Screw the Magic, I Have Friendship!

by Supahsnail

Super, Special, Awesome, Chocolatey, Fudge Coated, Mega, Ultra, Super Chapter!

Chapter updates for this fanfiction are getting gradually less frequent. Does that remind you of anything?

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Duke Devlin slowly opened his eyes and panned around him. To his right, he saw Kaiba, Tea, Rarity and Fluttershy spread out amongst the trees and brush. They were all still unconscious, but Mokuba was attempting to wake up Kaiba by shaking him. To his left he saw Tristan and Rainbow Dash at the base of a tree. Rainbow Dash was starting to wake up as well, but looked too weak to stand. Yami, Joey, Twilight and Applejack were in front of him near the water's edge, talking amongst each other.

Duke rubbed the back of his head and worked his way into a standing position. "Waking up next to a bunch of naked, unconscious bodies," he narrated. "It's just another day for Duke Devlin."

"Seto! Seto wake up!" Mokuba pleaded as he shook Kaiba's unconscious body with tears streaming down his face. "Wake up, Seto! I don't want to be alone! I'm scared!"

Kaiba opened his eyes slowly and gingerly placed one hoof on Mokuba's shoulder. "Mokuba..." He said.

"Yes, Seto! What is it?"

"...Shut up." He pushed Mokuba to the side and stood up.

Kaiba, Rainbow Dash and Duke walked over to Yami, Joey, AJ and Twilight. "What happened?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Where's Marik? Where's Pinkie?"

"Oh, you're awake," Twilight said with a relieved sigh. "That's good news."

"And all of the rest of us conveniently woke up while we were off screen," said Tristan. Just like he had said, everyone else had conveniently woken up.

"Neat." Said Yami.

"I think I'm speaking for all of my Ponyville friends here when I say that I don't even understand what's going on," said Twilight. "How do we stop Melvin if we don't even know what he's doing?"

"If only there were someone who's only purpose was to help move along the plot while still giving is as little information as possible," said Joey.

"Jagshemesh!" Shadi's voice exclaimed. He stepped from the brush into the clearing.

"Look everybody! It's an extremely racist characature!" Tea announced.

"Yay!" Tristan said happily. "It's my fairy godmother!"

"He's not your fairy godmother, you dork!" Duke said bitterly.

"You're just jealous," Tristan surmised.

"Oh great," Yami said sarcastically. "It's that guy..."

"You know him too, huh?" Asked Twilight.

"Unfortunately."

"Yes, it is me," Shadi said. "I have come with urgent warning!"

"Let me guess," said Yami. "You're going to warn us about Melvin's plan to destroy the fourth wall."

For a few seconds that felt like a few minutes, Shadi simply stared at all of them with a serious expression. He finally replied, "...I showed up too late again, didn't I?"

"A few chapters earlier would have been nice," said Joey.

"Oh well," Shadi said casually. "You can't win all of them. My job is to protect fourth wall dividing worlds. Great success so far, no?"

"No," Yami answered.

"Question was rhetorical!" Shadi said. "Back to point. Melvin's plan to break fourth wall will cause more destruction than he knows. If fourth wall of this world and your world are both destroyed, life as we know it will be in chaos. Is bad!!!"

"What do you mean?" Asked Twilight.

Shadi answered, "Nothing that is right will be true. We will become like the animal. Animal will become like the dirt, and dirt will become like the Jew."

"I don't even know what that is and I can still tell that that was obscenely racist," said Fluttershy.

"My time runs short," Shadi continued. "You must defeat Marik and reverse what he has done using Elements of Harmony!"

"Isn't protecting the fourth wall kind of your job?" Joey asked.

"Yeah!" Rainbow Dash agreed. "Why should we be doing your job? The least you could do is help!"

"...I am a ghost!" Shadi exclaimed. While everyone was distracted with the complete irrelevance of what he had said, Shadi quickly faded away into thin air.

"This is terrible!" Tristan shouted. "Melvin's going to destroy the fabric of reality, and the Joker's planted a bomb in one of the cities hospitals, but the only way we can stop him is if we get off the island before it explodes and we've only got fourteen minutes! And to make matters worse, in a few hours, the sun will rise!"

"Tristan, it's the middle of the day," said Rarity.

"OH, NO! WE'RE TOO LATE!" Tristan shouted.

Fluttershy flew up and hovered above the tree line.

"Before we can make a plan, we'll need to know where Melvin is," Twilight thought out loud.

"Um... Guys," Fluttershy said quietly.

"If I were him, I would be in the largest building structurally possible," said Kaiba.

"Um... Guys, I think I know where he is..." Fluttershy said.

"Playing a card game usually reveals important plot points. We should try that," Yami suggested.

