• Published 25th Feb 2012
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The Wandering Physicist Adventures - WanderingPhysicist



Scientist, nerd, mystery. Ponyville's newest resident has a lot of secrets to share with new friend

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Meet the Sparkles

Main Characters: TWP, Twilight, Night Light, Twilight Velvet
Cameos: Celestia, Fancy Pants, Octavia, Donut Joe
Original Write Date: 05/02/2012


James and Twilight walk up to a house on calm Canterlot street. The sun is slowly setting behind the mountain. Twilight adjusts a bow she is wearing in her mane. James groans and tries removing a tie. Twilight scowls and uses her magic to retie it.

‘I told them you would make a good impression,’ Twilight grumbles, ‘and that means you wear a tie.’

‘You got me to comb my mane. Isn’t that enough?’ the stallion groans.

Twilight growls. ‘You will be on your best behavior tonight. You only get one chance for a first impression, and I want this one to go better than with Shining Armor.’

James grins. ‘Will he be here?’

Twilight shudders. ‘Thankfully no. He made some lame excuse to be out of the city with Cadence and miss my birthday, but that is a small price to pay for you being less of a jackass.’

‘If you want me to not act out in public, you know what to do, right?’ James beams.

Twilight growls and tightens James’ tie, choking him. She knocks on the door and puts on a big smile. James quickly pulls off the tie and ties it around a passing pony’s tail. The door opens and a blue unicorn stallion and pale grey unicorn mare answer. They smile and hug Twilight.

‘Twilight!’ the unicorns cheer.

‘Mom! Dad!’ Twilight cheers in return.

There is flash of light behind the family. ‘Twitter!’ James cheers as well.

Twilight’s parents stare at the odd pony behind their daughter. Twilight changes her cringe into a smile before releasing the hug.

‘Mom, dad, this is James. My coltfriend. Who should be wearing a tie.’ Twilight closes her eyes to help control her upset feelings as she tries not to look back to confirm the presence the fabled tie.

‘Yo!’ James waves.

Night Light frowns at the other stallion. Twilight Velvet smiles and bows slightly.

‘It is a pleasure, James,’ Velvet greets.

Night Light scans the other stallion. ‘Greetings, James. Is that a Manehattan name?’

‘Sure. Why not?’

‘He’s from the Los Arion area,’ Twilight quickly corrects.

‘Sure. Why not?’ James grins.

‘Hmm. Interesting,’ Night Light says. ‘Well, come on in. Dinner should be served shortly.’

The unicorn stallion trots back into the house. The mares follow. James takes another picture of the house before following. The house is well-furnished, with paintings and small statuary around the halls. There are several walls covered with pictures of younger versions of Twilight (mostly of her as a unicorn), Shining Armor and some of the kids with a pink alicorn. James takes a few more pictures as Night Light leads them through the house to a dining room. Twilight and her mother chat the whole trot. They take their seats, with Twilight and James sitting across from Twilight’s parents. James smiles at the upset-looking stallion across from him. Night Light snorts and pours a glass of wine for himself and his wife. Servers come out and set salads in front of the diners. James sighs a bit.

‘Something wrong?’ Velvet asks.

‘Sorry. I’m not really a fan of employing servants,’ James replies.

‘Oh geez.’ Twilight facehoofs. She is surprised it took him this long to get political.

‘We only hire out help for important events,’ Night Light explains, ‘such as celebrating the visit of our wonderful daughter.’

‘Coo.’

Velvet levitates a fork of salad. ‘So, James, where in Los Arion are you from?’

‘I arrived in the southern part of the city, but I lived downtown when I was working there last year.’

‘What were you doing there?’

James thinks. ‘You could say I was the head of the beta team for a startup, if being the only member of the beta team counts.’

‘Beta for what?’ Night Light asks.

James gets out his mobile. He taps the screen a bit. ‘Here ya go. Sent you a copy of the game. It is an isomorphic platformer with some bullet hell and RPG elements. Mobile game of the year at E3. I got to meet Miyamoto again.’ He turns to Twilight. ‘You kiss lips that have kissed a god.’

Twilight shakes her head and giggles.

Night Light snorts at the couple, sips his wine, and checks his mobile. ‘Hmm. A game. Interesting. Twilight mentioned you were in the game industry.’

‘Best video game store in town,’ James beams. ‘We have no real competition.’

‘My word,’ Velvet gasps. ‘That is pretty impressive.’

