The Surprise
“I’ve got a surprise for you. Look, that cloud, right? What does it look like?”
Helicity flicked her eyes in the direction Featherprop was pointing and without hesitation answered, “Cumulonimbus pannus, with a high lifted index and some Bergeron crystallization in the tops.”
“Does it have any rotation?”
The gray Pegasus mare gave the cloud a second look, her wings twitching as she studied it. “No, not yet.”
Featherprop smiled. “Well, let’s fix that.” Looking up, he pursed his lips and let loose a piercing whistle.
High above, five goggled faces peered over the edge of another cloud. Featherprop waved a hoof, and five bolts of blue shot down from the sky to plunge into the cloud he had pointed out. The Pegasi began circling the cloud, weaving up and down the sides to corral it into a compact column. Gradually it began to twist and grow, and the circling Pegasi flew upward spirals around the cloudwall, keeping the cloud from expanding sideways and slowly setting it to spinning. The cloud became a looming tower, and the top spread out into an anvil-shaped cap.
Helicity watched in amazement as the team of Ponies worked. She gasped in surprise as the base of the cloud began to spin faster. Near the ground, a line of clouds sprang up and began flowing into the growing tower, the low line marking an influx of moisture and energy.. “Rotation... inflow.... oh Celestia, it’s a wall cloud!” She looked over at her coltfriend, wings fluttering anxiously. “What... How?!? No, WHY?”
“Happy birthday, dear.” He smiled and cut off her protests with a hoof. “No, wait. Do you remember your thesis?”
Helicity nodded, her face darkening. “How could I forget? Professor Galeside tore it to pieces. He said the idea of interrupting the inf–“ Her voice trailed off as a new shape grabbed her attention: Beneath the darkening base of the tower, a narrow tube of condensation meandered down towards the ground. She gasped, not quite believeing what she was seeing. They’re making a funnel cloud!
Featherprop whistled again as the vortex touched down. The Pegasi peeled away from the cloud, taking up positions around the storm they had brought to life. The tornado continued to grow, sucking up grass and leaves from the empty field.
Helicity stood stock still, staring at the swirling funnel until Featherprop took her chin in his hoof and drew her eyes to his own. “Helicity. Remember what you proposed in your thesis?”
Confusion clouded Helicity’s eyes, and then they widened as she remembered her disastrous thesis defense. She shook her head and took a hesitant step backward, wings drooping. “You want me to–? No... No, Galeside was right. I can’t... I mean, nopony could do it. Cloudshaping is one thing, but...” she sighed and trailed off, her ears mirroring the droop of her wings, “I was stupid to think it could work.”
Featherprop blinked, startled at her words. “What? You certainly aren’t stupid! With all that time you collecting data and developing your theory, you know more about this than any pony I know. And your work in the test cell? That was amazing!” He’d first noticed the gray mare as she worked in Cloudsdale’s weather lab, using her wingtip to stir tufts of cloud into tiny tornadoes and then staring at them intently and writing down cryptic notes.
Until she wiped out Galeside’s desk with one of them. He smirked, remembering the blizzard of papers, with the scholarly Pegasus cowering in the middle of the mess and squawking impotently.
“ ‘Prop, no. He showed me that it wouldn’t work. The little ones were too weak to account for the mesoscale effects.” Helicity gave the tornado a wistful look, her wings twitching nervously. “There’s no way to get a proper temperature gradient at that size, I couldn’t get any real shear, and I never got a chance to integrate the vorticit– ow!”
He nipped on her ear before she could say anything more, drawing a startled squeak from her as she rubbed her ear.
“Well, Galeside is wrong! And how would he know, anyway? Did he spend hours and hours in the cloudlab making little tornadoes along with you?” Featherprop nudged her shoulder.
“Well, no...” Helicity shuffled a forehoof, staring at the ground and poking at a tuft of grass.
“And did he fly through dozens of storms to try and figure out what really goes on in there with you? Did he come out on fire? Just so you know, that was crazy of you, but still pretty cool.”
“Well, no– hey, I wasn’t on fire, my tail just got singed!” Helicity blushed, remembering how foolish she felt after the time she’d gotten zapped by lightning in one of the storms. “And it only happened once!”
Featherprop chuckled, “I know, I know. But that’s my point– if he didn’t do any of this stuff, and you did, how’s he going to know it won’t work? All he has is books and papers. You’ve been doing SCIENCE!” and waggled his forehooves dramatically.
