Rainbow Dash:
"Ughhh that. SUCKED." Dash complained to Thunderlane, as they were flying back from a meeting with her boss in Cloudsdale.
"Well it's your fault that you didn't finish the storm that you were supposed to last night and got in trouble with Cloudsdale."
"I TOLD you! I couldn't finish it because I was helping carry this weird thing to the hospital!" Dash said with an angry glare.
"Yeah. Ri-i-ight. Sure you did. Just what did this 'thing' look like again?" He said mockingly.
Dash hoofed him in the shoulder "Yeah you're right! I sure DID see it. It stood on two legs, had no fur on it and no tail, a short black mane on it's head and face, was like 2 feet taller than me, had weird claws, and was wearing weird clothes."
"Wow that's....surprisingly accurate for you Dash." Thunderlane said incredulously.
"And just what is THAT, supposed to mean?" Dash stopped in the air and said angrily.
He was sweating bullets "Uhhhhh......ummm....I like your mane?" He said tensely.
"Huh?" Thunderlane flew off as fast as he could "HEY! Get back here Thunderlane!"
"Not a chance!" He said as he flew away from the cerulean terror.
"When I get my hoo--"
"Ha ha! Yeah! I ain't no ones prisoner!"
Dash jerked to a stop "....That sounds like that thing from last night." Dash was about to go chase Thunderlane again but she realized what the creature had said 'Wait he's noponies prisoner? He better not have hurt anypony!' She flew around for several minutes searching for the creature but saw something else land near the edge of the Everfree forest.
As she got closer to it she realized that it looked similar to the thing from last night but it didn't have wings and this did. She landed behind it and spoke up "And just what the hay are you?" It visibly tensed up and slowly turned around to face her.
"Hey wait a minute, I know you! You're that thing that I carried to the hospital!" She yelled in surprise and pointed a hoof at it "Didn't you get an organ transplant? Why aren't you in the hospital right now? Where the hay did you get those wings?" She instantly grew suspicious of it.
She waited a good minute for it to speak up but it seemed lost in thought "Hey! Are you gonna tell me what you're doing here or do I have to kick your flank to get some answers!" She crouched down to fly at it if it made any funny moves.
It rubbed the back of its neck and looked at me nervously "Well you see, that's a bit of a long story."
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Damon:
"WHAT?! YOU'RE RUNNING FROM THE PRINCESS?!" Dash screamed.
I ran over and clamped a hand over her mouth "Keep it down!" I sighed and took my hand off her mouth "I woke up, got a crash course history lesson on the 'Dwellers of the Twilight' and then almost got arrested for no reason other than I'm something Luna claims I am."
Dash was silent for a minute before she went into a hover and crossed her arms "Yeah...well...I guess I can see why you did that." I breathed a sigh of relief "I'm still watching you though! The princess probably had a good reason to suspect you."
"Yeah, cause fear is SUCH a good reason." I said sarcastically "Now can I get moving or do you want something else? I REALLY don't wanna get caught by the guards" He said as he went into the entrance of the Everfree.
She flew over and stopped in front of him "What are you doing! Don't you know that's the Everfree forest!? It's really weird and has all kinds of dangerous plants and animals in it."
"How is it weird? From what I can see it's just a normal forest"
"Normal?! The Everfree forest is anything BUT normal. The weather works on its own, the animals care for themselves, the seasons change on their own, and there are some really strange and dangerous creatures in there that are nowhere else in Equestria! It is NOT normal!" She huffed.
"Uhhhh hate to break it to ya Dashie but where I'm from, all that's normal"
"Where exactly ARE you from then. And don't call me Dashie you....you...what is your name anyways?"
"My name's Damon dashie"
"I said don't call me that! Only my friends can call me that and you are definitely NOT my friend. Now stop avoiding the question. Where are you from?"
"Look it will take way more time to explain that than we have so can we FINALLY go, or are you going to keep me here till the damned guards arrive?"
"Fine" She said with a defeated tone "Lets get going."
I then realized what she said "Wait wait wait. Lets? As in plural? As in me and you?"