‘He is the only video game store in town,’ Twilight sighs.

‘That still means I am the best.’ He grins and winks. ‘Best you know too.’

Twilight blushes. ‘Shut up.’

Night Light growls. ‘So, James, have you ever been to Canterlot before?’

James shrugs. ‘I’ve made a few trips recently but I lived here for a bit when working localization for a publisher a few years back.’

‘Everything really seems to revolve around video games with you,’ the other stallion notes, drinking his wine.

James smiles and leans against Twilight. ‘I have more important issues now. Oh! That reminds me.’ He activates his mobile. ‘Applejack, stop giving her ice cream. Apple Bloom too. They have had enough. ... Applejack, this is me. Of course I know.’ He hangs up his mobile and smiles.

Twilight snorts. ‘At least you didn’t leave her with Pinkie.’

‘Oh crap!’ James activates his mobile again. ‘Stop giving Pinkie ice cream too!’

Twilight facehoofs. Night Light pours himself more wine. The servers come out again and start setting entrees in front of the diners. James smiles and thanks the servers. The mages levitate their forks and start eating. James leans down and finishes his salad.

‘So, what do the two of you do?’ James asks, then tries the entree.

‘We’re both professors at the university,’ Velvet answers with a smile. ‘I am a professor of magic history, and my husband is professor of applied magic theory.’

‘Oh...’ James pokes his entree a bit. ‘Magic stuffs.’

Twilight kicks James under the table. Night Light looks across at the earth pony.

‘You have a problem with unicorns? Are you a Skybound apologist?’

‘Oh, hell, no. That nutcase will get what he deserves.’

‘James is a physicist, dad,’ Twilight explains.

Night Light facehoofs. ‘Oh dear Celestia. Your type ruin the fun of magic more than anything else.’

James smirks. ‘We do our best.’

The other stallion groans and takes a long sip of wine.

‘Maybe James can sit in on one of your classes?’ Twilight asks. ‘You can show him that magic isn’t all about casting spells.’

‘Yes.’ James nods. ‘It is also about love and friendship and lollypo-ouch!’

Twilight growls at her coltfriend after kicking him again. Velvet giggles at the couple. Night Light sighs and goes back to eating. He pours himself another glass of wine.

‘James, have you ever taught a class before?’ Night Light asks.

‘I used to read to foals at the library, but somepony never wanted me back.’

Twilight kicks James again. ‘You got the story totally wrong.’

‘I only modernized it. The foals loved it.’

Twilight snorts.

James laughs. ‘I also help out at the elementary school when the teacher asks me. The foals love when Mr. Wanderer shows up.’

Twilight sighs. ‘As odd as it sounds, James is a really good teacher, even if he gets the lessons wrong on occasion.’

‘Want me to check with Celestia when I get in later?’

Twilight scrunches her nose and growls. James smiles and laughs.

‘Oh, Twilight,’ Velvet sighs. ‘I’ll have to bring you some of my books sometime...’

Twilight frowns. She turns to James. ‘Speaking of Celestia, are you sure you don’t want to stay here? We have the room.’

‘No, no,’ James replies. ‘I don’t want to intrude. You should have some time alone with your parents. Besides, it was not like we had to pull many strings to get me a room at the palace.’

‘Yes, it is a damn shame you didn’t want to stay here,’ Night Light comments while sipping his wine.

Twilight sighs. ‘I just hoping you would want to stay with us. ... I mean, it is not like we haven’t shared a bed before.’

Night Light spits his wine out, spraying the earth pony across the table. James groans and wipes his face.

‘Not in the context you are thinking,’ James growls.

Night Light growls in return. ‘No matter what the context, I worry for my daughter.’

‘Da~~d!’ Twilight whines.

‘Dear,’ -- Velvet puts a hoof on her husband’s shoulder -- ‘Twilight is a grown mare now.’

‘No... I understand his feelings,’ James says. ‘I worry for my daughter too.’

‘Foal from a previous marriage?’ Night Light asks.

‘Long story and adopted,’ James replies. ‘She does some work for Luna.’

‘When she remembers or is forced to,’ Twilight grumbles.

‘Rei is a good girl. You just need to get to know her.’

‘I have known her for half a year. What part was good?’

‘She delivered that letter for you. Not to mention saving the city a few weeks ago.’

‘James! Not in public,’ Twilight hisses.

‘Wait. What was that?’ Night Light asks.

