Chapter 1
Trixie ran into the night, smiling to herself as a rush of adrenalin washed over her. Not only had she just stared death in the face and survived, she had also escaped with her reputation intact.
Earlier that day she had performed a show in a backwater town called Ponyville – once again, it had been a masterclass in shooting down hecklers. She chuckled. These gigs wouldn’t be half as much fun if it wasn’t for the arrogance of other ponies, foolishly stepping forward to challenge her.
The audience loved her, of course, laughing along with her jokes and at the hapless fools she humiliated. If there was one thing Trixie knew better than anypony else, it was how to work a crowd.
But the events that transpired after the show had turned the day into a bit of a disaster. Oh, it had started off alright – two young colts had become enamoured with her and were tripping over each other in their eagerness to please her.
That had been a disappointment, in truth. In most other places she performed, Trixie was usually able to catch the eye of a handsome stallion. They would then hook up and she would be on easy street for a few weeks, staying with him until her charms finally wore off.
But Ponyville was sadly lacking in eligible bachelors. Sure, there had been a few attractive stallions in the audience but they all appeared to have somepony already. Most of the town’s population appeared to be mares, and that was not an option she was prepared to consider – though of course if she was that way inclined, she would no doubt be staying with somepony tonight.
No, all the town had to offer was those two annoying little colts Ships and Fails, or whatever their names were. They were both too poor and too young to provide the comforts she was normally used to.
Trixie slowed her pace as she realised this was not the path she had used to come into town. It had come to a crossroads – one route led to a farm, the other headed into a forest.
Well, it was obvious which way she should go. If she took the left fork she would probably come across that orange farmpony again, and there was no way she could ask her for help.
She went into the forest, hoping there would be a town or someplace to stay once she came out the other side.
What sort of idiot would set out to deliberately annoy an Ursa Minor? Thank goodness that purple unicorn had been there to save everypony. For the first time, Trixie pondered whether she should change her backstory just to make sure nothing like this happened again.
Never mind. Her dramatic exit had covered up her failure nicely and those two colts would no doubt get the punishment they deserved.
No, her dignity was intact. The only things she had lost were her cloak – which she had been fond of, though the only value it held to her was the cost of its sapphire clasp – and the wagon she had been travelling in. Both of those could easily be replaced with the money she had earned for her performance in Ponyville…
Trixie came to a sudden halt. Her money. It was in her purse. Which was still in the cloak she had abandoned.
“Oh BUCK!” she shouted so loudly that a group of nearby birds took flight, scared out of their perch in the trees.
The blue-coated unicorn started pacing rapidly back and forth across the width of the path, frantically mulling over her options.
She’d left all of her money behind. Without it, there was no way she’d be able to hire a room for the night. That was if this path even led anywhere – looking ahead, it appeared to get increasingly overgrown.
But if she went back now, there was a chance the townfolk would see her crawling back to pick up her bits. She would be humiliated.
As much as she hated to admit it, there was no choice. She would have to swallow her pride and go back. All that showmareship for nothing.
Before she could turn tail, a voice called out from the trees: “Hello? Is somebody there? Can somebody help me? I’m trapped!”
Show-off though she was, Trixie was not one to abandon anypony in trouble. She raised a front hoof, ready to charge in to help, her own troubles instantly forgotten. “Trixie’s here! Where are you? Keep calling out, so I can find you!”
She pushed her way past the trees, following a female voice that was clearly in some distress. Off the path, the mud was slick from the recent rainy spells and she had some difficulty in keeping her balance.
She soon made her way to the source of the voice but was surprised to see there was nopony there. She called out, scanning the area for any sign of life.
“Careful! You almost stepped on me!” The voice came from right underneath her, scaring the living daylights out of her.
She peered through the gloom but there was no-one there. In fact, there was nothing at all except for a very muddy pine cone.
Incredibly confused, she carefully kneeled down and brought her face close to the wooden object.
Her confusion turned to shock when the thing suddenly spoke to her: “Thank goodness you came. I thought I was going to be stuck here forever.”
She leapt back in surprise, then fell over as she lost her footing in the mud.
“A unicorn as well! That’s great. You can use your magic to lift me to safety,” the pine cone continued.
A sticky and irritated Trixie stood back up, took stock of the situation, then raised her head and yelled: “Is this some sort of joke? Well, well done. Hilarious. Now I’m broke, covered in mud and even more of a laughing stock than I was before. I hope you’re happy.”
“A joke?” said the pine cone, “This is no joke. I’m stuck. You can see I’m stuck. Please help me.”
Trixie growled in anger, then whirled round, trying to find the hidden ventriloquist. “And still you persist! Do you think it’s funny to pretend you’re in trouble? Have you never heard the tale of the pony who cried timberwolf? Come out and face Trixie! I will destroy you!”
She began to push her way back through the trees but the pine cone called out again: “Please don’t leave me.”
Trixie looked back and was astonished to see that the pine cone was moving of its own accord, wiggling back and forth. Curious and a little wary, she walked over and waved her hoof above it. No wires – in fact, she couldn’t see anything that could be controlling it. There wasn’t even a telltale aura of magic around it, as there would have been if a unicorn was manipulating it via a spell.
“Very well,” she said, calm once more, “Trixie will play along, but only so you can tell her how you pulled off this trick.”
Using her magic, she pulled the pine cone free from the mud then made her way back to the path, before placing it back on the ground.
It rolled back a little, almost as if it was looking up at her, and said: “Thank you. I just wish I could reward for your kindness. Before I go, could you help me wash off this mud?”
Trixie tutted and looked around her. “Enough of this. Just come out and tell me who you are.”
