Spike and Private Eye two detectives or... by his days off known to all as Spike the Dragon by work hours he is known as Spike the Detective. Follow him and his partner Private Eye as they solve case after case. All have highs and lows all detectives start somewhere. For Spike... it's finding a stolen scooter for a young orange Pegasus. Follow them both as they help each other solve the case of the missing scooter.
This is a alternate universe taking place wen he CMC have their cutie marks.
(Gore, quite a bit of language).
Chapters (1)
The description could be improved and a few misspellings.
A good premise.
3146690 Can you be specific on the miss spellings?
Good story you have here! I thoroughly enjoyed it! I'm not good at reviews but I do have one thing that's been bothering me about your story. It isn't mandatory and you can live without it but seperating your paragraphs like this:
Like I said, it doesn't have to be done but it does make the story look more pleasing to the eye.
Pro tip: If you do that with all your stories, then you'll go far in Fimfiction. There are other factors to consider, but that's all you need to know for now.
I hope this helped. A few misspells but I can't remember which ones. After all, that's the job of a proofreader. Keep up with the writing! You're pretty good at it.
3154579 And I can't indent that first paragraph of my example...
Not bad for a first fiction. You should go to Looking for Editors group.
The pacing is a bit all too quick.
One also does not simply ask if someone they suspect actually has a motive to doing accused crime. That role of figuring out if they have a motive is up to the Detective to find out through questioning friends and family and anyone that can essentially be related to the victim and the crime at hand. The fun of Detective stories is building up to the big reveal when you acquire enough information on who might be next in line for question who can reveal the motives others might have for committing a crime. It would be obvious, I would argue, that you would suspect those who tend to grief you as being possible suspects.
The one issue I had is how easy one can just take in two young mares into a car for further 'questioning' without actually having so much as an actual lead.
"I have a feeling," was left feeling incomplete. I'll assume Spike meant to say, "I have a feeling it was you," in that sentence.
I would try to help give much better feedback in a way that could help you, but I honestly am swamped. If you wish, you may ask MagerBlutooth for assistance. I'll toss this fic into Chapter Star and see if he'll toss something your way.
Keep up the writing!
I liked it, can’t wait for the next one