‘Nothing dear,’ Velvet says. ‘You’re just a little tipsy.’

The stallion snorts and has more wine. The mother winks across the table at her daughter. Twilight sighs in relief and goes back to her dinner. James takes one more picture for Twitter and continues his meal.

After dinner, Twilight shows James around the house. They are currently sitting in her old bedroom. James takes many pictures on his mobile.

‘You live in a library now,’ James says. ‘You lived in a library at school. You even had a library as a child. Kindle has nothing on you.’

‘Like you don’t know what my room looks like,’ Twilight retorts.

James feigns innocence. ‘I have no idea what you are talking about. I am sure if I had seen any of your house before it was only a giant conifer with a basket of gems and a lovely locket under it and definitely not a beautiful filly asleep in her bed.’

Twilight smiles, blushes and growls all at the same time.

James taps a hoof on his chin. ‘Although, it might have been Trixie who told me that...’

A pillow flies across the room, hitting the stallion in the face. James laughs as Twilight levitates another pillow to throw at him. The pillow shoots at the stallion, who ducks. The wayward bedding hits a different stallion instead.

Night Light snorts and puts the pillows back on the bed. ‘James, may we talk for a moment?’

James shrugs and heads out of the room with Night Light. The two stallions walk through the house to a balcony that looks out over the city.

‘James, I apologize for being short with you earlier,’ Night Light says. ‘You just struck me as quite a different stallion than I thought Twilight would be interested in.’

‘Shouldn’t that be “quite a different pony”?’ James asks. ‘That way you take into account whether Twilight may also be interested in mares.’

Night Light holds back a yell. ‘Right. … Shining and Twilight warned me you were odd. I didn’t think you were as unusual as you turned out to be.’

‘Thank you, sir.’

‘Hmm. Twilight is quite taken with you.’

‘Yeah... She’s great.’

‘Have the two of you been intimate?’

‘What?’ James snaps.

‘It is a legitimate question.’

‘Sir! I have been as polite as I could, but that is offensive. You are invading your daughter’s privacy just by asking that question. I will not stand here and be asked to violate her trust.’

Night Light sighs. ‘While I may not have expected that answer, I am at least relieved to hear you will not willingly betray her trust.’

James snorts. ‘Is that all? I doubt I can remain as polite as I have been to now.’

‘If your behavior up to now is what you consider polite, I shudder to think what rude would be.’

‘You’ve heard of Maximilian? The unicorn without magic?’ James points to himself. ‘Yo.’

Night Light steps back. ‘Yes. Twilight told me what you did to him. The whole family is thankful for what you did to save Twilight.’

‘I would do it again and again, endlessly. Just please don’t ever ask me to violate her trust and privacy again.’

‘You have my word,’ Night Light swears.

James snorts and trots away. ‘Good. Sorry for losing my temper.’

Night Light groans to himself as he watches the other stallion leave.

It is late in the evening when Princess Celestia finally gets to bed. Despite being the Princess of the Day, she still has many duties that must be attended to at night. She climbs into bed and magically seals her chambers so she can get some well-earned rest.

Celestia collapses onto her bed in the least regal fashion, immediately pulling all of the pillows under herself. She does not even bother with a blanket to cover herself as her hind legs give out. Her whole body is in the most undignified of poses, one raised tail short of flagging the next pony to enter the room. Celestia giggles to herself as she imagines the reaction of various members of her staff to her position. She shifts her upper body around to get a little more comfortable when she notices an extra mass on the bed. She turns her head to look and instantly screams at what she sees.

‘Hey, princess,’ James greets as he stares at Celestia’s face.

‘Mr. Wanderer!’ Celestia yells. ‘What are you doing here?’

James sighs. ‘I need some advice, and Luna is busy with Night Court. I’m trying to give her a bit of a break since she and Cloudchaser are still working things out.’

Celestia scowls at her late night visitor. She looks at the stallion as he lays next to her. She finds herself getting a little upset that he is not reacting to the provocative position she put herself in. The alicorn groans, arranges her hindquarters more appropriately, and faces her guest. ‘Fine, Mr. Wanderer. What do you want?’

‘Well, I am worried that Twilight is upset with me. I don’t think I made a good impression with her parents.’

‘You not making a good impression with somepony?’ Celestia fakes a gasp. ‘I would never have expected that from you.’

James snorts and holds up his mobile. ‘Tease me enough times and your plot meets the internet.’

