Dark Paradise: the TwiLuna Group Collab

by Habanc

Shadows - Kean

Written by: Kean

*****

I remember, I was with Luna in a diplomatic meeting with the Griffin council. They had threatened war over not being informed beforehand that Equestria was to have another princess, like it was a slight made purposefully against them.

We tried everything we could to placate them. In the end, it was decided that I was to meet with their council. Celestia had been too busy dealing with our own whining upper class, so Luna volunteered to be my only escort (She had persuaded the guards assigned to us to stay behind.).

The meeting had been going well. At least, I thought it was. It was kind of hard to pay attention what with Luna using her magic to constantly tease me throughout the session. I made a special note to make sure she paid dearly for that later.

Everything was fine until one of them, the head of the Skytalon clan, said something about not expecting Nightmare Moon to be so reasonable. I remember that moment perfectly, because Luna’s latest assault ceased, the room went silent, and a chill blew through the air, even though it was the middle of summer.

It was meant as a joke, of course. A poor joke, but a joke none the less.

I expected to find myself high above the tower, watching it and its inhabitants crumble to dust in a few moments. Or maybe that’s what I wanted to happen. Or maybe it’s what I wanted to do.

“And We had expected the leaders of such a proud race to be far less incompetent. It seems only one of us is pleased,” Was her reply and by the looks on their faces, far more effective than bringing down the tower.

Apparently their guards took offense to that. I remember a click, and a flash of silver. Then, nothing.

For a short time, anyway. I awoke on a cobblestone floor, four stone pillars evenly placed around me with a single brazier on each. Other than that, though, there was darkness. It probably should have bothered me the way the shadows seemed to consume everything the light from the lit braziers didn't touch, but when you wake up more often than not in the unnatural darkness of the Princess of the Night’s bedroom, you tend to get used to it.

I rose to my hooves and a loud, deep, male voice spoke through the darkness.

“ Twilight,” It boomed. I took a reflexive step back before lighting my horn, bringing my magic to the ready. “Twilight! Yes you! You are dead!”

Dead? But how could I be dead? I can still feel my body and I’m still breathing. There was that flash and… Oh No! If I’m dead, what happened to Luna? I began to panic, looking in every direction for whatever was talking. I heard shuffling from my side and turned to face it, magic at the ready.

I fell to my haunches and stared slack-jawed at the being that emerged from the shadows. It was a short, bipedal skeleton. The top of its head – most of which was blocked by a scroll floating in front of him - barely rose to my chest. He – I guessed it was a he from the voice – wore a black robe and green shoes, both of which were too long at the ends. In one hand, he carried a scythe, in the other a megaphone, which squealed when he attempted to speak into it again.

“Deader than a – “He was interrupted by the squeal “ – bloody ridiculous contraption!” He yelled, and threw it to the side where it disappeared into the shadows. “Can’t be arsed with it right now anyway, so many Griffins to be processed.”

Without the megaphone his voice was a much higher pitch and took on a Trottingham accent. “You know what’s nice about Griffins? Even though they’re half cat, they die just the same as eagles. None of that ‘nine lives’ crap. Bloody pain in the arse that is.”

“Who are you?” I managed to ask, finally shaking myself out of the stupor from seeing a walking, talking skeleton.

He waved a bony hand at me, still staring at the scroll. “My name’s Gregg, the Grim Reaper. Don’t laugh.”

Seems a bit short to be a Grim Reaper, I thought.

He brought a finger up to the scroll and began moving it down. Even without seeing it, I knew it was a checklist. I already liked him.

“Here we are: Twilight. Surname?”

“Sparkle.”

“Ah, a pony. Don’t seem many of you these days. Guess it’s not all sunshine and rainbows up there after all. Now then, race?”

“Um, Alicorn.”

“Right, Alicorn…” He trailed off, the scroll disappeared and he finally looked at me. It wasn’t long before he began shaking and rubbing his head. “There’s another one of you? They went and made another bloody Alicorn.” He groaned.

“Is something wrong?”

“Yes. You’re like those bloody cats. Such a pain in the arse. You’re a special case.”

“Special case?” Maybe I can use that to get out of here.

He stopped his head shaking to look at me. “You Alicorns live so long as the magic you are connected to flows through the world,” he explained, not bothering to hide the annoyance in his voice.

“So I’m not dead?”

“No, you’re dead, but not quite. Any time you die, you will be sent here while your body recovers. Just like those bloody cats. Hate those things.”

“I noticed.”

“Well aren’t you the snarky little smart arse? Now look here, just because your body recovers doesn’t mean you get to leave. I have to send you back. I do have other dead souls to deal with, so don’t expect me immediately, got that?”

“Of course. But, um, I was kind of in the middle of something important, could you send me back?”

“Yes, yes, whatever. Don't make a habit of this.” He snapped his bony fingers and a larger hand picked me up by the tail. Even through the wind rushing past my ears I could hear him. “Immortal bloody horses. At least they don’t piss everywhere like the cats.”

I awoke again, this time in the hooves of Luna. Before I could say anything, her lips were against mine. When she pulled away, there were no tears as I had expected, instead she was grinning.

“First time meeting Gregg?” She asked, her voice teasing.

“Yeah… Hey, Luna? Why does he hate cats so much?”

“I do not know, Twilight. Perhaps we should ask him the next time we meet.”

I laughed. “I don’t intend to be dying again anytime soon.”

Her grin only became wider. “Are you so sure?” A hoof guided my head, turning it to face a legion of Griffins charging right at us.

Comments

[BarrenBaron]

I'd like to imagine a situation where they keep on dying and it eventually just loses sport for their killers. Just be like:

"Are you quite done???"
"WHY WON'T YOU DIE!?"

[Misplaced Mage]

"I'm not dead! I'm getting better!

"I feel happy, I feel happy…"

[The Red Angel]

This is the best thing I have ever seen.

[Evilhumour]

Really? You referenced that?

Have a free internet because you earned it.

[Maple Leaf]

Aw man, I met Gregg far too many times than I'd like to admit. Seeing him here? Golden. Absolutely golden. Great job!

[Kean]

5171504
5173900
5174215

Glad you guys enjoyed it

[Fire Soul]

If Gregg exists in this scenario...that would mean that Conker has to exist as well!

Now we just need Conker to show up in Equestria after a massive drunken binge....

[Brony Soprano]

5170867 From the way they are shown here I have the image of Twilight asking if they could please stop because she has places to be, while Luna cackles like a maniac.

[Lunar Eclipsed]

i look forward to seeing if this continues oh i hope it does

[ShadowLDrago]

5170867

Nanomachines, son!