The Cutie Mark Crusaders Do Manehattan

by Diablomuerte2

The Promise Kept

The Promise Kept

Once Cheerilee had guided the missing students to the rest of their patiently waiting group,she began to calm the worried fillies and colts. Big Mac was a bit apprehensive about his sister's running off without letting him know where she would be. He wasn't too upset when he noticed Babs was around, and that made him feel better. Cheerilee had invited Babs to spend the day with the class and would then see her off to her house before the group headed home.

Babs was grateful for the opportunity to spend time with her cousin and friends. She had enjoyed her time running around Manehattan, still being able to spend time with the group in an organized fashion had its own appeal.

Dinky had ran towards Twist and gave her a big hug. She was worried about her friend the entire time, and seeing her safe made the little unicorn filly smile bright. She wanted to share one of the muffins that her mother had given her with Twist.

Twist was already full from lunch, but decided to eat it anyways. There was nothing wrong with making a friend happy, and rejecting a gift was unnecessary at this moment. She had realized that Dinky herself must have felt like she did when Applebloom was first starting off being a Cutie Mark Crusader. She silently made a note to herself to invite Dinky to hang out with her and Applebloom when they decide to hang out together.

Most of the students that have met Diamond Tiara before this trip couldn't believe the sudden change in her demeanor. She wasn't being snarky, rude, or incorrigible in the slightest. It seemed she had been changed and, for some reason, very into staying close to Scootaloo. They felt as if they had entered another dimension, or that maybe Diamond Tiara was a changeling. Since she was being nice, they didn't care what happened as long as she stayed that way.

Though as strange as it was to see Diamond Tiara being civil, it was equally confounding to see Silver Spoon not around her and being just as civil. They wondered what had caused this new change, but they didn't dwell on it too much with their short attention spans and their eagerness to continue on with the day. After some soft moments of hugs and greetings, the group was ready to move on with their day and get back into the tasks at hoof.

The tardiness of the missing fillies had caused the group to have a more rushed tour through the museum. While most students didn't mind since museums were boring, the other students were interested in some of the exhibits that they didn't get to see. Still, most of the day had went off with barely a hitch, the ex enemies turned friends had been keeping their new found peace and were not making a fuss about their pairings.

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At the gift shop in the museum there was this cool looking pair of glasses. Scootaloo had her eye on them but the cost was too much for her. She was ready to walk away and keep her composure, regardless of how bad she wanted it since they seemed similar to Rainbow Dash's shades. While she was walking away, Diamond Tiara had witnessed the filly walking away with a false smile, she decided she would help her out by purchasing the shades as a thanks for her earlier bravery.

"No way you actually bought me these?" Scootaloo asked, overjoyed. "This is so awesome," she said before putting them on and posing. "How do I look?" She had a brilliant smile on her face.

Diamond Tiara was giggling inside, it felt nice to her, and yet still felt odd. "I think you look great in them Scootaloo," she said in an honest tone. She was smiling at the joy she brought her friend. She didn't expect a hug so soon and was almost embarrassed, but she didn't resist. She was going to have to get used to affection if she wanted to have friends.

Silver Spoon and Sweetie Belle were just off in their own world, they had no interest in knick knacks or disputing possibly being left behind by searching for something to purchase. They had stuck with the core group of classmates, not wanting to be lost again.

Babs,Twist, and Applebloom stayed in a group of three since it would have been awkward to try and separate with no other students to be in a group with. They managed to get along well, even when there was an argument about what an artifact represented when they went past it.

____________________________________________________________

When the day was drawing to a close, the students went with Cheerilee and Big Mac to see Babs Seed home. Big Mac and Applebloom took a minute to say their farewell to their cousin. It was a sad moment for Babs, but she had a lot of fun prior, so overall it was still a good day for her. She just wished she didn't have to live so far away from family and friends.