“Why, I am just a simple pine cone,” it replied, “But if you must have a name, I guess you can call me… Piney.”
The blue unicorn gave a defeated sigh, then levitated the pine cone once more, taking it to a ditch running alongside the path that held a shallow patch of water. She dipped it in and it promptly span round, loosening the dirt that had been clinging to it.
“So how do you do it?” she asked, lifting Piney back out, “Trixie demands to know how you’re manipulating this thing without magic or puppetry.”
“No tricks. I am as you see me,” it replied, safely back on terra firma, “But now I must leave. I have business to attend to.”
It began to roll away. Trixie watched it leave in bemusement, questions racing through her head. Was she going mad, or was this pine cone truly sentient?
“Wait!” she called, stopping it in its tracks, “I… I… oh, for Celestia’s sake. Stay. Trixie wants to talk to you.”
Piney remained still for a moment, apparently thinking something over, then rolled back to her.
“You really are… you, aren’t you?” she said, finally starting to believe.
“I suppose it is hard to accept, but yes, I am. What are you doing here, alone in the forest? This is one of the less dangerous areas, but it’s still no place for a pony to be.”
The boastful unicorn laughed. “Dangerous? Ha. This place holds no fear for me, for I am the Great and Powerful Trixie, who banished an Ursa Major…”
She trailed off mid-spiel – perhaps now was not the time. After her experience with those two colts, she didn’t want to attract any more groupies for a while.
“I am Trixie, travelling magician by trade, purveyor of majesty and illusion. Unfortunately, Trixie had a little mishap in Ponyville.”
“Really? I was just heading there myself, before I got stuck. Is there any chance of you heading back? It would be wonderful if you could give me a lift. I have trouble getting anywhere. Because I’m a pine cone.”
“Yes, quite. Well, Trixie does have to head back there – I left my purse behind. I’m not looking forward to trying to find a bed for the night, I can tell you. Especially looking like this.” She gestured to her muddy flank.
“Oh. I’m afraid I can’t really see you,” said Piney, “I don’t have any eyes. I rely on a kind of ESP. And just in case you’re wondering how I’m speaking to you, the answer’s simple – telepathy.”
“You really are a talented little pine cone, aren’t you?” said Trixie, inspecting it closely, “I don’t understand it. How are you even alive?”
“It’s probably better that you don’t know. If you don’t want to go back to Ponyville, why don’t you sleep al fresco? It’s a fairly warm night.”
“Sleep rough? Me?” she said aghast, “I don’t think you understand. I am only used to the best – for I am the Great and Powerful Trixie!”
She raised herself up on her hindlegs and launched a couple of magical fireworks. Piney was unimpressed.
“If you’re not careful, you’re going to set the forest on fire. Anyway, sleeping outside isn’t too bad. I’ve gotten used to it.”
She thought it over. It was getting pretty late and if she went back now, she would have to wake somepony up – she could hardly go to sleep in the street, after all. If she kipped here she might be able to sneak back in the early morning, pick up her things unseen and make the journey to the next town in daylight.
“Very well,” she said, trotting over to a nearby bush and perching herself underneath it for shelter, “So, tell me about yourself. How exactly does a pine cone come to life?”
“Oh, I don’t really know,” said Piney, “I just woke up one morning and yes, there I was. A pine cone.”
“Hmm. Trixie will have to investigate for you. Everybody needs an origin story.”
“There’s no need, really, though I appreciate the thought. Now tell me more about yourself…”
The pair chatted for a long while. Piney spoke about its journey through the Everfree Forest and Trixie spoke about Trixie, but eventually she began to grow tired. Yawning, she curled her legs underneath her body and rested her head on the ground.
“Come rest beside me, Piney,” she said, indicating to her side, “It’ll be warmer for you.”
“Thanks for the offer, but I don’t need to sleep,” it said, “In fact, given my magical nature, I think that if I ever lost consciousness then I’d probably die.”
Trixie only half-heard its words, as she was quickly losing the ability to stay awake.
“You are a very silly pine cone,” she said, drifting away, “But I like you.”
****
Trixie woke later than she had intended to that morning, mostly because it had been so late when she went to sleep. Piney sensed that her friend was up and hopped over to her.
“Oh, shoot. Everypony’ll be awake now,” Trixie said, leaping to her feet, “I’ll have to hurry. They might have cleared my stuff away already.”
“Sorry, I should have woken you up,” said Piney, “But you just seemed so peaceful.”
The blue unicorn used her magic to start scraping off the dried-on dirt off her flank, then wetted a dock leaf in the ditch to use as a makeshift flannel. “And how was your night? I hope you weren’t bored, having nopony to speak to.”
“Oh, it was alright. I didn’t have anything to do so I stuck round here, listening to you breathing. It was nice,” said the pine cone.
“Hmm,” said Trixie uncertainly, “I’m not sure if I should find that cute or creepy.”
“I’d go with creepy,” said Piney cheekily, rolling around her in a circle, “Come on, let’s get going.”
Trixie levitated the pine cone onto her back, allowing it to nestle against her neck, then rushed off to Ponyville. The journey did not take long.
She was an unusual sight, that Trixie – the town’s residents muttered among themselves as they saw her strolling in, flank still not fully cleaned and a pine cone in her mane.
“They’re all staring at us,” whispered Piney.
“Let them. Trixie does not have to explain herself to the likes of them,” she said, “Oh thank goodness, it’s still here.”
The wreckage of her trailer was a sorry sight to behold. It had been utterly flattened by the rampaging Ursa Minor – Trixie was cautious in getting too close, as there were shards of splintered wood everywhere.
