• Published 31st Aug 2013
  • 4,779 Views, 119 Comments

Screw the Magic, I Have Friendship! - Supahsnail



Marik's evil plan puts all of the main characters of Yugioh (and Tristan) in a strange new world.

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Revenge of the Steves

This fanfiction was written in front of a live studio audience of fangirls. IT WAS TERRIFYING!!!

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"Here we are at Everfree Forest," Joey announced, repeating his annoying habit of announcing where they were every time something changed. The were all walking through a narrow path of brush, and had to file into a one or two pony line behind the henchman.

"Attention duelists!" The henchman said loudly. "My hair is definitely not leading you into a trap!"

"You'd better be telling us the truth!" Rainbow Dash said through gritted teeth, "Because, I'll make you regret this if you are!"

They followed the henchman out of the brush and into a clearing where the sun could be seen. The dirt ground transitioned to gravel and lead to the edge of a deep, flowing river. Twilight couldn't help but notice that this area seemed very familiar. Marik was standing a few inches from the edge of the water.

"Here we are at river clearing," Joey narrated.

"Good job, Steve," Marik said to his henchman. The henchman quickly sprinted to Marik's side, due mostly to the look Rainbow Dash had just given him. "You brought all of them to me! Prepare to be destroyed once and for all, binky boy!"

"Yug! Transform into your sexy alter ego!" Joey ordered.

Yugi nodded and let Yami take over again. "Puberty Power!!!" His form changed back to Yami's appearance with a look of cool confidence.

"OH MY GOD!" Tristan exclaimed. "Yugi just got taller! I didn't know he could do that!"

"What happened?" Yami asked.

"You mean you couldn't see what was going on?" Rarity asked.

"No, I just wasn't paying any attention! I have Nintendo in there now!"

"Then allow me to recap, Pharaoh!" Said Marik. "You're about to lose!"

"Nice try, Marik, but I never lose!" Yami replied, "You should try beating Jaden Yuki. It'd be a whole lot easier."

"Where's Pinkie? Tell me what you've done to her!" Twilight demanded.

"You'll see soon enough!" Marik yelled. "You'll all see!" He lifted his Millenium Rod toward the sun and it emitted its golden light. The others struggled to keep their eyes opened in the blinding light. A long serpent like form emerged from the water, purple with well groomed hair, small claws and blank, zombie like eyes. "You are on the way to destruction, binky boy!" Said Marik.

"What you say???" Yami yelled.

The sea serpent lowered its head to the gravel ground. Marik sepped in top of its scalp, balancing with the aid if its puffy hair. The serpent raised tis enormous head again, this time with Marik standing on top of it. "Tremble before me!" He commanded. "For I, Marik Ishtar, have gained control over the most fabulous of all Steves! Steven Magnet! You have no chance to survive make your time!"

"What's with all the bad grammar?" Twilight asked.

"Somebody set us up the bomb!" Tristan cried.

"Enough of these dead meme references!" Marik commanded. "Prepare to be destroyed by my fabulous sea serpent!"

"Is that thing supposed to be scary?" Yami mocked.

"You're just jealous of his mustache!" Said Marik.

"Am not!" Yami said defiantly. 'Damn it! How did he know my secret?' He thought.

"So, this is seriously your big plan?" Twilight inquired. "You're going to kill us with a sea serpent that can't even leave the water..."

"What!? Who said anything about killing?" Asked Marik. "I just wanted to destroy you a little bit! Jeez! Why do you have to take everything the wrong way?"

Yami pointed his left front hoof at Marik in a needlessly dramatic fashion. "Face it, Marik, all of your plans are terrible! You are by far the worst villain ever! Your plans are bad and you should feel bad!"

Marik shouted back in anger. "At least I don't inhabit the body of a little boy!"

"You smell like a catfish!"

"You look like a catfish!"

"I hate you!"

"I hate you more!"

Tristan shouted to both of them, "Oh, just f*** already!"

"I don't have time for this!" Twilight shouted. Her horn was beginning to glow purple, ready for action. "Tell us where Pinkie Pie is! Because if I have to be with these seven idiots for any longer than I have to, I can't be held responsible for what I do to them!"

"I'm not going to stop her," Fluttershy admitted.

"FINE!" Marik yelled, "You want to see your friend! I will show you your friend? I will! But I must warn you, she has been corrupted by my rod!"

"Oh my..." Duke said.

"What? NO! NOT LIKE THAT! MY MILLENNIUM ROD, YOU FRIGGIN PERVERT! I would never do something like that to a lady!"

"Yes, we all know that you're gay," Yami said.

"I'M NOT FRIGGIN GAY!" Marik screamed.

Rarity said, "You do seem to be wearing a lot of jewelry."

"Yeah, and you're always hanging out with that Bakura guy!" Joey added.

"I'm ignoring you, now!" Marik announced as he used his front hooves to cover his ears. "Now, back to your friend Pinkie Pie!" He tilted his Millennium rod toward the water and commanded, "Rise, Stevie Pie!"

