• Member Since 19th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Not so New Brony


Just a guy that likes ponies and happens to know how to write... sort of.

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After 522's death,Stedson Cog realizes how attached to the clones he really was. He no longer saw them as clones but as his own children. How far will he go as he prepares them for their future as soldiers.

This story is a side story to Born of Sin which was written by Unholyheaven

To understand this story,you have to first read The Koprulu Sector and Born of Sin.

Request to readers,this is my first pony story so please point out any mistakes I make. This goes doubly so for Starcraft fans.

Cover Art made by Rametep, check out his stuff here

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 31 )

You call this 'mature'?
Mature is being skinned alive, sliced open, and being forced to watch your own heart stop beating as life slowly drains from you in the form of blood. With more detail than I just used. Change it to 'teen', this is more heartbreaking then gory.
And by heartbreaking, I bucking mean heartbreaking. :raritycry:

3124497 I see,thank you for your comment. Now that I have a slightly better understanding. I'll make the changes.

I love how you're doing stuff. Just a friendly tip. The main chars are ponies, so try to change the curses a bit. Try turning hell to hay, and some others are optional, but don't use fuck, change that to buck. :ajsmug:

3127557 Actually,according to Unholyheaven,the Dominion ponies more or less adopted terran culture so the use of human/terran expressions will be prevalent since the characters here are imperials. But the usage of buck will be considered if future readers dislike the 'f' word. Thanks for the tip.:twilightsmile:

Meh, didn't really resonate with me.
But a lot of tiny mistakes.

3127747 I appreciate your honesty. Mind pointing out some of my mistakes ?

3127778 Oh, it's just you forgot to put commas in front of many of the names. And something else I don't remember.
Hope you don't take offence, it's not bad, just I'm not one to fall for this kind of stuff.

3127624

I avoid the use of the f word like the plague. I've only said "shit" once because it was a reference to a scene from a show that I later linked in the comments.

But other than that, you are right. Imperials would use more human expressions. I just don't like relying heavily on deeper profanity.

3129056 Duly noted. At least you were honest and I did ask for readers to point out mistakes I made so thanks.

3130084 All right, good work, and best of luck!

Ah so sweet he's a great father giving the conditions he's forced with .

3143511 Thank you very much for the comment.:scootangel: I'm working on the next chapter right now... well not really now since I'm replying to your comment and...:twilightblush: Oops,almost went off on topic didn't I ? Hehehe...back to writing!

3256028 I'll take that as a positive comment.:pinkiesmile:

Personally I'd suggest writing an ending.

Dude, for fuck's sake tell me that that unholy blog is not reall! I am begging you with actual tears pouring out of my eyes, tell me that that shit was just a nasty sick joke, and not reall!!!

3299891 I don't really know what to say. I'm still somewhat in shock even now. I really hope it's just some sick joke so he can 'come back from the dead' on Halloween. All we can do is hope that his suicide-should it be real- failed and he's recovering in a hospital or something. Never even knew he had a brother, wish we could contact him to be sure but all I got are unholy's emails

3300037 This shit is just too messed up. Damn it! Why do only the people I like lean in towards harming themselves! There are like over a dozen people in my class I desire to see dead, but noo, it must be a being you find nice, and do not wish to send to oblivion.

3300847 I know it is but we must not lose our heads right now. Let's be rational about this and calm down. Alright?

Just a few grammar issues, but the rest was marvelous~!

The asteroid field that a battlecruiser couldn't get through was from one of the books, wasn't it?

3892662 Well, yes and no. Let me explain:
The idea was already there since Castanar was originally in game. Sure the close up shot only showed a few pieces of floating rocks near the actual facility but I'd figure that since Matt was only able to send in dropships to deliver backup, he must have had trouble sending them in(i.e: asteroid field).

I only realized that the books had the same thing much later.

-slow clap- Your writing skills are very good. And that part:

“In fact, I knew a guy who was actually willing to take on a bunch of guys in power armor all on his own, and all he had was just a-”

Made me tear up a bit. I believe it is safe to say that this entire story(all of the sub ones and main one put together) has integrated a lot of feelings into us. :pinkiesad2:

4016556 Thanks, I came up with multiple versions of each segment,( which I didn't show you) before I settled on this one.
Glad you like the little mention of you-know-who:raritywink:

Yeah, never thought I would feel so much from writing this, I really hope he approves of this.

Wonderful story, I loved it! Added a lot of depth to the original born of sin, (which was still amazing in itself!) , especially regarding Stedson himself.

Kinda like watching an extended director's cut of a movie.

7317653 Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Of course, save for the last three chapters,Unholy helped me out with the planning, I merely filled in the blanks.:twilightsmile:

It suddenly ocured to me that I'd never read your stories. Making course corrections now. You should do a Silververse story. I'm going to poke you with a stick now until you do. Ask anyone, that is a thing that I do. :trollestia:

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