Chapter 2
Spike broke the silence. “Cadance, in no way is that reassuring.”
The pink princess smiled at him. “Don’t worry, I said. It’s an old pegasus tradition. You foalnap the bride about a week before the wedding to ‘prove your strength’ or some such. It’s just a game really. Applejacks probably locked in a room with a big comfy bed and all the apples she can eat, somepony to wait on her all day and no responsibilities. Sounds like fun to me!” She glanced at her husband.
“O-kay, why didn't I read about this. Spike, I told you to find all the books–”
“I found all the books we had on weddings. It’s not my fault if the Ponyville library only has books on earth pony weddings. I left a note about the in Ancient Earth Pony Wedding Traditions: Their Origins and Symbolism” Spike said. “Don’t blame me!”
“Sorry, Spike. I’m just a little upset still. Why wouldn't Rainbow Dash have told me she was going to do this? I could have made sure it went smoothly.”
“It’s not supposed to be smooth, Twilly,” Cadance said with a giggle. She helped herself to a breakfast fritter. “Rainbow Dash probably wanted it to be a surprise. It worked too. She'll be upset she didn't get to see you faces. They were priceless!” She glanced at her husband again.
“You’re not putting this on me somehow, are you?” Shining Armor frowned.
“Excuse me, yer highness, but I have a question.” Big Mac said.
The room fell silent. Several ponies there had never heard Big Macintosh speak beyond single-word responses, and a few had even assumed he lacked the capacity. Cadance didn't know any better, and simply replied “Hmmm?”
“What do we do now? It is my sister after all who’s gettin’ married, and I reckon that Miss Dash has got one over on me, or some such.” Big Mac glared. “I’ll be darned if I let that one win easy.”
Cadance’s smile grew an edge. “So you're Applejack’s famous big brother? They weren't kidding about the big part. Well, the tradition calls for the groom’s family to foalnap the bride. Since Applejack is a bride, she’s fair game for foalnapping. But as I understand it, Rainbow Dash is also a bride? Twilight? I've heard of a few different way this can be arranged.”
“They’ll both be wearing dresses at the ceremony,” Rarity said, “white ones with mixed flower-apple-and-rainbow motifs, and a little bit of pastel around the hems.”
“Good enough for me. It seems then, that as a bride, it behooves you to foalnap Rainbow Dash.” Cadance sat down at the table and finally got started on the fritter.
Big Mac trotted into town a mite faster than his usual pace. He had business to attend to, and not just apple business. This was about family.
It’s not that he worried about AJ. He knew that Dash wouldn't hurt her intentionally, nor would she let AJ come to harm. And AJ was a strong girl, she wouldn't let anything go wrong either. But there was another issue here. He and Dash… had issues.
The little pegasus liked to show off. Big Mac didn't quite understand, and found it a little annoying really, but that wasn't his concern. What was his concern was the fact that she liked to show ponies up. It wasn't enough for Dash to be fast, she had to be the fastest. The coolest. And the part that actually got under Big Mac’s coat: the toughest.
Everypony knew that Apple Family ponies were tough. And everypony knew that AJ was the toughest of the bunch. Well, everypony except Big Mac and Apple Bloom, who had their own ideas about who was toughest, but that didn't matter either. This… this puffed-up little blue pidgeon had decided that since she was going to be joining the Apple Family, she must therefore be just as tough as an Apple. Big Mac has deflated her a couple times before; but it seemed that somehow Rainbow Dash had not gotten the message.
Well fair’s fair. Time to put that little bird in a sack and show her and her flying buddies what happens when you mess with the Apple Family.
Cousin Caramel was around here somewheres. His help would be needed. Even conscripting Applejack’s “honorary sisters” had left them one short of the five-pony team that they were allowed; and this was family business anyways. Caramel just had his week’s plans made for him.
Pinkie walked into Sugarcube Corner.
This was the first clue. Even in a room as crowded and chaotic as an active pastry kitchen, with knives and blenders and hot ovens and flour on the floor, Pinkie Pie pronked everywhere. For her to walk, without a large load on her back, head, or tail, was nearly unprecedented. Mrs. Cake, taking the closest thing to a break as she could, was horsing the front counter.
“What’s the matter, Pinkie?” she asked.
Pinkie gave a wan smile. Knowing Mrs. Cake was worried about her was, well, reassuring in its own way. Twilight had been lecturing her about truly believing ponies loved her. On the surface, it sounded as wacky as anything she had heard, but somewhere deep in her heart it made sense. Pinkie gave Mrs. Cake a quick hug. “I need about five hundred strawberry jam-filled cupcakes, maybe a hundred cherry pies, and several dozen coconut custard creams.”
“That’s…” Mrs. Cake shuddered. Pinkie knew full well what she was asking. And the girl wasn't crazy, she just played the part. “That’s battle baking, Pinkie. Battle baking. Are you entirely sure?”
“Mrs. Cake, something… something has happened, and I don’t really understand why and I know I don’t know what it means but I do that I know what I need to do about it. Rainbow Dash has foalnapped Applejack, and that means we need to foalnap Rainbow Dash.”
If Sweetie Belle ever needed an explanation of what the word ‘nonplussed’ meant, a photograph of Mrs. Cakes face at that moment would be worth far more than the proverbial thousand words.
“Well, if you need to do that, then, uh, you should do that, I guess.” Mrs. Cake walked back into the kitchen. “Honey, can you come out here?”
