• Member Since 25th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

AcreuBall


I'll scribble on scrap paper and waste my time until my failure to grow up is complete


T
Source

Since the part where Dash was all, “alright, Scootaloo, I could be like your sister or something”—back when I was a filly, about ten years ago, now—things between us’d gotten pretty awesome. She taught me how to fly, I was there to cheer her on when she got into the Wonderbolts, we hung out all the time—stuff like that. I think we did a pretty good job of being sisters, for the most part, and I’d bet Dash’d tell you the same.

But, you know, if I’m being honest, I’d admit I’d probably always felt something not quite sisterly towards Dash. And by that, of course, I mean I had a total and absolute ridiculous crush on her. But it was never really an issue—like, it just made it that much more awesome to be around her and stuff.

Well, that was until Dash started with that flying test to get into the super elite division of the Wonderbolts. That’s really when all that came out into the open—and looking back on it, it was quite the cluster-buck, the way Sweetie Belle and Lightning Dust got all tangled up in that junk. I mean, not that I give two bucks about Lighting Dust, but Dash does. And then I do feel pretty bad about the stuff I put Sweetie through with all that. I mean, I wouldn't say I regret anything exactly, but there’s no two ways about it—it was what it was.

Actually, you want to just hear the whole story? I suppose I could tell you if you want.

Chapters (13)
Comments ( 163 )

I don't actually like the first person viewpoint most of the time.
It's only slightly above second person (ironic given that second person is what I narrate In pathfinder things, but that hypocrisy is beside the point).
First person can do a really good job of making a character identifiable so long as the character them self is good, and the author keeps in mind that everything that happens needs to be seen through the character's prejudices and beliefs. No character is flawless (no good character anyway), so everything has that sort of bias on it. This is something I've seen a lot of writers, heck a lot of otherwise good writers, screw up on.
I don't actually know why I'm telling you this though, as you've pretty clearly demonstrated that you already know this. Scoot's voice is pretty clear in everything that happens, which makes the first person work.
I'm quite looking forward to the rest off this. Great job man!

(Ohh, Lightning Dust promised in the description?! All my yes! Lightning Dust is such a great character that I never see good authors use!)

Good first chapter, looking forward to seeing how this continues.

I am hooked. Excellent first chapter. Vague clouds on the horizon. Let's see what conflicts arise.

It’s like, if we were ever apart for more than a few days, there must be some kind of huge dramatic reason for it.

Oh Ball, you know me too well.

Well, once again you've made me squeal in excitement. That image made me smile (I swear I can see you getting better at poniing poniponi), and that was before I even read the thing. In regards to that whole ugly reading business, you nailed Scootaloo's vernacular. I had no trouble reading the whole thing in her voice, which is weird given that I normally hate reading things in a voice other than my own. You do a good job of easing your way into the romance-y bits--if it didn't have the romance tag, I wouldn't have even guessed it to be shippy--and what's even better is that you didn't make the mistake of bludgeoning me upside the head with all that lovely pone-kissy-bits. Which I deeply appreciate.

Hugs and kisses and all that gay stuff.

3164431
One thing I'm most excited about for this point of view is the way I can just have Scoot say things that aren't actually accurate! Like, unreliable narrator, or whatever! So... we'll see if I pull that off. Also, glad you're enjoying it!

3164494
Yay, thanks!

3164748
Awesome! Yes, I hope not to disappoint with such conflicts!

3165064
Hehehe.

Also, awesome! Glad you're liking it! And the bludgeoning by pony-kisseys will happen, though only when you least expect it, of course.

Yep. Kisses and gay stuff to you, too

I will get around to rereading it eventually.

YES!!! Thank you, we NEED more Scootaloo x Dash stories!^^:pinkiehappy:pinkiehappy:

I'm loving this already. And weekly updates? :yay:
I haven't figured out what's up with Rainbow Dash's evasiveness, other than possibly if she hurt herself doing that flash trick. So nice suspense building there :pinkiesmile:

Scootaloo is obviously hopelessly in love with the Dash.
And I get the feeling Sweetie Belle has been hopelessly in love with Scootaloo for years (I love Scootabelle, so I approve of this).
And probably some form of romance between Rainbow and Lightning Dust? If so, I hope you're giving her enough character development and history with Dash to give some weight to it.

