• Member Since 26th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 30th, 2018

The Soviet Turtle


I'm Australian, a dragon fan, and I like to shot things in video games. If that's not a short description of me then I don't know what is.

E

All his life, Spike has worked his scales off, sometimes literally. For the mane six, with no gratitude or thanks for what he does. One day, as Spike is about to go and participate in a talent show, all of the mane six dump work on him as they went off to a Wonderbolt show, and once Spike finishes the chores, also helping some of the citizens along the way. He then runs into the mane six who dump MORE work on him and run off to Sugarcube corner, Spike just falls to his knee's and cries.

The next day however, Big Mac calls a meeting with a few of the citizens and brings Spike with him, they all agree to hide Spike and cover him from the mane six, while he goes off to be what he should be doing. Be a kid.

Light shippings
SpikexApplebloom
RumblexScootaloo
PipsqueakxDinky
FeatherweightxSweetie Belle

Proofread by StarBrony3

Chapters (14)
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Comments ( 272 )

Oh, I had to instantly favorite this. I really am disappointed in how the Mane Six order Spike around and just leave him out of everything.:ajbemused: I hope to read their reactions when they find out that he is gone and he is actually enjoying himself. Maybe they will show him actual love and care as true friends, I hope soon. Thank goodness for Big Mac! :eeyup:

Where's my bass cannon!?

I agree with Vinyl, get the cannon and destroy some ignorant mother buckers.

A couple of grammatical errors here and there but I like the idea.

Seems, good

consider me a follower

I really like where this is going. Please update soon.

Been waiting for the moment when everyone realizes Spike does most of the actual work when the mane six screw something up. A few grammatical errors, but hey, we all have a few, no? Nicely done.

This is why we need a club that show the ultimate appreciation of Spike.

Spike hanging out with other ponies other than the Mane 6 is pretty awesome!!!
So there are main shippings as well.

*clap* *clap* *clap* i haven't read the story yet but it is a grate idea!

3436627 so far their 5 groups dedicated to Spike on this sight

at times like these I really wish the maine six would get their ass beaten and Spike gose dragon to save their asses

Well Twi & Rarity use him for labor and Dash and Pinkie make fun of him. I think only Applejack & Fluttershy ( mainly Fluttershy) treat him like a brother.
Also bring Hell to the four.

Okay, interesting premise. But there are a few issues. First off you seem to have a habit of starting a new paragraph for the same person to talk again.

The Wrong Way:

"It must be a message for Mayor Mare." He said.
"I gotta go Sweetie Belle. Thanks for helping." Spike said as he opened the door.

The Right Way:

"It must be a message for Mayor Mare." He said. He then turned around and waved to the filly. "I gotta go Sweetie Belle. Thanks for helping." Spike said as he opened the door.

Also you need to re read your sentences, several times I saw you using the wrong word:

Twilight said levitating to Spike, who had stopped panting and just had his law dropped.

What do you mean by law?

"Of coarse." I think you mean course.

Anyway good start, but you should re read things or find a proof reader.

I don't mean to be a jerk but a couple? I think this writer really needs to re read his sentences. I would edit it, but I already did that for a few other people and i just takes up so much time :facehoof: 3427238

"Alright, lets get this done." Spike said.

(One minute later.)

:ajbemused:Okay, there is no way they got her clean that fast. Maybe half an hour, one hour, or even two, but definitely not one minute.

Not bad but it could use a lot of revision. I see major promise in this, mind if I try my hoof at a rewrite?

3450113 Ok I was trying to be nice there. :twilightsheepish:

I hope that Spike himself throws the shit on the fan.

Like he realises that he is only getting used and really get pissed about it.

Can't wait to see the Mane Six's reactions when he's gone for a few days.