She carefully pulled it apart until she found her tattered cloak and hat. The hat was a write-off but her cloak was still serviceable. She used her magic to remove most of the splinters and quickly checked to make sure her purse was still there.
“Trixie? What are you doing here? Come crawling back for your stuff, eh?”
She knew that voice. Sure enough, she looked up to see the rainbow-maned pegasus she had bested as part of her show yesterday.
Rainbow Dash folded her front legs, looking smug. “So much for your flashy exit. Ha, this is priceless! Wait ‘til I tell… wait a minute. Why do you have a pine cone on your back?”
Flustered, Trixie struggled to come up with a suitable retort: “Well, why wouldn’t I have a pine cone on my back?”
Dash was unsure how to respond to that one. She flew close to the stage magician, looking down on her. “Whatever. I hope you enjoy eating humble pie – I’m telling all my friends about this.”
With that she flew away, leaving Trixie seething with embarrassment.
“Wow, that was harsh,” said Piney, “Hey, tell you what – do you want to get revenge on her?”
“What do you suggest?” she said, miserable but still intrigued.
“Let’s go somewhere private for a moment,” it said, then waited as Trixie trotted down an alley between two houses.
“Now,” it said, “As you know already, I am no ordinary pine cone – but I also have the ability to make your dreams come true. I can lend you some of my power. All you have to do is eat one of my scales.”
Trixie blinked in surprise. “Wait, what? You want me to eat part of you? I can’t do that! Besides, won’t it hurt?”
“I’ll be fine. Go on, give it a go. You won’t regret it.”
Wincing, she used her magic to detach one of Piney’s scales with a gentle tug. She held it in front of her for a few seconds, hesitant, then threw caution to the wind and placed it in her mouth.
The taste was not unpleasant – kind of tangy, in fact – but she was more concerned by the rush of energy that passed through her as she chewed.
“Well, now what?” she asked Piney, who simply indicated that she should look behind her. Trixie turned her head.
The sound that came out of her mouth was indescribable.
There, on her back, were two fully-formed pegasus wings. Trixie gasped, straining her neck to see them both, so amazed that they were part of her that she inadvertently started chasing her tail.
She tried flexing them, then unfurled them to their full extent. They worked perfectly.
“This – this is amazing!” she cried, “I have wings! I have wings! I – oh my goodness, I’m an alicorn now! Is that allowed? Is that legal? I – oh, Piney!”
A thought suddenly struck her, something she had always been curious about. Tentatively, she stretched one of her wings to her mouth and gently nibbled on the tip.
She felt nothing except the fluffy texture of her feathers. That stallion had lied to her – the wings were not an erogenous zone. Trixie blushed at the memory of their relationship, the thrill of her new wings dampened slightly by the knowledge she had once dated a pervert.
“It’s not only wings I’ve given you. You also have the knowledge of how to use them,” said Piney, “Go on. Catch up to that pegasus and show her who’s boss.”
The smile returned to her face. She nodded her head, turned to leave, then went back and gave Piney the best hug she could muster.
“Stay here, out of sight,” she said, “I’m going to show a certain boastful pegasus what it means to mess with the Great and Powerful Trixie!”
****
Rainbow Dash flew leisurely through the sky, heading for Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack was going to get a kick out of this! That show-off magician had finally been taught a lesson in humility.
She became vaguely aware of another pegasus flying past but paid no attention to it. At least, not until they twisted round to reveal their identity.
Dash stopped immediately and her jaw dropped as she was rendered speechless by the shock. When she did speak, she was barely comprehensible.
“Trixie?!” she gasped, “You, what the, wings, how the, huh?”
“Ha! I see eloquence is not among your list of talents. Yes, your eyes do not deceive you. It is I, the Great and Powerful Trixie! Even the sky is not large enough to contain a talent such as mine!”
“This, this is amazing!” she cried, “Even Twilight wasn’t able to magic up pegasus wings! How did you…”
“Oh, a magician never reveals her secrets,” Trixie said smugly, “As I told you yesterday, anything you can do, I can do better! Why, I expect I could outfly you with one wing tied behind my back.”
This affront to her flying abilities was all Dash needed to recover her wits. “Outfly me? Are you serious?” she said, “I’m the greatest flier in all of Equestria! Nopony is faster than me!”
“Correction. You were the greatest flier in all Equestria,” said Trixie, poking her in the chest, “But don’t worry. Everypony gets eclipsed by me eventually.”
“Oh yeah? Well how about you put your money where your mouth is?” Dash pointed to a cloud far in the distance. “First one to reach that cloud wins. On your marks, get set…”
Trixie was already away before Dash could finish speaking, her magical wings pumping hard. The rainbow-maned pegasus let out an angry snort and gave chase, but was surprised to find that Trixie had become a worthy adversary. There was strong magic within that pine cone – the new wings were on a par with those of the Wonderbolts.
But the magical mare had not counted on Dash’s will to succeed, nor the result that such determination could bring.
Narrowing her eyes, she pushed forward with all her might. A cushion of light began to form in front of her hooves as her speed increased dramatically, her body appearing to warp under the pressure it was being placed under, and she went faster, faster, until the point where she overtook Trixie – and unleashed a Sonic Rainboom.
The alicorn did not have time to brace herself before the colourful wave of light hit her. She was buffeted by turbulence and felt herself starting to fall. She tried to flap her wings to right herself but nothing happened.
The wind rushed past her and panic rose in her gullet. She looked back and shrieked in horror as she realised her wings had gone – whatever power there was in the Rainboom had neutralised Piney’s magic.
