As a fan of the show, I always loved Rainbow Dash and her cutie mark, but I never wanted it to appear on my leg! Now that it has, lots of things are getting weird around here. I'm a guy, not a mare! Cartoon ponies aren't real, right? (Mature version)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Technically, that's a run-on sentence. Should make the comma after birthday either a period or a semi-colon, and the period belongs INSIDE the quotation mark.
You need a quotation after label, either a period or a comma. Without, then the following is what he's reading, not saying, and that doesn't make as much sense.
Get rid of the 'her' to make it flow correctly in one sentence. Otherwise, add a period after 'girl'.
Should be non-sexual.
comma should be a semi-colon or a period.
Comma should be period or semi-colon.
That comma can't be a comma. You can only end a quotation in a comma if the following is a speaking verb, and 'smiles' is not a speaking verb. Either change the comma, or change the 'smiles'.
Forgot a period after 'eyes'. (And personal gripe; if you're going to take God's name in vain, at least have the courtesy to capitalize the word, wouldja?)
Again, period INSIDE the quote.
Again... Period inside quote.
Forgot a period, there.
And again. Did no one correct your other first chapter? If this keeps up, choosing to re-read your story is going to be pretty painful...
... If this were a drinking game, I'd be dead by now. PERIODS, MAN!
Period or semi-colon after sense, and role-playing.
Forgotten punctuation again... tsk tsk tsk.
botherING. Bothering.
First, no ending punctuation. Second, what's with the quotation mark? There wasn't one earlier, so... what's it there for, lol.
Period or semi-colon instead of comma after looks.
Again... Please capitalize God.
No period again...
CONNNNNFOUNNNND IT!
The handling of the first couple paragraphs turned me off of the "mature version" right quick, it did. But I will perservere! ...through the other version
and then check back in on this version
for things
I loved it all it was awesome soon as I started I was sucked in I can't wait to see what happens next to themAnd a lot of it had me LOTF.
3545640 botherING. Bothering.
You put a capital were it wasn't needed
Hypocritical bastard
Man, you put reading a story off for months, and suddenly you realize the final chapter is about to be posted and you haven't even started.
Well, better get cracking at reading this.
actually, favoriting this story does give you updates on the update thingy.
Just realized I had yet to read the mature version. Aww yeah.
honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if seven years from now, a fat neckbeard was still fapping to horse porn.
I always found clopping to be stupid. I never understood taking the fandom to that level, it's just.... well, it's stupid.
Good story, all things considered!
Hmm. This is turning out to be... interesting.
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That's a good thing! Now there's no chance you'll have to wait!
Friendzoned?!? By a GUY?!?
At first I was all then i was then then!!!!!
Yep, I see what you did there I'ma read the rest of this story later on in my day but I like it already!
TIME TO HURR INTO MURRDURR!
Thats kinda creepy that party nearly mirrored my brothers party last year.
I read the Cadence story thought it was so far out there, I figured that this story would be just as crazy. Well let me get my seatbelt.
I started reading this when it was a google doc file. And lost the link. So happy I found and can finally finish this!!!
reaction http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CB8QFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nooooooooooooooo.com%2F&ei=IuM_VfvtAdHksATin4HIBw&usg=AFQjCNF9V-geH073nvD-q0nixWHTm3OypA&sig2=eMR8S_86Nf79JVSE5J8Fqg&bvm=bv.91665533,d.cWc
for win i read
MLP:FiM ended a few years ago after its fifth season
a lot of the fandom has died down over the years
http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=why+gif&source=images&cd=&ved=0CAcQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fthe-house-of-anubis.wikia.com%2Fwiki%2FFile%3AHow-i-met-your-mother-barney-why.gif&ei=uuQ_VceKK8aWsAXT1oHwCA&bvm=bv.91665533,d.cWc&psig=AFQjCNFoj6JJG6rbC-VnHM5Oq81boIlxzA&ust=1430337057826895
my little review
tit seems its going to be great
Please oh please tell me I am not the only one that read this as horse cock instead of horse stock!
Discord ended up going back again and nearly killing every pony!? Wow, no wonder the fandom hates it. How did that get okayed.
time for Round 1 of: Spot The Typo
6362174 "...and I'm stuck..."
Tfw, can't find clop of best pony.
I can relate.
dude, i have never seen anything more amusing than this. laughing quietly at this its so amusing
This guy is having nigjtmates about how the finale ended.
I have nightmares about my little pony ending.
How coincidental.
Wait how did I not notice that the first time I read this?! Langavulin (actually pronounced lagavulin) is on the island of Islay in Scotland. I live on that island! And I have that same alchohol in my house! My auntie lives in lagavulin right next to the distillery!
And I'm rereading this amazing piece of something or other while half-asleep. Bye!
7:43 AM, still awake from day before, fuck it. I am going to re-read some of this.
Finally getting around to this one, it's been on my list for ages. Might as well read the one with clop in it 'cause why not.
There is something hilarious about this line, and about fics that start like this in general.
Color me intrigued.
Color me significantly less intrigued than I previously was, but still slightly intrigued.
The intrigue has returned!
What am I even reading. XD
Oh hey, I've had that fantasy before. Not with horses, though.
I genuinely hate the spelling of "emblazoned"... I always feel like it should be "emblazened", since that's how it's pronounced, but it's not. Dumb English.
Hah. As if these gay horse fuckers will ever stop making porn.
The sun will die first.
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Yeah theres a shitload of it on tumblr and I feel like its impossible to follow all the good ones lol
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The more I get exposed to porn art the more my tastes deviate, I only am gay for animated non-human characters never irl guys. Well, some fems probably but I haven't looked up any porn of that yet, one dude's voice sounded nice tho before. But nope males r still super EW to me.
Yeah. This looks like a good read.
i have no idea how but the way you wrote Even is like legit my older brother
What in the sweet fuck happened in this timeline
Discord killing the mane cast, that would be a surprisingly dark turn
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That would be Tirek or Sombra more leiekly, they seem the type, Chrysalis wouldn't she would trap them in a coocoon for life to sap their love. Discord would more likely brainwash them. Also I like Discord so yeah, I would ask why he doesn't like him.
I'm laughing, because it's 2018 as I read this, and ain't no way there's not gonna be new Dash clop in 2 years. XD
i read this yearly- usually inspiration for my own stuff.
A better answer for evan's question is "Fandom Pinkie Pie."
Finaly decided to read this. Here we go.
I have a feeling im going to read this whole thing in one night. Onwards!
Two paragraphs in and I'm already laughing my ass off.
"You see, while Jack and I like silly things, such are cartoons about ponies, Evan is the complete opposite."
such as cartoons or such as our cartoons?
Just a minor typo, thought u might wanna erase
Doesnt quite fit in the re-write anymore when its just 1 year After the Show Endes
Omg you knew when the show would end
Totally unrealistic beginning - you can't run out of fanart.
Otherwise you predicted it ending on 9th season congrats.