Fair warning fillies and gentlecolts! I previously had this story with the "gore" tag on due to a pretty thorough description of a certain pony's injuries in chapter one. However, I have since un-tagged it since I don't think it reflects the story as a whole.
A story I was writing for National Pony Writing Month 2013, before I completely gave up on finishing in the time limit. Posted here in the hopes that constructive criticism might help keep me motivated to continue.
A mysterious late night accident strikes Twilight Sparkle, leaving her in the hospital indefinitely.
Now her friends must find a way to keep going, faced with the knowledge that she may not recover.
How will their friendship survive the hardships brought on by such a tragedy? How will Equestria fair with its most powerful defense compromised?
Meanwhile, Twilight finds herself trapped in darkness. Her body crippled, her magic lost, and her friends nowhere to be found. Can she escape this void? Or will she succumb to her greatest fears and let the darkness consume her entirely?
In retrospect, a lot of this story is kind of inspired by "Playing With My Heart" by obabscribbler. I'm totally not trying to rip off that story, but I wanted to acknowledge that there are some thematic similarities. So, yeah. Go look it up when you're done reading whatever I've actually managed to post so far. You won't regret it.
Lookin' like I'm your first fan stranger! This story is lookin' darn fine, keep it in tune and you will be getting somewhere pardner!
3152994 I appreciate the compliment. Hopefully that'll help me get motivated to follow through on this train wreck waiting to happen.
Yeah, I kinda need to work on being optimistic about my writing....
3153034 Train wreck? Boy howdy, I have seen plenty of train wrecks in my day. This indeed not a train wreck stranger. You just keep that head up high pardner, and that luck will be a comin'! Don't you be worryin'!
Very well-written to me, and also very intense. Poor Twilight
. I wonder what could have happened to her to end up in such horrible pain, and condition. You got me hooked with this story.
3153049 That's the thing. They're never train wrecks at the start.
Although this one did manage to make it farther than just about any of my previous stories without falling to pieces.
3153117
I hope my future chapters live up to the expectations that I went and set with this one.
Thanks as usual for the words of encouragement!
Another intense, saddening, and powerful chapter. The way you did with Celestia's way of coping, and her determination to silence the clock, and move it to straighten it was perfect. Also, I hope there will be some pony there for Spike during this time too, because he needs some pony with Twilight out of commission.
Also, whoever did this to Twilight is indeed a sick excuse for a pony. 
3160172 Glad to hear that it worked. That bit worried me as I was writing.
The next bit is proving a bit challenging. Longest dialogue sequence I've done so far, and between characters I really don't want to mess up. Fingers crossed.
The note discord left was hilarious
Well, I have a feeling that Discord is lend a helping paw or talon.
Also, Rarity helping Spike through this time is heartwarming.
Rarity's decision not to alert the others until presumably the next day doesn't sound natural. While it's not entirely irrational, I believe that given what happened to Twilight, they might all want to gather as quickly as possible for their friend.
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Good point. I guess the main reason I wrote it that way was that I've yet to figure out how the others would react.
As for Rarity's reason, I don't actually have a good one right now. Might try to re-write it so it works better later.
To clarify though, by this point we're at around 4-4:30 AM. It's less "the next day" and more "later that same morning" if that makes any sense.
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4-4:30 makes it slightly more plausible, yes; however, unless I missed it, I don't think there was mention of the time of night at all except for something about the sun not yet having begun to rise. Additionally, the fact that they decide to go back to bed implies (to me at least) that it is still rather early in the night. I'm not sure how entirely you might pin down the time without explicitly mentioning an hour --- perhaps you could reference the position of the moon in the night sky.
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I looked back over what I've written, and the only mention of time at all is near the start of chapter 1. This will be remedied when I get home from work tonight, probably as you suggested. A mention of the position of the moon seems the best way to work the time in there. Basically all of these bits with the different characters coping are taking place concurrently, and hopefully a minor rewrite can make that more clear.
Thanks for the feedback.
Can't wait for the next chapter, keep up the good work - Star
AAAAARRRRRGGGGG, I HATE CLIFF HANGERS!!!!!
This story is really good though, plz continue
3182760 Sorry, I know the feeling.
I didn't want to leave you guys with a cliffhanger like that, but I honestly don't have any idea how I'm going to write this next bit yet.
Hoping that inspiration strikes me at work tomorrow, if so then maybe I'll be able to get something written up after.
That cliffhanger.
Oh, I am feeling for them all when they see the state Twilight is in.
Can you at least write that she will be out of the hospital? I'm a good friend of Twilight in my stories. DO IT. FINISH THE STORY!!
At least let her feel better. D: I also feel sorry for Celestia. I never knew she crys.
Also, do spoil the identity. I will then write a story about my OC killing them. And then joining them in celebration, at least for Rainbow Dash.
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As much as I would love to read something like that, I cannot comply.
Mainly because I have yet to figure out the culprit. I'll know it when I get there, but not before.
So sorry.
Whoever did this to Twilight, I swear you're going to pay!
Whoever or whatever! 
Also, although I knew they would be there by Twilight's side no matter what, I'm glad that the others are thinking about Spike too.
Cliffhangers....my one and only weakness.....
3215398 I'm sorry to break this news to you then, but there are going to be many more of them.
Cliffhangers for everypony. Ooh, Cliff Hanger would be a fun OC. What would his cutie mark be...perhaps rappelling? A rope and one of those hook thingies they use to secure them? And he would have death defying adventures that involve dangling over the edge of cliffs and every single story would end with a cliffhanger for Cliff Hanger. I think there may be a story in that....
Sorry, random tangent that occurred as I was typing.
3215999 I know there will be cliff hangers, but I have a dream that someday, if not now, that someone would rid the world of these evil cliff hangers and they shall forever be dubbed the hero of stories, and will forever been in history
I mean when you get started bro. Like dubstep? CHECK THIS OUT. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsmKKxo8oyQ EPIC. The first part of the dubstep would be my intro.
Nice dude. :) I have part of that story I was talking about earlier. Needing the identity for the 3rd chapter. Not right now. Just whenever you feel like it, friend! :D :D
Another deep, great chapter. Also Twilight, Spike is there too along with your friends.
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Glad to hear it. The further I get the less sure I am about what I'm doing, so comments like that really do help.
Overall I'm rather disappointed with the progress I've made. Been working on this story, or trying to, for three weeks now and this is all the progress I've made. There are folks who put out single chapters that are longer than this entire story so far, which makes my work seem a bit inadequate.
So yeah, glad to hear that I'm doing something right.
I enjoy the moody nature of this story...the grief of her friends, the fears of Twilight and the love that connects them makes for a touching mix. Looking forward to the next bit!
Doing great! Mind adding me in? I will havpe come rushing in, saying I had heard what happened. I can PM you what I say.