Hey Author, I absolutely love what you are doing with this story. I mean there are so many things just right about this story, but there are a couple of errors that could enrich the experience, which are currently harming it.
Tag Variety
You vary the end of the sentences (the tags) based on the type of sentance ("asked, said"), but this is sadly not good enough. This is where you add emotion and thought into a story. This is called Wordcraft, crafting dull informative sentences into meaningful and descriptive works of art.
Ex: "Oh shucks," Braeburn said with a hint of pride.
That is just adding detail at the end of the sentence. But as you can see, the extra detail gives you more info on what's happening.
Imagine the story is a play, you need to write out everything that happens (Garble sat down on the pile of gems at his feet), to the emotions ("I don't want to go!" the Doctor said as tears streamed down his face, as he was devastated about having to regenerate), to the expressions, ("Die you monster," he said with pure unadulterated malice on his face)
Ex: "Oh dear lord it's a fire!" she screamed.
Notice the action is not 'said', but something more descriptive.
"Hi", he said. "Demetri..." he said. WORDS he said. Just gets too repetitive and boring. Please don't do this. Use variety! If you can't think of a word, just use said with some description after.

One-liners
"Hey!" you say.
"Hi," he fires back.
"How are you?"
"Fine enough,"
This gets annoying really fast. You can have these, in fact you are using proper grammar! But at the same time, it becomes dull and repetitive. Do not be dull or repetitive. Please not be dull or repetitive.
Instead of long blocks of dialog, cut it into sections. Place detail about what is going on in between them, and make sure you move the characters around, make them twitch their foot, make them smile lightly, just make them do something. How many conversations have you been completely still doing absolutely nothing making no movement or sounds other than the ones you make. If you leave details out, it becomes ambiguous (or uncertain). I could easily assume that they are standing there as still as statues, but at the same time just as easily assume they are disco dancing. Literally reread that dialog and image them dancing (it's funny :pinkiehappy:). See, author, when you imaging the scene's and plot in your head, you should think about what they are doing, and not what they are saying. Actions speak louder than words.
Ex:
You and your long time lover were in a room. A fire burnt in the fireplace, it was dark and snowing outside, and everything was calm. You had just walked into the room, and noticing your lover, you greeted him.
"Hey!" you say.
"Hi," he fires back.
You both looked at each other with love and care in your eyes. The tension was unbelievable.
"How are you?"
You could tell from his tone that he was definately fine.
"Fine enough,"
See? The exact same dialog, but you actually know what's happening (and it's definitely not disco dancing), and in so much more detail too!
Also don't take this long and huge rant the wrong way, it's constructive criticism!
Exiting Purple Smart Rant Mode. :twilightblush:
I really do like the story so far, keep it up!
And I hope you all have a wonderful day!
-Lionel

Alright, so.

First and foremost, I have to tell you that you have some colossal technical issues. As in, 'the story becomes almost physically painful to read at points' bad.

Like, if they were physically personified, we'd have a motherfucker in a poncho and a weird sword trying to climb their ass-hair and stab them in the face to bring back his dead girlfriend.

However.

You've got such a great idea here, and you execute it so well, that I read it anyways. I am normally the pickiest motherfucker alive. I am known for shredding stories so completely that I specifically get review requests from people who want their work absolutely decimated. And I like your story.

You didn't write a LOL GUISE SUDDENLY A TEENAGE BRONY WHO'S TOTALLY NOT ME ARRIVES IN EQUESTRIA self insert fic. You didn't write a LOL GUISE MY OC IS SO COOL fic. In short, you didn't write a selfish fic. This fic wasn't written so everyone could see how awesome your red and black Mary Sue self insert was, it was written so that people could have a nice thing to read.

I've always said that there is really only one real replacement for actual technical skill, and that's heart. You've got it.

Keep up the good work.

I like where the story is going. The only thing I would like to contribute is an idea. That idea is to get Princess Celestia in on the plan. I mean, Twilight isn't an idiot, once she thinks calmly, she'll probably have Rainbow fly to Canterlot to ask Celestia to use her link with Spike to track him down. But if Celestia is in on the plan, she can simply use a cover story like Spike being in Canterlot on Royal business.

I think you could definitely use an editor but you've got a good idea here. The show suggests some care for poor Spike from the girls but most of the time it seems like he's reduced to this. I think I'll keep reading.