Celestia laughs. ‘Please. Such an idle threat. There are those who worship it.’

‘I guess, but your sister and your advisors would love to see that side of you shown publicly.’

The princess glares with the fury of a thousand suns.

‘On the other hoof, you could always turn the other cheek.’

‘Mr. Wanderer! Just tell me your problems. And make them real ones. I highly doubt my prized student would be upset over something as petty as your behavior towards her parents.’

‘But they are...’

‘Wanderer.’ Celestia shakes her head. ‘As much as it pains me to say it, you have been the subject of more than a hoofful of friendship reports. Twilight Sparkle and her friends have accepted your... quirks. If you behaved as you normally do, I am certain my student is not upset with you.’

James sighs and nods. ‘I guess you have a point.’

‘Now, do you have any other concerns or may I finally get some sleep?’

‘Uh... Just one more thing...’

Celestia rolls her eyes. ‘What?’

James holds up his mobile. ‘Which one of these two images captures your figure better?’

A bolt of lightning shoots from Celestia’s horn and strikes the mobile. James shakes the residual electricity from the device and puts it away. He hops from the bed and trots away.

‘Please. With a daughter like Rei, do you really think my electronics wouldn’t be shielded?’ James ducks out the door. ‘See you at breakfast, Celi!’

Celestia magically slams the door after the earth pony, buries her head in a pillow and screams.

James follows Night Light as the unicorn makes his way through the halls of Canterlot University. The professor greets students as he he makes his way to his classroom. James laughs when he sees posters warning of a thief, featuring Silver in her stealth suit.

Night Light stops in front of a classroom and turns to his guest. ‘This is my most important class. I appreciate you behaving during my morning labs, but this is a real class,’ -- he laughs -- ‘try to keep up.’

Night Light enters the class. Only fifteen students sit in the classroom. James finds a seat near the front as the professor sets up.

‘Good morning, class,’ Night Light greets. ‘This is my daughter’s... coltfriend. He will be sitting in with us today.’

James waves. ‘Hey! I am The Wandering Physicist. You can call me Mr. Wanderer if you want.’

The class mumbles a greeting. Night Light steps to the board and levitates a marker.

‘Okay. Today, we are starting new material. We will be talking about teleportation.’

‘Oh! I know about that!’ James chimes in.

Night Light shudders, drawing a jagged line across the board. ‘Do you now?’

‘Yeah. Twilight and I coauthored a paper on magical teleportation. It will be published in both Science and Archania soon.’

The marker explodes under Night Light’s magic. ‘YOU are going to be in Archania?’

‘Well... Twilight did all of the real teleporting, but I think I remember some of the details...’

James picks up another marker and writes on the board.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Night Light stomps towards his office. James calmly trots behind his host. Outside the office, Twilight and her mother are waiting. They wave as the stallions approach.

‘How was class?’ Velvet asks.

Night Light shakes and holds back a magical surge. ‘He taught the class how to teleport,’ he growls.

‘I thought I sensed a lot of magic spikes around here...’ Twilight muses.

‘How are the ladies Sparkle today?’ James asks.

Twilight smiles. ‘We’re doing good. We were hoping you were free for lunch.’

A random unicorn appears near the group in a burst of orange magic. He looks around for a second.

‘Whoa. Oh! Hey, prof! Office hours?’

Night Light looks from the student to his family to the earth pony beside him. ‘Sure. Why not? Come on in.’

The professor opens his office and escorts the student inside. The others in the group sigh and head off on their own.

Night Light trots back to his office after his last class of the day. After having lost James at lunch, the day ended up going according to plan. The tired unicorn just wants to get home and make a great dinner with his wife and daughter and call it a day. He takes a deep breath, looks in the direction of his office and changes his plans to doing anything in his power to rid himself of that annoying stallion waving at him.

As if their positions are unchanged from earlier in the day, James, Twilight and Velvet are all waiting for Night Light to arrive. The three ponies wave as the unicorn approaches. Velvet gives her husband a kiss.

‘James has offered to take us to dinner,’ Velvet says. ‘Isn’t that great?’

‘The best,’ Night Light moans.

‘Ah! Come on!’ James cheers. ‘It is only a short trot to the place. It is easily the best in Canterlot.’

The stallion starts leading the group away. Night Light sighs and gallops to catch up.

‘Best in Canterlot near the campus? Really?’ The unicorn raises an eyebrow.