With Babs safely at home, the rest of the group headed to the train station to get back to Ponyville. Cheerilee noticed how happy some of the students were to see their families and how apprehensive some were of returning back to their normal lives. She was glad that her silly little plan worked and that the youngsters were able to get rid of their animosity. It was something she didn't expect to fully work, but she had to try something. The negative disposition between some students was often causing dramatic and nearly dangerous encounters at random intervals.

The students eagerly boarded the train and Cheerilee made sure to not have any missing colts or fillies from her checklist. Once they were all inside, she and Big Mac entered while sharing a small smile of victory. They had barely any time to chat during the entire trip but had made a plan to spend a bit more time together once they both had enough time.

____________________________________________________________

The train ride home was maddening for a certain group of fillies. The assigned pairing was over and they all could go back to hanging out with their usual friends. Though most fillies and colts were glad to be able to socialize with their normal buddies, the six fillies who just spent the day bonding were in an awkward position.

"So what does this mean for us?" Asked Sweetie Belle. The group of friends were trying to figure out what they will be doing since they no longer were assigned to their partners.

"Well we can just stay hanging out with each other unless anypony objects?" Silver Spoon questioned.

Scootaloo placed her wing over Diamond Tiara again and held her close. "I am not going to just let some silly assignment ending stop me from hanging out with my new friend." She had her chest puffed out and her sunglasses on to hide her emotions. She didn't want to show how distraught she was about somehow losing her new friend. It wasn't just a promise to Scootaloo, it was something she wanted in her life. A new friend meant new opportunities, Scootaloo wasn't willing to allow things to return to the old ways.

Diamond Tiara blushed a bit at the assertiveness of Scootaloo. She was glad that the pegasus filly had such a commitment to being friends with her. She couldn't pinpoint the exact reason she became flustered as her face was turning a shade of red. "I agree with Scootaloo, I think we can make this all work. I know for now I just want to spend more time with Scootaloo, if that is alright with everypony?" She asked hesitantly.

Applebloom threw her thoughts into the fray. "Well I'm alright with all this, I mean it's not like we ain't gonna crusade anymore, we're jus’ taking time off ta spend with new friends." Applebloom had a soft smile on her face and it had helped ease the nerves of all the fillies that were huddled together.

They came to an agreement that they would all spend time with their new friends and gain more of an understanding of one another. The Cutie Mark Crusaders had split up again, but this time it was with a purpose. They would have many adventures waiting for them at home, for now they had new explorations in the field of friendship. Each crusader was getting to know somepony they either had no chance with before that day or didn't want to prior to it.

____________________________________________________________

The train ride was relatively silent, each filly and colt were tired from the active day they spent in Manehattan. The stopping train had alerted each little pony of their arrival to their home town of Ponyville. Cheerilee and Big Mac helped all the fillies and colts gather their packs and get off the train.

At the train station the parents and other relatives of the students were waiting with joy to receive their children back. Most of the fillies and colts had rushed off to embrace their family. One filly in particular had not seen her guardians and felt as if she was abandoned.

"So I guess my foster parents decided not to show..." Scootaloo said to her approaching honorary sister who was there in their stead. "I don't get it, why don't they want me anymore?" She asked with tears falling down her eyes, visible from where the shades ended.

Rainbow Dash pulled the filly into a hug and smiled softly. "Scoots, your foster parents weren't meant to permanently keep you. It's why they’re foster parents. I knew you needed a real family, so I thought it over..." she said while making sure Scootaloo could see her face. "I had fun being your sister, it's nice and you are a fun squirt to spend time with, but I really think being a mother would be even more awesome."

Scootaloo thought she heard her honorary sister wrong and had to double check. "What are you saying?"

Rainbow Dash chuckled. "I am saying squirt that I adopted you, though there is one minor setback," she said uneasily while looking around for her marefriend. "You see, Fluttershy was deemed more suited to adopt you, so I had to lie and say me and Shy were life partners. So while I did initially try to adopt you solo, it was with Fluttershy's help that I could actually have you as my daughter. Well, our daughter, but you still get the drift."