“Yaaah! SAVE TRIXIE!” she shouted as the ground sped towards her. She placed her hooves over her eyes seconds before impact.
Suddenly she stopped falling as somepony grabbed her under her forelegs. Dash gently placed her on the ground, looking suitably apologetic.
“Geez Trixie, are you alright? What happened?”
“You saved my life! Oh thank you, thank you!” she cried. Then she regained her composure and turned away from her rescuer, raising her head high. “Of course, Trixie wouldn’t have needed saving if it hadn’t been for your carelessness.”
“I’m sorry, Trixie, I didn’t know that was going to happen,” said Dash, “I’m just glad you’re alright. That could have been really nasty.”
“Hmph!” She closed her eyes and held her head even higher, to the point where she was facing directly upwards.
“You’ve still got some amazing skills, though. I mean, nopony in Ponyville’s come close to beating me in a race before. That was – that was radical,” said Dash, “It would have been awesome, but I have to dock you a point for your wings disappearing.”
Trixie lowered her head, smiling a little from the appreciation. “Trixie accepts your apology,” she said, “But I demand a rematch at a later date. And next time, no cheating.”
“Hey, I didn’t…” Dash cut herself off, “Alright. Alright, you’ve got yourself a deal. It’s always good to have a new pony to fly with.”
“Rainbow Dash!” cried a voice. Mayor Mare was walking over and the look on her face indicated that she was not best impressed by the pegasus’s recent showboating. “What have I told you about performing tricks over Ponyville? I’ve warned you several times now that it’s dangerous.”
“Uh oh,” she said, “The mayor can be hard to reason with when she goes into full-on rant mode. I’m used to it – you’d better get out of here. I’ll race you again later, okay?”
Trixie was all too happy to get out of trouble. With a hasty farewell, she left Dash to face the music and trotted over to the alley where Piney had been hiding.
“Are you alright?” it asked, “I sensed what happened. That pegasus could have killed you.”
“I’m alright,” she replied, then gave the little pine cone an attempted hug, “Don’t worry, Piney. I’m better than alright. That was the most exhilarating experience of my life, and I owe it all to you.”
“You’ll get the chance to do it again. I’ll see to that. This is only the start of what I have to show you.”
She hesitated. “Would… would I have to eat another part of you? Can you regenerate?”
Piney didn’t respond straight away and that was all the answer she needed. “No,” she said, “No, I’m not doing it again. Not if it means hurting you.”
“You don’t have to worry about that,” it replied. Then it felt itself being lifted up into the air. “What are you doing?”
“You did something nice for me, so now I’m going to do something for you. Something to show how much I respect you,” she said, fiddling with the sapphire clasp of her cloak. With a little effort, she pulled the gem free and packed it away in her purse.
She donned her stage outfit and balanced Piney in the space that had been left within the clasp, then cast a spell to keep it in place.
“There,” she said, “Now you are front and centre, where everypony can see you. More precious to me than any gem.”
Piney was speechless for a moment. “That’s… that’s very kind. Nobody’s ever done anything like this for me before.”
“Just a small token of our friendship,” said Trixie.
“Thank you,” the pine cone said, “Now I want to do something for you. If you don’t mind me saying, you appear to be a bit of a loner. I’m just wondering here… is there something missing from your life? Something that perhaps I could give you? Reveal to me your heart’s desire, and perhaps I could help you achieve it.”
Trixie frowned. “What are you getting at? I want for nothing. I’m living the dream. Why, I’m a star of the stage, I can get any stallion I want, I…” she trailed off, a little offput by the uncertainty in her own voice, “No, you are my main concern now. We still have a mission to accomplish. I told you I’d try to find out how you came to be alive and that’s what we’re going to do next.”
“Wait,” said Piney, “I can tell there’s something you want. That much became clear to me during our conversation last night.”
The pine cone’s tone of voice darkened: “I can help you get the revenge you so obviously crave. I can help you to defeat Twilight Sparkle.”
Trixie blinked in surprise. This was something she had not expected, something she would never have dreamed of. She looked down at Piney and gave the only possible answer she could.
“Twilight Sparkle?” she asked, “Who’s that?”
“Um, what? She’s the purple unicorn you told me about last night. The one who banished the Ursa Minor.”
“So that’s her name. Hm,” Trixie said, nonplussed, “Why would I want to defeat her?”
“I’d have thought she’d be the first on your list of ponies to visit. I mean, she stole your thunder. She proved that your claim to fame wasn’t true. Don’t you want to take revenge?”
Trixie laughed. “Silly Piney,” she said, “Revenge? She saved everypony, including me. It’s not like she ruined my act or something. I barely took the time to speak to her before I left – I hardly know the mare.”
“Could we go to see her anyway?” it asked, “I have one last gift for you and I really want you to have it. Please? For me?”
“Well, okay. But no more talk about revenge, okay? Honestly, you’re creeping me out a little bit.”
Trixie followed her pine cone friend’s directions to Twilight’s library but Piney stopped her before she could knock on the door.
“You need to eat one more of my scales,” it said, “You’ll need my power so you can defeat her in magical combat.”
“Piney, no! I refuse to hurt you. And what’s all this talk about fighting?” Trixie said, “Honestly, what’s gotten into you?”
“Please? It’ll be just this one time, honest. Aren’t you the least bit curious to see who has the greater magical talent?”
“That would probably be a close-run thing,” she replied, “I may be the finest stage magician in Equestria but I have to admit, that unicorn really knew her stuff.”
“But with just one of my scales, you could be the greatest and most powerful spellcaster on the planet.”
