Chapter 22: Heavy Weapons
Pound Cake’s tongue lolled out of his mouth as he leaned up against the back wall of Zecora’s hut. The sun had already risen, and his long brown bangs hung into his eyes, shielding them from the sun.
“Pound.”
“Mmph,” he mumbled, turning over.
“Pound.”
He swatted in front of himself with his hoof.
“Pound!!!”
His eyes opened to see Pumpkin Cake standing over him.
“Oh, hey, Pumpkin,” he said, wiping his eyes and glancing up at his sister. He turned his head, noticing the blue uniform she wore. “Where’d you get the new duds?”
Pumpkin chuckled. “Took them off of some unsuspecting officer who was walking by. Just ripped them off with my intangibility spell. He didn’t even know what hit him.”
Pound laughed. “That’s hysterical! He must have thought he was losing his mind.”
She nodded. “So I got these clothes, and I also got my horn on this...”
She levitated the assault rifle over towards him. His pupils dilated as he wrapped his hoof around it.
“Oh my Celestia! An actual gun with an actual magazine, and not just those wild west antiques that they were having us shoot back in Appleloosa!”
“I know, I almost forgot what a real gun looked like,” Pumpkin quipped.
“Can I shoot your gun, Pumpkin? Can I?”
She shrugged. “I don’t see why not. Just don’t use up all the ammo.”
“I’ll put it in select fire mode,” he said, flipping the switch from full-auto to semi-auto. He glanced down the iron sights as he aimed, looking for something to shoot. Finally, he set his sights on a tree trunk. The trigger wasn’t designed for earth pony hooves, being much too narrow, so he pulled the trigger with one of his wingfeathers. Three shots came off in rapid succession, hitting the tree trunk. They went all the way through, scattering bark everywhere.
“Nice!” he exclaimed. “But I guess I couldn’t shoot it while flying. Might have to get the gunsmith in Appleloosa to modify it.”
Pumpkin took the gun back from him. “Pretty fun to shoot, huh? I fired it a bit when I first got back in the forest. I’m surprised it didn’t wake you up.”
“I’m a heavy sleeper; you know that,” said Pound.
Pumpkin chuckled. “Never would have guessed.”
“Besides, there’s shooting every day, now that there’s a war. Nothing unusual. So, anyway… did you find the armory?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t have come back here until I did.”
“How well guarded is it?”
“It’s on an airbase in the foothills of Canterlot, surrounded by a bunch of hangars, fences, and guards. With a little bit of planning, though, we should be able to take what we need.”
Pound smiled. “Well, you’re the one who’s actually seen it. So what’s the plan, sis?”
Pound and Pumpkin soared through the air, Pumpkin once again standing in a cart attached to Pound’s harness. It was pitch black, and there was a new moon: a good evening to fly over the Second Kingdom undetected.
Even still, Pound hadn’t taken any chances. He flew several kilometers above the surface, far above where anypony but an observant one with a keen eye and night vision could see him. He also flew slower than normal. The twins’ manes were blown about by a slight breeze.
“Alright,” said Pumpkin Cake, “keep your eyes peeled for an airstrip. You should start descending pretty soon, and land to the west of it.”
“Where should we land the cart?” asked Pound, glancing back at his sister.
“I’m thinking on the roof of the armory,” said Pumpkin.
“It’s not one of those rounded roofs, is it?” asked Pound. “Don’t want the cart to slide off.”
“No, only the hangars have those. The armory has a flat roof.”
After a few more minutes, they spotted a row of lights near the airstrip.
“That’s it,” said Pumpkin, pointing to it.
They started to descend.
“Further to the left. It’s that building right there.”
Pound glanced back as Pumpkin pointed with her hoof. He nodded and adjusted his course.
Pound grinned. “You know, we’re sort of like the opposite of Santa Hooves, if you think about it.”
Pumpkin snickered. “Yep. Now let’s go take all the toys.”
They landed the cart on the metal roof of the building. Pumpkin quietly climbed out of the cart, nervously glancing out over the airstrip. Nopony seemed to notice them. In fact, there weren’t many ponies out on the strip compared to earlier that day. Pound removed the harness, and Pumpkin quietly motioned towards her brother, leading him towards the part of the building with the armory.
