oh, don’t worry!” Pinkie said cheerily as she reached into her hair. She pulled out a pink glitter pen. “I always carry my own.”
“Uh, sure…” Amber replied. She turned back to the group in front of her and handed out pens to the other people present. “These are a set of questionnaires you’ll each fill out,” Amber explained as she clasped her hands together. “These are mostly questions about your significant other. Filling these out will get give me a pretty good idea about the state of your relationship and what you might need to work on as a couple.” Amber smiled sweetly. “Don’t worry if you can’t answer everything perfectly. We’re here to work on any problems you might have. Just answer the questions to the best of your ability.”
Dan’s hand shot up.
“Yes, Dan?” Amber said as she sat against her desk, her hands still clasped together. “Question?”
“Statement,” Dan replied. “This questionnaire is stupid and you’re stupid for giving it to us.”
Amber frowned. “I assure you that this will help me identify any problem areas in your relationship.”
Dan raised his questionnaire in one hand and swatted it with the other. “How are you supposed to identify problem areas if you haven’t even given us enough space to write our answers?!”
“Dan’s got a point!” Pinkie said as she looked over the questions above several empty lines for answering. “I mean… there’s just no way I can fit my answers in this tiny bit of space!”
Amber strained to keep her smile in place. “Maybe you two can just condense your answers?”
“What?” Dan exclaimed. “No way! You said ‘answer the questions to the best of your ability’!”
“You did!” Pinkie said as she nodded her head up and down. “You totally did!”
“I don’t suppose you two could just write on the backs?” Amber asked with a sigh.
Dan and Pinkie examined the white space on the back of their sheets quickly, then pursed their lips as they looked back up at Amber and shook their heads.
Amber rolled her eyes and walked behind her desk, fishing out a couple of large notepads from one of her drawers. She glanced up at Chris and Elise. “I don’t suppose you two need more paper, too.”
“I’m good!” Chris responded cheerfully.
“Uh… YES!” Elise declared. “In fact, you should probably give me two notepads,” she added as she forced a large smile.
Amber sated at Elise blankly and blinked a few times. “… Elise, it’s not a competition.”
“Yeah,” Pinkie said. “I mean… if it was Dan would kick her butt, anyways…”
Elise shot a death glare at Pinkie and clenched her fist.
‘SNAP!’
“Hey!” Chris cried as a black spray of ink exploded out from Elise’s snapped pen, hitting him, his clothes as well as his desk.
Elise sighed as she wiped a sprinkling of black ink from her face. “I need another pen… and questionnaire.”
“Me, too.” Chris said in a slightly irritable tone.
“… Sorry, sweetie…” Elise said weakly.
Amber’s eye twitched slightly. “No… no problem!” she said as she forced cheerfulness into her voice. “I’ll just print out some more… and get some paper towels.” She turned to Dan and Pinkie. “Dan and Pinkie, why don’t you two get started.”
“Sweet!” Dan exclaimed.
“Hey! No head starts!” Elise cried.
“Still not a competition, Elise,” Amber said in a slightly exasperated tone.
“Yeah, and you’d lose anyways,” Dan said with a devilish grin. “So what’s the point?”
“Oh, it is ON now!” Elise declared in a determined voice.
Amber sighed, “Fine! Pinkie and Dan, hold up.”
“Awww, dis!” Dan cried.
Pinkie puffed out her lower lip out in a pout. “If I can’t write about Dan, can I at least stare longingly into his eye?”
Amber lowered her visible eyebrow and glanced up, almost as if she was attempting to check her own eyelid for an answer. She shrugged. “Sure,” she said before walking out of the room.
“Yay!” Pinkie cried.
“Uhhh… WELL I’M GOING TO STARE DOUBLY HARD INTO MY HUSBAND’S EYE!” Elise cried.
“Uh, honey?” Chris interjected. “I think you might be going a tad overboard…”
“Overboard, nothing! Prepare for the most romantic gazing of your life!” Elise said as she reached over to Chris, grabbed his shirt and pulled him in close to her. Elise stared into Chris’s one visible blue eye with her purple ones.
“Erm, beautiful,” Chris said, “I think you just got more black ink all over my shirt…”
“Shhhhh…” Elise hushed out as she placed an inky finger against Chris’s lips, leaving a black smudge. “No more words. Just stare deep into my eyes…”
“Uhhhh… sure darling,” Chris said nervously as Elise practically glared back at him.