‘Oh yeah. I found it when working localization, way back when,’ James answers. ‘Amazing food. Great prices. Huge portions. Perfect for the underpaid QA. I always liked taking the QA team out after we went gold. They at least deserve that much.’

‘Seriously. This city contains the best five- and six-star restaurants in the world, and you want to take us to some college eatery?’

James stops and turns around. ‘Okay. Here is the deal. We will go to where I want to take you. If you don’t like it, I will get us into the highest-end restaurant in the city. I will pay for both meals, too. Does that sound like a bad deal?’

Night Light snorts. ‘Deal.’

‘Good.’ James spins around. ‘Oh. And I haven’t lost that bet yet. Even when I introduced Luna to In-N-Out.’ He laughs. ‘She still hasn’t stopped thanking me.’

James trots away, ahead of the group. Twilight thinks for a moment.

‘So you are the reason we got one here.’

‘You’re welcome,’ James calls back.

After eating their fill, the group trots down a moderately busy street. The two couples have split, with James and Twilight leading the parents towards their next destination. Night Light is upset that he lost the bet but feels fine about it since he had a wonderful meal. Velvet giggles.

‘I see he is finally growing on you.’

Night Light looks at his wife. ‘He finally did something I haven’t found frustrating.’

Velvet snorts. ‘Just because she isn’t in love with a royal too...’

‘Nobility has nothing to do with it.’

‘Well, to be fair, he is probably feeding off of your negative vibes to provoke you more.’

Night Light snorts and shuts up. The couple in the lead stop, and James opens a door for everypony. Twilight enters right away, but the other ponies take a moment.

‘More trickery?’ Night Light asks.

‘None,’ James assures. ‘I was talking with Twilight and we agreed that this would make a great place to stop on our way back.’

The other ponies still hesitate. James scowls.

‘My treat.’

‘Wonderful idea stopping wherever this is!’ Night Light cheers as he enters the shop.

James groans and catches up to Twilight while her parents take in the shop. They are at a fairly large donut shop that is relatively full. A lone earth pony, Donut Joe, works the counter. The stallion smiles and waves when he sees James and Twilight approach.

‘Twilight Sparkle! Mr Wanderer! Great to see you together! I always hoped that would happen.’ Donut Joe greets.

The couple looks at each other then at the baker. ‘What?’

‘The two of you used to come in here all the time a few years back,’ Donut Joe explains. ‘Twilight was always absorbed in her studies, and Mr Wanderer always seemed dead after work but from our conversations, I could tell you were perfect for each other.’

James and Twilight blush and look down. Velvet giggles at the couple. Night Light sighs.

Donut Joe beckons the couple forward. ‘Come on. You can have one of anything. On the house.’

They perk up. ‘Anything?’

Donut Joe laughs. ‘I know that look.’

The baker goes to the back of the shop. James and Twilight grin and lick their lips simultaneously. Donut Joe returns with two large eclairs on a tray. The two waiting ponies start drooling.

Donut Joe laughs. ‘You think I would forget your favorite treat? I even used some of my super sprinkles I know you love.’

The two ponies just stare at the treats.

Donut Joe laughs. ‘Take them.’

Twilight levitates the tray with the pastries, and the couple finds a table to eat. Twilight’s parent step up to the counter. Donut Joe smiles at the new customers.

‘Judging by your manestyle and colors, you are related to Twilight,’ the earth pony says.

‘Indeed.’ Velvet smiles. ‘We’re her parents.’

‘Then I’ll let you have one on the house too. Any friend or family of Twilight’s is a friend of mine.’

‘Twilight used to come here a lot?’ Night Light asks.

‘All the time when she was at the Celestia’s school. Some evenings, she and Spike would study here all night long.’

‘And James?’

‘He used to work at a game company around here that would hire students from the colleges. He came in after many late nights. I never saw them interact but knowing who they are, I always thought they would be perfect together.’

Laughter comes from James and Twilight’s from. Everypony at the counter looks over to see James lean over and lick some cream from Twilight’s nose. The couple laughs. Twilight levitates some cream to James’ nose and licks it off. They laugh again. Velvet giggles at the couple. Night Light laughs a bit too, but he immediately stops when the others look at him.

Night Light and Twilight Velvet lay in bed together after the busy day. Both are in good spirits after the desserts that James bought for them. They are trying to get as much rest before Twilight’s party the next day. Velvet sighs and turns to her husband.