She lit up her horn as a blue glow appeared on a small segment of the roof, and she stuck her head through it. She pulled it back out, glancing at Pound and nodding. The coast was clear. Pound walked over to where Pumpkin stood. He grabbed her with his front hooves, and then they phased through the roof into the armory below.
The room was dark, save for a single light bulb hanging from the center, glowing dimly. Pumpkin cast a light spell, and the room became brighter. Pound covered his mouth with his hoof, trying as hard as he could not to squeal like a schoolfilly at all of the hundreds of guns, bullets, grenades, mortars, and other arms.
“It’s like Hearth’s Warming morning,” he whispered.
Pumpkin nodded. “Let’s load up and get out of here, just like we talked about.”
Pound flew over to a gun locker and removed six assault rifles, grabbing them all in his hooves. He flew up to the ceiling, which Pumpkin turned intangible again, and he flew through it, loading the guns into the cart on the roof. He zipped back, repeating the process with more rifles and boxes of bullets as Pumpkin stood lookout.
“Don’t forget the grenades,” whispered Pumpkin Cake, motioning towards the box of green, pineapple-shaped grenades.
He grabbed the box and went back up to the roof, flying through it. He returned, scanning the room.
“Is that a rocket launcher?” he flew over to it. “Aw yeah, it is!”
“Shh,” said Pumpkin Cake. “Grab it.”
He grabbed the rocket launcher and flew up through the roof with it, and returned. He grabbed several more boxes of bullets, explosives, and guns, until he had a few dozen guns and thousands of rounds.
Pumpkin chuckled. “Are you sure that you’re going to be able to carry all that stuff in that cart?”
Pound waved his hoof in the air. “It’s no biggie. I’m really strong. And one of the perks of being a pegasus is that, if you fly while dragging a cart behind you, it’s just as if you’re walking on the ground and hauling it behind you. So it’s not going to drag me down to the ground, just slow me down a little.”
“Huh,” said Pumpkin.
Pound flew around the room for one last quick go-round, and then his eyes widened and he grinned with delight as he saw a massive, large-caliber chaingun.
“That thing can probably take out a warplane!” he exclaimed.
He grabbed the chaingun, heaving with his wings as he attempted to lift it. A blue glow surrounded the bottom of the chaingun as Pumpkin helped lift it. Pound passed through the roof and heaved it. There was a thud as it landed on the metallic roof.
“Shh,” whispered Pumpkin Cake, her muscles tensing up. “That was really loud. You don’t want the guards to hear—“
Suddenly, Pumpkin heard hoofsteps from a pony walking down the hallway outside the armory door. She glanced back up at the ceiling nervously. Pound still hadn’t gotten back.
Where is he? she wondered as several more seconds passed.
The door to the armory opened. The unicorn on the other side recoiled in shock as he saw all of the missing guns and boxes of ammo from the armory. He glanced over at Pumpkin Cake, his eyes narrowing.
“Thief!” he shouted.
“Uh, unicorn master race?” said Pumpkin Cake, pointing to the cadet’s uniform which she still wore.
Unlike the others on the base earlier that day, this stallion wasn’t so easily fooled. He raised his assault rifle and opened fire. Pumpkin quickly cast the intangibility spell on herself and the bullets passed through, harmlessly hitting the back wall.
The guard glanced at the wall, then at Pumpkin, then back at his rifle. “Stupid thing jammed!”
There was a thumping on the roof, as Pumpkin glanced above. She heard a muffled voice.
“Pumpkin! Let me in!”
Pumpkin realized that she hadn’t kept casting the intangibility spell on the roof, since she had focused it on herself. Her horn straining, she extended the spell to cover the roof as well, and Pound came through, his shotgun drawn, as he aimed at the unicorn soldier and pulled the trigger.
“Aah!” the soldier cried, falling backwards.
Pumpkin’s horn powered down as she re-solidified.
They could hear the approaching sound of rapid hoofbeats in the hallway outside.
“Shots fired! Call for backup!” a voice yelled.
