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Sweetie Belle, tired of being bullied by Diamond Tiara, finds a strange pony in the woods who grants her the all-powerful Alicorn Amulet! Will Sweetie Belle be able to harness this power responsibly or will her grudge against Diamond Tiara cause her to take things too far? It's all fun and games until somepony gets hurt.
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What you gonna do with them flowers? Are they special flowers???
let's see where this goes
I can see where this is going...
Poor Sweetie Belle. She's too cute to be corrupted.
Maybe you could add Pipsqueak to the story as a sort of conscience for Sweetie Belle, if not her bright spot. You know, like he's the colt she loves.
Uh oh. Don't trust horses bearing strange gifts. And how does Sweetie not recognize the Alicorn Amulet?
Is DT going to get killed or something?
If so,
3168633 No, Snails is.
Like'd, Fave'd And Moustache'd.
Can't wait for the next part!
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In your opinion.
You know, now that I read this, I almost want to commission a piece where that stallion is hawking the Lament Configuration....
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This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Sour Belle
Grammar score: 9.5 / 10
Flawless with just one error I could spot.
You need a comma before and, since it's a coordinating conjunction joining two independent clauses.
Pros
-Great job writing Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. I found myself groaning at their horrible puns and general unpleasantness just as I did in the show. Good job with Sweetie Belle as well.
-I like this story's premise a lot. You could go so many different directions with it. I see that it's a tragedy, so I am assuming that it ends up like the movie Chronicle in the end. (Kid gets superpowers and stands up to bullies, but gets WAY carried away)
-Way to end the first chapter on a cliffhanger.
-EXCELLENT grammar. I found maybe one mistake in the whole thing.
Cons
Wow, I would have to stretch to find any cons. Only two things, and they're really more of minor nitpicks than anything.
-What was that shopkeeper thinking just giving something like the alicorn amulet to a little foal? Maybe he's just like the Happy Mask Salesman from Zelda and you aren't supposed to know who he is or what his motivations are, and he's supposed to be mysterious. So I'll just accept that it will be revealed later in the story, if at all.
-I would have liked to have seen a bit more buildup before Sweetie Belle reached the pond.
Notes Section
I generally avoid addressing the reader in my fics, since it breaks the flow of immersion.
Overall: 8/10
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: Sufficient Unto the Day.
This is very interesting!
Interesting. Very, very interesting.
The shopkeeper has a box of alicorn amulets lying around that are leftovers from a Maredi Gras party in Neigh Orleans. He can't sell them for beans, so he has to give them away. Or maybe he's just Discord in disguise trying to have a little fun. In any case, he can be revisited later in the story after Sweetie has some fun...
So will Silver Spoon also be a target for her revenge? She was nice enough to try and reason with Sweetie Belle.
On the other hoof Silver has been just as big a pain to the CMC in the past.. hmm decisions decisions. Should Silver Spoon be targeted for retribution or only go for the head of the snake rather then concern herself with it's tail?
I cant wait to read MORE.
Where is chapter 2
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Soon, faithful reader. Soon.
Sweetie Belle scares me.
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Alicorn amulet is serious business
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Is...
Is Diamond Tiara going to die?
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What? No!
3661730
That's a relief.
Whoops!
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That's it, Sweetie Belle. Give yourself to the dark side...
Man, to make a fool outta Diamond Tiara is no mean feet. I give Sweetie Belle two thumbs up!
Poor Sweetie Belle... Don't cry.
Just a little suggestion. If there's one little bright spot that can save Sweetie Belle, it's Pipsqueak. You get my drift?
Did anybody else laugh?
No? Just me?
Wow, that turned dark really quick.
I thought she was going to kick silver spoons flank to
;-; oh noes, was this story stopped
*dies*
It's was so good while it lasted