That one last temptation finally convinced her. One last scale, one last taste of power. She swallowed the morsel down and felt her magical abilities improve greatly.
She smiled. So Piney wanted her to put on a show? That was much more within her comfort zone. She rapped sharply on the door and Twilight came to answer.
“Oh!” she said, “Trixie? What are you doing here?”
“Hello, Twilight. Um, Trixie would like to come in,” she said.
The bemused mare opened her door and Trixie stepped into the library with her head held high, only to bump into a baby dragon.
Spike shook his head, then gasped as he recognised the pony he had collided with. “You again? Why have you come back to Ponyville? Here to cause trouble, no doubt,” he said, “Why did you let her in, Twilight? She’s obviously up to no good.”
“Don’t be rude, Spike. She hasn’t even had a chance to explain why she’s here yet. Why are you here, Trixie?”
The blue unicorn cleared her throat, then went into full stagepony mode: “Is it not obvious? With your victory over the Ursa Minor, you have proven that you may be a match for the Great and Powerful Trixie! Trixie has come here to find out who is the most powerful unicorn. She proposes a battle for the ages, a spectacular display of magic that shall be talked about for eons to come! She demands satisfaction – a contest, here and now in Ponyville, to compare our abilities!”
“Oh,” said Twilight. She tapped her chin, thinking over her rival’s challenge, then came to a conclusion that she was sure would please everypony: “I forfeit.”
“What?” said Trixie.
“What?” said Piney.
“What?” said Spike, who then pulled Twilight over to a corner for a team talk. “Twilight, this is your chance to put her in her place once and for all. She’s practically invited you to show that you’re better than her!”
She shook her head. “You haven’t learned anything from yesterday, have you? I don’t want to have a grand, public display of my magic. That would be showing off, and nopony likes a braggart.”
“Then why don’t we just hold the contest here? Nopony else will see and you’ll be able to put your magic to the test. Come on, Twilight.”
“Well… okay, that sounds reasonable. Trixie, are you happy with that?” She smiled as her rival nodded her head. “Okay then. Show us what you’ve got!”
Trixie’s horn glowed and a smile slowly formed on her face as she cast the flashiest spell she could think of. Using her pine cone-enhanced power, she summoned a white ball of light that began to change shape before everyone’s eyes. A thin stem grew out of it as the main body began to separate into an intricate pattern of petals.
By the time her spell was done, she had created a perfectly formed rose out of white light. In a final flourish, she turned it solid – she had made a fragile image of beauty out of nothing.
“This wasn’t exactly what I was thinking of when I suggested you and she fight,” said Piney, miffed.
“Shush,” said Trixie. She levitated the light flower over to her neck and merged it with the chain of her cloak’s clasp, right next to Piney.
“Ooh,” the pine cone cooed appreciatively, touched by the unexpected gift.
Trixie smiled smugly. “Match that, Sparkle.”
“Yeah, come on Twilight,” said Spike, “Show her your greatest trick.”
“Um,” said Twilight, at a loss. She had been greatly impressed by Trixie’s lightshow and she didn’t think she had anything in her arsenal to match it. All of her spells had a practical purpose and were not designed for a flashy display.
Wait, that wasn’t quite right. She had one spell that had been designed purely for show. Her horn glowed.
Within seconds, the spell was cast. Everyone took a moment to take in what Twilight had done.
Then Spike cracked a smirk, which gave way to giggles, which gave way to hysterical laughter.
A po-faced Trixie stared at her rival, a large handlebar moustache sprouting from her upper lip.
“What have you done to Trixie?” she said, unimpressed.
“Um, sorry,” said Twilight, “I couldn’t think of anything else to do. Your trick was really something though. Just hang tight, I’ll have this fixed in a jiffy.”
“Woah, hold up,” said Spike, still smiling, “You don’t know how to fix this, do you Trixie?”
“No, Trixie does not. She is a magician, not a hairdresser.”
“Ah ha! In that case, I say you should admit defeat before Twilight changes it back,” he said, “Everything we can do, you can do better. That’s what you said in your show, right? Well, here’s something you can’t do.”
The blue unicorn raised an eyebrow, irritated. Surely he wasn’t serious? She heard a muffled grunt of discontent from Piney and looked down, and was astonished to see that the pine cone had sprouted a moustache as well.
“Spike, that’s enough. Trixie beat me fair and square,” said Twilight, her horn glowing as she reversed the spell, “Though I have to say, you did have an advantage. We study entirely different types of magic.”
Trixie raised a hoof to her lips to make sure every last trace of her ‘tache was gone, then smiled triumphantly. “It makes no difference. Trixie has proven that she is your superior and that’s all that matters.”
“Ugh, will you give it a rest already?” Spike moaned in disgust, “You’re such a show-off. That’s why everypony was so keen to put you in your place yesterday – it’s because they can’t stand you.”
She tutted dismissively: “Oh, please. Don’t you know anything about showbusiness? It’s all part of the act. Trixie sets these foals up and knocks them down.”
“Yeah, great act you got there. Getting up on stage and acting like a great and powerful jerk.”
“How dare you? Trixie is not a jerk. Trixie is a perfectly nice pony when you get to know her.”
“Yeah, right,” Spike sneered, “A perfectly nice pony who likes to humiliate everypony she meets. And stop talking in the third person all the time! It’s so irritating!”
“Um, guys?” said Twilight, “Can we just calm things down a little?”
“Trixie has to speak in the third person! It is part of her mystique! It is central to her onstage persona!”
Spike frowned and crossed his arms. “You’re not onstage now. You’re exactly the same pony now as you were when you were making fun of my friends.”