"So where will I stay?" Scootaloo asked, confused. She was happy to be adopted, but it seemed as if there was something else going on she wasn't sure of.

Fluttershy had picked this moment to make herself known and, with a soft voice, she relayed the information. "You will be staying with us. You see, while you were gone, me and Rainbow Dash were getting things settled and moving your stuff into the spare room I have."

Scootaloo was beaming and was ready to cry in joy until she heard the us part. "Wait... us? You mean you and Rainbow Dash live together?" She wasn't aware that her honorary sister had moved in with Fluttershy.

"Well Scoots, me and Shy talked it over and we decided that, even though we aren't married according to Equestrian law, we were married in our hearts long ago. I wouldn't dream of any other mare to spend my life with and I wouldn’t be happy if any other mare had you in their life if I was unable to adopt you Scootaloo." Rainbow Dash got nuzzled by her marefriend for her sweet words which made her blush and try to keep her cool image.

"I just... I can't believe this." She was sure this was too good to be true. The other pegasi weren't sure if they somehow made the wrong move, misunderstanding the filly's reaction. "I mean first I make a friend outta Diamond Tiara, now I am going to be living with my two favorite ponies in the world, I just..." Scootaloo's own emotional wall broke down and she finally let her happiness flow from her eyes as she spilled tears of joy.

They all shared a group hug and shared a heartfelt and blissful moment as a new family. They weren't going to be as comfortable with the new transition right away, but they would slowly work at it. The new family was ready to head out of the train station, but Scootaloo reminded herself to do something just before she went to her new home.

She ran off towards the area where Diamond Tiara and Filthy Rich were standing, she needed to end the day with reassuring her new friend of the promise she was going to keep. “Hey Diamond,” she excitedly called out.

Diamond Tiara wasn’t sure if she was hearing things, but she could have sworn Scootaloo was calling her name and running towards her and her father. “Scootaloo?” She asked out confusion. Her father wasn’t sure what was going on either but didn’t make any moves to react.

Scootaloo got close and wrapped her wing around Diamond Tiara, just like she did so many times during the day. “I’m going to walk you home,” she stated before looking to her father. ”If you don’t mind Mr.Rich.”

“Well I don’t mind, I just didn’t know you and my daughter were friends.” He was happy to know Diamond had a new friend, but confused as to why the pegasus filly was using her wing to embrace his daughter so intimately.

“Well I didn’t know me and her were friends either, but I am glad I found out,” she said while slowly walking off with Diamond Tiara at her side. When they were far enough from anypony to eavesdrop, they had shared some soft whispers and jokes until Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara had reached their destination.

Diamond, now dreading going home, had turned to face Scootaloo. “When will we hang out again Scootaloo?” She asked sadly, ready to hear some bad news about being too busy or having to go crusading.

“Anytime you want Diamond… anytime you want.”

Author's Note:

Well I hope you enjoyed the story. I had fun writing it, to all who are curious yes the ending is open ended for those who aren't into shipping.

I will be making a sequel though but it's going to mostly star Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara.

Comments

[MagerBlutooth]

This story is a work of art. It takes such a simple concept and does some truly amazing tricks with it. Now, I know how that can be interpreted, but believe me when I say I mean that as neither mindless gushing nor snide criticism. I mean it as a simple conclusion that I came to after recollecting the information that has been presented throughout these seven chapters. When I first started reading this story, I thought it had little to offer, but I was quickly and firmly proven wrong. This story has more to offer than most stories I've read on the site and for very good reason.

I'm not saying the story is literary perfection. It has its flaws, and it has its strengths. However, what separates this from the average story is the simple fact that those flaws it has are some of its greatest strengths. I would go so far as to say that this story's flaws only enhance its overall value.

