• Published 1st Sep 2013
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The Pony Lisa - Hi World



Luna, Rarity, Rainbow and friends board a Prison Ship, suposedly compromised by thier Griffin enemies, with the intent of destroying it's nav data. When they learn they're dealing with a parasitic infestation, they may need to re-think thin

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Chapter 12: Shut Up and Get Behind Me... Ma'am

>Luna 1510 hours

Well, she’d lost another star. Luna shook the pain from her right, front hoof. If only she could shake the pain she received from letting Lyra down, or the itching of her scar.

“Never hit somepony in thy jaw, fair Derpy.”
“But you just did, Luna!”
“But of course. How silly of me.” She stared down at Trixie who cowered before her, covering her muzzle with both front hooves. "Very silly indeed."

“Luna, why did you hurt her? She’s not a Griffin is she? Or is she?!” Gasped Derpy, hailing the attention of Pinkie Pie.
“Trixie’s a Griffin? Hmm, how about that.”
“Trixie is not a Griffin!” Luna snapped, losing her patience. “She is just a bad Pony, is that not clear to you?”
"Well, yeah, but err..." Applejack hesitated.
Pinkie and Derpy thought long and hard.

“Please… Don’t hurt Trixie!” The Unicorn whimpered, veiled under her pointy hat.
“Aw come on Luna, look at her!” Derpy whizzed over to the weak Unicorn. “Can’t you see she needs our help?” Addressing Trixie, she said, "Here you go Trixie.” And pulled a mouthful of straw from her saddle bag and dropped it before the great and powerful Trixie who lay on her belly.
“How will this hay help Trixie?” Trixie said bewilderingly, staring down at the slobbery straw.

Then she started speaking quietly to Derpy's ear. "Oh, um, you wouldn't happen to have any peanut butter, would you?"
Derpy strained her brain, "... Umm..."
"How about crackers?"
"... Umm..."
"Peanut butter crackers?"
"... I have some grenades."
Trixie snorted, "Ugh, never mind."

Turning to Luna, Derpy asked, "... Er... Luna? Do you have any... er... cracker butter peanuts?"
Plainly, she replied, "No," and spun to face the cupboard and its overflowing contents.
"Luna, what's with you?" Derpy called from behind. "Why are you been so grouchy?"
Pinkie paced up next to Derpy and added, "There's no fun in hurting other Ponies, Princess."
We are not here for fun, Discord. Well... Pinkie Pie, but...

Applejack looked around awkwardly, deciding whether or not to speak up. She clearly didn't sit well with what she'd done.
Before she could come to a decision, Trixie sighed, "Thanks Ponies. It's nice to know some of you have common sense."

Gazing into the mangled corpses in the cupboard, Luna could only think of one thing. Why? Why did this happen? How did this happen?

She could hear the other Ponies being silent, if that made any sense. Could feel their eyes boring into the back of her head. Were her stars disappointed in her? Maybe. She regretted nothing however. She was wise, as oppose to Pinkie and Derpy, but she expected more from Applejack. She rotated to face them, noting Zecora standing on her own, away from Trixie and her defenders. Those defenders were her stars once... and they still were.
What's Zecora's opinion on all this? She wondered.

"Would you like to know what my opinion is?" A familiar, high class voice echoed through her mind.
A voice she hadn’t heard in a very long time, and hoped never to hear again. Her heart sank with dread and her ears flopped down.
"Oh no. Not you! What art thou doing here?!" She demanded from the presence in her head.
"The same reason I was here last time. To help and guide you."
"I do not needeth your help."
"Hmph, we shall see about that."
Luna ignored Nightmare Moon, wanting nothing more than for her to go away.
"Your stars. They will all take Trixie's side. They will betray you. And when that happens, I'll be there."

Her vision blurred, her head grew heavy, and her temperature rose.
The stern expressions of her soldiers shifted into worry as AJ said, "Princess? You alright?"
Everything snapped to black.
"Princess!"