"Of course. What? You thought I was just gonna let you go unwatched when you're being hunted by the princess? Just cause I think you were right in running does NOT mean that she didn't have a good reason. Not to mention that if you go into the Everfree alone then you'll probably end up killing yourself"
"Uhhhhh yeah. Firstly, if you're caught with me you'll probably be thought of as a criminal or something and I don't really trust you. Seco--"
As soon as those last words left my mouth, she became furious "You. Don't. TRUST ME?! I'M THE MOST TRUSTWORTHY PERSON THERE IS! I'M THE FREAKING ELEMENT OF LOYALTY FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE!"
I saw the pegasi guards in the distance turn in our direction and rush towards us. "Okay, okay I trust you" I quickly lied to placate her "I've been through a lot recently and it's hard for me to trust people."
Her fury abated and we started moving again "Hmph. I'm sorry for blowing up like that. I just really really don't like it when people say I'm untrustworthy." She was slightly ashamed of how she just blew up at him "I really like your wings. It's cool how they have that glowing around them and have that mist falling off them."
"Thanks. It's kinda odd though because they weren't like that until I used them to grab a bowl of soup in the hospital" My nose had the decency to wait until my sentence was finished before it unleashed a torrent of blood. "Damn it!" I blurted out as I tried to cover my nose with his hands.
Dash rushed over to me "What's wrong?" She then noticed my blood covered hands and shirt "Are you going to be alright?" She sounded genuinely concerned.
'What the hell? I just met her and she's already concerned about me? "Yeah I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just a bad nosebleed" After a few minutes of pinching my nose it stopped bleeding. "Lets start moving again."
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An hour later we were fairly deep into the forest and with each passing minute Dash was growing increasingly distressed. "Hey Damon? Aren't we getting kinda deep into the forest?"
"Yeah what of it?"
"Well, the really dangerous animals tend to live farther into the forest."
"Yeah well I don't really care. I mean, I'm more worried about the guards than anything. Unless there's wolves or something in this forest I doubt there's anything that can harm us."
"Yeah I doubt that. I mean, it doesn't look like you could hurt much with those claws or teeth."
"Dash a couple of things. First off these aren't claws they're called hands. Second off I don't fight with my teeth or hands, I fight with my intellect and weapons. Where I'm from we made sure that all the animals that could hunt us, are nowhere near our cities except for in zoo's."
"What's a zoo?"
I immediately tensed up when I remembered that Dash was a pony "Uhhhhh.....fuck it. I'm just gonna say it. Zoo's are where we ke--"
Dash tackled me to the ground and put a hoof over my mouth "Hey! What the--"
She put her hoof IN my mouth "Quiet! Listen. Can you hear that?"
I stopped moving and after several seconds heard a low deep growl. I looked around and saw something moving in the bushes off the path and pulled her hoof out of my mouth, leaving an earthy aftertaste. "Dash we need to move NOW."
"Yeah I--"
A gigantic lion with wings and a tail leaped at me "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING!?" I screamed at the same time Dash yelled "MANTICORE!"
I ran back the way we came while Dash flew above the treetops. I shook my fist at her "HEY! Get the fuck back here!" I tripped over an exposed tree root and fell on my face causing my nose to bleed again. The manticores claws ripped 3 long gashes along my back, with the middle one extending to the top of my neck, instead of taking off my head. I was about to scream in pain but it vanished and was replaced with cold and then numbness. I didn't realize it at the time but my wings had moved to cover the wound keeping me from bleeding.
I stood up but was frozen in place 'Fuck, fuck, fuck. What do I do, what do I do, what do I do?' I looked around and noticed that everything was frozen in place.
'Well, well, well. We're in quite the situation aren't we?' a female voice said slowly.
My eyes darted around looking for the voice that I could swear I had heard before 'Who and where the hell are you?'
'Oh come now. You haven't forgotten about little 'ol me have you?'
