Scootaloo's Distant Secret

by Brownies13

The First Sight

The First Sight

Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo landed on the ground below Rainbow Dash's cloud manor. After the long flight lessons Scootaloo's wings couldn't buzz any more and she was less so vibrant and excited as she was before. Although she had a huge smile stretching across her face she was breathing heavily and her wings drooped. Scootaloo still couldn't fly but had advanced a lot. When she flapped her wings instead of the buzzing sound there was a great wind force helping her at least hover higher than usual.

Rainbow, satisfied with this improvement, requested, "I think you worked up an apetite with those flying lessons, right? I know I am so how about we grab some dandelion sandwiches?"

"Sure! I'm starving!" Scootaloo winced at the word considering that she wasn't over exaggerating.The orange filly was indeed very hungry.

At the Ponyville Cafe they ordered their sandwiches and ate. They didn't talk much until Rainbow noticed that the orange filly was very skinny and was not surprised to see the filly ready for seconds.

"Uh Scootaloo when was the last time you ate?" Rainbow asked.

"Um well I eat dinner with my...family,"Scootaloo didn't like saying that word, it just reminded her how lonely she really was.Rainbow remembered how Scootaloo had eaten her pancakes so fast too. Plus she had to have had at least 4 pancakes in all. At the time she just thought that Scootaloo had a big appetite but now she knew there was something the filly was hiding. Suddenly concerned of the fillies condition, she asked about her parents.

"So Scootaloo do you have food when you get home or do you have to wait for your parents to cook dinner?" Rainbow was perplexed of why the filly would be starving like she was.

"Um my mom doesn't get much pay and my dad well...um he doesn't get payed much either. So snacks are usually rare," Scootaloo hated lying. Especially to her friends and sister. Yet she knew it was believable and that there was a chance it would go by unquestioned.

"Ok. You don't mind if I walk you home do you?" Rainbow asked. Scootaloo felt a jolt of fear. She hoped it wouldn't be noticed but she knew Rainbow had seen the expression.

"Rainbow I'm fine I don't need you to walk me home. I know your busy and all so why waste your time,"Scootaloo hoped she would buy it.

"You think my own time is more important than may sister's health? Scootaloo there are plenty of chances for me to practice there aren't a billion of you,"Rainbow stated.Why does Rainbow have to be so stubborn! Scootaloo thought.

"Do you think my parents don't care about me? Rainbow I have a house, two amazing parents, clean clothes, water, and food on the table when I need it. You shouldn't worry about me," Scootaloo tried to convince.

"Well obviously not if you're starved to the bones! Scootaloo you need help and I'm here to help you, why won't you let me?"Rainbow asked sympathetically. Scootaloo's eyes seemed to be glazed. They were becoming very watery and she turned away from dash and whispered,"I'm fine, just...leave...me...alone."

These last words hurt Rainbow more than anything. Never had she felt so empty, so weak like she couldn't do anything. "But I just want to -"

"Help!? You can't so just stop trying!"Scootaloo shouted in tears. She ran away from Rainbow. Why did I do that? I need help more than anything and Rainbow is the pony to help me! So why am I scared of her finding out?Scootaloo thought. Rainbow just watched in pain as the destressed filly ran away.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Scootaloo ran blindly. She couldn't see past her tear streaked eyes. She didn't care anyway. What was she supposed to return home to? Her parents weren't there to tell her to go to bed. The bed she had wasn't even comfortable. She just ran away. Suddenly she hit something furry yet hard enough to knock her breath out. Through hiccups she rudely stated, "Watch...where...your...going!"

Scootaloo looked up to find Rumble. Suddenly the filly blushed at her rude statement and how she hadn't seen him.

"Oh I'm sorry Rumble I didn't know it was you," Scootaloo apologized.

"Scootaloo? Oh don't worry about it,"Rumble looked up to see not a strong, vibrant filly but a saddened, tear streaked, distressed one instead. "Hey? You ok?"

"Huh oh I'm...fine,"Scootaloo said.

"I'm sorry but fine is not the right definition for your expression or appearance,"Rumble stated.

"Ya...I know,"Scootaloo said sighing.

"Something you want to tell me? You know I consider you a friend,"Rumble said. At this statement Scootaloo smiled. I'm his friend?

"Nothing much I'm just having family problems thats really all,"Scootaloo replied.

"Oh well we all have those," Rumble replied.

"Your having family problems?"Scootaloo asked.

"Uh...well...um ya. My parents have been fighting so much lately. My brother said he heard them talking about a divorce or something like that. I hope they don't. I'd hate to have to switch from one home to another. Plus my brother signed up for a summer camp so he won't be here all summer. Now I'm stuck with my parent's fighting,"Rumble sighed.

"Well maybe they are talking about someone else's divorce," Scootaloo tried.

"I doubt it, but thanks Scootaloo for looking on the bright side for me. That's supposed to be my job,"Rumble siad.

"Well my...um...parents will be waiting for me. So bye Rumble,"Scootaloo said while trotting off. Stangely the grey pegasus had helped cheer up Scootaloo. She was glad to have a friend like him. Suddenly, Scootaloo remembered that they had a Cutie Mark Crusaders meeting and began running towards Sweet Apple Acres.

Comments

[Cold Spike]

I really don't want to be rude, but there are quite a bit of things you could do to fix this story. But the most important thing (and this is something that all starting writers get wrong) is make your scenes play out longer. The confrontation with Dash and Scootaloo for example escalated too quickly, even with a child there should have been more conversation to get to her running off.

[Sylevette Hooves]

Good story, but everything is too short. Also, in pony fiction, its "somepony" not "someone". "Ya" cannot be used in literature, and "My brother siad they heard them talking about a divorce or something like that.", "said" is spelled wrong. I also agree with >>Cold Spike, the situation between Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash didn't have enough fuel for that kind of reaction. I want to read more of this story, please don't take this like I'm trying to down a writer. I'll be. following this story to see how it plays out. Please make the chapters longer and keeping writing. Don't disappoint me.

[lightfox lowell]

Jeez, okay, you really need to cut out some of the jet fuel when it comes to this story. You have the pacing set WAY to dam fast. On a second note you need to find a proof reader to help you with some of the grammar. While being kind of bad at grammar my self I can still pick up errors in this story. I don't want to think about what other people are seeing. (( no, really, I can't grammar for pennies. Proof readers are awesome ))

3158747
(( Good to see you around Cold. ))
Also this, that little interaction with Scootaloo and Rainbow got twice the amount of jet fuel as the rest of the story. It also shows that you really need to learn to: "show, don't tell." When it comes to how the ponies are feeling.

3159042

Okay, this person is mostly right. Expect somepony or somebody is a matter of taste when it comes to anything that is NOT dialog. If it is dialog its not a choice. At that point its always going to need to be somepony.

All and all? Your story is a bit dry for my taste, but it can be improved. Try to slow down your pacing and add more meat/detail to every chapter. What I will normally tell people to shoot for is about 2000+ words. Sure you can under shoot that if its going to be a short chapter, but if you have the detail that stuff needs it should be close. Good luck on the rest of your story. I will be popping in again at some point to see how you are improving.

Stay awesome everypony!
~Lightfox Lowell

[Matt11]

Loveing this story

[Derpyslittlesecret]

This story is amazing

[Fluttershyisacutegal]

a divorce between rumble and thunderlane's parents?