• Member Since 17th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Sep 23rd, 2020

Faindragon


T
Source

When a distress signal emitting from Argentum, second ship of the Equestrian fleet, reached Space Station Celestia, first ship Aurum was quick to heed their call.

But the crew wasn't prepared for what waited them.

Speech is silver.
Silence is golden.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 11 )

Gah! No, another person posted a story that has the same title as mine!:raritycry:

3165370
He, sorry Mate. "Silence" is pretty easy name, though!

3165376
Feh mate, no worries^^

Seems to be off to a good start. :twilightsmile:

Not overly fond of Vostoks ridiculous accent being so... zeddy, toning it down a little wouldn't go amiss.

Silly wording aside, stories off to a great start, already tension and intrigue surrounding that mechanic.

*click*
*wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*
Hello, author and/or writer. Thank you for calling WRITE, your home for contract fanfiction quality-assurance services. Your call is very important to us, so we'll be answering it in—
*CHHHHHHHKCKCKCKCKKKK*

Sorry bout that, the system's been acting up lately. Anyway! So, you got a story you want us to take a look at, eh? I think I can do that for you. Let's read, shall we?
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Ah. AJ seems to have stolen my copy. Well, I suppose she can help me out, too.
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Nice.

First impressions are that I like it. AJ?
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Okay, she's slightly harder to impress, I suppose. I'm not one for sci-fi in ponydom, but I think I can kinda see what you're going for, sorta like the bastard love-child of Dead Space and Star Trek.
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Heh, thanks for that. Anyway, I dunno what you've got planned or anything, because the first chapter doesn't give a lot away, but you've got potential.

I like your unexplained phenomenon, the time jump/space hop/black hole electric slide/whatever.
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Yeah, I don't know anymore, either, AJ. Anyway, your mystery is mysterious. I'll go with that. It lends itself to a whole host of options as far as where the plot can go, and it's suitably confusing and dangerous.

I think I've gotten a handle on the dramatis personae so far, and they all seem fairly likeable, as far as I can tell in only 3000 words. Captain pony is captain-y. Totally-Not-Scotty pony is a cyborg, apparently, which is actually kinda cool. Whoever that sergeant pony is is kind of a douchebag, so I guess there's that for dramatic tension. I think I get enough of a flavor for your writing in only 3000 words that I trust nopony will end up as a walking cardboard cutout, and that you'll be able to develop them and have them interact well.

Overall, I thought the writing was solid. AJ?
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Well then. Not making either of us rage with errors is a good sign. There is, however, one point I just gotta bring up: your accents.
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Yeah, not gonna lie, I gotta agree with AJ on this one. Your character accents don't add anything to the characters, because I can't hear their voices in my head. They're not canon characters, so I have nothing to compare them to, like I would with AJ in the show itself. You don't give us any ideas as to where their individual accents of speaking patterns are associated with, so there's very little information associated with them, which means very little tone or inflection. This is, of course, aside from one glaring, obvious candidate (and you know who it is). His accent is so overwritten that it's unreadable. Unless that's what you're going for, then it's awful; and if that IS the point, then I remind you gently that intentionally annoying things are still annoying. Why not just let us know that he has a very thick Stalliongrad accent or something? We've all seen Star Trek by now, we can fill in the blanks ourselves with the help of an odd "v" replaced with a "w" or a word ending in "ink" instead of "ing".

Outside of that, though, I've not seen anything that really makes me grit my teeth and nerd-rage. Anyway, I think it's short enough, and I've hit enough points that I can jump right to the end results.

Final Verdict: 3.5/5 Pinkies :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiesmile::pinkiesick:
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Closing Remarks:
When you came to us for a review, you mentioned not being sure about the [Alt Universe] tag. I think you should keep it there.
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Well, okay, it doesn't exactly contradict canon, not per se, at least. But here's the thing: it doesn't really fit the canon's style, theme, or tone. Certainly not yet, and if the [Dark] tag is to be believed, this will have more similarity to a Dead Space crossover fic than a straight ponyfic. I don't personally see that the universe of MLP can support Sci-fi or such, mostly because there's no need or motivation for it. So, my vote is that you leave the AU tag in place.
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You might even just consider adding the [sex] tag, too. Ponies having affairs isn't really within the show's scope of tone, after all. That's just my opinion, of course. You're the author, after all, and no one else knows what this story is going to be or where it's going to go aside from you, and in such a short snippet, I certainly don't know.

- OtterMatt, WRITE's Organic Mustelid
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3199898
Firstly, a very big thank you for both a quick response time and a review that was more entertaining to read than I thought.

First thing first: the consideration of a [sex] tag. I'm not going to go there. This is the closest thing the ponies will ever get to each other. Should it be needed, I might think about having it in later.

Vostok...
Funny thing, really. I've never seen Star Trek. He was spawned as a look-up at Wikipedia (not really good at this space thing per se), and since the spacecraft originated in the soviet era... that's what he became! However, he won't pay a big part in later chapters, so I'll not go back and change.
...I've already had the Star Trek scenes were this character is "ripped off" from given to me three times already. Funny, really.

The other accent, and I believe that's Actuator you're talking about then, was more an accident writing that I kept with.

As a closing note; I've never really been a fan of Sci-fi at all. Neither Dead Space nor Star Trek have been things that have interested me. However, to hear that it give out the vibes of these things that I've only heard good thing about, that's a compliment in itself!

Once again, thank you!

Heh, and hear I saw it yesterday, thought "better wait to read it until I'm actually rested", waited some today to wake up, and thought that I would have to read it, think it over and then read it again. Seems like it was easier than I expected ^^'

"I think I'll go to bed now."
>Faindragon posted a new chapter of Silence
"...Well there goes my sleep"

Great chapter. I'm looking forward to the next one~

Vostok's accent is both ridiculously thick and inconsistent.

But a good story so far.

Also, if they find silence on the Argentum, then does that mean there's a bunch of duct tape on the Aurum? :raritystarry:

3292257
That's something you'll notice, isn't it?

And hey, how do you suppose an engine is fixed? Bolts?!

HAH! Ductape all the way!

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