“... Luna! Wake up!” A hoof smacked her across the face. “Luna! Come back to us!”
Gradually, her vision regained, revealing Derpy standing over her. The others were peering out from behind the Pegasus.
“Is her face gonna stay that way?” Pinkie’s hyper-active voice reverberated.
Then Derpy; “Uh-oh! It looks like I’m gonna have to give her Der-pee-R!”

Plunging her face down at hers, Derpy opened her mouth and fought against Luna’s resistance.
“No Derpy, no!” She yelled. “I am fine! You have no reason to do this! Get off thy Princess of the night!”
She flung Derpy off of her with her back legs, rolled onto her front and attempted to stand.

She felt weak and freezing cold as oppose to the hot flush she had earlier.
“Ugh, what happened?” She asked woozily, swaying side to side.
“I have no idea,” the Pink show Pony answered. “First you started talking to yourself, and your eyes went all,” she somehow transformed her Pony eyes into cat eyes for a second. “Then you just went “bleh” and fell over! You ok?”
I went "bleh?"

Before she could reply, Derpy suggested, “She must be suffering from muffin withdrawings! ... I get them all the time.”
Applejack face-palmed with her hoof. “Derpy, what is it with you n’ muffins?”
“What is it with you and oranges?” Derpy shot back, and then urged, “Quick Luna! Eat the muffin I gave you! Before you explode!

“I'd say she encountered Nightmare Moon." Zecora's deep accent sounded from Luna's left. "A lack of muffins will not make her go boom.”
Excellent diagnosis Zecora, but what would you know about… her?

“And just who is this, "Nightmare Moon?"” Trixie was still there, and now it was her turn to do the interrogating. “Is there something you’re trying to hide from the great and powerful Trixie?”
Trixie and the others gathered around her, suspicious, but luckily Zecora was there to rap to them.
“The Princess of the night, stirred up quite a fright. When her bitterness consumed, Equestria was doomed to night time eternal, making the land dark and infernal.”

This gained Luna’s attention, and made her slightly flustered. Zecora! How do thou know of all that?!”
In reply, Zecora stated, “‘Twas a conversation I had with PONI. So unless the officer I spoke to was a phony...”

PONI; Pony Office of Naval Intelligence. A mysterious branch of the UPSC, who were also patriotic about being Ponies as it turns out. Always experimenting, always conniving, always breaking the rules for “the greater good.”

It made Luna suspicious. What has Zecora been doing, liaising with PONI staff?

“You got that information from PONI?! Trixie stomped her hoof. “Then why hasn’t Trixie heard of Nightmare Moon? That information must be, like, super top secret!”
This made Luna even more curious. Hmmmm.
Sarcastically, Luna suggested, "Maybe thou hath not heardeth of Nightmare Moon because thou art not working for PONI, right?" She wasn't too sure if she sounded as sarcastic as she was in her mind.

It took Trixie five whole seconds to come up with an answer. "Oh, er... of course not. Why oh why in the wide, wide world of the universe would Chief Medical Officer great and powerful Trixie have anything to do with, er... DONI was it? Ehehe."

“Subjects.” Luna hailed, still feeling dizzy, and incredibly suspicious of Trixie. “Search that Pony.”
“Whoa, hold on. The great and powerful Trixie does not want - ahahaha! Her spoilt tone dissolved into laughs as Pinkie Pie and Derpy sniffed and groped. Tee-hee, that tickles!

As Applejack tossed an ice-pack onto Luna’s head, Zecora winked at her and turned to face the bar. That was one mysterious Zebra.

Zebras where mysterious in nature, much like PONI. PONI would often implant their personnel into the field without telling anypony for the purposes of research and evaluation. The possibility that Zebra Zecora was PONI was a very big maybe.

With the ice-pack making her head even colder than it already was, she wordlessly levitated it back into Applejack’s saddle bag and twisted to face Trixie, who now rolled on the floor laughing as Pinkie and Derpy searched her.