“No fair!” Pinkie whined. “You still have both your eyes uncovered!”
“That’s okay,” Dan said. “I bet we’re easily three or four times better at looking longingly at each other than those two.”
Pinkie grinned. “Well what are we waiting for?” The couple immediately placed their elbows on their own desks, rested the chin against their open palms, and stared deeply into each other’s eye.
“Man,” Becky uttered, “it’s like watching a soap opera where anyone could get stabbed at a moment’s notice! Maybe you make should have brought your sword, just in case.”
Dave cocked an eyebrow. “What makes you think I didn’t?”
“Huh?! But…” Becky looked Dave up and down. He was only wearing a red t-shirt, jeans, and a pair of green and white trainers. “Uh, where do you keep it?”
Dave chuckled. “Heh, well down my pants, of course…”
Becky paused. Wait is he hitting on me? Becky giggled. “Maybe, you should show it to me in private sometime…?” Becky said with a slight blush.
Dave paused and stared at Becky blankly.
Becky froze. OH, God… he wasn’t hitting on me…. Uh… wait… then he actually does have a sword…?
Dave smiled. “I think you and I are having two different conversations.”
“Uh…” Becky swallowed. “Yeah?”
“That’s okay, I totally like yours better,” Dave said with a sly grin.
“Oh, reeaaally~?” Becky cooed as her worried expression slowly changed into a smirk.
Dave suddenly frowned and glanced to his side. “Uh… Hi, Pinkie.”
Becky blinked. “Huh?” She glanced over to where Dave was looking and jumped in her seat, just noticing Pinkie had perched herself on the desk in front of her and Dave and was staring at them with a giant grin. “WHOA! Oh, uh… Hey, Pinkie…”
“Oh, don’t mind me,” Pinkie said cheerfully. “Just continue doing exactly what you were doing…” Pinkie said softly. “… Just pretend I’m not here…”
“Uhhh…” Becky uttered nervously as she looked back at Pinkie. “Kinda hard when you’re literally a few feet away and staring right at us…”
“Pinkie!” Dan called out in a slightly irritated tone.
“What?!” Pinkie replied as she continued to stare at Dave and Becky.
“Stop leering at those two and come back to leering me!” Dan demanded.
Pinkie blew out a dismissive gust of air at the lock of curls that hung in front of her face. “It’s not like Chris and Elise are winning, anyhow. Chris keeps on glancing at the pizza box on Amber’s desk.”
“Chris!” Elise said in a chastising tone.
“I can’t help it!” Chris cried. “It’s taunting me with its cheesy goodness!”
“Ahem.”
The group turned as Amber walked back into the classroom holding some paper towels and a few more copies of her questionnaire. Pinkie grinned sheepishly and darted back into her desk. She took Dan’s hands in her own and looked back at Amber with an innocent-looking smile on her face.
Elise quickly reached for Chris’s hands.
“Uh, honey,” Chris said, “did you just get ink all over my hands?”
“Uh… whoops?” Elise offered with an embarrassed smile.
Amber rolled her eyes and handed the couple some of the paper towels she was carrying. Chris and Elise began wiping off the black ink that was on their faces, hands, and clothes.
Amber looked over the two couples sitting in the front of the room. “You know, you four don’t have to display public affection around me. It’s not really something I consider when I examine relationships…”
“Well, maybe you should start!” Dan replied.
Amber rolled her eyes as she handed Chris and Elise a couple of fresh questionnaires and collected their ink stained papers and paper towels. She handed Elise a new pen.
“Wait, what?” Pinkie asked in confusion.
“Amber thinks you and I are faking affection to make ourselves look better,” Dan said.
“I didn’t say that!” Amber cried.
Dan leveled an accusatory index finger at Amber. “But you were thinking it!”
Pinkie paused as she considered Dan’s words, “But… who would even do that? I mean, that’s gotta be some super-special kind of desperate to even…”
‘SNAP!’
“Oh, come on!” Chris cried as a fresh batch of ink splattered over him, his clothes, and his questionnaire again.
“Can’t we take you anywhere?!” Dan cried as he looked over at Elise who had a new, fresh layer of ink splattered all over her.
“Technically it was Elise who brought us here,” Pinkie reminded.