Let me start with what I see as the best quality this story has to offer: the moral. The ultimate realization at which the CMC arrive is that they don't need to be friends exclusively with each other simply because they have a strong common interest in something. It's an important lesson about friendship in general: you can make new friends without disposing of your old ones. It's a lesson that the show hasn't touched on yet but is completely consistent with their lineup of morals. My only problem with this moral that we never got to see the problems that came about by the CMC not spending time with anyone else. Twist was perfectly fine with Apple Bloom not spending time with her, Diamond didn't care one way or the other, and Silver was too panic-stricken to worry about it. I think this moral could have heavily benefited from having the CMC want to spend time with each other to the point where they outright ignore their partners. It is a very good moral, but the payoff wasn't effectively set up. Show us the bad, and the good will feel so much more rewarding.

Next, we have the story itself: a field-trip with the CMC being paired up with their worst enemies and Twist. Again, I think you could have strengthened your moral if you had made Cheerilee's reasoning for pairing them off to get them to spend time with other ponies than each other, but that's more of a theming matter than a story one. In any case, since we have the central characters being broken off into groups, we actually have several different stories in one, and this is where one of the story's main problems comes into play. A story is composed of three parts: a beginning, middle, and end. The overall story has that easily. The beginning is before the trip, the middle is the trip, and the end is after the trip. Simple and effective. On the other hand, we have all the subplots: Apple Bloom neglecting Twist, Babs wanting revenge on Diamond, Diamond loathing blank flanks, Silver and Sweetie wanting to be friends, Derpy's relationship with Dinky, Scootaloo's foster parents, Diamond's relationship with Scootaloo, and Cheerilee's plan/relationship with Big McIntosh. We have a good deal of miniature stories within the main one, but not all of these have a beginning, middle, and end. Babs's problem with Diamond basically disappears after she mentions it, Scootaloo's foster parents aren't even mentioned while she's in Manehattan, and where exactly did Diamond's extreme distaste for blank flanks come from? Subplots require the same three things the main plot does: They need to be set up, built up, and put down in some way or another.

Looking back over this story in its entirety, there is one particular scene that I can call my favorite without hesitation. That scene would be the bit with my favorite character from this story, Seemingly Nice. Seemingly Nice has to be the single most hilarious character I've ever read on this site. From the second he called Diamond "toots", I saw how the story would play out throughout chapter 6, but I didn't realize such a wonderful character would result from it. First of all, Seemingly's plan was to lure a young filly into an alleyway so he could threaten to steal her tiara. Then, after threatening her and ignoring her claims that she has a rich dad and the possibilities of kidnapping her for infinitely more money than the crown could give him, he waits for her to give the tiara to him of her own free will. Thankfully, she doesn't notice his complete inability to stop her from running away since he forgot to bring a weapon or anything, and he's able to talk her into pleading with him not to take it even though he refuses to take it Then, after threatening to take Scootaloo's possessions as well, he gets distracted by her for about half of a second and is unable to chase after the two of them because I'm guessing he has horrible asthma. That's probably why he didn't run up and snatch it off her head in the first place. I'm familiar with the standard "character gets mugged/someone saves them" cliche, but you really managed to make it thoroughly entertaining simply through this one OC. You never said what his cutie mark was, so I'm going to assume it's a pony with a really fake smile. Regardless, I give you my highest commendations for his creation.

As for this story's biggest weakness, it has to do with a recurring element in your writing that can place an odd taste in a reader's mouth: loving detail placed into every single passing emotion.

Silver Spoon was glad Applebloom was alright with her being friends with Sweetie Belle, but she wasn't sure how Scootaloo or Diamond Tiara would feel.

It was a good feeling when something a filly makes gets appreciated.

Babs Seed enjoyed bonding with her cousin since they hardly saw each other since the last Apple Family Reunion, which was almost ruined by Applejack.

Silver Spoon had enough.

It was probably due to the fact that Diamond Tiara was spoiled rotten by her father.