‘Do you like him yet?’

Night Light snorts. ‘I will admit that he has some good points, but...’

‘Don’t you dare say it is about Twilight. She is really happy. They both really love each other.’

‘I don’t know. He just rubs me the wrong way. Like he is hiding something.’

‘We all hide stuff from those not familiar to us. That is just something we have to...’

Velvet stops talking. Her ears flop as she listens to the house. Night Light stops to listen too. They can hear a faint whirring sound. Deciding to investigate, they trace the sound to Twilight’s room. Night Light gently taps on the door.

Twilight screams then nervously says, ‘Yes? Who is it?’

‘What are you doing in there?’ Night Light asks.

‘N-nothing.’

‘We’re coming in.’

Night Light opens the door. Twilight slams a dresser drawer shut before turning to face her parents, looking very flushed, her wings slightly erect. Night Light growls and eyes the dresser.

‘Twilight. What are you hiding?’

‘N-nothing!’

‘Twilight, you can tell us,’ Velvet says.

Twilight looks away. ‘It is an early gift from James. I... I am not supposed to show anypony. It is supposed to be a private gift.’

Night Light glares. ‘What is it?’

Twilight whimpers and looks away. Night Light opens the dresser with his magic and levitates out a cylindrical object. His face turns red with embarrassment when he assumes that the brand new sonic screwdriver is the object is he thinks it is.

‘It is not what you think!’ Twilight protests. ‘It is special tool. I was just playing with it to see what it can do.’

‘I’ll bet you have,’ Night Light grumbles.

‘Dear, she is a grown mare,’ Velvet sighs. ‘Also, I have seen one of those before. It is definitely not what you are thinking.’ She starts pushing her husband out of the room. ‘It is perfectly fine. Just give me a moment with Twilight, and I’ll explain everything.’

Night Light grumbles and leaves the room. Velvet sighs and turns to her daughter. She frowns for a second before levitating the sonic close so she can examine it.

‘This is a newer design. What generation is it?’

‘Generation? I don’t know. How do you..?’

Velvet smiles. ‘When I was about your age, long before I had met your father, I worked with a mysterious doctor at the university. He had a device like this too. Not as advanced though... Does it work on wood yet?’

‘I don’t know. I don’t think that James’ does either...’

Velvet’s smile widens. ‘Now I see why you like him so much. My friend Sarah Jane was really taken with our doctor too.’

‘By doctor, do you mean..?’

Velvet puts a hoof to her lips. ‘Secrets.’ She heads to the door. ‘Don’t worry about your father. Just don’t... Just don’t have too much fun with your new toy while he is listening.’

‘I promise.’

The mares giggle a bit and head to bed.

The afternoon of Twilight’s birthday has arrived. As luck would have it, it is once again the same night as The Canterlot Garden Party. While waiting for her friends to arrive from Ponyville, Twilight, her parents and James have been invited to the garden party. James waits for Twilight to arrive near the entrance to the Canterlot palace gardens. He scouts the guests for one on which he can easily ditch his tie tonight. He grins widely when he sees the musical accompaniment for the night.

‘James, no.’

James turns to see Twilight’s stern face glaring at him. She in a plain yellow dress. Both of her parents are trotting up behind their kid and are more formally dressed. James smiles and kisses Twilight on the nose.

‘You look beautiful.’

Twilight sighs. ‘Fine. Just once, and only if you make her furious.’ She looks away and growls. ‘Teach her a lesson for trying to handle Skybound all on her own.’

‘She had backup,’ James protests, ‘and I’ll be right back!’

James gallops over to the bandstand. He grins up on the ensemble, specifically at the cello player. Octavia professionally ignores the stallion staring at her.

‘Hey! Octy! Octy! Octy! Hey Octy! Octy! Hey Octy! Octyoctyoctyocty! Hey Octy! Hey Octy! Octy! O~C~T~Y~!’

The ensemble finishes their song.

Octavia turns to the infuriating stallion. ‘WHAT!’

James smiles. ‘Hi!’

James happily trots away to rejoin Twilight. Octavia snaps her cello bow in the grip of her hoof. She throws down the shards of her bow and goes to her case to find a new bow. As she draws a new bow, she notices her rapier sticking out of its hiding spot.

On occasion, you have to eliminate a target in public, in front of his fillyfriend and her parents and the princesses. A safe way to do so is to poison his food. A good, strong, subtle poison that will make it look like natural causes.

