Hendrix is physically fit.
Keanu is mentally fit.
Hendrix meets the mane six first.
Keanu meets them last.
Hendrix saves Equestria from physically challenging problems.
Keanu saves Equestria from economical and ecological problems.
The two elements are there, but they must be activated...
The Hidden Elements.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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No one care, and you don't start a story like this, never.
The story is really cramped, you need to make clearer paragraph, and reading this link should help you to make the story more agreable to read.
As for the Main Characters ... they are the regular Gary Stu, loaded with perfect physical ability and huge brain, able to make friends in a sentence or two with aliens. They don't seems to care about being isolated in a world full of mythical creatures, with no means to contact their familly.
They even have their own Super Custom Eternal Energy Ipod© loaded with thousand of songs, just like every single story of this kind.
And they're probably going to be changed into ponies the next chapter, without struggles, adaptation time or giving a care.
On a positive note, apart the paragraphing problem you've managed to make enough descriptions to allow a reader picture what happen in the " actions " scènes, but the various dialogues and characters interractions are lacking some detailed descriptions. You barely describe the ponies, are they looking like REAL regular ponies ( fur détails, stocky barrel, long muzzle, black hooves ) ? Or like the cartoon ponies of the show ( without any détails, huge eyes and head compared to the body, stocky legs/forelegs ) ? Or a mix of the two ? Or anything else ? Build your own world with détails, it's these thing that make a story original.
3159966
Thanks for the feedback. I'll get right onto it. And the part where they turn into ponies? Not quite. But I'm not releasing any spoilers yet. I'll comment when it's fixed up. All-in-all, thanks for the criticism! :)
3161136 ya know what? Discontinued. I'm an ass, yeah. Check out my newest stories for the ones that are still being worked on.