'Forgotten? I can't forget someone I haven't ever met. And besides, I don't have voices in my head. At least not since.....' My eyes narrowed in thought 'Since.....' My eyes widened in horror and my pulse quickened 'Oh no.....
A black fog creeped in front of my vision. Its had large black pupils and where they wold normally be white, they were purple. It smiled evilly and showed off its mouth full of sharp looking teeth.'Ding ding Ding! We have a winner!'
I grimaced 'I got rid of you. You can't exist! I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE!
The fog danced in the air and it laughed with pure joy Hahaha! You DO need me though!
'No I don't! I've been fine for YEARS. I haven't needed you ever since I got out of that house'
'Ah, ah, ah. I can do SO much more now. And with the situation the situation you're in right now? You know, the one with the manticore? I'd say you could use some help with that.' The fog leaned in close to my ear 'And I'm the only one that can help you with that'
'Yeah how? Last time I checked you can't do much except speak'
'Well check again my dear Damon. Ever since you came here I've been able to do so many new and wonderful things! Did you know, I can speed up your reaction time so much that it seems like time is standing still? Or that I can connect your mind to your soul so you can use magic?'
My eyes narrowed 'Why are you telling me this.....'
'I'm so glad you asked! You see, if you die then I die and that's just no good!' She says with a cheery voice 'So the way I see it, if I help you survive then I get to live and so do you! It's a win win! Make your choice quickly though. I can't hold us frozen here forever and once I stop doing that, that manticore will rip you apart.'
'I guess I have no choice then. But before you do it I have one question. How much is this gonna hurt? Connecting my mind and my soul doesn't sound.....pleasant'
Even though she was a moving black cloud her face darkened and she frowned 'Oh it is going to be quite possibly the most painful thing you have ever felt. You thought that you knew pain as a child? Well this is going to hurt your mind. Physical pain is nothing like feeling your mind burning which is exactly what you are going to feel. It's going to feel like it's lasting for hours yet in reality, it will only be a second. I hope you're ready because if your mind breaks during this then you're dead even if you survive the manticore.'
'Just one more thing. What's your name? You never told it to me back then'
'I guess there's no harm in letting you know. It's Tenebris. Now are you ready? Too bad here we go'
It felt as if there were a million suns burning in my thoughts. An instant later it was accompanied by the immeasurable weight of 15 million years of being alone and depressed. My mind was near its breaking point but the torture was just beginning. For what seemed like an eternity my mind went through the most painful thing imaginable. Cold so horrible it froze my thoughts, lightning burning out my nerve endings. Every one of the very few happy moments in my life I was forced to relive to the point they were sickeningly sweet. This was quickly followed by the numerous memories of hate, depression, sadness, tragedy, and the same crushing feelings of 15 million years of loneliness. The whole experience felt like it had lasted for days when it had really only lasted for a second. My sanity was questionable and my mind was being held together by a single shred of lucidity. My ability to think was shut down completely and I was reduced to animalistic hate and rage.
Time unfroze and I instictually stepped into the wonderful embrace of the shadows and sank into them. Where there was previously light, there was now a void and where there were shadows there was now light that looked oversaturated. I saw the shadow that was the manticore and I felt something within me start throbbing, asking for me to use it. I gave in and felt my extremities start to tingle and burn. I reached out to the manticore and wrapped its body in shadows. I squeezed the life out of it and before it knew what was happening, it was little more than a compressed ball of flesh and bone. I rose out of the shadows and back into the real world and picked up the ball of flesh that used to be a manticore. In my damaged state of mind I thought it would be a good idea to take a bite of it. As I bit into it, I heard a sharp intake of breath.
I whipped around to face the new attackers and I saw several guards, Rainbow Dash, and princess Luna. When I stepped into the light they all recoiled at the sight of me. My eyes were bloodshot and my shirt was tattered and soaked in blood. I was panting heavily and my wings were at spread out at their full span of 8 feet with me in a fighting stance and an ominous, crimson red liquid falling off of them that disappeared as it reached the ground. The left side of my face was covered in a black fluid that was liquified shadows and my face was contorted into a snarl of hate and fury and was dripping blood.
