Spiel der Untoten

by Final Draft

Wave Four-Pop Goes the Ruble

“It was…a financial decision to let that zombie in…Yeah! We can’t get more points without zombies!” Ruble stated after Tank began glaring at him. “Funds were running low! I had to make the tough decision!”

“You don’t get to make the decisions from here on out,” Tank growled, “I do.” The infected began trotting towards their location and the four survivors stood back to back. “Controlled fire, everypony,” Tank said, burst firing into the hoard.

“Aaaaah!” Gemini screamed as she pulled the trigger of her ray gun furiously. Glowing green rings of energy radiated out of the strange weapon, vaporizing the zombies on contact.

Crescendo tried to mimic the alicorn’s firing pattern but failed to down the zombies as fast, emptying far too many bullets into their torsos.

Ruble continued firing his ballistic knife lazily. “Unicorn.” *Click* “Unicorn.” *Click* “Alicorn.” The last zombie he downed dropped a large glowing warhead that rotated slowly over its corpse. “Dibs!” the earth pony shouted as he ran through a few shamblers for the power-up. Before Tank could shout an interjection, an explosion rocked the city.

“Ka-boooom!” a mare’s voice shouted with glee through the blinding white light. The survivors watched as the infected inexplicably burst into flames and crumpled to the ground.

“How many points do I get?” Ruble asked, looking at his coin excitedly. “+400” appeared and his total went up to roughly three thousand.

“We all get four hundred but there were several thousand points worth of zombies, idiot” Tank said, whacking the back of his hoof across Ruble’s head.

“Ow!” Ruble shouted, rubbing his head. “I’m sure some survived! And besides, 1600 points isn’t bad!” A loud moan confirmed Ruble’s assumption and a lone zombie began ripping away at an unseen window; the sound of wood boards being pried apart exceptionally loud in the vacant city. “See, I didn’t end the round for once.”

“Bravissimo, comrade,” Crescendo applauded sarcastically.

“Hey, would you quit calling me that, Prenchy!”

“He’s not Prench!” Gemini shouted.

“And I ain’t from the Union!”

“Do not be ashamed of your heritage. You should bear their colours proudly. Not bring disgrace and dishonour as you are currently.” Crescendo said softly.

“That’s it. I’m done.” Tank said, striding away from the arguing group. “Try not to die too much, it’ll hurt my score.” The three ponies stopped their bickering and looked at the alicorn who was climbing up the fire ladder. Crescendo and Gemini followed but Ruble remained next to the mystery box.

“Bah, I don’t need them, all I need is you, box,” Ruble said to the mystery box. It offered no response but he wasn’t expecting one. He looked at his coin contemplatively and decided he could spare 950 points. With a tap of his hoof, the box opened and began showing him its wares. Many guns went past his eyes and the box offered him a .50 cal sniper rifle. As he took it, the ballistic knife disappeared from his hoof. He began shouting at the box for stealing what was rightfully his.

“You can only hold two weapons at a time!” Tank shouted down from the balcony.

“Why?! It wasn’t a weapon! It was a knife! And I paid for it! This is robbery! This is thievery!” Ruble shouted, emptying his saddle bag in search of his ballistic knife; only finding his starting pistol and some grenades. He looked at his coin angrily and then to the mystery box. Reluctantly, he tapped on the box once more and waited for it to award him something—anything!

What appeared was not a weapon; it was a blood stained and tattered doll; similar to the one his sister had as a filly. “Is that a Smarty-Pants doll?” Ruble asked. The unseen mare laughed maniacally and the box began to hover upward; the Smarty-Pants doll suspended within. “No!” Ruble shouted angrily, shooting his sniper at the box as it slowly rose off its platform. In a fit of rage, Ruble reached into his saddlebag and took out a grenade. “Keep the change!” he shouted as he pulled the pin and lobbed the explosive into the open box.

The box closed and continued rising higher into the air until it disappeared in a flash of light. Something fell from the sky and landed at Ruble’s hooves with a metallic *TINK*. He looked down in horror to see his grenade had been returned to him. Before he could take a single step, the grenade’s internal fuse hit the detonation point and an explosion shook the alley.

Ruble was nothing more than a bloody mess; three of his legs little more than bloody stumps and his remaining one clutching onto his pistol. His body was charred and shrapnel had embedded deep into his torso and abdomen. He lay screaming in a puddle of his own blood, firing his pistol into the air as an involuntary reflex.

“Oh, Celestia,” Gemini whispered, burying her face into Crescendo’s chest. Even the pegasus couldn’t bring himself to look at the remnants of their former ally. Tank seemed only slightly concerned and sighed in mild annoyance.

“Either of you want to go get him?” he asked, looking at the two. They looked at him with a mixture of disgust and confusion. After a pause he said, “Yeah. Me neither.” Ruble’s pistol clicked empty and he began dragging himself around with his remaining leg; trailing entrails as he went.

“Help me! Please! Help me!” Ruble gurgled. Tank reluctantly climbed down to the alley and stood over the wounded pony. The zombie that had been unseen up to this point wandered into the alley and slowly approached its easy meal.

“If I get you up, you promise you’ll listen to my every word?” Tank said, reaching into his saddlebag for the hypodermic needle.

“I promise! Just please! Stop the pain!” Ruble coughed, blood trailing from his mouth. Tank accepted the earth pony’s promise and injected the strange medicine into his neck. When the last drop entered his vein, Ruble jumped up on his newly formed hooves and sprinted away from the approaching zombie. He breathed heavily and looked himself over, finding no trace he’d been involved in anything more severe than a pillow fight.

“Can we carry on?” Tank asked, leading the zombie in a small circle.

“That was—there was—I was—” Ruble stammered, holding his hooves in front of his eyes to make sure they really were there.

“Just climb the ladder—and don’t fall or we’ll have to go through this again,” Tank said with annoyance. Ruble finally came to grips with his brush with death and obeyed the orders set out by the alicorn.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Ruble said as he joined Gemini and Crescendo on the balcony. Fortunately for him, neither did they. Just as Tank prepared to climb the ladder, the zombie he was leading around dropped to the ground; the light extinguished from its eyes.

“Uh, is this the end of the round?” Gemini asked. Tank stood still, looking around and listening. His ears perked up and he looked at the other three survivors with panic. A zombie tumbled off the roof and landed between Gemini, Ruble, and Crescendo. In a fit of panic, they all bucked the zombie until it ceased to move.

“Open the door! Quick!” Tank shouted, climbing up the ladder. A blanket of fog began rolling out across the city and a chill went through the air.

“Fetch me their souls!”

Author's Note:

Every game has to have a Ruble. Seriously. Scrub.

Anyway, Wasn't sure what the pony world version of France of French was but I believe Fleur de Lis is a "Prench" model. Still haven't gotten anything for Italy yet though, sorry. Also, writing an Italian accent is difficult. It keeps coming out French.

Also...Gore...I don't like writing it, I'm sorry if you don't like reading it.

Comments

[commissar craner]

wheres the song my friend

[Final Draft]

3270800

Indeed it is. Time for a Timberwolves Round!

[Ruble Rouser]

You ain't making me look good.