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Shortly after being crowned princess, Twilight wakes up to find a returned Nightmare. Though its new guise is familiar, it is unexpected. At least until Twilight walks the paths that lead to her friend standing at Nightmare's side for herself.
The GORE in this story is lite… but better safe than sorry, so I marked it.
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O dear Luna... this is going to be epic.
This is going to be beyond epic.
i.imgur.com/ocGSs.png
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Well thank you for the rosy forecast Engine, hopefully it will be something a little bit different in the sense of I have never seen this particular set up before.
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You'll pull it off, just take your time. :D
Dude!
That was creepy, unexpected and weird..
Megatron likey!
keep it up!
Megatron out.
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Thank you my Lord Megatron!
And those are some of my goals with this story, to make one or two ponies go:
Check the word count:
3666
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This is why orphanages need to be run properly, and not be shits like Whinny.
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Yes, unfortunately there are ponies out there with jobs they probably shouldn't have, but remember this is a nightmare situation we find scootaloo in. Most social workers are doing amazing and incredible jobs out there, and often receiving little recognition or pay for their work.
Of course this wouldn't be much of a story if I wrote about how fantastically happy scootaloo was... I don't think so anyhow... might have to check on that actually. Anyway as I said before, I want a story that will keep all in character (hopefully) while circumstances makes scoot's choice to join Nightmare Moon later on completely reasonable if not the only logical outcome of her situation... If I succeed... I'll let you all be the judge of that.
3233468 I'm sure that with a social worker like that, coupled with the loss of her friends, she'll have no other choice.
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...sorry Memorial. But this was day one of seven Twilight has to real live as Scootaloo, all I can say is there will be a lot of *BiiiiP* going down in the next chapters. All in the main six and there situations in the first chapter will be getting an explanation as to why they ended up like they did. So I hope you will enjoy the ride still to come in the story!
So day 1: Aj, Rare's, and Dashie's faults. Twilight tried to help but gets rejected. And sad orphanage.
This is really good, and I await day 2+.
I think it would sound better as 'pillars of light flared into existence' or something.
Nice story ya got here.
You are truly a master of evil.
You create a brilliant story and give short chapters in between long waits.
Sir, I respect you.
Have a moustache.
Fuck it. have a few.
Lord Megatron over and out.
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Why thank you Mr big robot, and hopefully I'll be able to pick up the pace on this story. Between my work IRL and juggling three fictions at once I've been a little short on time. But since True Black is slowing down at the moment my two other stores can get some attention instead. So hopefully the next chapter will be on the webb in two or three weeks.... maybe...
No offense meant to Pen Perfect, or to yourself, but I suggest another pre-reader or two. There were a few errors that really jumped out at me. Other than that, I'll read the other two chapters and go from there. Definitely an interesting premise.
Much better in terms of fewer errors in this chapter as opposed to the previous two. I stand by my previous statement of another pre-reader/editor or two. Never hurts to have more eyes looking over a story. I'd offer my help, but I learned my lesson the hard way not to take too many stories on at once... And I already have a couple too many. But I'll give this a like and a fave. Because I really do like what you have here.
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Well I'll take that into consideration, but as you yourself said it's hard to find pre-readers or editors who are not completely swamped. Me myself and I are also dyslexic and have English as a second language... so my editors often have their work cut out for them and I appreciate their work tremendously.
Nonetheless if you know of a pre-reader/editor whose free at the moment I'm always glad to receive more help. And if you yourself just want to point out the errors afterwards while you read the story, that would work as well.
I'm always happy to correct an error if a reader points out to me, and if you point out enough errors you will of course become an official editor of the chapter as well.
PS: Thank you very much for liking the story even if it's not perfect!
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If I get some time later today, I'll be happy to do that.
In the meantime, I suggest giving this group a look The Proofreader Group
They have a good number of proofreaders on 'staff', that can help out.
I like where you are going with it, and like I said before, it's an idea that I have never seen before. So a few errors here and there aren't going to stop me from reading it.
I NEED TO SEE MOREE!
Seriously-did the ponies just blindly not see what was happening to Scootaloo? Or maybe Nightmare is manipulating that?
So first day: We see AJ, RD and Rares not really "helping" Scootaloo. I wonder if they really did that. I just can't see AJ not *ask* or *devolve* into Scootaloo's homelife. Seriously.
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There will be explanations for all as the story goes on so don't you worry, I can at least admit that two of the elements new about Scootaloo living at the orphanage. But they had no idea about the circumstances of her stay there...
The next chapter will have a big turning point in Scootaloo's life, and then from there things will slowly turn for the worse until we have Scootaloo standing at Nightmares side.
Well I will not tell you much more now because that might ruin the surprise later on, sufficient to say I hope you will enjoy the ride, and please call me out if you think I'm making any mistakes since one of my goals is trying to make the main6 stay in character as much as possible throughout this story.
Just writing a gory story is easy, but making a story that might actually happen in the mlp universe if that circumstances are right.... or wrong... however you want to say it. Now that's a challenge!
Oh My, THIS. IS. EPIC!
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WAIT
WAIT
WAIT
TWO OF THEM KNEW SHE LIVED THERE!?!! Seriously? Did nopony, ya know, bother checking in? If she's living there, wouldn't you know more than that? Or is this some sort of 'secret' that nopony bothers to question? I see that commonly among Scootafics. While they (mainly) stay in character, they never are in character BECAUSE she's in the orphanage badly bruised and nopony really sees this until she has to tel them herself. Though, I assume that she's been hurt MUCH worse and has been shown it, one pony has to assume that maybe, just maybe "that doesn't look like a wipeout." They use the whole "Scooter crash" but there has to be a line where they say:Nope, NOT done by a wipe out.