“Oh, good point,” Dan replied. “Can’t you take yourself anywhere?!”
Elise shot Dan a glare then sighed. “Uhhh… I need another pen…” she said embarrassedly.
“Grrrrrr… Na… no… pro… problem,” Amber growled out.
Elise’s eyes went wide as she looked up into the ink-splattered face of Amber. Elise briefly looked Amber up and down, realizing she had also just stained the social worker's clothing. “Uh… erm… Sorry…” she said. “I… geez that looks like a nice sweater… I’m sure some rubbing alcohol will take that right out…”
Amber directed an eye full of burning hot rage at Elise. She grabbed the remaining paper towels in her hand and slammed them on Elise’s desk with a loud ‘SMACK!’
Elise winced slightly and tentatively grabbed the paper towels, handing a few to Chris. The pair began wiping ink off themselves, again.
Amber began taking long, deep breathes. “Huuuufff… puuufff… huuufff… puuufff…” She closed her eyes and began chanting to herself as she clutched her spare session print outs to her chest tightly. “Step outside of yourself… step outside of yourself… Experience the moment from a fresh perspective…” Amber opened her eyes.
“Fresh perspective or no,” Dan began, “you’re still splattered with ink.”
Amber sighed and looked down at her clothes. “I’m still splattered with ink!”
Elise pursed her lips. “I said I was sorry.”
“It’s FINE! Totally, 100%, completely FINE!” Amber declared in a stressed out, angry tone that helped convey how completely fine she was.
“Uh, Maybe I could—” Elise began.
“NO!” Amber cried. “You just sit there and I’ll get you a fresh writing implement…”
Amber stomped off behind her desk.
Dan and Pinkie looked over at Elise and grinned. “Someone’s in trouble with teacher~! Someone’s in trouble with teacher~!” they sang out.
“But…” Elise protested. “She’s not… I mean… I just…”
Amber walked back to Elise desk and roughly hit her palm against the desk.
Elise flinched and looked back up at Amber.
Amber lifted her hand, revealing a sharpened, number 2 pencil.
“Uh… a pencil?” Elise asked.
“Yes,” Amber replied. “TRY not to stab anyone with it.”
Dan and Pinkie looked at each other and grinned. “OOOoooOOOOoooo!”
“Riiight… Sure!” Elise said as she grabbed the pencil. “This will be fine.”
Amber nodded and forced a tortured, smile onto her face. “You may begin!”
Dan, Pinkie, and Elise began feverishly writing as Chris began to carefully read each question, tapping his pen thoughtfully against his cheek as he read each one.
Amber just shook her head walked back into the hall, returning with more paper towels. She walked in front of her class, heading for the window. “WHAAA!” she cried as she slipped on the water in front of her desk.
‘THUD!’
“YES!” Ninja Dave cried. “I KNEW she’d forget!”
“DANGIT!” Becky shouted. “Guess dinner’s on me tonight,” she sighed out.
Chris stood up. “Are you okay?”
“Chris!” Elise cried. “Less talking more writing!”
“But Amber just…”
“THEY’RE BEATING US, CHRIS!” Elise cried as she motioned out to Dan and Pinkie.
Dan and Pinkie continued feverously filling out their questionnaires, pausing only when they ran out of room on the sheets in front of them and continuing to write on their notepads.
Chris sighed, sat back in his seat, and began filling out his own questionnaire.
Amber sat and directed a twitching eye and rageful glare at Elise as she walked over to her window and began scrubbing the marker off of it.
Elise continued to scrawl away on her own sheets of paper, oblivious to the angry expression that had just been shot in her direction.
Theres more angry gances shot and rounds goign back and forth than one of Elises normal guns.
And of course, Ninas dont need ammo.
She began to distribute the pens and papers them amongst the couples in the front.
Probably can pull that 'them' out.
the blank ink
While that's probably a valid descriptor, that should probably be 'black' ink.
you and are faking
'you and I', I believe.
ink of themselves
ink off of themselves, or just off themselves.
Not a lot of errors I spotted. There might have been a comma issue or two... but I'm not so excellent with commas.
Well done sir! A smile inducing chapter indeed.
4141206
Fixed! Thank you.
Elise has serious problems, maybe Dan should give her some lessons on emotional control
Smile.
In HD.