“I found a hat!” Derpy cheered with accomplishment, lifting the pointy hat off Trixie’s head, exposing her pale blue mane.
Oooo, and look what’s in the hat!” Exclaimed Pinkie, who peered inside it, flinging out objects with her mouth.
Derpy dropped the hat.
“There’s a mallet, some flowers, a balloon, a teddy bear, a dumbbell, a rubber ducky. Oooo there’s a lot of cool stuff in here!”
She somehow crawled her whole body into the hat, like it was bigger on the inside.
As she continued, random objects flew out of the amazing hat in time with her listing. “A sink, an anvil, a ball, another hat, oooo a cupcake!” The sound of munching, a burp, then an empty bun case shot out of the hat. “Oh, what have we here?
Poking her head out of the hat, Pinkie held an identity card in her teeth.

Hey! You can’t take that!” Trixie started, prompting Luna to take it and give it a read. “That’s…”
“Pony Office of Naval Intelligence, Section three, Major Trixie Lulamoon, Research and Development,”
she read aloud, blankly.
The foulest tasting title she’d ever uttered.
“Hm. Thought so.”

“Well speak to the Devil,” commented Derpy.
And I thought Zecora was PONI. She still could be.
“Officer on deck, subjects!” Luna informed, doing her best to stand straight after her faint, the other Ponies copying her.
She loathed having to treat this Trixie Pony like the superior she undeservingly was; she was the Princess of the night darn it!

“Whoa nelly,” said Applejack, noting the great and powerful anger on Trixie’s face.
Pinkie Pie was a tortoise in Trixie’s hat that still lay on the floor.
Trixie's newly discovered power may be enough to daunt Luna's stars, however, nothing could daunt the Princess of the Night.
“Why didn’t thou identify yourself… ma’am? Luna questioned through gritted teeth.
“Let’s cut the ignorance, ok Sergeant! Trixie outranks you. It doesn’t matter why Trixie didn’t tell you her rank.”
She donned her hat. “Effective immediately; we abandon ship and destroy the Pony Lisa from a the Red Horse. The great and powerful Trixie cannot get infected.”

Pinkie Pie popped out from under Trixie’s hat. “Why? Are you immune?!”
Using her magic, Trixie shook Pinkie free of the hat and re-donned it.
“Unfortunately, Trixie is not immune. She is considered the greatest and most powerful Unicorn in the universe and is a vital asset to the UPSC and PONI.”
And thou art saying this to thy Princess of the night? Wow.
"Hold up," Applejack requested. "How do you know about the Red Horse?"
Patronizingly, Trixie answered, "Trixie is with PONI, hayseed. That means she knows everything."
"Mah name. Aint. Hayseed."
"And Trixie couldn't. Care. Less," she shot back, turning her back on the Earth Pony.

“Trixie knows you came here somehow. That Pelican? That landed in the hanger? Which you all exited? Perhaps?”
“Well somepony’s been watchin’ us,” Applejack grunted.
“Hmm, yes, anyway, Trixie orders you to escort her to your Pelican and fly us to the Red Horse..”
Luna didn’t answer, just thought of Rarity, Twilight, Big Mac and the rest, and wondered if they were still alive, and how far they were with their mission.

“Oh. Princess of the Night. Right.” Clearing her throat, Major Lulamoon bellowed up into Luna's face. "I ordereth thou to escorteth thy greateth and powerfuleth Trixie to thy Pelican... eth!"
How dare thou!
Luna was fuming, face reddening with anger. In an attempt to calm down, she took a deep breathe and exhaled.
Ignoring the Major's major insult, she grated, “I have Ponies on board that I cannot contact, ma’am.
“There have been many casualties in this war. There will be many more.”

Oh, well, that sealed it. At the risk of being court-martialled, as well as losing the respect of her stars, she reared up and punched a hoof into Major Lulamoon’s face.
“Holy derp!” Exclaimed Derpy, hooves on head.
What regiment did she think she’d joined? The Philly’s Auxiliary Kindergarten Society?

Luna’s hoof throbbed with the impact. Curses! No PONI spook is going to leaveth my stars in thy dark! Ouch. Rarity would haunt us if we did, and she’d be a truly bothersome ghost. Ow, that stings.