"Damon....you....you used shadow magic.....didn't you?" She was horrified at what had happened to me.
When I heard her soothing voice, memories of who I was came rushing back to me and I grabbed my head in both hands and stumbled around. "UNGHHH I just.....you.....it's too much" I sprinted into the tree line towards a mountain that I had seen during my flight from Canterlot, breaking branches and getting cuts all over my arms and legs in the process.
'See you later' Tenebris giggled.
After hours of running I finally reached the mountain. I looked around for a possible path up and found only one but it was a steep incline with few handholds. The sharp rocks that made up the majority of the mountainside cut deep into my hands and shoes, shredding my shoes and cutting up my feet. Halfway up the mountain the toll of using magic for the first time, running away from the guards twice, and being attacked by a manticore finally caught up with me and I could barely cling to the mountainside anymore. Luckily I I found a cave and climbed inside of it with one last burst of energy.
After several minutes of sitting there and catching my breath I saw that the sun outside was setting and I decided to move farther into the cave for the night. After 10 minutes of walking I came to a fork in the road. One path was connected to the one I was currently on and continued on until I couldn't see the end of it. The other path had a dim golden light coming from it. By that time I had regained some of my faculties and as such, my curiosity got the better of me and I decided to go down the path with the golden glow and I soon found myself in a gigantic room that must have taken up the entire center of the mountain.
The first thing I noticed about the room was that it was completely FILLED, with gold and gems. The second thing that I noticed was that it was nearly unbearably hot in the room. I walked into the center of the room which had a large fountain in it that was spitting out.....lava? The shadows that made up my wings moved with a gentle breeze but something wasn't right. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end and something told me that I was no longer alone in this room
I started backpedaling from the fountain and ran into something behind me. I froze because whatever was behind me was BIG. 'I know I'm gonna regret this but...' I turned my head around and only saw a red scaled leg so I slowly turned my head upwards and there was a black scaled dragon that surprisingly was only 12 feet tall and lacked wings. I stared at it blinking with my mouth slightly agape.
"What are you little one?" It's voice was deep and low. Not unlike the sound of rocks grating together.
I continued to stare at it while I responded "I'm....uh....I'm....a human...."
"I have never heard of 'hue-mans'. Then again I have not left this cave in millenia. Do tell me hue-man what are the current state of affairs in the world? His eyes glanced towards my wings, which were still much larger than normal and dripping crimson, and his eyes narrowed and locked on with mine with an unmatchable intensity "Hue-man tell me quickly. Are you a shadow magic practicioner? And if so, did you recently learn to use magic? He said with a low growl.
The dragons gaze was forcing me to tell the truth and keeping me rooted in place. "I-I-I think so. I just arrived in this world and woke up with these wings. Then princess Luna told me I was a Dweller of the Twilight and then tried to arrest me. I flew away and ran into this forest where I was attacked by a weird lion thing but a voice in my head said it was going to connect my mind to my soul. It did that and then I just kind of, melted into the shadows and crushed the lion thing into a ball."
The dragon's gaze softened and I collapsed to the floor "You impress me hue-man. In all my eons I have seen few achieve the blood form and even fewer retain their lives when they did.
"Blood form? What are you--" He place a claw on my forehead and over my heart and everything went black.
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Luna:
"Come! The tracks lead this way!" I commanded. We had lost Damon in the forest but after flying above the canopy we saw him climbing a mountain and enter a cave which was where we were now. I had sent one of the Lunar guards with me to report back to Celestia about the entire incident of Damon arriving and escaping while the rest of us continued our search for him.
I knew that if we did not find him soon we would most likely lose him to his anger and hate from when he connected to his magic. We had gone far enough into the cave that we could no longer see so I cast a light spell so we could continue. 'If we don't find him in time we will have to kill him. Or worse, imprison him like me.' She shuddered at the thought.
"The tracks end here princess. Which path do we take?" One of the guards asked.
I looked at our two choices. The path that connected to this one was incredibly dark while the one on the right had a dull glow coming from it. "Take the path on the right. He would most likely head for the lit area."