Best chapter yet, but only because I don't really like Elise...
why can you like a story more than once...
i want to be able to add 9 more to my one...
alas since i cant so here take a moustache
of approval and a cookie!
The floor may not be lava but something is heating up there and I can't wait for it to pop.
This is why They should have gone in separately...
But if they did there wouldn't be any Wacky Hijinxs!
Amber directed an eye full if burning hot range...
Not sure what an eyeful of range is, sounds painful...
4141221 I didn't laugh as much with this one as I have with all the others, but it was still a good chapter none the less. Very much character driven showing what needs to be worked on as a group. Surprised that Becky and Dave haven't been targeted for couple scrutiny yet.
4141808 I don't know about pop... explode, more like...
4145366 Yup, that and fire. Accidental arson bros need to keep up their reputation.
4142732
Whoops! Fixed.
How much longer before Amber snaps? Oooh I can't wait! I'm literally shivering with anticipation!
Whatever happen to the magical ring Dan got from Lean Sidhe?
or from her corpse at least.
107 chapters in less than 2 days.
I'm not sure if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself.
4150914
He still has it. He hasn't had cause to use it... or he has but sort of forgot it's existence. Dan's wonderfully inconsistent like that.
4150939
Happy to have you. Thanks for the fave.
4150967 ....you totally forgot about it, didnt you?
4150974
I was going to say "no" but then I realized it might have come in handy the last arc...
So, not completely, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to keep it in mind and lampshade it's absent by Dan complaining about never wearing a ring, or only putting it on if he thinks he's going to need it.
Elise is going to have another breakdown by worrying about Chris leaving her, isn't she?
4150939 You're faster than me. Took me four days.
Wow, who'd have thought a roomful of adults could be more disorderly than a roomful of 8-year-olds?
4749340
Dan and Pinkie Pie are in the room.
Your argument was shot in both feet, crucified and, on the last day before death, was forced through the events of 'Cupcakes'. Then Resurrected.
Rinse and repeat.
4925144 OOOOOOOO! Invalidated to the HIGHEST DEGREE!
I feel like I'm one of the only people who actually reads and tries to carefully fill out a questionnaire. Everyone else around me tries to rush through and glares at me when I'm not finished yet.
I hate questionnaires. Always have stupid questions.
"what would your friends say about you?"
HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW!? Probably not the nicest things if im to be honest.
7114735 When first high school home class teacher gave us a introductory questionnaire, which I thought was stupid too, one question was "What makes you happy?" (why the hell does teacher need to know that!?!) Answer: Spitballing the teacher & getting away with it! (One problem it was hard to not get blamed for it after that, not thought through on that one.)
4150939 So single with no dependents or friends or job (or you did it over a weekend) I assume? (just kidding, just seemed the obvious assumption))
My old school gave us a questionnaire at the end of the year, 45% of the questions were like
"DO THE PEOPLE IN YOUR NEIGHBOUR HOOD MAKE YOU FEEL APPRECIATED?"
I don't even know my neighbour's names!!!
(Wow it's been a while since I've been on here)
This is just me being a perfectionist, but having had multiple ink explosions, I can testify that ink from a pen doesn't really spray anywhere (it's a pretty viscous substance), it just leaks, and a paper towel isn't nearly enough to clean it off skin (usually it takes a couple of showers and day to day wear for it to come off, with most pens). Elise wiping those little splotches off her cheek would likely result in her entire cheek turning black (or whatever color the inktube is.) Pinkie's glitter pen, on the other hand, would easily wash off and wouldn't stain. Also, an inktube wouldn't necessarily snap, per se (I think most wouldn't), it would more bend than anything. Inktubes, in my experience, leak from the bottom if some weird kind of pressure is applied to the tip of it itself (and that's a pretty specific kind of inktube in on itself). It takes a good amount of force using either a razor blade or a pair of wire cutters to cut an average inktube (kinda like the ones you'd see in a cheap bic pen, not the thicker ones in nicer pens)
Anyways, enough of my rant on how pen ink would explode.
Amber thought the floor was lava because the dart had hallucinogen in it.
Does Ninja Dave get some of his supplies from Krieger?
Considering what I’ve read of this section here, a trained psychologist would be like:
I'm sure I've received an in-school suspension during elementary school over something similar.
8536200
Maybe.