“Quick! Get us out of here!” Pound urged. He grabbed Pumpkin as they flew through the ceiling. Pumpkin’s horn powered down as they landed on the roof. She put her hoof to her temple, which was throbbing and aching from all of the magical exertion she’d been doing.
Pumpkin glanced at the cart. It was brimming with machine guns, RPGs, boxes of bullets, grenades, and the chaingun. It was so full, in fact, that she didn’t have any place to stand.
Pound noted the puzzled look on her face. “I’ll carry you in my hooves. I needed the room in the cart for the chaingun. I was rearranging everything to make more room when I heard fire. Sorry it took so long to come back.”
“It’s okay, you didn’t know. Let’s just get out of here!” she urged.
Pound tied the cart’s harness around himself. Suddenly, the roof of the armory was bathed in a bright white light. The twins covered their eyes with their hooves as they saw that a floodlight on the air traffic control tower was pointed in their direction.
“Oh boy…” said Pound. “Let’s skedaddle!”
He flapped his wings and the cart slowly inched off of the ground. But it wouldn’t rise any more than a few centimeters.
“Okay, I got this, hold on,” he said.
Alarm sirens started blaring as ponies started running towards the armory roof, their guns drawn.
Pumpkin shook her head. “You’re moving too slow! We’ve got to ditch the chaingun. The thing’s heavier than I am!”
She climbed onto the cart. She tried to use magic at first, but it was way too heavy. Instead, she got behind it and heaved with her whole body, pushing the heavy gun off. Now, she had a place to stand. Suddenly, bright flashes and shots rang out from the control tower. Bullets hit the roof around the twins as there were loud pings and sparks.
“GO!” Pumpkin urged. Pound flew forward as fast as he could, but the cart only moved at a snail’s pace.
Suddenly, Pumpkin saw a plume of smoke and a bright light approaching her lightning fast.
“Rocket!” she cried. Her horn sputtered on and off until finally, with a great effort, her horn lit up like a nova as herself, Pound, the cart, the roof, and all of its contents turned intangible. They became solid again in a single second, the spell too much of an effort for Pumpkin to cast for any longer, just as the RPG passed straight through them and exploded inside of the armory about twenty meters away.
They missed the initial shockwave, but the rubble and debris from the ruined armory and the subsequently exploding arms inside knocked them back. It gave Pound the push that he needed to get going in the air, taking off with the cart.
“That was a close one!” Pound chuckled.
Pumpkin glanced back as the floodlight continued to follow the cart. She sighed. She was hoping that the watchponies just assumed that the RPG had hit them and blown them up, but the ruse hadn’t worked. Meanwhile, though he was in the air, Pound wasn’t traveling very fast. More shots rang out as bullets whizzed past them. They’d surely be hit before they were off the airbase, since she didn’t have the magical energy left to protect herself and her brother.
Frantically digging through the weapons and ammo in the cart, Pumpkin found what she was looking for. She picked up a rocket launcher. Thankfully, it was already loaded. She fumbled around with it and lifted it up in her hooves. She pointed it towards the control tower and pulled the trigger with what little magic she had left.
A plume of smoke hit her in the face, causing her to jerk back and cough, thick smoke getting into her eyes and filling her lungs. She opened her eyes just in time to see the rocket hit the control tower, where it exploded.
“YEAH! Direct hit!” Pound exclaimed. “That’ll show ‘em!”
They slowly glided over the barbed wire fence surrounding the airstrip as Pound continued south.
“Good thinking hitting the control tower, Pumpkin. Now they probably can’t scramble the jets to come after us. Or, if they did, they’d be doing it blind.”
“Thanks,” said Pumpkin.
She blinked, staring back at the airbase. Had she really just killed those ponies? She closed her eyes, her horn aching and throbbing. Putting her hoof up to her head, she sat down in the cart, resting her head against a crate. Her head spun around and around with dizziness. Before she knew it, she had fallen asleep.
Pumpkin Cake woke up just as Pound landed the cart in the Everfree Forest several hours later. It was barely dawn, and the sun hadn’t yet peeked over the horizon. Instead, a faint, almost imperceptible light flickered across the land.
“Uh, Pound,” she said.
He glanced back, untying the harness from his chest. “Yeah, what is it?” he asked.