A disturbance in the water caused several bubbles to surface. The top of Pinkie Pie's unmistakable pink hair broke the surface of the water. She slowly walked out of the water revealing her entire body. She looked exactly the same as before aside from a vacant expression on her face.

"She was underwater this whole time?" Yami asked skeptically.

"Yes! It was done for dramatic effect!"

"How was she breathing?" Twilight asked.

"And why is her hair not wet?" Yami added.

"...I don't know..." said Marik. "I'm assuming the writers didn't really care that much."

Fluttershy sighed in relief, "Who cares about her hair? At least she's okay... right?"

"Oh, yes!" Marik said, "She's perfectly fine."

"I agree," said Duke.

"SHUT UP, DUKE!" Marik yelled. He held out his rod to pinkie and ordered, "Say hi to your friends, Stevie Pie!"

"They tuk ur jobs..." Pinkie moaned with a vacant expression.

"Holy Ra! She's been completely brainwashed!" Yami exclaimed.

"Now for phase two of my brilliant plan!" Marik announced.

"And what would that be?" Asked Yami.

"I... don't know... I kind of expected to fail by now..." Marik admitted.

"Allow me to help you with that!" Rainbow dash yelled. She had had enough of all of the pointless talking. She burst into the air with one hoof outstretched. Marik had no time to react, mostly because he wasn't expecting someone to actually do something. She flew her hoof straight into Marik's face, knocking him off of the sea serpents head and into the water. He barely had enough time to let out a girly scream.

Meanwhile, Fluttershy and Rarity were trying to pull Pinkie Pie back to the rest of the group, but she was resisting them. She seemed to be doing everything she could to stay exactly where she was, only obeying Marik's instructions.

Rainbow Dash hovered high above the water, her eyes fixed on the place where Marik had fallen. "That was way too easy." She said.

"Actually, with Marik it usually is that easy," Yami informed.

Marik emerged from the water in the same manner that Pinkie Pie had, breaking the surface and walking onto the gravel shore. He looked unmistakably different. His hair was spiked out in all directions, his eyes had a sinister glare, and a golden light in the shape of an eye adorned his forehead. His voice had a sinister echo. He pointed to the side of his cheek where Rainbow Dash had punched him and said, "Thank you, sir, can I have another?"

"I AM NOT A SIR!" Rainbow Dash shouted.

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!" Tristan shouted back.

"Ewww! What happened to his mane?" Rarity asked.

"Oh my gods!" Yami exclaimed. "That isn't Marik! He's become his evil alter ego, Melvin! No doubt the next thing he says will be diabolically evil!"

Melvin looked up at the sky. "This world is so pretty," he said.

"TAKE THAT BACK!!!" Yami depended.

Marik pointed his rod at Fluttershy and Rarity, who were now desperately trying to move Pinkie. "Hey, you two, care for a joke?" He said, causing both of them to jump and slowly turn to face him. "Knock knock," he said.

"Um... who's... there?" Fluttershy asked timidly.

Melvin's rod glowed and Rarity and Fluttershy were covered in ancient Egyptian squiggly lines. They were lifted off the ground and flung into a tree, both of them falling out of consciousness before Melvin delivered the end of his joke. "Pain. Get it?"

"I get it!" Tristan shouted. "It was funny!"

Marik turned his rod toward Twilight. "Say hello to Naruto: The Abridged Series in the afterlife for me!" He said.

Rainbow Dash burst into action, diving straight down toward Melvin to take away his Millennium Rod. Melvin saw her coming and jumped out of the way when it was too late for her to stop. She flew strait into the ground, dragging her chin through the ground a few feet before coming to a stop.

Melvin stood over her and pulled the head off of his rod, revealing that it had a stabbing tool imbedded in it. "Say hi to mister stabby," He said. "and prepare to experience what one of my famous hugs feels like!"

"I'm actually going to do something for once!" Tristan yelled. He charged strait at Melvin crying, "My voice gives me super strength!"

"Bitch, please," Melvin said. He used his Millennium rod to lift Rainbow Dash and hurl her at Tristan, knocking him down in his tracks and stunning both of them.

"Congratulations, Tristan," said Joey. "You were slightly more ineffectual than usual."

"Thanks, Obama," Tristan said weakly.

Melvin reassembled his rod and pointed it toward Mokuba, Kaiba, Tea and Duke.

"Wait!" Kaiba shouted. "Tristan's not dead yet! You should finish that first! You can't kill me! I haven't had enough lines yet!"

Melvin chuckled and used his rod to fling the four of them into the trees behind them with more ancient Egyptian squiggly lines.

Twilight, Applejack, Joey and Yami were the only three who were still able to fight. "I'm not giving up!" Twiight said. She fired a beam of magic out of her horn that Melvn was easily able to deflect with his rod.

"We shall finish this," Melvin said, "But let's wait for the next chapter. This one's been going a tad long."