Helicity stamped her hoof, exasperated with his lighthearted humor. “But he’s a profess–”
Featherprop laughed, shaking his head. “Oh, tailfeathers, Hel! Galeside has probably been doing the same thing for so long, I bet he can’t come up with anything new!” He saw one of the hovering Wonderbolts waving at him, and nudged Helicity towards the swirling vortex. Gotta get her moving. “But you, dear, you’ve poured yourself into your theory. And it’s awesome, really awesome! I know you could make it work if you got a chance to try it, so... I got some help to put this together for you.” He pointed a wingtip towards the Wonderbolts.
She dug her hooves in and turned to face him, seizing on any reason to delay. “Yeah, and I want to know how! They’re the Wonderbolts, for Celestia’s sake! They don’t just–”
Featherprop stopped her mid-sentence with a quick nuzzle on her cheek, blushing as one of the ‘Bolts wolf-whistled at the sight. He shook off his embarrassment and prodded her again. “Hel, now’s your chance to show that you know what you’re talking about. But you gotta try before that thing gets too big!” When she looked down again, he lifted her chin with a hoof and looked into her eyes. “I know you can do it, so go do it!”
“W-what if I mess up?” Her voice quavered as she voiced her biggest fear.
Featherprop smiled broadly and said, “Then you learn from it. But you’ll never know if you don’t try, will you?”
Helicity shook her head with an embarrassed look. “No...”
“So – before it gets too big – go show that twister who’s boss-mare around here!” As she turned to look at the growing tornado, he headbutted her rump, drawing an annoyed glare that melted into an understanding smile. “Go on, hurry!”
Nodding, she faced the tornado. Doubt still clouded her mind, but Featherprop’s faith had lit a spark in her heart. Though she couldn't see him, she could feel his enthusiasm and excitement washing over her. She studied the clouds ahead of her, frowning as she imagined one clump looked just like Dr. Galeside. The cloud seemed to sneer at her head, and her confidence faded as she stared at the towering cumulus.
Then she glanced backward to where Featherprop stood. His was close behind, wings twitching with excitement and with a smile lighting up his face. The smile grew even broader when her eye met his. She saw him nod to her and then towards the clouds as if to say, You can do it!
That was all the encouragement she needed; his enthusiasm shattered her worries while his confidence launched her spirits sky-high. Helicity shook her head, kicked her doubts aside, and turned to face the storm with an eager grin.
You will be mine. Oh yes, you will be! The cumulus tower that loomed above
seemed to taunt her. Ahead, the dark wedge of the wall cloud was a prize that she’d dreamed about defeating for years, and now that it was in front of her she wondered if she really could master it– working with thunderstorms was the job of the most experienced of weatherponies, and none of them tangled with the storms casually.
She shook her mane and shrewdly examined the Pegasus-created phenomenon ahead of her, muttering calculations and scrunching her face this way and that as she analyzed the storm and plotted her plan of attack. With an angular momentum of... twenty degrees per second, inflow about forty-four miles per hour, height of... three thousand four hundred, if I’m right I’ll need a wingpower of at least six when I get there. If I’m wrong... She shook her head sharply. No, I know it’s right! She flapped her wings a few times, loosening them up, then crouched like a sprintpony, wiggling her hindquarters in preparation for launch.
Behind her, Featherprop turned a little red and hummed to himself as he found a very interesting tree to stare at in the other direction.
Helicity took a deep breath, tensed, and then shot off in a gray blur. She flew low, her hooves almost clipping the grass, aiming at the junction of the inflow and the main rotation. Her face was a mask of concentration as she beat her wings, putting all her strength into the powerful strokes. With each one her primaries tore at the air, the magic in them causing it to shimmer as she flung herself forward.
Featherprop felt a burst of wind as Helicity launched herself, and turned to see her flying straight as an arrow at the storm. She was already halfway across the meadow. Behind her, each downstroke kicked up swirls of dust and grass. He watched in fascination as the swirls stayed tightly rolled, forming a trail of dusty chevrons pointing towards his marefriend as she streaked towards the storm. No way, she was right! he thought to himself. Despite Featherprop’s unwavering support, he had been skeptical when Helicity had suggested a Pegasus could ‘leak’ magic from their wings. Now, though, he held his breath as he watched the silvery light flowing across her wings.