James takes the bite of a refreshment. Octavia smiles and watches as the stallion starts choking. His Time Lord physiology kicks in and he expels the poison with a small belch. Twilight and her parents glare at him.

‘Excuse me.’ James blushes.

Octavia shrieks to herself and goes back to her music.

As the evening sets in, Twilight introduces James to the various nobles and important ponies at the garden party. They bow to a silver earth pony with a platinum mane.

‘Nice of him to ask about Rei,’ James says.

‘Interesting to find somepony with a positive impression of her,’ Twilight adds.

James snorts. Twilight giggles at finally getting the upper hoof on her coltfriend. The couple approach a tall unicorn stallion wearing a tuxedo and monocle. He is escorted by a tall, slender pink unicorn mare.

‘Ah! Miss Twilight Sparkle! So good to see you again!’ the unicorn stallion greets.

‘It is a pleasure, Fancy Pants,’ Twilight replies while bowing.

James lets slip an excited squeal. The three unicorns look at the earth pony. He is biting his lip, trying not to say anything.

‘My word. What has gotten into your friend?’ Fancy Pants asks.

Twilight groans and facehoofs. She sighs, ‘Just say it.’

James takes a deep breath:

Chances are your pants are not as fancy as the pair

Of very fancy pants that Mr. Fancy Pants will wear

When everypony's marching in the fancy pants parade

He's gonna pass the test

He's gonna be the best

The best in terms of pants

You look in every catalog, you shop at every store

Cause even though you have a hundred pants you want some more

When suddenly you see the greatest pants you've ever seen

And even though you know

It's gonna cost a lot of dough

You have to have the world's best pants

Say a little prayer for Mr. Fancy Pants

The whole world knows

They're only clothes

And deep inside

He's sad

They make the big announcement and the trophy goes to you

You thought you had some fancy pants and now you know it's true

You look at Mr. Fancy Pants and hold the trophy high

Everypony cheers

While he's blinking back the tears

He doesn't even have the best pants

Say a little prayer for Mr. Fancy Pants

It's all he had

But don't feel bad

He'd do the same

To you

Fancy Pants and Fleur stare at James in shock. Twilight groans as loud as she can while shaking her head. James smiles as wide as he can. Octavia aims her bow and prepares to launch it using her cello.

‘What a fascinating song,’ Fancy Pants laughs.

The others look at Fancy Pants in surprise. Pinkie Pie appears from nowhere, grabs Twilight and disappears with her prize in hoof.

‘Chances are you are best in everypony’s pants,’ James blurts out.

Before the unicorns can react, Pinkie reappears and snatches James as well. A cello bow passes through the spot where the earth pony stallion’s head just was.

Inside the palace, Twilight’s birthday party fills the entire ballroom. All of her friends came from Ponyville for the occasion. Everypony is playing games, enjoying all of the treats, and dancing (in Twilight’s case, very poorly). In an action that will likely end in bloodshed, James is recording Twilight’s dancing for future upload. Princess Celestia even takes a moment to stop in to greet her student (and steal a couple slices of cake). On her way to Night Court, Princess Luna greets the birthday mare. Twilight is less than thrilled when Selene shows up to challenge her to several party games.

At the end of the night, the party is winding down, with most of the ponies losing their energy. Twilight remains on the dance floor with Pinkie. James pulls Pinkie aside and whispers something to the party pony. Pinkie giggles and nods. She goes to the stereo and stops the music. Twilight jolts to a stop with the music. James steps forward and takes Twilight’s hoof.

‘Um, may I, uh, have the last dance?’ the stallion asks.

Twilight blushes and nods. Pinkie puts on a slow, romantic song for the couple. The two ponies awkwardly begin dancing together until they fit into a rhythm. The other ponies watch the couple on the dance floor. They smile at the touching scene. Night Light smiles and gives his wife a kiss.

‘I guess he is okay. They do make a great couple.’

Velvet giggles. ‘I knew you would see the light.’

Night Light takes a deep breath and exhales. ‘He is still a total nutter.’

Velvet matches her husband’s actions. ‘That is an understatement.’


Bonus Scene

Author's Note:

TWP Timeline: First time meeting Twilight's parents.

Story Event: Last chapter written before I switched to use Google Drive exclusively.

Fun Fact: If you have never seen Mr Fancy Pants (or JoCo in general) performed live, you haven't lived.

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