Mr. Cake walked out of his kitchen proudly, but he also walked slowly. Pinkie had promised to do ‘some of the baking’ for the wedding. It would be the Cakes’ first wedding commision, and they were determined to make it spectacular. Catering weddings wasn't the norm in Ponyville, yet. Mr. Cake had plans to change that. To that end, he worked as hard as he ever had; he baked morning, noon, and night, never ceasing his endless battle against the imaginary demons of ‘not enough.’ He hoped to pass on the business one day, and he wanted to pass on a successful business when the time came.
“Um, honey, there’s been a slight change of plans.” Mrs. Cake’s voice wavered.
“Mr. Cake, I know this is a lot to ask, because I know you did something like this before and don’t like to talk about it, but something happened. Last night, Rainbow Dash and a small team of pegasi broke into Sweet Apple Acres, well they didn't break anything really but the snuck into the house, even though the window was open but we were all downstairs really tired so I guess they had to be at least kind of quiet but anyway they snuck in and foalnapped Applejack and now what we have to do is foalnap Rainbow Dash so everything will be even because Big Mac doesn’t want Rainbow Dash to think she’s won which seems a bit silly to me but it’s important to him so we're all going to help by flying up to Rainbow Dash’s cloud house and foalnapping Rainbow Dash but they'll be expecting us so to do that we need to bring battle pastries.”
After about a minute, Mr. Cake’s face hardened. He stared first at Pinkie, then at his wife. Mrs. Cake trembled a bit. Mr. Cake returned his gaze to the apprentice baker. “Did you know that I fought in the war?”
“I… yes, I did.” Pinkie answered.
“Do you know what I did? I didn’t fight on the front lines, but I played my part. I was in a kitchen, because the Army uses you as best it can and they're damn good at it. Putting me in a trench might have helped, but they had their own ideas.”
“I baked. I made the meals that kept our soldier on their feet and fighting. If it weren't for the war, I never would have learned to cook as fast as I do. When three hundred ponies need to eat, and they need to eat now, you learn to cook three hundred buns at once. Pinkie, you're like a daughter to me, but you're also my apprentice. I never showed you how to fast bake. I never taught you those techniques.”
He looked Pinkie strait in the eyes.
“Today we bake like the fate of Equestria hangs in the balance.”
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You know what they say,
"This will be fun to watch"
Also, I think I have the magic touch
...
...
...
...
i.qkme.me/3uxbco.jpg
Seriously. I don't know.
But it was pretty awesome. If really weird.
*Mental image of what Pinkie will be capable of after Carrot teaches her this*
Well, welcome to national Mardi Gras day.
3210571 You do indeed...
3210591 "weird but pretty awesome" is exactly what I was aiming for!
3210679 that's basically the premise. I just hope I'm doing it justice.
I don't think giving Pinkie more abilities is a good idea, Mr Cake. She can't be trusted with such power.
3210679
Oh I was waiting for chapter 2
I was released about 20 minutes after I made that comment
MAGIC
3210693 I don't know if you're doing it justice or not, but so far it's pretty cockamamie. That's alright in my book :D
My thoughts exactly.
Oh YES!
This is hilarous!
And I liked the fact that you made Mr. Cake a veteran, even though he was a cook.
But no cook=no food.
No food=no army.
No army=fucked.
3210695 Still, he loves her, and wants her to succeed.
3210724
3210805 This is why I needed to edit the last chapter: nobody breaks the silence as well as Spike.
3210811 3210911 It just came to me
3210903
No idea. I googled "Mlp what did I read" and it came up.
So now Big Mac is gonna kidnap Rainbow?
I'm gonna admit, I did not see that one coming.
3210903
The dragon migration they are in the fake dragon body that would not fool anybody.
This is going to be GLORIOUS!!!
This is my newest favorite line in pony-fiction.
Remember: when you need to put buns in the oven, call Mr. Cake. He's the only one from the show to do so thus far. If he says he put 300 in the oven at once I am inclined to believe him. Especially if he did it for the sake of Equestria. If only all stallions could be so patriotic. Although it does bother me that he considers Pinkie a surrogate daughter and is still enlisting her help.
twilight.ponychan.net/chan/collab/src/131700422964.png
3211771 Big Mac is getting tired of Rainbow's s
t. 
3211792 You win a moustache, because that was bothering me too.
3211931
3211983 Well she lives in his house, and you can't spend that much time around Pinkie Pie without smiling.
3212363
Oh dear lord.
cdn.meme.li/instances/300x300/30138317.jpg
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! chapter 2!!!!!!
This is on! Go get her Mac!
Next chapter please!!
Straight, not strait. (Strait is a word too, but it doesn't mean what you want it to mean here.)
Also, Battle Baking. ^.^ I like.
I like where this is going.
Uhh... Pronked? I've never heard that one before.
Epic speech. iLol'd.
3232867 I'm pretty sure 'pronked' is the technical term for how Pinkie moves around.
linky
3233280 Huh. Muy interasante. And now I know!
If you start this... and don't finish it... I will be severely disappointed.
3277906 It's in progress I swear! Just not as fast as I'd like...
3277978
Good to hear! I just hate hitting brick walls with fics I've painstakingly read beginning to end, and all of a sudden -- boom -- no more updates.
<in best buggs bunny voice> of course, u realize, this means war...
and now
for some CONTINUITY
You just had to end there didn't you?
DAFAQ?
So.........
when can we see an update?
Rainbow Dash needs some humble pie. Leaving everypony to think some travesty's happened is very, very uncool.
I can hardly believe Fluttershy went along with it--even if she can be bullied into doing about anything, she wouldn't leave her friends hanging. Or anything that might purposely offend anypony, for that matter.
Why is it cancelled????? Why????????
old as hell I guess. The idea is entertaining. Guess I'd be hooting for the feather team on this one