“We just… I mean, you shot that pony in the armory… he probably died… I shot those ponies in the watchtower… they probably died…”
“Yeah, so?” asked Pound, finished untying the harness from his body.
She got out of the cart and walked over to Pound. “Well, I mean, they were probably somepony’s father, or brother, or something.”
Pound raised an eyebrow. “Uh, yeah? This is war. What did you expect when you signed up for the ASDF? Sunshine and butterflies? Jeez, Pumpkin, I thought that you were the smart one.”
“But we killed them, Pound.”
He shrugged. “So we killed them. They were shooting at us first, and we shot back, and they died, and we didn’t. What’s the issue?”
She paused for a moment, thinking.
In her silence, he continued, “They’re cold-blooded killers who destroyed peace in Equestria with their invasion,” said Pound, gesturing with his hoof. “They take food from ponies and starve them to death. They think they’re the best, just because they’re unicorns. We’re defending ourselves from them so that everypony can be equal again, so that we can be free again. So what’s the issue?”
Pumpkin shrugged. Then, she chuckled. “I guess there isn’t one. I suppose that they really did deserve to die. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“You weren’t thinking,” said Pound, grinning. “Don’t second-guess yourself. I second-guessed myself all the time after mom and dad died. I kept thinking that it was my fault. Well, maybe it was, or maybe it wasn’t. I learned from my mistakes and I moved on, just like Spitfire taught me. And never again will I let myself be depressed or think that I’m anything short of awesome, like I was depressed after our parents died. Neither should you. You’re more awesome than even I am, actually. Think about it. There’s plenty of great flyers out there. I’m one of millions. But there’s only one pony who can walk through walls. You’re one in a million.”
Pumpkin smiled. “This is true. I promise not to second guess myself again.”
“That’s my sister!” he exclaimed. He reached out with his hooves and they both hugged each other.
Sheriff Silverstar sat in his office, writing out a report. The bell above his door rung as Pound and Pumpkin Cake walked in.
“Back already, huh? I told y’all that raidin’ an armory ain’t easy. Now why don’t y’all go off and train with those revolvers at the range—“
Pound reached into a saddlebag and pulled out a grenade, tossing it onto Sheriff Silverstar’s desk.
His jaw dropped as he ducked under the table. “SHE’S GONNA BLOW!”
“I didn’t pull the pin on it, you dork!” Pound guffawed. He fell to the floor, rolling around hysterically. Pumpkin covered her mouth with her hoof as she laughed as well.
The sheriff got up from his desk, breathing a sigh of relief. “Y’all don’t need to scare me like that!”
“Well, there’s more where that came from,” said Pumpkin, pointing towards the door. “Come and take a look.”
Silverstar walked out the door and gasped as he saw the cart full of armaments. He wiped his eyes with his hoof, making sure that he wasn’t hallucinating.
When he saw that he wasn’t, he removed his hat, placing it over his chest, and declared, “Land’s sakes! There’s enough here for a small army!”
“Now we don’t have to use those stupid revolvers and rifles!” Pound exclaimed.
“Hooray!” said Pumpkin.
The sheriff narrowed his eyes, leering at Pound and Pumpkin.
Pound put his hoof up. “Hey, I’m sure that those ol’ guns were really cool back in the 1800’s or whenever, and those gunslingin’ cowpokes pro’lly ‘rassled up a lot of buff’lo ‘n’ all,” he said, imitating the western accent of Appleloosa, “but nowadays, to fight an actual war against ponies who actually have guns and rockets to fight back with instead of bows and arrows, you need real guns like these.”
“Hey, sheriff,” said Pumpkin.
He glanced over at her.
“Didn’t you promise to eat your hat?”
“Here comes Santa Hooves, here comes Santa Hooves,
Right down Canterlot lane
Pumpkin’s in the cart with Pound the pegasus
pullin’ on the reins.
Secret mission, lots of whisperin’
Under cover of night
Cross your hooves and say your prayers
‘Cause Santa Hooves comes tonight.
“Here comes Santa Hooves, here comes Santa Hooves,
Right down Canterlot lane
Fillin’ up the cart with guns
For lots of fun, hooray!