Helicity pushed herself harder and harder, repeating Speed... speed... speed... with each wingstroke. The intense magic flowing through her wings began to bend the light, wrapping them in a ghostly white glow. She felt her speed peaking and switched to a high-speed beat pattern, causing the filaments of magic trailing from her feathers became a translucent veil fluttering behind them.
When she was nearly below the point of inflow, Helicity canted her wings and pulled up sharply. Gravity pulled at her head and made her vision darken for a moment, the suddenly brighted as her flight path steadied. Directly ahead of her was the swirling junction of the wall cloud and flanking line. As she watched, damp tendrils of cloud were sucked into the dark wall, and she adjusted her path slightly. Her chest was on fire, lungs aching from her exertion, and she could feel her flight muscles lagging. Almost there, almost! After one last mighty stroke, she folded her wings and tucked her hooves against her belly. She stretched her neck out and arrowed upwards, trying to carry as much of her hard-won speed with her as she could, stretching out her neck and arrowing upwards as she sought to carry her hard-won speed upwards with her.
As she zoomed towards the ominous clouds, she turned her mind to focus on an image: A potent shockwave of turbulence, held together with magic, spilling off of her wings and rushing towards the tornado. This had been the most controversial part of her research, for she had never had a large enough target to test it on. Her breathing slowed as she concentrated, picturing the tight curls of energy in her shockwave tangling with the currents in the tornado, pulling them apart and stealing away the storm’s energy. A memory of Dr. Galeside’s dismissive laughter leaked into her thoughts, and for a moment, her focus faltered.
Far behind her, Featherprop watched as Helicity changed direction with a suddeness that made his own neck ache, and whooped with excitement “Go Hel, go!” It took all of his willpower to keep his wings tucked against his flanks; they itched to spread and carry him along with her, to be her wingpony. For a moment, his mood dampened. Though he wanted to be by her side, Featherprop knew that his inexperience with weather work would make him more of a danger than a help. His broad wings were built for soaring, and a storm like the one Helicity was racing towards would pummel him.
I’d never be able to keep up with her anyway, he thought. Featherprop was far from the fastest pony, and Helicity was moving fast enough to rival almost anypony he’d met, certainly faster than he’d ever seen her move before. He took a keep breath and threw all of his energy into sending encouragement her way. “You can do it!!”
Squeezing her eyes shut, Helicity fought back against her doubts. She shoved all of her thoughts aside, and envisioned a single feather and the flow of air around it. The single feather had a clean, simple vortex streaming off of it. In her mind, she added another feather, and imagined how the vortex from it would twist and twine with the first. Then she added a third, and a fourth, seeing how the combined vortexes weaving around each other.
Bit by bit Helicity built a picture of the airflow across her wings; dozens, hundreds of vortexes, all streaming together and apart and back together, to make a seething mass of self-contained wind that she could direct towards the storm ahead of her. She cracked an eye open, tears streaming back in the howling wind, watching and waiting for the right moment. Almost there... right.... NOW!!
Helicity gritted her teeth and snapped her wings out, cupping them and crying out in exertion as she pulled them forward. Her tendons strained as she spread her feathers to swirl and energize the air, positioning them just as in the picture in her head. Using all of her will, she concentrated on dumping all of her momentum into the air in front of her outstretched wings.
The grayish glow that had been clinging to her wings flared, expanding into a kaleidoscope of colors. Her outstretched primaries were draped in swirling, shining sheets as filaments of air coiled around each other. Helicity swept her wings forward until the tips nearly met, tendrils of magic crackling up and down her feathers.
Like the tail-end foal in a game of Crack the Whip, the glowing filaments broke loose from her wings, sleeting up into the tiny gap between her wingtips and ignited.
The magic surrounding her wings exploded in a blinding flash of light that caught everypony unprepared. Even the Wonderbolts, wearing their goggles, had to turn their heads from the brilliance. Featherprop shielded his eyes with a wing as the light seared down. Blinded by the flare, he lost sight of Helicity. CRACK! Featherprop reeled as a shockwave raced across the meadow and slammed into him, then stumbling as the air rushed back in. Dust and grass swirled in the air. Helly! Icy fear gripped his chest as he realized she was at the center of the explosion. With watering eyes he stared upward, watching as a silvery bow of light arrowed into the stormclouds. It tore a hole in the clouds, wiping them away and laying bare the internal structure of the storm. Featherprop shouted in amazement, watching as layer upon layer of cloud evaporated and the entire tower seemed to slump. The tornado below shuddered, then began to shrink.