Trixie opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. Her eyes widened as she realised the little dragon was right. As the years had passed, she had found it easier to stay in character all the time, until her persona had become her character.
She thought back on the way she had treated those who had come close to her – none of her relationships had lasted. Was it… was it her fault? Had she driven them away through her behaviour?
“Spike does kinda have a point. I mean, you could try acting a little friendlier,” Twilight said.
The blue unicorn didn’t reply – she had been noticeably shaken by her personal revelation.
“Um, Trixie? Are you okay?” asked Twilight, “You seem upset.”
She turned away, and her voice cracked a little as she spoke: “Trixie… Trixie has to go now. Trixie has something in her eye. Stop… stop looking at Trixie!”
She marched straight out of the library, closing the door behind her and walking away at a fast pace.
****
Trixie marched straight on, hoping the pair from the library wouldn’t follow her. She was near the edge of town before she realised Piney was speaking to her.
“Why are you leaving? What’s wrong with you? Why did you just walk out?”
She stopped, sighed, then started speaking, trying to regulate her thoughts by putting them into words: “That little dragon was right. He just… it really struck home. I’ve been playing the role of the Great and Powerful Trixie for most of my adult life and now I’m not really sure where that ends and the real Trixie begins. Any time I meet a new pony, I immediately adopt this persona as a kind of shield – I don’t know why. Whether it’s just to protect myself or… it’s become hard for me to relate to anyone. There’s no-one I can act like myself around, there’s no-one I can make a real emotional connection with. In these past few years, there’s been no-one I’ve really come close to. In fact, there’s been no-one that I’ve even cared about. No-one… no-one except you.”
Trixie blinked as another realisation hit her out of the blue. “Oh my Celestia,” she murmured.
Piney leapt down from its position in her cloak clasp and rolled in front of her.
“So you’ve become an outsider, is what you’re saying,” it said, “You feel that nopony cares, you feel all alone. This is where I can help you. This is what I’ve been trying to tell you. You’ve had a taste of the power I can give you. You’ve had a taste of what I can help you achieve. This is your time. This is when you become the pony you deserve to be.”
“Piney, what are you saying?” she stammered, still unable to come to terms with her latest revelation.
“I’m saying I want to help you truly live up to your name as the Great and Powerful Trixie,” said the pine cone, its voice raising in volume and grandiosity, “I’m saying you deserve to have all of my power! Fulfil your destiny, Trixie! EAT ME!”
“What?!” she stepped back, appalled, “No! No, I can’t! Piney!”
“Trixie, don’t you see? Do you think it was mere chance that we met? I have been looking for someone to become one with since the day I became a pine cone. That someone is you. This is not just your destiny – it is my destiny. What possible reason could you give for not wanting to fulfil it?”
“Because…” Trixie squeezed her eyes shut as the words caught in her throat, the strength of the emotion behind them almost causing her to choke. “B… because… I think I’ve fallen in love with you!”
The pine cone remained still as her words sunk in. The unicorn’s declaration of love sparked something deep inside its wooden core, a great and powerful feeling that could only be summed up by one, potent word: “What?”
Trixie turned away, frightened by her own vulnerability. She was unable to look at Piney as her feelings spilled out. “I… I know this doesn’t make any sense. I know there are almost insurmountable obstacles in our way - for a start, I’m a Scorpio and you’re quite clearly a Leo – but that doesn’t mean that it couldn’t work out. You’ve treated me with more kindness than anyone I’ve ever met, selflessly giving yourself to me just to make me happy. And you have made me happy, Piney. At first it was just friendship but now I realise that’s it’s something much more. It was confusing at first, but I feel like we’re incontrovertibly linked. You’re more than just a pine cone now, you’ve become an intrinsic part of my character. I guess what I’m trying to say, Piney, is… do you feel the same way? Do you think it could work? Do you believe that a unicorn and a pine cone can be in love?”
There was a moment that hung in the air as Trixie hoped against hope for a positive response. As the moment dragged on, however, she felt her heart sink.
Piney’s silence spoke volumes, telling her everything she needed to know. She struggled to stop herself from tearing up. She had just poured her heart out and the target of her affections had not even replied. A deathly quiet pervaded, with no noise at all except for the sound of munching… wait. MUNCHING?
She whirled round in horror. Piney was gone – in her place stood a pink pony with a poofy mane who was happily swallowing a mouthful of food. Pine cone crumbs dropped from her lips.
“Mmm, that was delicious!” said Pinkie Pie, and she began to bounce away.
Trixie’s mouth hung upon as the enormity of what had just happened sunk in. Then she gave a long, shuddering gasp, her lip trembled, she gritted her teeth, and squeezed her eyes shut and burst into tears. She fell to the ground and heaving, uncontrollable sobs exploded from her mouth, as she was unable to contain her grief.
Upon hearing her caterwauling, Pinkie Pie hopped back, a look of grave concern on her face. “What’s the matter? What happened?” she asked.
“YOU!” Trixie shouted through her tears, with such vitriol that Pinkie had to take a step back.
“Me?” she squeaked, her eyes watering slightly from the forcefulness of the accusation, “What, what did I do?”
“You… destroyed… the only thing I ever loved!” Trixie replied, finding it difficult to speak past her sobbing.
“The pine cone?” she asked, before clutching her belly, “Ooh, that’s funny.”
“Funny? You think this is funny? You mock my pain?” she cried.
“No, I mean I think there was something funny in that pine cone I ate. I… uh oh,” Pinkie gasped as she felt a surge of energy rush through her and her body began to glow.