Its understandable, really. I'm trying that myself. I failed so far lol. You made me angry at them already, Twilight mainly. Yay for that...?
Void wants that anyways.
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Of course ponies checked in every once in awhile, but unfortunately as with most orphanage or School inspections in the world, most visits are pronounced, since the politicians often wants a good results on their "inspections" so they can tell everyone how good they are at handling things that they aren't really paying attention to.
Therefore Bad Winnie will most often have time to cover her tracks, and if Scootaloo should happen to be a little bit worse for wear she will of course be out 'playing' while the inspection is taking place. And remember, it hasn't really been this bad until Scootaloo became the only resident of the orphanage. So it has been bad before but not this bad.
The orphanage itself is also situated quite a bit outside of Ponyville so no one would really drop by without having a reason to be there, which most often would mean you have an appointed time for the meeting. So yeah... Bad Winnie is quite perfectly placed to be all kinds of bitchy without getting caught.
And when it comes to the main6 the explanations will be forthcoming as I said before....
Have a nice one!!!
wow. looks like the reinforcements arrived.
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We'll just have to wait and see... but you can trust me on one thing, the pain for
won't be over this quickly. We haven't seen all the elements yet, and the true betrayal hasn't happened so far...
3488050 still, very nice way to dispose of harsh whiney
3488050 um *bad whiney, oops
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Why thank you, I do aim to please... sometimes... And sometimes I just aiming to push my readers buttons!
3488172 well consider me turned on! wait.... that came out wrong...
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"Humans were evil because they like it when others get hurt"
*Link to this story*
This story will be my new humans aren't the only evil ones link.
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Im not sure whether I can go on with this...
Its absolutely brilliant, and mind-bogglingly horrifying at the same time, reminds me of coffee.
And I like coffee, so I sure as hell love this! (I tend to make these sort of connections)
Keep up the good work!
troll.me/images/angry-meatloaf/yes-i-do-fucking-say.jpg
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Miss Bad Winnie was a bitch, but karma is a bigger bitch.
Pretty awesome story so far, when do you plan on uploading the next chapter?
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Yes by the end of next week. I'm on a ski trip now so nothing until I'm home again I'm afraid.
Wow Rares and AJ were asshats. And Flutter's really should have euthanized Angle bunny earlier. And I can't wait to see how Pinkie Pie and Dashie fit into all this.
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I have plans my dear friend... I have so many plans... and some of them will be surprising I think.
<= not one of them...
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I'm already surprised with what you've done, and I think I'll be pleasantly surprised with future chapters. A part of me ... a small part of me wants to see Void friendship blasted, but the Element Bearer's stay mentally broken. Another part just wants to see what's going to happen after Void breaks the Element Bearer's then turns her attention to the Princesses that allowed Mrs. Harshwhinney's actions to go as far as they did [especially Luna who should've learned what was happening via Scootaloo's nightmares.]
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Well then you will have many happy hours of reading in front of you TheGreatEater. Because once Scoots starts going dark... things will get interesting.
I like Void :D I feel really bad for her.
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Why thank you StarRibbon, it always nice to hear my characters are well received.
Yes another great chapter, but poor Scoots :( anyway can't wait till the next chapter :D
3813462 Though, if..she turns back, she'll have less than nothing. .everypony will hate her and her life..would be even worse..I wonder how that'll be shown. I would rather die than to suffer through that..
Then again, to feel such loathing..and sadness.
Wait, does AJ just go there to bash her?
Honestly... this whole story is just about "Scootabuse". I don't get the appeal it has... it was rather disappointing really.
3813629
No, AJ wasn't just there to bash Scoots. She was there selling apples in the market as always, and on her way home she stumbles on a scene where she thinks Scoots has somehow hurt Flutter's.
We all know how protective every pony is about Fluttershy. Plus the fact that she blames Scootaloo for the incident with Twilight balloon, and some other stuff that will be revealed later. So AJ completely snaps when Scoots mentions her parents. We already know she is a bit stubborn and has a bit of a temper from time to time, so I thought this scenario wouldn't be too far-fetched giving the circumstance.
Also what will happen in the end, I haven't read anywhere else so hopefully I will be able to pull that off the way I plan.
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Well I am really sorry you feel that way, I am really trying to shine the spotlight on a problem. One thing I have reacted a bit on in My Little Pony is that no pony seems to pay attention to anything that happens outside of their own special talent. There aren't too many backups to make sure something works right, because obviously they will work right to begin with.
So this story is about what would happen if the wrong pony ended up in the wrong place in a society where everybody always assumes everything works out right. Miss Bad Winnie should never have been put in charge of an orphanage, her destiny was as a high society pony.
But something went wrong and she ended up in the wrong place without any pony checking up to see if she was doing a good job. Because of course she's doing a good job, it's her job, so of course she's doing a good one.
Therefore the problem starts taking form. This way of thinking will be brought to its final conclusion once Twilight steps into the picture in the next memory chapter. I can already tell you it's title, "in black-and-white".
But you are correct in your observation that this is right now very much "Scootabuse", but I'm not doing it just because I can, there is an underlying thought to it, and as I mentioned earlier, I do believe the ending will surprise a few people.
Hope I can turn you around as we progress through the story. And if you find something you want to call me out on, or just wonder what I'm thinking, please do so!
In the meantime, have a nice one!