In the heart of the maelstrom, Helicity seemed to freeze in midair. A wave of coherent turbulence burtst into existence, the energy of the air bounded and contained by the magic she had shed. Her ears popped as the air pressure around her spiked and then plummeted, leaving her dizzy and disoriented. Despite the incredible brilliance, she could see every detail, could feel the magic and the turbulence in the shining wave as it raced away from her. Through it’s rippling distortions, the clouds ahead of it seemed to shimmer and twist. It’s real! The realization electrified her, driving all other thoughts from her mind. It’s realit’srealit’srealit’s– Even as Helicity reveled in her success, she was struck by a violent backdraft, rushing into the void behind her shockwave.
As her wingflare faded, Helicity began to tumble out of the sky.
“HELICITY!!” Featherprop cried out as he caught sight of a limp form falling, launching himself forward with urgent strokes. Oh Luna, I’ll never make it in time, will I? To his relief, he saw first one, then another, streak of blue race towards Helicity– the Wonderbolts had seen her as well, and would reach her long before he could. Fears raced through his mind, one worse than the next, as he flew towards the falling mare.
Helicity tried to lift her aching wings, but they wouldn’t move. She had spent all their magic and her strength creating the shockwave, and was now at the mercy of the wind and gravity. As she rolled onto her back, Helicity just caught sight of the flanking line being sundered by the shockwave. Then it was gone and the ground came into view. As the wind began to stream through her mane, she could see the grass rushing towards her. Helicity smiled weakly and mumbled, “It worked...” She knew she should be shouting in happiness, but she suddenly felt very tired. For a moment, her eyes closed.
Then there were hooves under her forelegs. “Gotcha,” she heard, as pair of Wonderbolts caught up and gently carried her away from the dissipating storm. Helicity yawned and managed to look back over her shoulder. To her delight, she saw that the tornado had become thin and ropy. She wanted to cheer when it twisted itself into a tangled knot before falling apart, but an overwhelming weariness kept her from so much as making a sound. Her eyes felt heavy, and soon exhaustion overtook her.
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
“Hel? Hel!”
“Did you see what happened? What’s the matter with her?”
“I don’t know, but she looks like she’s had a three-pie night...”
“Poor dearie looks all tuckered out...”
“Get back, give her some air! What the–? Hey Hoofhead, get that camera out of here before I give you a piece of my mind!”
“Hah, sure you can spare it, Bigwings?”
Helicity woke to ponies murmuring, shouting, and arguing, but the words were gauzy and muffled. Even the click–whirr of a few cameras sounded faraway. Whereas the meadow had been empty before, it seemed the storm had drawn the attention of a whole herd. All around her she could hear ponies, talking, trotting, and anxiously looking at her. She yawned and tried to open her eyes, and it took a moment for her to realize that a hush had fallen over the crowd.
A blurry ring of pony heads filled her vision, but one hovered inches above her muzzle. Under a scruffy forelock, a pair of big brown eyes peered at her from behind steel-rimmed glasses. She blinked, clearing the haziness from her eyes.
“Hel? Are you okay?” Featherprop forgot the various ponies he’d been trying to push back, pausing only to glare at a hovering newspony whose camera kept up a steady click-whirr – click-whirr. He looked back down at the gray mare, but never got to say the words he had been trying to put together.
Helicity lunged upward and caught him in an excited hug, burying her muzzle in his mane and kissing his neck. She heard a high-pitched babbling, and it took a moment to realize it was coming from her. “Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyouohmygoshdidyousee–” The words gushed from her, an excited babble that only stopped when she heard a hacking wheeze from Featherprop.
“Hurkk... dear... c-can’t... b-br... br...” Featherprop had been vainly trying to loosen her grip around his neck as his vision started to fade. He felt her grip loosen and took in a deep breath, coughing a couple times. “Are y– “ His words were cut off again as Helicity pulled him back into a tight hug.
This time, though, she took care and made sure that she planted her lips squarely on his, a deep and eager smooch that brought the crowd’s disjointed conversations to a sudden halt. A murmured “Awwwww!” replaced it, along with a few cheers from friends of the couple. As the kiss went on, though, there were some muted coughs and more than a few raised eyebrows. Finally, from high above, a wolf whistle echoed over the gathered ponies.