After a minute, we came upon a room filled with jewels and gold. Some of the guards eyes shined with greed and one reached out to take some. "Touch nothing! This is most likely a dragon's hoard" The guard retracted his hoof quickly and we all heard the sound of someone falling to the ground.
We looked to where the sound originated from and saw a tall black land dragon standing over Damon. "AETERNIUM?!" I shouted.
He looked over at our group and his jaw hit the ground "LUNA?!
"What are you doing here?!" They both shouted in unison.
Luna shook her head "I am looking for the human called Damon. He is the first shadow magic user in 200 thousand years and I fear that his mind cannot handle the shock of using magic for the first time" Luna said.
"I believe this is the one you are looking for" He pointed to Damon.
"Please relinquish him so I can--"
"No"
Luna was taken aback "No? What do you mean no? Aeternium you know what happens to beings that connect to their magic for the first time. And you know it's worse for shadow magic users. Let him go so I can help him"
"Luna you of all people should know I cannot do that. You can clearly see he has achieved the blood form and retained his mind. It is my duty to instruct him on his new responsibilities." His eyes narrowed "As is yours"
Luna blanched and started pacing "B-b-blood form? HE is the one that achieved it? This is not good. This is not good at all"
Aeternium furrowed his scales in confusion "How is this not good Luna? The time has finally come for us to fufill our duty once again and you think that this is bad? I must know why"
She stopped pacing "Aeternium...you remember what Celestia's feelings on that are though. And she is the current ruler of Equestria. If she finds out about him..." She then remembered that she had sent off a messenger to inform Celestia of Damon. "Oh no. I sent a messenger to my sister to inform her of Damon"
Aeternium's face darkened "We must convince her to see otherwise, or do what you know better than ANYONE knows what must be done...
A tear escaped Luna's eye "No....I can't....she's my sister...."
"We do what we must for the greater good...."
Luna's face was streaming tears "Y-yes. For the greater good..."
"Do what princess?! Princess? Princess!?" Rainbow dash screamed.
"If we cannot convince my sister to not kill Damon, we must imprison her on the sun..." Luna said in between sobs.
Rainbow dash was taken aback "Imprison her on the sun? Princess just what the hay is going on here?!"
Well, shit!
3204975
I want to like this more, I really do, but there's some problems that you need to work on. I'll give you the big two, the rest are rather minor and honestly don't detract much, if any, from the story itself.
The first, and biggest, is that you seem to have this habit of double speech. You'll say one thing, the restate it within the next two lines in a different manner. While it's great to reiterate points at times, doing it in that manner makes it seem like you aren't aware of what you're writing completely. Pick one explanation and stick with it, you might lose some word count, but it'd improve quality and that's far more important.
The second is your grammar. Over all, it's decent, but here and there I've come across a few blurbs that just made me hurt. I leave it to any editors you have to find these and inform you, this is just to give you my opinions and views.
In closing, I want to say that this is an interesting concept and I rather like the ideas you put forth here as far as magic goes. Your world building is pretty interesting too, wars in a mostly idealic place such as Equestria are rather intriguing to think about. Lastly, Luna seems a little out of character, but after reading this chapter it seems there's a darn good reason for it.
You have both my fav and my up-vote. Best of luck and I hope I've not offended you any with this.
-Dark Parable, teller of tales of a questionable nature.
3212793 I'll be the first to admit that my grammar is not the best. and while I WAS going to have an editor, he changed his mind at the last minute before I posted the first chapter so I'm kind of out of luck in that regard. I went back over the chapters and did realize that you are correct in stating that I do have a nasty habit of double speech so I'm going to work on that in future chapters and the fixes on the current ones. You're criticism is greatly appreciated.
3213030
You're quite welcome. If you've not already done so, submit this story to school for new writers and authors helping authors. Both groups should be able to help you make this even better than it already is.
I'd offer you some help editing, but I honestly haven't the time to do so at the moment. Perhaps at a later date.
Again, best of luck
-Parable