She thought about her encounter with her old alter ego, Nightmare Moon. It was bad. Things were bad enough when it was just the Flood, but now she had to fight herself as well? No, not herself, because Nightmare Moon is different, or so she kept telling herself.

She also had to bare in mind that she was pretty much kidnapping a PONI Major. She chuckled in her mind at the thought of how much trouble she'd get into when they'd return to the Red Horse. How would the Alicorn Princess of the Night be punished?

Her scar had been itching like mad once she had regained consciousness, warning her of a storm coming their way, and she felt pretty sure that Trixie would play a big part in it. She also doubted Zecora. With the way things were going, she wouldn't be surprised if they all mutinied.
Nightmare Moon did say my stars would betray me. Maybe she is right. Maybe I should accept her help - no. No no no! Definitely not!

Between Nightmare Moon invading her sanity and the Flood plucking off her stars one by one, what chance did they stand?

To her stars, she asked impatiently, "Any questions?"
There was no argument from them; good to see. Maybe her stars would stick by her side after all.

Trixie had done her a favour when she opted to abandon Rarity's squad. You didn’t leave fellow Ponies behind, even if there were big bad viruses out there. Especially not then.
“Um…” except for Pinkie Pie.
Was she going to have a problem with Pinkie Pie?
“Pinkie?”
Teeth gnashed and hind legs crossed, the pink one requested, “Can we stop at the little Philly’s room on the way?”

>Celestia 1515 hours

Celestia stood in the Bridge of the Red Horse, gazing at the main view screen. To the right; a bunch of mumbo jumbo about Threshold, Basis and Halo’s debris. To the left; the Pony Lisa, drifting around like dead thing. And in the middle, a titanic Griffin capitol ship anchored just beyond the debris field.

Her crew worked hard to avoid chunks of the artifact, as well as to keep the Stealth ship’s movements off of the Griffin’s radar.

In a flash, Discord appeared, arms spread out in celebration.
Todos del partido! He cheered with exultation.
The “do” at the end of “partido” acted as a switch that caused the holographic Draconequus to commence shuffling to an increasing beat that came from the Bridge’s speakers. Computerised, the kind of stuff that Private… what’s-her-name, would play. Awful stuff; not at all harmonious. This music was building up to something, and she’d stop it before it could.

“Discord! Turn that off!”
“Oh come on, Celestia. You need to get into the swing of things,” he advised, wrapping his Lion arm over the back of her neck, head bopping in tune with the beat.
“I mean it, Discord.”
“Oh Celestia. Why must you be such a buzz kill? Fine.” Releasing her, he snapped his fingers, ceasing the poor excuse for music.

There was a long pause before Celestia spoke to the helmsman; an Earth Pony Stallion with an hour glass for a cutie mark.
“Helm, bring us up on the Pony Lisa. I want Sergeant Spitfire and her team prepared and ready for dust-off as soon as we are alongside.”
He began to reply, “Yes, your majest-”
Wait! Cried Discord, reaching his paw out.
Helmsman; “Uh…?”

Spinning to face Celestia, he yapped, "You. What do you think you are you doing?” He placed his hands on his hips, like he was her dad and she’d been naughty or something. “Our orders say that if recon, or a loss of recon, indicates that the Pony Lisa has been compromised, we are to fire a Shiva missile and destroy it, regardless of passengers and regardless of revealing our position.”

Celestia caught the eye of the helmsman, who hesitated and bit his bottom lip. She nodded at him.

“Yes Discord, I am aware of our orders.”
“So… what are we waiting for? Let’s blow that ship into oblivion!” Followed by malicious laughter.
She refused. “No, Discord. We are not destroying that ship.”
Waving some holographic papers in his talon, he sang, Celestia… Orders…

True; she had orders to destroy the Pony Lisa when it had been confirmed compromised beyond retrieval, but she chose to ignore them for now. What's the worst her superiors could do to the Princess of the Sun?