Featherprop flinched a little at the sharp sound, and Helicity took the hint to come up for air. They both looked around with sheepish grins, still holding each other. Featherprop looked away, embarrassed, but when snuck a glance back at her she was smiling, and they both laughed as the gathered ponies began to break away.
“Well,” Helicity said with a sly grin, “I think next time we’ll need a bigger venue.”
“F-for our next kiss?” Featherprop’s jaw dropped open and his eyes glazed over.
Helicity looked at him for a second before falling over on her side laughing. “Wait, what? No, I mean the next time I present my thesis! You featherbrain!”
He hung his head in embarrassment, and she hopped up and gave him a quick nuzzle before turning towards Cloudsdale. “No, for our next kiss, we’ll need the Cloudiseum.” When Featherprop didn’t respond, she turned to find him frozen in place, one hoof raised and his jaw hanging open.
“Boys.”
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
With the crowd gone, Helicity and Featherprop walked back towards the hillock they’d started on. Helicity let her mind and mouth run, considering all the research she’d have to do to follow up on the day’s incredible event. When she began to suspect Featherprop wasn’t quite paying attention, she nudged her coltfriend’s shoulder with her own. The absentminded Pegasus had been looking about distractedly, and flinched at her touch before giving her a quick grin.
“Featherrr... you never told me how you were able to get the Wonderbolts to help out.”
He shrugged his wings and answered the question carefully. “Well, all I did was ask ‘em, not much to it.”
Helicity heard the evasion in his voice and gave him a suspicious glance. “But... they’re the Wonderbolts! They don’t do this for just anypony!”
With a laugh, he said, “Actually, you’d be surprised. Mostly this was the JV squad, from the Academy. They do stuff like this from time to time– I have it on good authority that this got them out of an afternoon of cloud grinders.”
A touch of self-satisfaction in his voice grated along the edge of her ear, and she turned on him. “Out with it, mister. I want to know what you’re up to.”
Featherprop reared and held out his hooves. “Okay, okay! I... well, I may have asked for a few favors and made it worth their while. But it wasn’t anything super huge!”
“But... I thought they got paid by the Throne, and it’s not like you’re made of bits....” There was an edge to her voice that brooked no more evasion.
Featherprop laughed and trotted towards a covered table. “They are, but bits aren’t everything!” He grabbed the sheet and whipped it off the table, revealing a stack of baked goods. “Not everyone can get their hooves on real Hoofinuska Apple Pie!”
Helicity looked at the piled treats and then at Featherprop. “You bribed them with pies?”
Featherprop looked wounded. “No! I mean, not all of them! And anyway, it’s not just any old pie, they’re made with Hoofinuska Two-Hoofers! I had to fly them down myself, ‘cause you can’t grow those do– “ His ear swiveled, picking up a sound behind them. He glanced about and dove into a nearby thicket, shouting, “Duck!” The shout turned into a yelp of pain, when, too late, he realized what he’d jumped into. “Augh, prickers!”
Helicity stared at the thicket, feeling completely confused by the sudden change of topic. “I... love ducks? What are you talking about? Have you gone crazy?”
Featherprop’s head popped out of the bushes, twigs stuck in his mane. He frantically waved her over, as he looked around at the sky. “Not duck like “quack quack,” I mean duck like “get down!”
Helicity heard the sound of ripping cloth and spun about to see a blue Pegasus rocketing down from the sky, his wake marked by a trail of tiny thunderclouds. Helicity froze in shock at the sight, and a little voice in her mind said, Holy oatcakes, it’s Soarin! After a second she realized he’d been one of the Wonderbolts who caught her earlier. Holy oatcakes, Soarin’ held my hoof! She didn’t hear Featherprop’s urgent shouts, mesmerized by the sight of the Wonderbolt as he aimed straight for the stack of pies with his forelegs spread wide. As he shot past her, she imagined there was a wink from behind the glinting goggles he wore.
Before she could shake off her surprise, Soarin’ plowed into the stack of pies. The sweet-smelling pastries disappeared behind an explosive spray of crust, filling, and fluffy whipped cream. Helicity cringed as a wave of the tasty shrapnel coated her from nose to tail. Before she could even raise a hoof to shield herself, Soarin was gone, the remaining pies clutched in his forehooves. Helicity watched blankly as his cloud trail dissipated, and barely heard the faint “Thanks, pal!” that the departing Pegasus called out over his shoulder.
Featherprop shook himself off and trotted over. Helicity struggled to speak, but only a squeak came out.