Hear those twins and all their din,
The guards have them in their sight,
So grab your arms and shelter from harm
‘Cause Santa Hooves comes tonight.
“Here comes Santa Hooves, here comes Santa Hooves,
Right down Canterlot lane.
Pegasus, earth, or unicorn,
They’ll shoot you just the same.
Santa Hooves knows they all deserve it,
That makes everything right.
So dig more Second Kingdom graves
‘Cause Santa Hooves comes tonight!”
“That was Cheese Sandwich and his newest hit parody song, ‘Here Comes Santa Hooves.’ We’ll be right back with more KPON Equestrian top forty in just a minute.”
Pound Cake grinned from ear to ear as he turned away from the radio towards Pumpkin. “That’s us! The song’s about us and that raid we did!”
“W-what?” Pumpkin stammered, jaw dropping. “How on earth did he know, like, I mean, he wasn’t even there—”
Pound put up his hoof to Pumpkin’s lips, shaking his head. “Don’t question the Cheese, Pumpkin. He has his ways.”
Canterlot, May 2024
“After careful inventory and assessment of the damage, we’ve determined the total of stolen or destroyed weapons to be seven hundred rifles, two hundred grenades, and twenty thousand rounds of ammunition. The rifles included three hundred of the model SK-12, two hundred UMR-1—”
Blueblood raised his hoof. “I don’t need to hear the specific models, General. How many of our total weapons are missing?”
“At least ten percent of the small arms reserve capacity of the Flatlands battalion,” said General Top Brass, glancing up from the clipboard which sat on the conference table in front of him. “I’ve got dozens of stallions on that base who don’t have anything to shoot with now. And hundreds more have limited ammunition. The Flatlands is now vulnerable to more Equestrian attacks.”
Blueblood shook his head. “We’ll have to ramp up production at the munitions factories to make up this shortfall.”
Economic Ministers Flim and Flam raised their hooves.
“Yes, ministers Flim and Flam. What is it?” asked Blueblood.
“King Blueblood, the factories are already operating at full capacity around the clock,” said Flim.
“We may not be able to replace those weapons until September or October,” Flim added.
Trixie threw her hooves into the air. “Who told those idiots in the air traffic control tower that it was safe to fire a rocket-propelled grenade at an armory full of explosives? I’m no war expert like you, General, but I’m still brilliant, and that doesn’t seem safe to me! Those stallions should be executed for incompetence!”
General Top Brass drew back in his seat. “Those stallions are already dead, along with five others. As for their decisions, they made the right call by shooting at hostiles on the roof. The armory had reinforced concrete walls and two-inch thick steel roofs. It was supposed to be able to withstand a bomb blast. There were armed guards outside. It was supposed to be burglar and saboteur proof.”
“Yes, but it’s not intangibility-proof,” Trixie scoffed.
“Of course it’s not,” Propoganda Minister Fancy Pants chuckled, speaking for the first time during the meeting. Trixie leered at him and his cheeks turned slightly pink.
“Do we know where the thieves took the weapons?” asked Blueblood, keeping his eyes fixed on the general as he ignored Trixie and Fancy Pants’ side-conversation.
The general shrugged. “That’s the confusing thing about all of this. Equestria already has a huge munitions factory in Fillydelphia. From what we’ve seen on the battlefield, they usually have enough weapons on the front lines, and their weapons are just as advanced as ours. So why did they want to steal our weapons? If they just wanted to keep us from using them, why didn’t they just blow up the armory and be done with it? Instead, blowing it up appears to have been an afterthought: they wanted the weapons. But why did they have to steal them? And why only a single cart? It makes no sense.”
“Perhaps this wasn’t an officially sanctioned mission,” said Blueblood. “It might have just been some rogue bandits.”
“That’s exactly who it was. Those twins are only in their mid-teens. As desperate as Equestria is right now, I doubt that they would condone the use of soldiers that young,” said Trixie. “Twilight and Luna would never allow it.”
“Unless Equestria is arming the general populace,” said the General. “Or the civilians have decided to arm themselves against the wishes of the Equestrian government. Are they really that desperate?”
“Perhaps,” said Blueblood. “If they did want to arm the civilians, they’d need a lot more than a single cart full of guns. They only stole enough to arm a single small town.”