Trixie moved away, watching fearfully as the pink pony began to grow taller. Large wings sprouted from her back and a great horn erupted from her head. By the time the glow faded, Pinkie had grown to twice her original height and her mane had turned into an ethereal mist.
But it was the metal helmet and hoof armour that truly terrified Trixie. She would have recognised it anywhere. Anypony would have recognised it. For it was the armour of…
“Nightmare Moon?” she gasped, cowering before the imposing pink alicorn.
The newly formed creature looked down upon the frightened unicorn, then spoke in a kindly voice.
“Yes and no,” it replied, “Our personalities have become one. I am now both Nightmare Moon and Pinkamina Diane Pie – it feels kinda weird, actually.”
“Wait. You mean to say, all this time,” she stammered, “Piney… you were Nightmare Moon?”
The alicorn bowed its head: “I have not been entirely truthful with you and for that, I apologise. Yes, when I was defeated by the Elements of Harmony my essence was separated from Luna’s body and I needed to find a new host. Unable to find anything living, I fused with the nearest thing available. It was then a case of finding a new host, which is why I was on my way to Ponyville when you found me.”
“What… what are you going to do?” whimpered Trixie.
“Oh Trixie,” said the Pinkie/Piney/Moon hybrid, “Relax. I could never hurt you. My desire to harm other ponies left me when I became one with Pinkie Pie. Now we are two minds in the same body. Perhaps I should take a friendlier form.”
Her horn glowed and her body shrank back down as she turned back into Pinkie Pie, allowing her more exuberant personality to take the reins. The earth pony checked herself over, impressed by her new ability. “Ooh. Nifty.”
“I…I…” Trixie coughed, still not fully recovered from her sobbing fit, “I am so confused.”
“Oh, it’s simple really,” said the fluffy-maned abomination against nature, waving her hoof, “Nightmare Moon and I are now the same pony – her memories have become mine, and vice versa. When she merged with Luna, they had to fight each other to see who took control, but with us, we’re happy to take joint ownership. It’s probably because our personalities are so similar.”
“Similar? What?” she cried, “One of you is the dark goddess of the night who sought to bring eternal damnation to Equestria. The other is a pink, fluffy pony. How in the name of Starswirl’s beard are you two similar?”
“Well,” said the pink pony, “We both like a good laugh.”
“Right,” said Trixie, who was willing to accept anything by this point. Then she gasped and stepped forward. “Wait, so you remember the time we spent together? You remember me telling you… telling you how much I love you? Is my little Piney still in there, somewhere? How do you feel about me?”
The pink pony smiled and moved in close. “Only one way to find out,” she said, then leaned in for a kiss – one that held for a few minutes.
Pinkie/Piney/Moon pulled away, then held Trixie in a long hug. “I felt it too. You showed me such kindness when I was an itty-bitty pine cone that I couldn’t help but fall for you. No-one’s ever cared for Nightmare Moon like that before, and the Pinkie part of me can’t help but be affected by it.”
Trixie smiled happily, then discreetly reached her hoof into her mouth and pulled out a piece of pine cone that their kiss had dislodged from her lover’s teeth. The pink pony smiled and wiped Trixie’s cheeks.
“Dry your eyes. Piney’s here,” she said, tapping her chest – though her belly would have been more biologically accurate.
Trixie made a noise that was somewhere between a chuckle and a sniff. “I’m so happy. And this is so convenient. I don’t know how a relationship between a pine cone and a pony would have worked.”
“Oh, I can think of a few ways,” she said brightly, “But I’m not gonna say what they are, because they’re all totally inappropriate.”
Trixie giggled and nuzzled against her. “What are we going to call you from now on? It’ll have to be something that reflects both sides of your personalities.”
“Hmm,” she pondered, “How about Piney Pie?”
“Ugh, no. We need something far more majestic than that. How about Pinkamoona?”
“That’s perfect!” the pink pony cried, “You really do have a way with words, Trixie.”
“Well, if there’s one thing that I excel in other than magic, it’s making puns.”
Pinkamoona snuggled close to her and they began walking back into Ponyville. “Wow, I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to my friends. It’s going to be a little tricky.”
“It’s all in the presentation, my love,” said Trixie, “You just need the right atmosphere and they’ll be happy for you no matter what the news is. How best to go about it… I know! How about a party?”
Pinkamoona squealed and gave her a great and powerful hug. “You know what, Trixie? I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.”
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My mind is full of What.
I think I lost when I read the summary, to be honest.
Without a doubt the best Trixie/Pinecone shipfic I've read so far.
This is beautiful. If we still had a star rating system, it would be an instant five.
This is it, guys. It doesn't get any better than this. Pack up and go home. We've had a good run, but the Ultimate Shipping Fic has been written.
To late. I already went "What" when I saw the title.
Also, I am proud to say that as an avid follower of the 'trixie eats a pinecone' meme I did not, at any point, go 'What'.
Do I get my internet now?
This sounds...different. I'll have to check it out later.
Whaa...Di....hunh....I am so fucking confused right now. Great story though.
Just reading the title makes my ass hurt.
Yay, free internet! Thanks!
Yeah, that was weird.
But I like weird.
I knew the pine cone was someone the series had introduced (I actually thought it was Twilight at first), and the ending didn't disappoint.
I'd love to see the follow up as to how Trixie plans to explain THIS one. She's gonna have to pull out all the stops!
Weird but funny, and I got a giggle out of it so here's your thumbs up.
Quite possibly the greatest shipfic ever written.
This was so amazing.
My mind has been broken and shattered to the far reaches of all things derp.....Thank you I must now go and lay down and giggle uncontrollably for a while
HOLY SHIT!