Featherprop had to keep from laughing as he looked at her. With a swipe of his tongue, he licked a large fragment of pie off of her face, savoring the flavor of the giant, sweet apples it was made from.
“Totally worth it.”
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
As the two Pegasi made their way back towards Cloudsdale, Featherprop had rounded up a little raincloud and given Helicity a hoof in cleaning off most of the rest of the pie. She was quiet as they walked, and he worried that the cool shower had dampened more than her coat.
Finally, she said, “You know that I’ll have to do a lot more work before I can take this back to the Graduate Board?” Though she still felt like she was floating on a cloud after proving her theory, her mind had been whirling. Making a discovery was one thing, but turning one event into a scientific paper was something completely different. Celestia, how am I going to get so many storms made? “I know I can make it work, but... I don’t know how I can get the work done.”
Featherprop sighed to himself– he had been expecting just this kind of pushback from her. He smiled at Helicity and said, “I know. But there’s plenty more apples up in the Frostmane.”
She looked over at him in alarm. “What? No, dear, I can’t ask you to do that! This is my pro-mfmmf...” Her words were muffled as he put a hoof to her muzzle.
“Hel. This will make you happy, won’t it?” Featherprop gave her the sappiest pleading look he could dredge up.
“Mff.” Helicity nodded behind his hoof.
“Good!” he said in a smug tone, laughing when she harrumphed into his hoof, then gave her a serious look. “If it would make you happy, I’d find a way to buy all the pies from here to the Frostmane.”
Helicity looked embarrassed. “But... those are your bits! I can’t let you go through all that trouble just for me.”
“Sure you can! I mean, what good are friends if you can’t help them out when they need it?” Featherprop had always enjoyed pranks, and especially pranks that made the victim feel good. This whole surprise was his crowning achievement to date, and he was bursting with excitement. I guess I should tell her the rest of the story. He looked around with glinting eyes, then leaned in and whispered, “Besides, and don’t let this get out, the cadets are chipping in– I was able to name my price.”
Helicity’s ears swiveled forward and she looked at him in astonishment. “You... you charged them?”
Featherprop rolled his eyes. “I”m not charging them, per se. They’re just... contributing for the goodness of their overworked wings! All I did was make them an offer they didn’t want to refuse!”
She squinted at him and asked, “How much did you kick in, anyway?”
Featherprop said nothing, but the smug grin on his muzzle made it plain that he was revealing the tip-top of the pinnacle of his accomplishment. Where’s one of those ponyrazzi when you need one? I wanna catch her reaction to this!”
He reached into his saddlebag and pulled out a Hoofinuska Two-Hoofer. He tried to keep a straight face, but his deadpan expression fell apart as he nodded at the apple while keeping his eyes locked with hers.
Helicity looked at him quizzically. Then she boggled as his suggestion sunk in. “Apples?”
Tossing the giant apple up in the air, Featherprop caught it in his teeth and took a bite of it. “I told ya, those cadets really don’t like cloud grinders! It’s a win-win-win... uh, win situation! That’s enough ‘wins,’ right?” He cast his gaze skyward and feigned counting.
His cheekiness broke though the last of her worries, and before he could even yelp in surprise she sprang on him and wrapped her wings around him in a big feathery hug. Squeezing him, she said, “You’re a menace, you know that? But you’re my menace!” With that, she caught his muzzle in her hoof and kissed him with all her might, wrapping her hooves around his neck.
Featherprop froze, wrapped in her wings and blushing a deep red. He cocked an ear skyward, waiting for a mocking wolf-whistle to float down from the sky.
When he heard nothing but the rustling sound of Helicity’s feathers brushing against his own, he melted into her embrace and gave her a smooch of his own.
Like, a really really awesome one.
One of the greatest smooches she’d ever gotten, hooves down.
Smooches.
THE END
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Dat ending. Awww...
What a nice little story. I was sent here by a Mister Cynewulf and was not disappointed.
And since you asked, here are the errors I found:
Extra period here.
Extra spaces throughout this passage.
Extra period again here.
Incorrectly place apostrophe.
"Looked" should be “looking” to keep the same tense.
Space needed after "and."
Several errors here.
I enjoyed the story, and I hope whoever's birthday it is, has a FANTASTIC birthday.
3140545
Thank ya muchly for being so thorough!! I'm glad you liked it!
3141010 It's what I'm here for.