I think this will be painful. Especially for Sweetie, by the description :fluttercry: I'm nervouscited :twilightoops:

I need more of this story

3166082
I know, right??

3168384
Yay! Glad you're enjoying it! And yep, I think you're thinking along the right lines, there... :raritywink:

3169310
Handily enough, I have more of this story to offer you. :duck: (Happy you're liking it!)

Great start! Can't wait for the next chapter!:twilightsmile:

all i can picture right now is Scootaloo and Rainbow having a fairly large angry shouting match somewhere and in the heat of the moment Rainbow grabs Scootaloo and just kisses her. Scootaloo kisses back, but then is like woah WTB (what the buck)

3199740 ok that would be a welcome change to all teary confessions and rejections ive been reading !

She held a bit of a frown for a second, and then brightened up. “The new issue of Stables is out!” That was her favourite comic. “I couldn’t believe it! You know Big B.’s children? Well—”

... Stables... stables...

... Fables?

3200082
You got it! :raritywink:
(You know, I never actually read the series... but my one friend would always be gushing endlessly about it...)

3199740
3200053
Hmmm, well, can't say that's exactly it... (does sound pretty hawt, though!) but... I don't think it'll disappoint, when it comes to that! Um, you know, with any luck!

3199740

You know, that would be in character for both of them. I imagine Rainbow feels a bit weirded out about having feelings for a filly she had a hand/hoof in raising... sort of.

Though that has been done in other fics before.

3200414 as far as i know it has not been done in any (serious) fics only silly, stupid, or troll fics

3200518

Nope, one popular fic did it. Best Young Flyer by bookplayer, I believe.

3200527 ive read it several times does not have that exact scene but still good

I will have SO many questions when i get you on skype, brah...

3202831
Well, you know I never get sick of talking about myself and my fics :duck:

you have my full support in this endeavor i'm highly enjoying this and cant wait for this to continue :rainbowdetermined2:

3234363
Yay! Thanks so much! That's awesome to hear!

I sense bad things in the horizon. I wonder what tricks Dust is good at that Dash isn't.

3234773
Or she doesn't, and is just bluffing/hoping Dash gets injured.

Question: Age of Scoots and Sweetie?

3238157
Scoots is 21... I got it said in ch2!

3239104
I almost never read the actually story I question. Just use groups, general description, characters.

3241034
That is... a very strange practice.

3241577
Well I just check if it should be in my group.

3242457
Hmm. Well alright, that's fair

3243547
Also in other news welcome aboard :pinkiehappy:.

3244413
Hey thanks! :twilightsmile:

Yeah, I was wondering why I hadn't joined way earlier, actually!

I'm really liking the characterization you have here.:ajsmug: I find Sweetie hilarious and Scoots amusing as well. Can't wait to see more.:twilightsmile:

3266619
Thanks! Glad you're enjoying it!

Finally! Now for the other side of the equation.

well that escalated quickly.

Wow. That's a really nicely told story, and it's hitting home for me in many ways. I've been in both sides of this kind of situation. It’s kind of jarring to think about it. But the kind of talk that they had, THAT I know, really helps sorting out the awkwardness that comes afterwards.

yay finally, if you do write clop into this story i reccomend posting another one shot chap 4.5 maybe for people who want it:rainbowdetermined2:

Wow this was great. :pinkiesmile: You really captured the tension between the two before they finally questioned what they perceived their relationship to be. The hesitation between the two as they shifted to a more romantic relationship was well written.:twilightsheepish: Finally, the dialog was just amazing!:rainbowdetermined2:

Can't wait to see what happens next.:twilightsmile:

Well that wasn't what I was expecting Lightning Dust to say. Way to be responsible!

On the other hand, I was expecting this at some point. :duck:

I'm looking forward to this mess.

The best part about the comments is how everyone's asking if there's going to be explicit fucking in the Teen rated story. :trollestia:

this is exactly how you an get her to ease up

32678123268092
Ha, no, it's still got a teen rating. The sex tag is because there's gonna be a lot of sex, and they're gonna be talking a lot about sex, but there's not actually gonna be anything explicit. Sorry?

3267527
Ah, thanks a lot! So good to hear you're connecting with it--that's totally the number-one goal, writing. Hope you like where it goes from here!

3268132
Yay, thanks for the comment. It's good to hear that, I was actually a little worried about this chapter... it's probably the one I spent the most time muckin around with.

3268197
Woo! Yeah, I wanted to through a bit of a curve ball in there with Dust.

And I aim to make it suitably nuts...

3270364 that's cool. what about either scoot or RD getting into a fight with LD

3270371
I will neither confirm nor deny that that may happen...

3267418
Woo! When I was planning this out, it felt they got together way sooner than they did... all this stuff just seemed to come up first...

(In other news, I'm totally loving The Wonder Years, man! It's so awesome!!)

Login or register to comment