- Member Since 16th May, 2013
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
The Boss
"The rewards of tolerance are treachery and betrayal."
The Boss
Joined 16th May, 2013 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Oh! Sounds this is quite the scary tellin' you have here pardner! You have my bolts rustlin! I reckon I better get to readin' this, and you continue writin' it stranger! Good job, just don't let them rascals get you now pardner
Hm...
Welp, commas, especially early in the work, are left unused at the wrong times...
The Latin was OK, but you confused the different tenses and forms. (What? I'm taking Latin as a language course. Don't judge me.
)
Your characters are relatively believable, if a bit flat, but some of the powers, like Bellator's whole "shout of valor" thing, were a bit hard to follow. I hope you explain some of the things further in later chapters...
However, it was an ultimately good prologue, one for a story that deserves more recognition than what it has already received.
I give you 4/5 trollestias.
P.S. This is by no means a professional review, just some problems/comments about the work. I await the next chapter!
3188059
Thanks, I'll be working more on character development in the next chapter.
3188069
Glad I could be of some assistance.
Oh, and one thing I forgot to add: I appreciate how you have good spelling in your fic. It constantly urks me if there are misspellings in other works (not necessarily the to/too/two or there/their/they're problem, that's grammar, which is also a pet peeve of mine), and I'm happy to say you passed the spelling portion of the test.
3188098
Thank you again, I truly hate it when the spelling or the format of a story is weird. Especially if the story itself is good, it just makes it harder to read.
Though I can't say anthro grabs my interest...this looks very promising. I hope you pick it back up and see it through to the end. I would love to read it.
moar plz
Update please!