Whether a character is sad, happy, jealous, nervous, euphoric, or exacerbated, it's always better that the reader figure it out than to have the author blatantly tell them. Imagine watching a show where every character had giant, neon arrows floating above their heads that told the viewer what their current emotion or personality was. Not only would it be distracting, but it would also imply that the viewers are too clueless to realize these things without being told them. Try to keep this in mind. When you watch a movie, you don't know a character's mad because an omniscient narrator tells us so. You know that character's mad because they're shoving another character's head through a brick wall and foaming at the mouth. Same applies to other emotions. If a character's smiling, we know they're happy. If they're crying, we know they're sad. And if they're crying because someone's yelling at them, we can probably figure out why they're sad too. I'd sincerely suggest working on this for your sequel. Reveal emotions and personalities through dialogue, actions, and body language, not explicit declarations.

You may recall that I said this story's flaws enhance its overall value. 'Value' is the keyword in that sentence. People can debate endlessly on whether a story is 'good' or 'bad', but that's a story's quality. Quality says nothing of a story's value, only how much perfection a person can find in it. The value of a story is determined by what the reader can take away from it, the lessons it teaches and the questions it answers. In other words, the aspects of a story that can potentially alter someone's understanding of something. To me, this story has tremendous value, because I've taken away a better understanding of writing from it.

This story has so many amazing, subtle nuances throughout it that I couldn't possibly list them all in this one review. However, I want you to know that if you have a question or concern about anything related to this story, please ask me about it and I will eagerly tell you what I adore about it and if I see room for improvement. As I said before, this story has a great deal to offer. Though I have criticisms of it, I really don't think anything about it should be changed. Any story has room for improvement, but with this story I don't think any improvements could possibly add anything to it.

I'd call this story a bowl of sugar with a vast assortment of various candies buried within it. Some might say it's overly sweet. Others will determine it junk food and pass on it. Personally, I'm just interested to see the different types of candies you chose to use, and your choices were very interesting indeed.

Make the most!

[Diablomuerte2]

3171828 I agree with everything you just wrote.

I am flattered you enjoyed this story and even reviewed it. As for the OC stallion I didn't want to break an E rating and knife or physically harming her would not be essential to the story. So I had to censor him down to this cliche villain. I did however add the toots to give him some sleazy style but in humorous way. A throw back to the olden days where crime wasn't as serious.

Yes I know this stories has flaws but I am glad you found the strengths in it.

Again I appreciate the time you took reviewing it and am glad you enjoyed it.

[Gargoyle]

now i have something to read during breakfast

[Gargoyle]

THIS WAS AWESOME
so sweet i had so many awww moments
thank you for this story

[Minty Bubbles]

It's so nice to see this story have a happy ending.
I suspected Dash would adopt/ foster Scoots when she winked at the beginning, but it's even better to see Flutters joining her in taking care of her.

All in all, this was a wonderful story, and I can't wait for the sequel.

[Diablomuerte2]

3173514 Why thank you

[Diablomuerte2]

3173371 You are welcome thanks for reading it

[Gargoyle]

3174150 such a great story

[Pchurch692]

Awesome story bro, really liked how this one turned out. Looking forward to the sequel, the scootaloo + diamond tiara was my favorite part of this, too much d'awwww. Keep up the good work, man!

[Diablomuerte2]

3180332 Appreciate the kind words :)

[Diablomuerte2]

3185728 Why thank you, I keep hearing that phrase and as I continue to write I try growing as a writer. I am glad you enjoy the story as I tried really hard coming up with a concept that was believable and able to be pulled off.

I enjoyed writing the story mostly because it was something fresh and new. I am glad to hear it was a success and will take your feedback and use it to enhance my future fics.

Thanks again for reading and for accidentally sorta suggesting it.

[The Star Brony]

What's the name of the sequel I shan't to know

P.s I'm a girl its just I don't know how to change my account so I'm not a brony I'm a pegasister

My final words are loved it