That's pretty much the only cognitive thought my brain is capable of producing right now.
I lost at the title XD
I was actually kind of hoping this would be terrible.
But it really really wasn't. That was hilarious. Have ALL THE LIKE I CAN GIVE.
So... one. But it's great. Seriously enjoyed it. Well played, sir/madam.
I never said what.
It was more like:
"DAFUQDAFUQDAFUQDAFUQDAFUQDAFUQDAFUQDAFUQDAFUQDAFUQDAFUQDAFUQDAFUQDAFUQDAFUQDAFUQ"
All my WHAT?
Partly because of the premise, partly because of the story, but mostly because of the fact that I actually liked it.
Seems normal to me.
Good story. Thumbs up.
266330
Indeed you do. It's a bit sticky and I don't know where it's been, but hopefully you'll enjoy it anyway.
270695
I'm just going to pretend its tree sap.
Y-yeah...tree sap...
*Crawls into fetal position and rocks slowly*
I lost the internet, I has sad.
I thought this was just a joke at first, but when I saw it was 8000 words I rethought that and gave it a read.
This was really good, which from the title I was not expecting. Keep up the good work!
well i lost i said what as soon as i read the name of the story. now to read the actual story!
HAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA There were no whats mainly cuz i couldnt stop laughing
I thought she was going to eat the pinecone. Having the pinecone merge with pinkie and become an alicorn was pretty unexpected.
Yeah I lost the challenge at the declaration of love. The mind that conjured up this mental insanity greatly concerns me.
I love it when someone takes such a bizarre concept and actually makes an entertaining story out of it.
You owe me an Internet. I only said WHY and HOW and not once said WHAT out loud.
Please, give it to me before I take it from you with force.
280924
Sorry. Judging by your profile picture, you're already friends with Trixie. Even if she hadn't already told you the details, it's likely you knew what was going on before you read the story.
Aah, go on then. I think I have one hidden away in my basement that I can give you.
My Rating System Involving Smilys
Content:
The pacing was perfect, it was filled out in all the right places. It was beautifully written piece that kept me entertained all the way through.
I'm gonna say the romance was this fic's strong point. It was a trully heart warming piece. To an mentally unstable psychopath like me, all this was perfectly normal so yeah.... Internet.
I'll probably forget this even existed within a week. Which admittedly is a feat in itself, given the story's premise.
Trixie was acting a little out of character (Both for her Canon AND Fanon personality) but you were trying to make a point, so I'll overlook that. The Twixie-Twilight Rivalry is a major sub-plot, and is practically intrinsically linked to Trixie's character; so it's high disconcerting for to have a Trixie that doesn't even know who Twilight is, let alone feel jealousy or guilt towards.
Effectiveness:
Memorabilia:
Continuity (Fanon & Canon):
Overall:
This fic deserves 4/5 yays
THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING! YOU ARE A GOD AMONGST MEN!!!!
I'm so confused...but I deserve my internet since I slaped myself repeatedly to keep from saying what.
Also....Pinkie as an alicorn....
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/242/149/8ca.jpg
I'm Vimbert the Unimpressive, and I approve this fanfic.
WHAT in the WHAT with a WHAT
That...was remarkably enjoyable!
Seth squee for 1 month cuz of this
Wut
I tried. I failed at "EAT ME!".
What.
wat.
...Huh.
Trixie's actually a pretty nice pony.
oi44.tinypic.com/23vzxub.jpg
Um... I liked it? I think. I mean, I'm pretty sure.
This is the greatest shipping I have ever read by far, and that's saying something. This was absolutely hilarious and adorable at the same time. I'll admit my mind was full of "what" at a few times during the story but I laughed and couldn't help but squee at some of the scenes. This has earned it's spot in my favorites. Well done
I won an internet!
(You become immune to "wat's" after reading things like Cloppy Pasta.
first i was all
then i was all
then i was still
Woot i win an internet! I guess something good did come of all those trollfics ive read.
t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQXYf6YPHRFmKIgnkxlN0Fam_WqBXMJGFzNXTRSuQgKSBttqCYQ
seriously though, pretty good story, many laughs were made
It wasn't that bad, actually it was pretty good and well written.
Trixie x Piney is, without a doubt, THE new OTP of the entire Friendship is Magic universe for me. These characters have incredible chemistry, and the internal struggle Trixie faced over whether she should eat Piney and gain the power she always desired was conveyed with such raw emotional power.
This is the greatest shipping ever. I mean, it's even better than... Well... My old OTP.
img.ponibooru.org/_images/0fe4340dcca117acf41d3ff082931bf0/142609%20-%20goat%20OTP.png
THERE WAS EVEN MORE CHEMISTRY IN THIS STORY THAN BETWEEN THESE GOATS!
I wasted my "what" when it was revealed the pine cone was female D: . Curse you mlp fandom and your same sex ships! I wanted that internet >_>. So close. "freddy_m.gif"
She felt nothing except the fluffy texture of her feathers. That stallion had lied to her – the wings were not an erogenous zone. Trixie blushed at the memory of their relationship, the thrill of her new wings dampened slightly by the knowledge she had once dated a pervert.
Oh yes. Thank you so much for that. I love wings, but ever since the fandom started viewing them sexually they've been massively downplayed.
That ending...
This... was surprisingly good. I think I need to rethink my life views now.
WAT
I love Trixie to death (Thanks in large part to Sethisto's unknowing, yet relentless assault on my brain's love center) but that was all my brain could manage, especially at "Eat me!".
Regardless of all the WAT still currently buzzing around in my brainy parts though, I absolutely love this story.