Fluttershy became tired of being ignored. She took in a deep breath and shouted, "EVERYPONY!!! HE'S IN THE TOWN HALL!!!" After screaming, she began to hyperventilate for a short time before catching her breath.

They all stared in shock. Twilight and her friends were surprised that she would yell like that. Yami and his friends didn't even know she could talk.

Fluttershy sighed and pointed toward Ponyville. The Town Hall, the tallest building in the town which was roughly a third the size of Kaiba's ego, had a beam of red light that shot into the air and darkened the sky around it. It was painfully obvious that there was something evil there.

"Wow, I didn't think it was possible," said Kaiba, "but he actually managed to make me look subtle, and I drive a jet shaped like a blue freaking dragon!"

"Obvious or not, it's still a lead!" Twilight said. She headed back to the beaten path they had taken to get there. "Come on!" She urged everyone else to follow behind her, and they quickly did.

The dark red light could still be seen through the leaves of the trees as they ran. "That certainly is ominous," Rarity commented as she saw this. "I'd imagine that all of Ponyville is in chaos after seeing something like that come up out of nowhere!"

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MEANWHILE, THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY

Two, blue stallions wearing matching spectacles were standing across the street from the Town Hall, watching the skies darken.

"I do say, Pippin, that is a rather ominous sight we are observing. Wouldn't you say, good sir?" One asked the other.

"Oh, I do say, Geoffrey, that is not ominous, it is far more along the lines of inauspicious, I say!"

"Inauspicious? I do say, sir, that is preposterous! If anything, I'd say it looks more foreboding."

"Foreboding, good sir?"

"Yes, good sir."

"Well, good sir, I do say that this is quite clearly far more inauspicious than foreboding."

"Well, I disagree with you, this is quite clearly more foreboding, I say!"

"Do you mean to say that you know better what this is to be called than I do, good sir?"

"I do believe so, good sir."

"Well, I take offence to that!"

"Well, I take offence to you taking offence to that!"

"FISTICUFFS!" They both shouted in unison before proceeding to smack each other.

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MEANWHILE, THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY

On the inside of the Town Hall building, Melvin passed back and forth in front of Pinkie and four other brainwashed Steves. The other Steves where the mayor and three other earth pony stallions who he had "Stevified" last minute for the purpose of plot convenience.

"This plan is going perfectly, my Steves!" Melvin said, he was mostly talking to himself because the "Steves" weren't exactly good conversationalists. "There's just one loose end to take care of before I leave. And by 'take care of,' I mean 'stab repeatedly in the eye socket!' It's the same thing, really."

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MEANWHILE, INSIDE OF PINKIE PIE'S BRAIN (which happened to be thousands of miles away)

Pinkie Pie was lost in an abyss of swirling pink and black shadows. There were no landmarks for her to use. In fact, she was begging to suspect that she wasn't moving at all!

She had stopped being scarred hours ago. Now, she was frustrated, frustrated that no matter what she did, she couldn't find a way out. She let out a heavy sigh and fell into a sitting position. "Pull yourself together, Pinkie!" She said to herself. "This isn't that bad. Your friends will be here any time now... Wherever you are..." She looked at the purple and black shadows around her. "Where... Am I?"

The cybernetic ghost of Christmas past from the future appeared to her left and said, "That is the wrong question. What you should be asking is: Where am I FIVE THOUSAND YEARS FROM NOW?"

"...Why are you here?" Pinkie asked.

"I DON'T KNOW!!!"

"So... Can you help me find a way out of here?"

"Probably not."

Comments

[SuperPinkBrony12]

"Playing a card game usually reveals important plot points. We should try that,"

A few minutes later "Why isn't this being resoslved with a card game?!"

[Theanonymous1]

I almost wish there was a chapter extra involving a memorial for the Hair-guy, who may or may not be dead.

[Grey Warden]

Why is everyone in this fan fiction a pony!?

[Cold Spike]

Twilight you must... play a children's card game.

...WHAT?!

[Jdts7]

If playing card games is in fact like making love, i'd wager twilight would be a horrible duelist

[Jdts7]

3219075 why aren't they?

[Supahsnail]

3220469 Oooh, slick burn there, JD boy!

If I weren't so very camp, I might actually make a credible author.

[Supahsnail]

3220475 it's a joke from yugioh abridged episode 38.

Yami: Why is everybody in this guy's deck a f***ing ninja?

Natural (at the end of the episode): Why is everyone in this show a f***ing duelist?

[Manendorf]

3219075
Because Equestria has a universal law that turns all humans that enter the land into ponies

[Rhodesm96]

Yami and his friends didn't even know she could talk.