• Member Since 18th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Monday

NitoKa


Hi I'm a Brony that likes anime and Fallout. I'm a new writer so please don't hate. Also my email is gizmogearturn@yahoo.com

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Source

Page Turner is a stallion who enjoys living by himself and his books. He has done so for a good long part of his life. Though, when he is finally persuaded to leave his home for a short amount of time, he is reminded of why he holed himself in there in the first place.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 5 )

It had formating issues (needs better spacing on parts), but it has potential! :pinkiehappy:

I'll definitely be back for chapter 2!

Looks good. I'm always down for a good FE story. I'll be back for chapter two.:raritywink:

I sat down today and reread these two chapters! Also, yay flankwigglings!
The present-tense narration kinda weirds me out a little, as it reminds me a lot of MU* RP, but I suppose I might get used to it if I listen to it enough.

I filled out a form with stuff in it! Not sure how useful or interesting it'll be to you though.
http://goo.gl/pxXavU

“So do you wanna finish that cutie mark story now? I mean since crazy lady is dead and gone.”

Wow, they sure got over that encounter quickly!

One thing I like above all else in this story is the dialogue. It flows naturally and sounds like the sort of banter people living after the apocalypse would say. In a genre of fan fiction that always emphasizes that post-disaster complex, it is rare to actually see it manifest in speech and thought.

The language though could use some revision. It would help to get an editor for this, because as much as I try to avoid nitpicking grammar, there are some errors in the text that can seriously derail your prose and story.

Our protagonist, Page Turner, the colt with a head that stands up remarkably well to pistol whipping, is an interesting take on Wasteland hero. I can see how reading books can make a bookworm into a versatile survivalist. There is also something just humorous about his refusal of the plot-important quest that had been built up in the second half of the chapter!

All of this makes me wonder if this story is something of a self-aware take on Fallout: Equestria fan-fiction.

Your book has been advertised on the new facebook group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/ :)

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