“I am not firing on a Pony ship with Ponies on board.”
“Well in that case, I’m going to have to reassess the situation. Yes.” He folded his arms and nodded.

It was impossible to intimidate an AI, especially if that AI was a Draconequus called Discord, and especially if you were a Pony Princess with a pale, rainbow-like mane, but she gave it a go anyway and leaned in.
“We have not been granted any information with which to assess the situation, Discord. We are to destroy the Pony Lisa if it is compromised, but by what, I do not know.”
“Chaos of course!” He pointed out, chortling.

Proceeding, Celestia announced, “If by chaos you mean Griffins, then I am certain that Luna and her squad will be more than capable of handling them. I have total faith in my sister. So I say again; I have not been given any information that would warrant firing on a Pony ship with Ponies on board. Prepare a Pelican and bring up the Red Horse. I suspect you could tell me what I need to know, and I suspect you will not. Thus I see no alternative but to conduct further recon.”
Discord just stood there, stifling. She really missed Cadence.

“I don’t know who or what you are based on, Discord, but we Ponies do not abandon our own. We do not turn and leave them.”
She realised then, she was talking to a reflection of herself, only she had Discord’s ghastly yellow and red eyes and gruesome fang.
Oooo, look at me, I’m a Princess! Obey!” Discord mocked, raising Celestia’s blood and draining her patience.

She deeply worried about her sister.

Luna was tough, dependable, and a good thinker, but not entirely mentally stable. She’d always seen her as an emotionally fragile war-horse, in fact. Well, after she was a lovable sister and enchanting friend.

There had been a few problems with her in the past, like her evil alter-ego, Nightmare Moon, that had assimilated her and driven her mad. Celestia fought against her sister, against Nightmare Moon, but she was powerful. In the end, she was left with no choice but to wield Equestria's number one defence; the elements of harmony. Not only were they her only resort, but they were her last resort. With a heavy heart, she banished her beloved sister to the moon.

Looking back at the day her sister finally returned, there were no words to describe the joy she felt. They had always had their differences, but they had worked around them and rebuilt that special sister bond that she shared with nopony else.

The time she got shot in the heart was, well, heart breaking. Watching her sister wheezing on the hospital bed, bleeding out, a giant shard of crystal protruding from her chest. But Luna made it through. Luna always made it through. She was the Princess of darkness, and she wouldn’t be stopped that easily.

She’d almost suffocated Luna with a humongous hug when she finally woke up from the operation Rarity had done, and felt indebted to the petite Unicorn.

Signing up for the UPSC was not something she regretted, but having her sister sign up too, was something she regretted, quite deeply. Should’ve joined alone, let Luna stay in Equestria with the real Princess Cadence, but she knew her sister would be a much more valuable asset on the ground than anypony else could ever be.

Now that her sister was roaming around a dead prison ship for reasons that not even she understood, she had a sickening feeling in her gut that she had let her sister down. Had a horrible vision of her, yelling at her for sending her to her death, for not knowing what to do, for making her sign up for the UPSC, for… well, for everything really. Come to think of it, she hadn’t been a very good sister, or leader, but mainly sister.

“Ehe-ehem,” Discord cleared his throat, no longer mimicking her form.
He lifted her chin with his talon and murmured, “Somewhere private, Celestia. I have something to show you. Something you won’t want your crew to see.”

Author's Note:

Use Times New Roman and Medium Dark background.
Trixie's with PONI!? Who saw that coming?! Well if you've read the original then you probably did see it coming lol. But what about Zecora? I have added my own little twists here and there so it's not 100% identical to The Mona Lisa. Maybe I made Zecora PONI too, or not. One thing I did add was Nightmare Moon of course. Just another burden Luna must bare.
So, what's Discord gonna show Celestia? Who will we be following in the next chapter? You'll definitely find out the second one next Sunday y'all ;)
Also this chapter went through a shit-load of editing. I practically re-wrote the whole thing lol.
Oh and how does it feel knowing that by the time I publish the next chapter, Season 4 will have officially aired?! :o