This was a good chapter dude,

and the plan is already in motion and I support 3640853 plan Celestia NEEDS to be in this things if not she could stop the plan cold

3640853>>3640918
Tia issnt the only royal in Canterlot......

I'm really liking where this story is going. I hope to see more updates soon.

3640853>>3640918 I have to agree with these two. Having Celestia or Luna on board would really help Spike with this plan.

Question. What if Twilight goes to Canterlot and ask Celestia and Luna what kind of business Spike is doing?

I have a feeling that Twilight's meeting is about locating Spike. That somepony has to calm her down and tell her to just contact Celestia (or Luna) somehow and have them confirm that Spike is indeed in Canterlot. If not, have her locate him and get him home.

*Blinks trying to comprehend what he was seeing*
SpikexApplebloom?
RumblexScootaloo?
...PipsqueakxDinky?!

Three of my favorite foal pairings including one that I feel is severely underrated?! In one fic? And light shipping, which suggests close friendship with maybe a bit of ship tease in, so as not to over romanticize characters who wouldn't even be that into romance at the time? Dang, that's a pretty good setup to get me to read.

I bet Celestia is secretly helping her adopted son in the shadows.

Poor Spike, I know he is enjoying being a kid on his first day, but it's a shame that he has to hide from Twilight and the girls to do it. :fluttershysad: They should accept it, because they are supposed to be his "friends"! Also, I wonder what Twilight wants to see the others about that involves an order from Sugarcube Corner?:rainbowhuh: Also, I want to see how they are reacting to not seeing Spike all day. I want to see if they are at all worried or concerned for his safety, health, etc.:flutterrage:

The only problem I have with this story is (well except the grammar and spelling), that video games aren't exactly canon for MLP.

Keep writing. Don't leave everyone in suspense.

This sounds like a very good story. However, you really need a proofreader. There are a lot of grammatical mistakes. However, I will still read on! :moustache:

Twi should get slapped for what she is doing to Spike. Also I'm Surprised Applejack and Fluttershy even asked him for help. Not how they would normally act.

"And wait, you saved the crystal empire didn't you!?" Mr.Cake said.
"Yep."
"Didn't ya get anything?" Big Mac said.
"No, they broke out into a song about Twilight's passed test." Spike said.

Dang... I'm glad I'm not the only one that realized that. He saved the empire and they still worry about her passing a damn test that threatened everypony's life....

Celestia is a damn troll if I ever seen one.

Why would the library need watching when everypony will be at the talent show and nopony visits the library anyway? Owlicious can look after himself and it's unlikely to burn down unless Sweetie Belle was there. :derpytongue2:

I like this so far, you have a like and a moustache from me. :moustache:

Thank goodness some of the ponies in Ponyville have some sense...Well apparently everyone but the mane six:derpytongue2:

It's a little stupid that Twilight is more interested in the ink than Spike, but she is pretty anal about that sort of thing that I can actually imagine that being the case. I feel bad for Spike, being left out in all the adventures. :pinkiesad2:

Good work so far. :pinkiehappy:

I agree with Starblade, you need to get the princesses on board with the idea, or this whole secret will collapse. And I don't want poor Spike to go back so soon :fluttercry:

Please update soon, I'm really enjoying this. :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by FelixTheBrony deleted Feb 3rd, 2014

great chapter but one thing i am wondering about is what kind of world this set in and by world I mean are they regular pony , anthropomorphic, or human. i am wondering this because it would help my try and imagine in my head what is going on.

3909726 k thanks for telling me i am just confused some time when i read a story like this because it could be anthro or normal human and there would be no tag on the story to say that it was

Comment posted by Dropbear deleted Mar 3rd, 2014

Uh, in your short description I noticed that you used 'but' instead of 'bit'.
Just letting you know.

3891761
Exactly , there is a hole in her logic. :facehoof:

3798410 Exactly.
They were concerned about a test than everyone's lives.
No sense of gratitude for Spike , just some musical number about a test.
:flutterrage: THE BUCK?!

It's not bad and a good choice for this story. It hope you update this soon.

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