“A town like Ponyville,” said Flam.
“Not even that big,” Flim corrected. “Ponyville has several thousand residents. And we already have it on lockdown.”
“Maybe a town like Appleloosa,” said the General. “It’s the next town that we plan to take, right before harvesting season this fall. It’s small in population, but it’s a major apple growing center.”
“Once we take it, it will help ease our food shortages this winter,” said Flam.
“They’ve figured our plan out, then,” said Fancy Pants. “We’ll never be able to take Appleloosa now. At least, not without civilian cas—”
“You aren’t a civilian if you pick up a gun,” said the General, narrowing his eyebrows. “That whole town should be treated as enemy combatants now, and its population neutralized.”
Fancy Pants started, “But we don’t even know if that’s where they took all the—”
“I agree, General,” said Blueblood, cutting off Fancy Pants, “but you know this better than anypony, Top Brass: I can’t afford to reallocate any additional troops to the Appleloosa invasion force. Our forces are already stretched thin. We’re outnumbered, and it’s only by our racial, magical superiority and Zebra allies that we have done as well as we have.”
“Maybe it’s time to get another ally,” said Trixie. “I’ve been working on a little project that might help us with that.”
“That would aid us phenomenally,” said Blueblood, grinning. “And maybe it’s also time to recruit soldiers from the captured areas like Mareicopa and Ponyville. Our recent issue with weapons aside, our true problem in this war is troops. Guns and bullets can be remade, but stallions can’t. We’re heavily outnumbered on the battlefield.”
Fancy Pants shook his head. “We can’t recruit from captured cities. Equestrians would never fight other Equestrians. Even if we drafted them and forced them to fight, they’d just all run or fly away and defect back to Equestria.”
“That might be true for the earth ponies and pegasi, and I would never have them in my army anyway,” said Blueblood. “But there’s hundreds of thousands of unicorns who live in Mareicopa. The city is nearly 40% unicorn, and has been under our rule for over a year. Surely some of the unicorns in Mareicopa now feel a sense of kinship with the Second Kingdom?”
“Well, I’m not sure how much good it’s done, but I’ve put up the posters on the walls and adverts on the Mareicopa radio stations like you said,” said Fancy Pants, shrugging.
“Good,” said Blueblood. “I’m sure it’s working, and am positive that the unicorns there have begun to see the light of day. And now, you’ll advertise our military and encourage enlistment. Some of these unicorns in Mareicopa will surely be willing to fight for us. After all, they are now treated like the supreme race of ponies that they are, and don’t have to answer to those inferiors any longer. Though, unfortunately, they still do have to live in the same city with them for the time being. Mostly because of logistics, I haven’t bothered purifying the city yet like I did with Canterlot, or like I’m doing with Ponyville—”
“You shouldn’t, at least not yet,” the General cut in, shaking his head. “Those earth pony doctors and nurses at the hospitals in Mareicopa have healed our wounded stallions quite well. Mareicopa is the health care center of this continent; ponies from all over Equestria went there for treatment before the war. I know that you talk about ‘racial self-reliance’ a lot, and I agree, but there’s nothing wrong with using your strengths and captured resources.”
Blueblood sighed. “As much as it pains me, I concede to your military judgment. The cleansing of our new Second Kingdom cities can begin full-swing after the war. Now, Fancy Pants, I want you to go to Mareicopa and set up a recruitment drive for the unicorns there. If there is any dissent, if anypony speaks out against the war, I want you to make a list of their names and give it to me. They will be dealt with appropriately.”
Fancy Pants nodded weakly.
Trixie smiled, turning to Blueblood. “And I’ll go make us some new allies.”
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I've seen this around, I know it. Must read soon...
4767416 I'd love it if you would!
4767780 In the show, she cast it on her crib wall, and on some chains around a toybox, but not on herself. I just assume in my writing that casting that spell on oneself requires a bit more energy/skill.
4767416
This interpretation of the Cake twins isn't all that different from your interpretations, except y'know, without the incest. I think you'll like it.
4769377
I am enjoying it quite thoroughly
Aye! Congrats on 1,000 views!
4807239 Thanks!